FabSwingers.com forum: Ex as a friend

By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

Hello all x

What are people's thoughts on staying friends with am ex ? Does it work or is it a no go zone x

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Depends on the ex. What the relationship was. How long you were together. How it ended.

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

For me. No.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
36 weeks ago

Leeds

I am friends with my ex. He chose to end the relationship. Neither of us have a new partner. I think if one had a new partner it would be different.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

On and off for 14 years keep trying to go our own way but end up back in touch but nothing sexual happens. Things are good for while then it goes shit

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

"I am friends with my ex. He chose to end the relationship. Neither of us have a new partner. I think if one had a new partner it would be different. "

She has had two new partners since me but haven't worked out for her and it's me that's there for her when it all goes wrong x

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By *allySlinkyWoman
36 weeks ago

Leeds

Are you happy to be there for her or do you feel used ?

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

"I am friends with my ex. He chose to end the relationship. Neither of us have a new partner. I think if one had a new partner it would be different.

She has had two new partners since me but haven't worked out for her and it's me that's there for her when it all goes wrong x "

I think when people are still trying to get one over on the other person or still playing the blame is a way of stopping any type of friendship existing.

You first became friends because you wanted to add to each other’s lives, and if that desire isn’t there anymore, friendship won’t exist.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

Happy as she is my best mate as well, well only mate if I'm honest but yes lot of the time I do feel used x

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Was in a relationship with him from the age of 17-37… we stayed friends for about a year.

But then he met someone else and he told me he had to cut me out of his life. Went through a weird grieving stage because of all the history but am much better without him now.

I think it’s hard to stay friends with someone you used to love!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

"I am friends with my ex. He chose to end the relationship. Neither of us have a new partner. I think if one had a new partner it would be different.

She has had two new partners since me but haven't worked out for her and it's me that's there for her when it all goes wrong x

I think when people are still trying to get one over on the other person or still playing the blame is a way of stopping any type of friendship existing.

You first became friends because you wanted to add to each other’s lives, and if that desire isn’t there anymore, friendship won’t exist. "

I find it very hard to trust her

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By *uperS77Man
36 weeks ago

Gloucester

Me and ex wife are still best friends it all came to an amicable ending as just fallen out of love with each other and the spark that we had naturally had gone out. I wanted to show the kids that a relationship can end in a positive amicable way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

"Was in a relationship with him from the age of 17-37… we stayed friends for about a year.

But then he met someone else and he told me he had to cut me out of his life. Went through a weird grieving stage because of all the history but am much better without him now.

I think it’s hard to stay friends with someone you used to love! "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

"Was in a relationship with him from the age of 17-37… we stayed friends for about a year.

But then he met someone else and he told me he had to cut me out of his life. Went through a weird grieving stage because of all the history but am much better without him now.

I think it’s hard to stay friends with someone you used to love! "

Sorry to here that, that's a long time x glad your better off x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

"Me and ex wife are still best friends it all came to an amicable ending as just fallen out of love with each other and the spark that we had naturally had gone out. I wanted to show the kids that a relationship can end in a positive amicable way. "

Fair play to you

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
36 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

Hello O.P.

What is a friend to you ?

What are your life values that you live by?

Does she share those values?

Have any of those lines been crossed ?

Those are for you to think of you don't need to post answers here.

From what I read you two gravitate back to each other because there is no one else and people need people and children will love a shitty parent when it's all they've got.

You say you feel used and you say you can't trust her.

Trust is the very foundation of ALL relationships / friendships.

Why is trust not one of your values?

When she is in her other relationships does she contact you and offer you support still ? If not then you are not friends you are an on and off couple.

The choice is entirely yours. Either it's okay by you to feel used and to be kept on a string and to be with someone where you know it will go tits up or it's not okay........ to be honest either is absolutely fine as long as it's not hurting you and you are in it as part of life's ride.

What you talk about does not fit MY definition of friendship BUT I have quite a lot of people in my life who are just that ...... people in my life. Not everyone can be a close friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

"…,

I find it very hard to trust her

Boom. And there it is…. The problem.

