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"Both very d*unk. Halfway during the fun. Both naked. She throws up on me. Yes I'm not joking either. " I remember a narrow miss. Both d*unk and snogging. She turned her head and threw up. Her friend took her away to get cleaned up and I never saw her again. | |||
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"Been out on a pizza date, a few drinks and on way home we got a bit horny and stopped off at a public toilet in a park for some fun. Whilst I was sucking his cock I went a bit too deep, gagged and brought up a little salad on to his willy. Mortified in a hilarious way. Therefore I never have salad on a date anymore "Awww I was going to get you an Iceberg Lettuce for next years Valentines Day too  | |||
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"Met with a couple. We get naked and enjoy the evening, she is on all fours giving me a Fab BJ, hubby enters her from behind, he goes a bit deep, she bites down.. " We have a current winner!!!! | |||
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"Sex without kissing "Yeah. That is rubbish | |||
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"Sex without kissing "Erm.... what? That's pants | |||
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"Getting finger banged overly aggressively. He activated the other tube down there. I pooped. Fucking mortifying. " My God that's some aggressive finger banging lol | |||
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"Can I just put all the sex I've ever had?" Ypu can say it but we won't believe it. | |||
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"Someone with long nails fingered me none too carefully and cut me. I bled for a day." That's an ick, a man with long finger nails... ... totally assumed, it was a man. | |||
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"Been out on a pizza date, a few drinks and on way home we got a bit horny and stopped off at a public toilet in a park for some fun. Whilst I was sucking his cock I went a bit too deep, gagged and brought up a little salad on to his willy. Mortified in a hilarious way. Same reason I don't eat salad... honest Therefore I never have salad on a date anymore " | |||
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"Giving it my all during d*unk cow girl. Fell off the bed, landed awkwardly between bed and set of drawers. Had to remain doubled over on the floor until he rearranged furniture to free me. " Ouch. | |||
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"Someone with long nails fingered me none too carefully and cut me. I bled for a day." This happened to me! Well it was a guy and he had a split nail. It was like a murder scene!  | |||
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"Giving it my all during d*unk cow girl. Fell off the bed, landed awkwardly between bed and set of drawers. Had to remain doubled over on the floor until he rearranged furniture to free me. " Mental image is lovely lol | |||
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"Giving it my all during d*unk cow girl. Fell off the bed, landed awkwardly between bed and set of drawers. Had to remain doubled over on the floor until he rearranged furniture to free me. "  | |||
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"Getting finger banged overly aggressively. He activated the other tube down there. I pooped. Fucking mortifying. My God that's some aggressive finger banging lol " It was AWFUL | |||
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"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral" This escalated in a mad way hahaha | |||
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"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral" Oh that sounds sore and slightly messy | |||
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"Getting finger banged overly aggressively. He activated the other tube down there. I pooped. Fucking mortifying. My God that's some aggressive finger banging lol It was AWFUL" That sounds hideous. Was he not for taking things a bit more gently? | |||
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"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral" I feel this was possibly worth it | |||
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"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral I feel this was possibly worth it" Could say he washed his face on it. | |||
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"Getting finger banged overly aggressively. He activated the other tube down there. I pooped. Fucking mortifying. My God that's some aggressive finger banging lol It was AWFUL" can't imagine it being fun | |||
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"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral I feel this was possibly worth it Could say he washed his face on it."  | |||
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"Getting a handjob in my room and my dad walks in. We make eye contact just as I start cumming all over my torso. It had also been a few days so there was a lot to shoot." Proud moment for your dad | |||
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"Getting a handjob in my room and my dad walks in. We make eye contact just as I start cumming all over my torso. It had also been a few days so there was a lot to shoot. Proud moment for your dad " Be like the big dog and little pup in Tom and Jerry. ‘That’s ma Boy!’ | |||
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"Getting a handjob in my room and my dad walks in. We make eye contact just as I start cumming all over my torso. It had also been a few days so there was a lot to shoot. Proud moment for your dad Be like the big dog and little pup in Tom and Jerry. ‘That’s ma Boy!’" Hahahaha | |||
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I'd been having some hormone issues & getting sudden irregular bleeding with no warning signs. The bed looked like someone had sacrificed a small animal...white duvet, sheet, pillowcases, mattress protector, even gone through to the mattress, which luckily I managed to scrub off. I stripped the bed & got out of there pdq. Dropped the fella back at his car (a very quiet journey), then messaged the airbnb host, offering my sincere apologies & told her to chuck all of the spoiled bedding away & charge me for the replacements. She was very kind & explained that she had 3 daughters so she wasn't at all bothered, although I suspect she hadn't seen it at that point.
