FabSwingers.com forum: Directness

By *enegadeM OP Man
33 weeks ago

Oxfordshire

Morning fabbers

Just pondering ….

When you interact with people are you direct with them ‘ no you’re not for me’ …. ‘Lets give it a go’….. or if you’ve met someone do you tell them straight if it’s a ‘let’s meet again’ or do you lead people on / avoid the subject and just let things fizzle?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *TG3Man
33 weeks ago

Dorchester

I don't discuss finalities at the beginning, its getting to know somebody first

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
33 weeks ago

If I want you you'll know.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oozleMan
33 weeks ago

high wycombe

Depends on the message the person sends as to my approach, sometimes I just like really nice chats with people and get to know them properly.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atnip make me purrWoman
33 weeks ago

Reading

I'm learning to say no. Its hard for a people pleaser.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *enegadeM OP Man
33 weeks ago

Oxfordshire

"If I want you you'll know.

Direct is good !!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *enegadeM OP Man
33 weeks ago

Oxfordshire

"Depends on the message the person sends as to my approach, sometimes I just like really nice chats with people and get to know them properly. "

Got to enjoy good chats…. Even if they don’t lead to anything in particular

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
33 weeks ago

Direct.

There’s no sense in beating around the bush. I’d have to grow one first anyway.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
33 weeks ago

Leeds

I'm quite direct, I don't do hints, I like people to be direct with me too otherwise I'm just lost.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *alm_one4Man
33 weeks ago

RM16

I’m pretty direct, particularly if it’s a meet being offered.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
33 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

I tend not to make assumptions, so it can be beneficial to be direct with me either way.

It takes time for me; I don't always know, so I respect that too. It doesn't have to be a thing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ark n kimCouple
33 weeks ago

Durham

Being direct either encourages or discourages follow up messages.

Anyone that ask about our day,week, or how we are finding the site just gets deleted.

A little effort goes a long way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mmaleiaWoman
33 weeks ago

Trowbridge

Direct, I don’t mess myself around, let alone them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uriousscouserWoman
33 weeks ago

Wirral

I like people to be direct with me - everyone knows where they stand, no misunderstandings.

Likewise I'll let someone know if I'm not feeling it. Happy to continue chatting, sometimes happy to meet socially, but if it'll never be more I will make sure that's understood.

I'd hate to think I led someone on knowing I had no intention of taking it further.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ee69Man
33 weeks ago

glasgow

Straight to point am no here to dick about , a be nice but I’m straightforward

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eeliciouschaosWoman
33 weeks ago

Wherever

I’m direct and I prefer others to be the same in return.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ools and the brainCouple
33 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

I find some people who say they are direct use it as excuse to be rude.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he Silver FuxMan
33 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

"Morning fabbers

Just pondering ….

Learn how to say ‘you are not for me’ politely and tactfully, there is no need to be rude or mean - obviously this becomes harder the further into the communication process the parties have gone but if you filter / edit your pictures or take ‘selective’ pictures or even deliberately catfish then that’s on you…

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ong-leggedblondWoman
33 weeks ago

Next Door

I prefer receiving direct, cause I know what people want from/with me. Then I can answer yes or no.

Don't really engage much with many currently, as I'm just getting back to wanting to meet more.

As for me sending the 1st message to someone who ticks some boxes (profile, pics, forum engagement, verus) this would be very rare, as too shy. It wouldn't be direct either.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
33 weeks ago

I like to chat and get to know someone a little at least

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aabmanMan
33 weeks ago

bognor regis

Luckily never had to say no yet. Been happy with all my meets, but have not been catfished....yet...but if i had to i would try to be gentle with it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uriousscouserWoman
33 weeks ago

Wirral

"I find some people who say they are direct use it as excuse to be rude.

Yes, sadly I've experienced that too.

There's a world of difference between someone being direct with me and being rude to me though!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ark n kimCouple
33 weeks ago

Durham

Yeah no need to be rude at all especially if someone has spent the time to send you a nice respectful message.