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By *eliWoman
36 weeks ago

If I can't trust them? It doesn't work.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

"Hello O.P.

What is a friend to you ?

What are your life values that you live by?

Does she share those values?

Have any of those lines been crossed ?

Those are for you to think of you don't need to post answers here.

From what I read you two gravitate back to each other because there is no one else and people need people and children will love a shitty parent when it's all they've got.

You say you feel used and you say you can't trust her.

Trust is the very foundation of ALL relationships / friendships.

Why is trust not one of your values?

When she is in her other relationships does she contact you and offer you support still ? If not then you are not friends you are an on and off couple.

What you talk about does not fit MY definition of friendship BUT I have quite a lot of people in my life who are just that ...... people in my life. Not everyone can be a close friend.

Wow that message hit home and opened my eyes a bit x thank you for taking the time to write it x

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By *ivemealadybonerWoman
36 weeks ago

somewhere

I have remained friends with my ex husband, we used to be really close but over the years it's wained slightly but when doughnut and I was going through our rough patch he came round and he was the only one out of my friends to actually listen and give me some sound advice probably because he has known me for 30 odd years.

Would we have remained friends if we didn't have kids? Unsure.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

"…,

I find it very hard to trust her

Boom. And there it is…. The problem. "

Yeah the trust is a big thing that causes lot of problems

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

"I have remained friends with my ex husband, we used to be really close but over the years it's wained slightly but when doughnut and I was going through our rough patch he came round and he was the only one out of my friends to actually listen and give me some sound advice probably because he has known me for 30 odd years.

Would we have remained friends if we didn't have kids? Unsure."

We don't have kids together x but I will always be there for her if she needed me and that makes it hard to just walk away x

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By *ivemealadybonerWoman
36 weeks ago

somewhere

Would we have remained friends if we didn't have kids? Unsure.

We don't have kids together x but I will always be there for her if she needed me and that makes it hard to just walk away x "

Doughnut and I don't have kids together either and I get the impression, had we split for good, we would still have remained friends, good luck OP x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

Would we have remained friends if we didn't have kids? Unsure.

We don't have kids together x but I will always be there for her if she needed me and that makes it hard to just walk away x

Doughnut and I don't have kids together either and I get the impression, had we split for good, we would still have remained friends, good luck OP x"

Donut lol thank you for your time x

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By *rHotNottsMan
36 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I’m good friends with ex who I’ve children with and will always be there for her. Others I always try to stay friends with

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

I'm not good at making new friends and part of me is scared if I let her go and walk away I won't have anyone

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
36 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

I'm friendly with my ex partners, there's only one of them I truly hope to never speak to again. I consider several of them actual friends, and most of the rest I'm casually friendly with or would be if our paths crossed again.

Just because I'm not intimately involved with someone any more doesn't mean I have to cut them off completely. There must have been some reason we were together in the first place, and it not working as a relationship doesn't mean that the connection or feelings that initiated it just go away.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
36 weeks ago

"I'm friendly with my ex partners, there's only one of them I truly hope to never speak to again. I consider several of them actual friends, and most of the rest I'm casually friendly with or would be if our paths crossed again.

Very true x

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By *edeWoman
36 weeks ago

the abyss

I'm friends with an ex and very grateful to have him in my life still

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Interesting one. For me, once the hurts stops and I no longer carry the weight of what went wrong. I will be happy to reply to a question from them, or even chat if we cross paths. But actively in my life? Not too sure about that...

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By *ansoffateMan
36 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

Nature is smarter than people think.

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By *reen as JadeCouple
36 weeks ago

Cheshire

No sorry x

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
36 weeks ago

Southampton

"Was in a relationship with him from the age of 17-37… we stayed friends for about a year.

But then he met someone else and he told me he had to cut me out of his life. Went through a weird grieving stage because of all the history but am much better without him now.

I think it’s hard to stay friends with someone you used to love! "

This...

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By *ekezza and BilfCouple
36 weeks ago

Gloucester

I'm friends with my ex, it was amicable and covid forced us to live together for a few months after and by the end of that realised we had a tone of fun as friends.

Bilf

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By *eyond PurityCouple
36 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

I’m on friendly terms with a few of my ex’s, as I try and not end it on bad terms. I never mess them around about going back and forth afterwards and I think that’s been key.

My ex-wife and I get on well as we have a son together and so we’ve ensured he knows he’s loved by us both. We’ve both moved on and are happy and my son loves C and spending time with us.

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By *luebell888Woman
36 weeks ago

Glasgowish

Still friends with my ex. We see each other about twice a week as my daughter stays with him.

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By *ellhungvweMan
36 weeks ago

Cheltenham

This

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By *esthetic21Man
36 weeks ago

Birmingham/Bristol

I'm still friends with most of my exes but I don't actively stay in contact. If I bumped into them I'd say hi but that's it really. I don't hold grudges it only harms yourself

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By *heGateKeeperMan
36 weeks ago

Stratford

There’s a difference between cordial and friends. I think it’s easy enough to be cordial and polite

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Depends if there are children involved. If there are then you should all try and be friends. If only for there sakes. If not then no. Go your own ways

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By *ony MannMan
36 weeks ago

Las Gaviotos, Fuerteventura / Ilfracombe Devon/ Anoover

I've had lunch with an ex on a regular basis without sex, it dwindled out but depends on the res

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By *ucka39Man
36 weeks ago

Newcastle

I did for many years but I had a valid reason for this which she wasn't aware of. Could never of took it further given amount of trouble she caused and it was distance friends no meeting up

Never trust a narcissist

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By *ansoffateMan
36 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

"There’s a difference between cordial and friends. I think it’s easy enough to be cordial and polite

AHH cordial the quintessential gateway to passive-aggression. How wonderful of you to drop by, would you care for more tea, before you leave?

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Very easy to stay friends if one of you didn’t break the trust between you. Things come to a natural end and brilliant if you can be grown up about it.

That thing about them knowing you better than most is a special bond for better or worse.

On the other hand it’s always good advice to never be d*unk around each other again as you’ll probably end up in the sack or words will be said

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By *urry BlokeMan
36 weeks ago

Stalybridge

I have 4 ex's

I am in contact with all 4

Two I see pretty regularly

The other two are FB friends

I go out for a coffee with the brother of one ex every week

I recently visited another ex's Mum in hospital

They are important people in my journey

They were never twats with me - and I wasn't with me

I think not having kids possibly feeds into the amicable nature of our friendships though

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By *OYFBWoman
36 weeks ago

Jersey (sometimes Notts)

It’s a no from me.

I don’t want or have a lot of people in my life, and exes are just clutter

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By *hortishblondeWoman
36 weeks ago

Essex

I'm friends with my ex because we do have children even though they are grown up. Would hate to not be comfortable if he was there visiting them and I turned up. Life is too short to be bitter about things that happened in the past.

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By *ikesEmBigMan
36 weeks ago

Herts

Oh god no!

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
36 weeks ago

chichester

one of my ex is my best friend, we are like family ... realised we didn't work as a romantic couple and became best friends ..

Though we probably do need to stop telling people we date that we used to be a couple many years ago lol as it seems to cause issues for the new people

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
36 weeks ago

East Sussex

I don't even know where he is. He's one of the last people on earth I'd want to be friends with, thankfully we had no children together

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By *a LunaWoman
36 weeks ago

South Wales

I’m on speaking terms with most of my exes, but friends? No. If someone breaks my trust in them then they don’t get to be my friend.

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By *GermanInLondonMan
36 weeks ago

London

Trying to keep it civil yes.

But friends no.

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By *alm_one4Man
36 weeks ago

RM16

[Removed by poster at 19/05/24 09:15:22]

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By *parkle1974Woman
36 weeks ago

Leeds

There is only 1 ex I have no communication with, the rest we are still friends, suppose it helps that the splits were mutual decisions so no animosity between us x

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By *alm_one4Man
36 weeks ago

RM16

I have two that I chat to when one of us gets in touch, but otherwise no. I guess it depends on how you came to be ex’s. Amicable and mutual then it can work.

My kids Mum, we used to in the early days for the Kids sake, but now they in their late 20’s, no, can’t think of a reason I would.

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

I think it’s ok but imo needs no contact time first. To mourn the relationship loss and to process a change in relationship type. After that it can be ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

I'm friendly with all my ex partners regardless as to why or whos fault splittingup was. It's nice when we bump into each other and chat but I

Don't whant to be friends and socialise with them on a regular basis.

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By *amie HantsWoman
36 weeks ago

Atlantis

I could never be close close friends with them and see/speak to them everyday like I do my close friends but I can still see them and I can be happy for them when things go well. Slightly smug when they don’t. I’m very open with my feelings.

I’m going for coffee with an ex in a few weeks as although our relationship was really turbulent and unhealthy, I do really respect him from a professional point of view and I have asked to pick his brains on a subject that he’s really knowledgeable in. I haven’t seen him or spoken to him in two years but when I called to ask him to meet me and I explained why, he didn’t hesitate and I am very grateful to him that he made time for me.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
36 weeks ago

Reading

I stay friendly with lots of exes. Especially the father of my children. I rarely have bad break ups.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
36 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

"I think it’s ok but imo needs no contact time first. To mourn the relationship loss and to process a change in relationship type. After that it can be ok. "

This is relevant.

Trying to be friends immediately after a breakup is a recipe for disaster.

Needs a decent cooling off period to reset or it never quite works.

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By *ingle ex cuckMan
36 weeks ago

chester

This topic is basically how I become a cuckold, her ex was her best friend and obviously more .

The jealousy and hurt I went through before I accepted my fate was indescribable.

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By *olex99Man
36 weeks ago

Hull

Many years later, I'm still friends with my first ever girlfriend. It took a lot of years to get there though

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

I was married for over 22 years and still friends with my Ex.

I have exchange Christmas presents with his current partner.

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By *929Man
36 weeks ago

bedlington

For me it’s a never no matter how amicable it ended,

It has zero benefits and only downsides, just draw a line under it and move on I know it works for some people but for most it’s just an obstacle to moving on

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
36 weeks ago

Newcastle

I’ve been friends with a couple of my ex’s. Not immediately when things still feel quite raw but over time, we’ve got back in touch. One of my ex’s in particular, we are in touch quite regularly and give each other advice, chat about family and work stuff but there’s absolutely nothing in it at all, I would never be interested in going back there.

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By *tsJustKateWoman
36 weeks ago

London

I haven't had an ex for over 55 years lol

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By *carlet SeductionWoman
36 weeks ago

Maidstone

Nah. I'm all done on that thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Generally I don't stay friend with ex's from proper relationships.

Do chat to one person I had a short fling with but don't class someone I shagged a few times as a proper ex.

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By (user no longer on site)
36 weeks ago

Still on great terms with my ex husband after nearly a decade apart. We have kids together so we’ll always be a family just not in the traditional sense

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By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago

Once he or she is not certifiable, it should be all good

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By *ax6593Man
35 weeks ago

tyneside

Still friends can talk about anything

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By *ean counterMan
35 weeks ago

Market Harborough/ Kettering

From personal experience no, never !

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By *TG3Man
35 weeks ago

Dorchester

I'm friends with my ex wife

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By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago

I'll be civil maybe ask after them if we came across each other but I wouldn't hang out with them.

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By *ommy2125Man
35 weeks ago

newport

It can work but you have to be careful I have slept with an ex before and it created a lot of annomosity keep it friends but not too friendly

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By *ortney CocksWoman
35 weeks ago

fabulous

No cut off completely works better for me

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By *hoirCouple
35 weeks ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

I was but recently I have drifted away from contact with some. I do this a lot though and something will mean contact is made and friendship starts again.

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By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago

"On and off for 14 years keep trying to go our own way but end up back in touch but nothing sexual happens. Things are good for while then it goes shit"

Ditto.

Uncannily accurate, even down to exactly 14 years

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By *ikerdaveMan
35 weeks ago

redcar

My ex wife is my absolute best friend

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By *hoirCouple
35 weeks ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

Depends what one constitutes as an ex, a fuck buddy that's dropped off? A divorced spouse? A long or short term relationship?