Needless to say, I didn't hear from the guy again!!! | |||
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"Mine still makes me shudder... I never do d*unk sex, but after a night out last year, I took a bloke back to the airbnb I was staying in. We had a pretty full-on night & had another round in the morning. He was very enthusiastically giving oral & when he was done, he took a tissue off the bedside table & blew a ton of blood out of his nose. I asked if he was ok, then realised in absolute horror, it had come from me
I'd been having some hormone issues & getting sudden irregular bleeding with no warning signs. The bed looked like someone had sacrificed a small animal...white duvet, sheet, pillowcases, mattress protector, even gone through to the mattress, which luckily I managed to scrub off. I stripped the bed & got out of there pdq. Dropped the fella back at his car (a very quiet journey), then messaged the airbnb host, offering my sincere apologies & told her to chuck all of the spoiled bedding away & charge me for the replacements. She was very kind & explained that she had 3 daughters so she wasn't at all bothered, although I suspect she hadn't seen it at that point.
Needless to say, I didn't hear from the guy again!!! "Bloody hell | |||
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"Mine still makes me shudder... I never do d*unk sex, but after a night out last year, I took a bloke back to the airbnb I was staying in. We had a pretty full-on night & had another round in the morning. He was very enthusiastically giving oral & when he was done, he took a tissue off the bedside table & blew a ton of blood out of his nose. I asked if he was ok, then realised in absolute horror, it had come from me
I'd been having some hormone issues & getting sudden irregular bleeding with no warning signs. The bed looked like someone had sacrificed a small animal...white duvet, sheet, pillowcases, mattress protector, even gone through to the mattress, which luckily I managed to scrub off. I stripped the bed & got out of there pdq. Dropped the fella back at his car (a very quiet journey), then messaged the airbnb host, offering my sincere apologies & told her to chuck all of the spoiled bedding away & charge me for the replacements. She was very kind & explained that she had 3 daughters so she wasn't at all bothered, although I suspect she hadn't seen it at that point.
Needless to say, I didn't hear from the guy again!!!
Bloody hell "Yep!! Lol!! | |||
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"Mine still makes me shudder... I never do d*unk sex, but after a night out last year, I took a bloke back to the airbnb I was staying in. We had a pretty full-on night & had another round in the morning. He was very enthusiastically giving oral & when he was done, he took a tissue off the bedside table & blew a ton of blood out of his nose. I asked if he was ok, then realised in absolute horror, it had come from me
I'd been having some hormone issues & getting sudden irregular bleeding with no warning signs. The bed looked like someone had sacrificed a small animal...white duvet, sheet, pillowcases, mattress protector, even gone through to the mattress, which luckily I managed to scrub off. I stripped the bed & got out of there pdq. Dropped the fella back at his car (a very quiet journey), then messaged the airbnb host, offering my sincere apologies & told her to chuck all of the spoiled bedding away & charge me for the replacements. She was very kind & explained that she had 3 daughters so she wasn't at all bothered, although I suspect she hadn't seen it at that point.