A thanks but no thanks.or not for us thank you.

Most of us are polite in every day public situations so why not on here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ong-leggedblondWoman
33 weeks ago

Next Door

"I prefer receiving direct, cause I know what people want from/with me. Then I can answer yes or no.

Don't really engage much with many currently, as I'm just getting back to wanting to meet more.

As for me sending the 1st message to someone who ticks some boxes (profile, pics, forum engagement, verus) this would be very rare, as too shy. It wouldn't be direct either."

I also do like to chat for a bit before arranging anything.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *offiaCoolWoman
33 weeks ago

Kidsgrove

If it was through messages, I would say you are not for me and wish them luck in their search.

If I met them and it didn't feel right, I would tell them to their face that I felt no compatibility.

If I had been seeing them for a while, I would tell them it just was working for me anymorw.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
33 weeks ago

East Sussex

It depends but we try to be clear and unambiguous.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
33 weeks ago

If I chat to someone but get the feeling they are not for me I say so.

If I meet socially and then don't want to take things further . . I say so

If we meet and play ... and again I don't want to repeat .... I say so

If the other person goes uber quiet for weeks and ghosts. I delete and block and move on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlebirdWoman
33 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

I’m totally direct. But then I’m like that in everything I do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lue Eyed JokerMan
33 weeks ago

Always on the move

Polite but direct. There's enough arseholes in the world. Leading on or being rude about it is just uncalled for in my opinion

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
33 weeks ago

I dont mind direct as long as it's not rude. I always prefer a no thanks and good luck rather than no reply to a read message.

I always respond to messages but i suppose that is easy with the volume i get compared to the ladies.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xcited And CuriousCouple
33 weeks ago

Dublin

Mr here.

I think this is more complex than it seems.

Some folk (me included) are inclined to be direct. I speak directly, and I prefer others to be direct with me.

I can percieve subtlety and understand it, but if it's super-subtle or if I don't really know the person I'm dealing with very well, I may not get or understand their level or version of subtlety...

Rudeness can often be the receiver's misinterpretation - directness should be reasonably explainable as absent of negative intent. Rudeness can't.

"I'm not feeling any spark or connection with you" is direct.

"You're too fat for me" is rude.

In this (swinger) world, people need to be honest & direct, but also be somewhat thick-skinned... to deal with directness, not just rudeness.

We've been at socials & events where after a short cordial & polite but sparkless chat, our direct-but-not-rude "thanks for your attention, but we're not interested in talking further with you" has been met with rude "Why? We should get to know each other", and an unwelcome linger in our company & space.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
33 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

I'm probably too fond of direct.

I'm pretty straightforward with a no thanks or a this isn't working for me. I don't tend to go into reasons unless directly asked though.

I prefer people to be direct with me rather than waste time on niceties and pointless fluff when it doesn't mean anything to anyone involved.

Pleasantries and fluff with a friend is one thing. Dealing with what is obviously pointless for multiple strangers at once, I'd really rather not, and usually express that early on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
33 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

"I'm probably too fond of direct.

I'm pretty straightforward with a no thanks or a this isn't working for me. I don't tend to go into reasons unless directly asked though.

I prefer people to be direct with me rather than waste time on niceties and pointless fluff when it doesn't mean anything to anyone involved.

Pleasantries and fluff with a friend is one thing. Dealing with what is obviously pointless for multiple strangers at once, I'd really rather not, and usually express that early on."

Sounds ideal to me. I have a lot of respect for that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *JcuriousCouple
33 weeks ago

Derby

I do like to be quite direct without being harsh tbh as we want what we want

Miss S x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
33 weeks ago

Leeds

Direct is good I like direct, cuts out all the unnecessary nonsense, you know where you stand with direct people.

The mr

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
33 weeks ago

Direct but not rude is good. I always reply with a nice message when a women takes the time to reply, even if its a 'not for me'.