They all have different aspects to them, on the whole it would be wonderful if we could all parts ways amicably but a lot of the time it just does not work.

I am cordial with my ex husband because our breakup was very painful for him but we have kids, I do miss him as a friend though.

I have a very good friend who was also a fwb for a while, we still get along famously but his recently ex missus was not a fan so I took a step back.

Basically it's assessed on a case by case basis

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By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago

My previous ex I would love to be friends with again as we spent nearly 10 years together my most recent ex is to toxic to consider it

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By *ittlebirdWoman
35 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

I’m friends with all of my exs apart from one. He’s under the patio

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By *ularliWoman
35 weeks ago

Worcester

I wouldn’t say I’m friends with my ex but he’s my daughter’s dad and I’m always there if he needs anything.

I’m the only one that’s stuck by him and helped him when he needed it.

But everyone’s situation is different.

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By *ChubsMan
35 weeks ago

West Midlands

For me it's been a definite no! Tried to keep things civil for the sake of the children but since I got custody of them we don't talk!

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By *4bimMan
35 weeks ago

Farnborough Hampshire

Depends on how it ended I suppose.

Me personally I leave it down to them to stay in touch. Life moves on

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By *ony MannMan
35 weeks ago

Las Gaviotos, Fuerteventura / Ilfracombe Devon/ Anoover

It can work, one ex kind of drifted into nothing, another I still chat with.

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By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago

I am with my ex but only recently thou as never spoke for 2 years, but we work in the same place so sometimes see each other and grab a coffee and chat

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By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago

"Hello all x

What are people's thoughts on staying friends with am ex ? Does it work or is it a no go zone x "

What's the point? If its over move on. Think about how that will look for your next girlfriend. Do you think she'll mind you being friends with your ex? If my new girlfriend was friends with her ex , i wouldn't date her.

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By *os_GoddessofdawnWoman
35 weeks ago

In the clouds

I am friends with my ex... He left me for another woman 12 years ago, and it was bitter for a while, but now we are really ok, and he comes on day trips with me and our sons.

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By *uxom redCouple
35 weeks ago

Shrewsbury

Depends on the ex and why you broke up .I have ex boyfriends and girlfriends I still get on with .I

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By *ib.Man
35 weeks ago

Hampshire

Nuance is a thing.

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By *lasphemousGirlWoman
35 weeks ago

Cambs

I'm friends with almost all my exs, but it definitely depends on why you broke up, x

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By *ortney CocksWoman
35 weeks ago

fabulous

"No cut off completely works better for me "
only because I wouldn’t want them to think there’s any chance of anything more could happen

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By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago

"I’m friends with all of my exs apart from one. He’s under the patio

Did you leave his arse sticking out, for somewhere to park your bike?

(Still my favourite Billy Connoly joke ??)

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
35 weeks ago

little house on the praire

I'm not friends with any of my exs most are dead. Haven't seen or spoke to my ex husband in 17 years.

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By *lueLotusWoman
35 weeks ago

the wilderness

If I have any inkling, rightly or wrongly, that they want to get back with me or even just get me in the sack again then I can't be in any kind of contact it's too much drama and subtle manipulation I'd rather just not.

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By *orthern_nudieMan
35 weeks ago

leeds

Got a couple of exes as friends. We are so much better and stronger as friends

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By *lfa RomeoMan
35 weeks ago

southeast , Herts, Beds

An ex is an ex for a reason . Enough said

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By *rBobbMan
35 weeks ago

Birmingham

I trust my friends. That rules my Ex out.

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By *oobaaMan
35 weeks ago

South Shields

I have to be as friendly as I can with her because we have a child together.

Had it not been for him I would have nothing to do with her.

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By *xydadbodMan
35 weeks ago

Milton keynes

Me and my ex are on good terms, mostly for what's best for our kids really. We both have move on and she's happy in a new relationship but we still happy to take the piss out of one another. I won't say we are going to be the best of friends mind anything soon but compared to others that their exs gives them a hard time, I'm quite lucky really

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