Needless to say, I didn't hear from the guy again!!! "Oh, I had a period drama with someone I'd been chatting with fir a year. The room looked like a crime scene when my period unexpectedly kicked in. I was mortified | |||
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"It was a few years ago with someone I was seeing. He had a few hang ups at times. We were I thought having a great time. All the chemistry, foreplay, edging etc. Just as I was about to slide down on to his cock he decided he couldn't. I obviously respected his decision and stopped. Someone can say no at anytime, always. However it left me feeling absolutely awful about myself I'm glad he stopped as I'd rather that than be a regret but it hurt me for so many reasons. Even further into our relationship it haunted me a lot and still does. " Not being funny, but was he married and freaked out? | |||
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"Haha ran off for work yano! " I was fuming. All that build up, and I turned others down for that. | |||
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"Haha ran off for work yano! I was fuming. All that build up, and I turned others down for that. " All talk no action! You live and learn, his rep has gone now ??. Feel for you tho could of had a very interesting night with another | |||
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"It was a few years ago with someone I was seeing. He had a few hang ups at times. We were I thought having a great time. All the chemistry, foreplay, edging etc. Just as I was about to slide down on to his cock he decided he couldn't. I obviously respected his decision and stopped. Someone can say no at anytime, always. However it left me feeling absolutely awful about myself I'm glad he stopped as I'd rather that than be a regret but it hurt me for so many reasons. Even further into our relationship it haunted me a lot and still does. Not being funny, but was he married and freaked out? " There were many issues at play but that was certainly part of it | |||
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"Was having sex...she decided to clamp down and nearly snap my dick. Then changed position and knee right in the balls. Tried to carry on and got a knee in the balls again. She tried to ride me and my dick fully bent nearly snapping and she poked me in the eye getting off me. Decided to just kiss and manage to poke me in the eye with her nose "This is actually so funny ?????? | |||
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"Haha ran off for work yano! I was fuming. All that build up, and I turned others down for that. " At least a few pumps would have been polite | |||
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What made it worse was it was a guy I worked with, I had to face him the next day at work. But it never put him off and we had plenty more fun times. But I still cringe thinking about it now. | |||
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"I was on my back, legs in the air, the guy was very ‘enthusiastic’ with his motions and God knows how, but dislocated both my hips at the same time. Let’s just say that was a passion killer there and then. " Oh, that's awful! I have hypermobility and one hip often works it's way out, but to have both go at the same time | |||
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 I clamped my legs shut so he hot the hint, there was another guy who was into watersports who kept sniffing my pussy and talking about my " peepee" ..! I could probably write a book lol | |||
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"Reading this thread is a great cause for alarm. ! Blood - crime scene, dislocations, salard ( I liked that story very much ) poo and more poo Vomit, sharp finger nails omg - this should be all entered into a fab training manual for first timers ",, i was thinking the same thing,, | |||
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"I was on my back, legs in the air, the guy was very ‘enthusiastic’ with his motions and God knows how, but dislocated both my hips at the same time. Let’s just say that was a passion killer there and then. Oh, that's awful! I have hypermobility and one hip often works it's way out, but to have both go at the same time "Yeah. It was not the funnest I can assure you. I hope you don’t experience too much discomfort from your hypermobility. | |||
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. The pussy cat kept me company though could feet the claws walking on my jeans. Just as I was making my excuse to leave she said let’s go to the bedroom, then just laid there motionless like a corpse I made a fast exit lol | |||
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"Physically? Having sex and she got her period.. no problem, clean up. She suggested anal. Awesome. Except she hadn't prepped completely and she shat over me. I'm glad it was at hers and she had laminate flooring. Psychologically? I was invited round by a lady friend and getting all athletically vigorous and she had a breakdown and started bawling and curled up in the foetal position. She had invited me round for sex on the anniversary of the day her ex had R**ed her. And didn't tell me. "Fucking hell mate
You’ve had some experiences! | |||
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"Physically? Having sex and she got her period.. no problem, clean up. She suggested anal. Awesome. Except she hadn't prepped completely and she shat over me. I'm glad it was at hers and she had laminate flooring. Psychologically? I was invited round by a lady friend and getting all athletically vigorous and she had a breakdown and started bawling and curled up in the foetal position. She had invited me round for sex on the anniversary of the day her ex had R**ed her. And didn't tell me. "I can only imagine she was trying to put a more positive memory in place for that date to try and wash away what her ex had done to her | |||
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"I met at a hotel for a threesome , fmf all 2 of us were singles but the other 2 had met before , I went in for a taste test and before I could get close the female smelt like broccoli gone bad , I told her discreetly it wasn't the freshest to which her reply was " I baby wiped it" told her I wouldn't be playing with her and she sat under the table crying and then locked herself in toilet , I got dressed and left , no one needs that kind of crazy" All 3 of us were single * | |||
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"Being married, to the wrong person, rates pretty highly on the "shit ideas for great sex" scale. " 100% and just to make sure I did it twice | |||
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"I met at a hotel for a threesome , fmf all 2 of us were singles but the other 2 had met before , I went in for a taste test and before I could get close the female smelt like broccoli gone bad , I told her discreetly it wasn't the freshest to which her reply was " I baby wiped it" told her I wouldn't be playing with her and she sat under the table crying and then locked herself in toilet , I got dressed and left , no one needs that kind of crazy" Fucking hell | |||
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"Think found the only woman in north west that didn’t know the difference Between suck and bite "My ex | |||
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The Missus and I arranged to meet at a guys' house for some fun - I was to watch as he had his way with her. So far, so fun. The guy had an 18" "gap" between walls in his house, and he had put a discrete spyhole in there so a voyeur could watch him perform. It was all rather snug, and I'm a little claustrophobic, but put up with it for the sake of everyone having a good time.
All was going well until I felt a twitch in my nostrils - yep, a sneeze was on the way. I tried to stop it, and thought I was successful, but it caught be unawares. The resulting sneeze was so powerful that my head shot backwards, smacked into the brick wall behind, bouncing off of it and propelling it forwards into other wall, and there was STILL enough energy to send my head back into the wall behind me again.
It was like the ball stuck between bumpers on a pinball machine. This all happened in less than a second, and the headache was just as instant. I staggered out (it had already been enough to stop them from playing) and discovered that I had put a crack in the plaster on the artex'd bedroom wall.
We didn't go back. But nor were we billed for the damage, so fair's fair. | |||
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"Third time lucky - bloody keyboard!
The Missus and I arranged to meet at a guys' house for some fun - I was to watch as he had his way with her. So far, so fun. The guy had an 18" "gap" between walls in his house, and he had put a discrete spyhole in there so a voyeur could watch him perform. It was all rather snug, and I'm a little claustrophobic, but put up with it for the sake of everyone having a good time.
All was going well until I felt a twitch in my nostrils - yep, a sneeze was on the way. I tried to stop it, and thought I was successful, but it caught be unawares. The resulting sneeze was so powerful that my head shot backwards, smacked into the brick wall behind, bouncing off of it and propelling it forwards into other wall, and there was STILL enough energy to send my head back into the wall behind me again.
It was like the ball stuck between bumpers on a pinball machine. This all happened in less than a second, and the headache was just as instant. I staggered out (it had already been enough to stop them from playing) and discovered that I had put a crack in the plaster on the artex'd bedroom wall.
We didn't go back. But nor were we billed for the damage, so fair's fair."This is, (for us) hilarious | |||
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"Physically? Having sex and she got her period.. no problem, clean up. She suggested anal. Awesome. Except she hadn't prepped completely and she shat over me. I'm glad it was at hers and she had laminate flooring. Psychologically? I was invited round by a lady friend and getting all athletically vigorous and she had a breakdown and started bawling and curled up in the foetal position. She had invited me round for sex on the anniversary of the day her ex had R**ed her. And didn't tell me.
I can only imagine she was trying to put a more positive memory in place for that date to try and wash away what her ex had done to her "Possibly, but giving me a heads up to either say no, or prepare for an emotional response coukd have been advisable. It could have meant a different approach to the evening.. | |||
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"Both very d*unk. Halfway during the fun. Both naked. She throws up on me. Yes I'm not joking either. " Ha! I didn't see this! Same thing happened to me. She was on top though. Not pleasant. | |||
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"Physically? Having sex and she got her period.. no problem, clean up. She suggested anal. Awesome. Except she hadn't prepped completely and she shat over me. I'm glad it was at hers and she had laminate flooring. Psychologically? I was invited round by a lady friend and getting all athletically vigorous and she had a breakdown and started bawling and curled up in the foetal position. She had invited me round for sex on the anniversary of the day her ex had R**ed her. And didn't tell me.
I can only imagine she was trying to put a more positive memory in place for that date to try and wash away what her ex had done to her
Possibly, but giving me a heads up to either say no, or prepare for an emotional response coukd have been advisable. It could have meant a different approach to the evening.."Oh absolutely! Must have been quite shocking for you x | |||
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"Physically? Having sex and she got her period.. no problem, clean up. She suggested anal. Awesome. Except she hadn't prepped completely and she shat over me. I'm glad it was at hers and she had laminate flooring. Psychologically? I was invited round by a lady friend and getting all athletically vigorous and she had a breakdown and started bawling and curled up in the foetal position. She had invited me round for sex on the anniversary of the day her ex had R**ed her. And didn't tell me.
I can only imagine she was trying to put a more positive memory in place for that date to try and wash away what her ex had done to her
Possibly, but giving me a heads up to either say no, or prepare for an emotional response coukd have been advisable. It could have meant a different approach to the evening..
Oh absolutely! Must have been quite shocking for you x"Traumatising. It took her quite a while to be able to articulate the situation. Up until that point I thought it was a me thing! | |||
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"Physically? Having sex and she got her period.. no problem, clean up. She suggested anal. Awesome. Except she hadn't prepped completely and she shat over me. I'm glad it was at hers and she had laminate flooring. Psychologically? I was invited round by a lady friend and getting all athletically vigorous and she had a breakdown and started bawling and curled up in the foetal position. She had invited me round for sex on the anniversary of the day her ex had R**ed her. And didn't tell me.
I can only imagine she was trying to put a more positive memory in place for that date to try and wash away what her ex had done to her
Possibly, but giving me a heads up to either say no, or prepare for an emotional response coukd have been advisable. It could have meant a different approach to the evening..
Oh absolutely! Must have been quite shocking for you x
Traumatising. It took her quite a while to be able to articulate the situation. Up until that point I thought it was a me thing!"I'm not surprised x | |||
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"Many years ago I chatted to someone on ICQ (remember that?!) and we eventually met up in a hotel. All seemed fine, although she was pretty nervous. Got to the point of getting into things and she wouldn’t let me go down on her; not a problem, I know some women don’t like or worry about other aspects. So, went to move things further……I’m seconds away from penetration and out come the words…… “I’m a virgin” And that’s the end of that. " I thought that was every bloke's dream!! | |||
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"Was having sex...she decided to clamp down and nearly snap my dick. Then changed position and knee right in the balls. Tried to carry on and got a knee in the balls again. She tried to ride me and my dick fully bent nearly snapping and she poked me in the eye getting off me. Decided to just kiss and manage to poke me in the eye with her nose
This is actually so funny ??????"In retrospect sure...but at the time...not so much ?? | |||
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"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes. Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting. She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went. So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet. Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific. Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off. Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed. Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed. Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me" You win!! | |||
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"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes. Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting. She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went. So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet. Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific. Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off. Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed. Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed. Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me You win!! "lol | |||
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"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral" Shoulder dislocated and pissed on. Double whammy | |||
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"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral Shoulder dislocated and pissed on. Double whammy " Shh, you can't say it's piss  | |||
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"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes. Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting. She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went. So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet. Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific. Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off. Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed. Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed. Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me" This made me
I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't given the severity of mishap you'd unfortunately encountered, but it's really funny.
Im still | |||
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"Many moons ago when jools and I was still girlfriend and boyfriend I was staying in a rented room in a house it had no central heating but the owner provided me with one of those stand up gas bottle heaters ( in hindsight it was a fucking deathtrap,I digress) Anyway anyone who knows them knows the small flap you lift up to regulate the heat on the top at the back. Jools and I had just finished shagging and it was really warm so I decided to turn it down I lent over it and just as I did my still hard cock flopped down onto the top of the fire with a nice sizzling sound and me screaming to high heaven, following day nice big blister on my helmet." Fuckinhell | |||
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"Sex without kissing
Yeah. That is rubbish"Been surprised by that on a couple of occasions. That is rubbish. | |||
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So I agreed to meet a woman I was conversing with and obviously interested in down her neck of the woods. It was decided to meet at a well known restaurant near hers so all was good.
I drove there as did she and being sensible I didn not drink any alcohol but she downed a fair few large glasses of wine so politely I asked if she wanted a lift home rather than get on her car intoxicated to which her reply was “no thanks I don’t live far” so I didn’t force the issue any more.
The conversation and food were pretty good but I had absolutely no intention of trying anything on because I didn’t feel it was appropriate.
Anyway the food and evening came to an end and I walked her to her car, checking for balance on the way, and gladly gave her a hug and a peck to which she asked if I would like to come back to hers. I originally said no thanks but she said “no funny business just a couple of drinks”.
I agreed and stopped at the local shop for a few beers for myself knowing I wouldn’t be driving once at her place.
Anyway I get in her flat and instantly she started screaming and shouting saying “you’re not getting in my knickers” and such like I was only half way down my beer and her neighbour came knocking
I explained the situation and the neighbour calmly explained that this isn’t the first time she’s done this and even reported someone for inappropriate behaviour in the past but the accused was not even sexually engaged with her
Safe to say I left sharpish and took my cans with me (phew)
This experience really tarnished my trust and confidence in meeting anyone for a good few years but the few along the way until now have definitely reassured me that not everyone is the same love and learn  | |||
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"Apologies all, bit long winded but had to tell the tale "Glad the beers were made safe All beers matter | |||
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"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes. Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting. She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went. So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet. Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific. Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off. Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed. Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed. Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me This made me
I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't given the severity of mishap you'd unfortunately encountered, but it's really funny.
Im still "Worse was to come... when the cleaners arrived with new bedding the smell was still overpowering. I heard one of them retching in the bathroom. Tried to explain that a friend had come to my room to freshen up but had a really upset stomach and had to leave...They obviously didnt believe me. Anyway the room was cleaned up and I headed down to the bar for a couple of drinks...word must have spread between the staff and various members were popping out to see the guy who had shit himself...horrible stay and left early next morning | |||
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"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes. Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting. She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went. So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet. Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific. Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off. Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed. Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed. Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me This made me
I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't given the severity of mishap you'd unfortunately encountered, but it's really funny.
Im still
Worse was to come... when the cleaners arrived with new bedding the smell was still overpowering. I heard one of them retching in the bathroom. Tried to explain that a friend had come to my room to freshen up but had a really upset stomach and had to leave...They obviously didnt believe me.
Anyway the room was cleaned up and I headed down to the bar for a couple of drinks...word must have spread between the staff and various members were popping out to see the guy who had shit himself...horrible stay and left early next morning"What a shit show, I'm so sorry to hear you had to endure that, horrible (yuk). Not at all nice, and the stench must have been rancid (enough to put anyone off having sex)...! Poor woman but to leave you to suffer the embarrassment alone just doesn't seem right, whilst understandable with the panic that must have set in her to make her want to scarper. What a shit show. | |||
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"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes. Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting. She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went. So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet. Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific. Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off. Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed. Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed. Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me This made me
I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't given the severity of mishap you'd unfortunately encountered, but it's really funny.
Im still
Worse was to come... when the cleaners arrived with new bedding the smell was still overpowering. I heard one of them retching in the bathroom. Tried to explain that a friend had come to my room to freshen up but had a really upset stomach and had to leave...They obviously didnt believe me.
Anyway the room was cleaned up and I headed down to the bar for a couple of drinks...word must have spread between the staff and various members were popping out to see the guy who had shit himself...horrible stay and left early next morning"
What the bloody hell was wrong with her tummy for all that to happen is she even alive
Mrs | |||
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that made me giggle | |||
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" What the bloody hell was wrong with her tummy for all that to happen is she even alive
Mrs ". I would imagine IBS mixed with nerves? | |||
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"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes. Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting. She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went. So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet. Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific. Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off. Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed. Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed. Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me This made me
I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't given the severity of mishap you'd unfortunately encountered, but it's really funny.
Im still
Worse was to come... when the cleaners arrived with new bedding the smell was still overpowering. I heard one of them retching in the bathroom. Tried to explain that a friend had come to my room to freshen up but had a really upset stomach and had to leave...They obviously didnt believe me.
Anyway the room was cleaned up and I headed down to the bar for a couple of drinks...word must have spread between the staff and various members were popping out to see the guy who had shit himself...horrible stay and left early next morning
What the bloody hell was wrong with her tummy for all that to happen is she even alive
Mrs "Oh gif not good but I’m actually wetting myself | |||
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"Been out on a pizza date, a few drinks and on way home we got a bit horny and stopped off at a public toilet in a park for some fun. Whilst I was sucking his cock I went a bit too deep, gagged and brought up a little salad on to his willy. Mortified in a hilarious way. Therefore I never have salad on a date anymore "But did you see him again ?  | |||
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"Been out on a pizza date, a few drinks and on way home we got a bit horny and stopped off at a public toilet in a park for some fun. Whilst I was sucking his cock I went a bit too deep, gagged and brought up a little salad on to his willy. Mortified in a hilarious way. Therefore I never have salad on a date anymore
But did you see him again ? "Yes was my Fwb for many years (until recently) | |||
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"Apologies all, bit long winded but had to tell the tale
Glad the beers were made safe
All beers matter " | |||
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"There was this one girl, Martha ..." Lmfao
Mrs | |||
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"There was this one girl, Martha ..." Anal sex sent from my iPhone | |||
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"Without warning she bit through my neck and attempted to drink my blood " Hey, it's a lifestyle choice! Your say it like it's a bad thing. | |||
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"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes. Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting. She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went. So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet. Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific. Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off. Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed. Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed. Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me This made me
I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't given the severity of mishap you'd unfortunately encountered, but it's really funny.
Im still
Worse was to come... when the cleaners arrived with new bedding the smell was still overpowering. I heard one of them retching in the bathroom. Tried to explain that a friend had come to my room to freshen up but had a really upset stomach and had to leave...They obviously didnt believe me.
Anyway the room was cleaned up and I headed down to the bar for a couple of drinks...word must have spread between the staff and various members were popping out to see the guy who had shit himself...horrible stay and left early next morning
What the bloody hell was wrong with her tummy for all that to happen is she even alive
Mrs
Oh gif not good but I’m actually wetting myself "Omg! I'm crying with laughter! ! | |||
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"Without warning she bit through my neck and attempted to drink my blood Hey, it's a lifestyle choice! Your say it like it's a bad thing. "Consent is key  | |||
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"Sandpaper tongue lady. Had to tell her to stop and then she offered me a cup of tea which I drank so fast I burned my already well sanded mouth before getting outa there! "I had a guy rub my clit like he was sanding a skirting board !! | |||
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