I'd like a yes now abd then though haha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ot to giggleWoman
33 weeks ago

Coventry

i try to reply to all and be direct - even the thanks but this isnt for me - but then than generates rudeness - if i say no thanks i mean no thanks, not opening to a debate about what i want - I dont want to be rude but sometimes its getting pushed that way - no thanks not compatible, doesnt need any more!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
33 weeks ago

There’s a lot of questions. But in a nutshell, I’m direct when I think the time is right.

And I completely avoid the subject when I think they’re not interested.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ellinever70Woman
33 weeks ago

Ayrshire

I appreciate people who are direct

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *enegadeM OP Man
33 weeks ago

Oxfordshire

"I'm quite direct, I don't do hints, I like people to be direct with me too otherwise I'm just lost.

Mrs "

Keep it simple…. No cross wires that way

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *enegadeM OP Man
33 weeks ago

Oxfordshire

"I prefer receiving direct, cause I know what people want from/with me. Then I can answer yes or no.

Don't really engage much with many currently, as I'm just getting back to wanting to meet more.

As for me sending the 1st message to someone who ticks some boxes (profile, pics, forum engagement, verus) this would be very rare, as too shy. It wouldn't be direct either."

Miss next door (right round the corner ) direct it is

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *enegadeM OP Man
33 weeks ago

Oxfordshire

"If I chat to someone but get the feeling they are not for me I say so.

If I meet socially and then don't want to take things further . . I say so

If we meet and play ... and again I don't want to repeat .... I say so

If the other person goes uber quiet for weeks and ghosts. I delete and block and move on. "

This directness / openness seems best route

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *punk n gushCouple
33 weeks ago

deal

Being polite but direct is the best thing to do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lex46TV/TS
33 weeks ago

Near Wells

I usually go with the flow but if I’m in a place, cruising spot or club and people are stood around with hands in their pockets . I have been known to shout out “I’m here for sex(cock) if you can’t give it to me, I’ll go somewhere where others will “

That usually gets people going.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rHotNottsMan
33 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I respect directness and it’s often a red flag when someone isn’t.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he_Secret_GardenWoman
33 weeks ago

Naughty Lane

I'm pretty direct...

sure no point beating around the bush.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ickyKlungespeareMan
33 weeks ago

St Leonards

It's a tough one. I put a lot of effort into being "overly direct, potentially brutal" on my FAB profile in order that people are sort of forced to do a sharp intake of breath, catch themselves, and then think more before approaching.

A useful "early warning to be on their toes".

The problem then becomes when they realise how playful I am...and they enjoy it and sometimes/often have more mental fun than they've had in years.

So they become a bit addicted to it.

And I then need to remind them that I am socially promiscuous (I love playing with everyone in the playground, metaphorically, without particular tribal bondages...and I enjoy "playing with myself" even more).

So I do know how fucking confusing a package I am for people to work out. Spelling it out beforehand only goes some of the way, because real life doesn't conform to words and "contracts, transcations".

I genuinely hope though that my direct and brutal profile has given them just about enough "warning" or "info" to incorporate it into how they interact with me...so they don't feel shit when I play with everyone or play with myself...always my choice...and never a duty owed to anyone other than a clear statement at the outset of what I will and won't give.

So yes - I'm direct. If I weren't it really would be even more horrible for others....there's a lot to be extracted from me being in someone's life, for them, but they need to work out how it works, and whether it fits, and whether the costs to them are offset by any value I give.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lowupdollTV/TS
33 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Lomdon

There was a point where things were one thing then that went away and things became understood as another thing, and I sometimes like to help people navigate from the original state up the new and current state.

I hope that’s clear.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ickyKlungespeareMan
33 weeks ago

St Leonards

"There was a point where things were one thing then that went away and things became understood as another thing, and I sometimes like to help people navigate from the original state up the new and current state.

I hope that’s clear. "

It is to me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
33 weeks ago

If I want you, you'll have subtle hints.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread