FabSwingers.com forum: Do you bring up your kids as you were raised

By *aravancouple OP Man
over a year ago

A Secret Hideaway In the caravan of love

In some ways we did but with, more humour and more trust and certainly a more liberal attitude but the basics are the same: good manners, consideration for others, honesty and a good work ethic among others. It is interesting to see these values being passed on to our grandchildren too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

My parents favoured their first born male heir over me, the spare. I treat my kids like human beings.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope didnt have a great upbringing but learnt from it and put right all the things that were wrong with it when bringing up mine

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

[Removed by poster at 27/03/13 21:03:16]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"[Removed by poster at 27/03/13 21:03:16]"

Oooooh angry stevie!!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

wish I could say I do but the truth is when ever iv a problem with my kids I think what they would do an do the complete opposite and its normally right. some ppl really shouldent have kids an both my mum an dad fall into that category.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Fundementally about manners and respect ect, but i was completely different to my mother, far more open, lenient, approachable.

I can talk to my mum about anything now but not as a teenager.

Plus i spoilt him to much to my detriment

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In some ways yes but in others no i had a very strict upbringing almost like a prison,im stern but fair with mine.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i learnt a lot of things, especially from my father, and i had the best upbringing in my eyes, we weren't rich, and did get a smacked bottom if we had done something truely horrible, but we had love and warmthness radiated from my parents love. When my mum was ill when i was 4 my dad couldn't cope so well, as he had a full time job and 3 kids to bring up, so my aunty looked after me for about a year, and i'm glad we had that family closeness.

Being a single parent to a 4 year old, i involve my family in a lot of things he does, and he has such a bond with his nanny ( and my ex's stepdad) which i never had with my grandparents when i was growing up.

I try to pass onto my son, the value of trust, love, open-ness, money and the freedom to speech.

Yes, he is typcially a 4 yr old boy, and i do have to discipline him,(non physical) but he knows i love him, and i hope even when he is older, he can still turn round and give me a hug and say i love you mum.

i am both parents to him, and i do feel sometimes he needs a male bonding time, but i am quite lucky my brother n brother-in-law are close by.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh god..... i so hope not lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

Nope.....Did a much better job

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I would hope when I have kids that I bring them up as well as my parents brought up my sister and I....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

Hell No!! If I had kids, and they grew up like I did, they'd have no childhood, no confidence, no self esteem, no self worth and no sense of deserving credit for anything they had ever done or achieved.

Plus, forced to believe religion was a a good thing with a promise of a life in some distant future that would supposedly be better than the life they currently have (well, anything would be better I guess) with no proof, yet if they did not then said life would be WORSE than what they currently had.

What a hard sell!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope

infact I am everything my parents wasn't

My childhood was quite abusive and I spent time in care before moving in with my Gran so I hope to god I did a much better job than my parents

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, completely the opposite

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

God no! Myself and my three brothers were brought up in a pub and so was Tra with her brothers and sisters. It's a great existence but it meant my parents weren't very hands on. that's not to say they were bad parents, they were good parents, still are in fact but its not a conventional childhood. it's a wonder we all turned out normal. We did all learn the value of work at a young age tho. they'd probably be nicked for child abuse now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"No, completely the opposite"

same here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky BunnyMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"My parents favoured their first born male heir over me, the spare. I treat my kids like human beings. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my mum was a good mum but she lacked confidence and used to critise me a lot espcialy as i got older.

so i made an effort not to be the same with my son because i knew how much it used to hurt.

i would tell him all the time how much i loved him and that he looked nice.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky BunnyMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Nope didnt have a great upbringing but learnt from it and put right all the things that were wrong with it when bringing up mine

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

read that back and it sounds awful. we had a great childhood but were largely left to our own devices.we never stopped laughing. just didn't want to be that absent with our own kids.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exy firemanMan
over a year ago

essex

If i did bring my daughter up the same way i was she would be taken into care and me to prison! Violent dads used to get away with it in them days!

My dad never took us to the park, read to us, played with us or do anything come to think of it! And it is that very reason that i am a good dad to my little princess. When she took her first breath the nurse passed her to me and i made her a promise that i would be a perfect dad and will never let her down!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If i did bring my daughter up the same way i was she would be taken into care and me to prison! Violent dads used to get away with it in them days!

My dad was violent and abusive. I wont raise my son with the indifference and lack of interest he had in me. :/

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *U1966Man
over a year ago

Devon

Different times think my parents did well with the little money they had

lived from the land

My daughter has whatever she needs without spoiling her i tell her lots and listen more easier with just one instead of four

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *H.coupleCouple
over a year ago

edinburgh

i (mr) had a great upbringing and couldnt of asked for more, i was fed, clothed, had a roof over my head and always felt protected and loved.

i was taught manners, respect and loyalty. if i did do anything wrong it was either a belt from my dad (but he at least had the decency to let me choose which one lol) or a slipper form my mum. Many will disagree but i think it was the right thing to do and i like to think i turned out ok, drug free and no criminal record with a good career an amazing wife and perfect child.

I never have or will raise my hand to my little girl, but we were blessed with a perfect child she does as shes told first time and we often get comments on how well behaved she is.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exy firemanMan
over a year ago

essex

"If i did bring my daughter up the same way i was she would be taken into care and me to prison! Violent dads used to get away with it in them days!

My dad was violent and abusive. I wont raise my son with the indifference and lack of interest he had in me. :/"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. My Mum was the clone of Mary Whitehouse and gave me a load of crap to deal with in my mind, which took me years to throw off.

I was determined my two boys would not grow up under such a 'regime' and not held back by antiquated attitudes to everything - sex being top of the list.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find some of these posts quite upsetting.y dad only hit me one, when i had a tattoo at 13 so i probably deserved it. the most my mum ever raised to me was an eyebrow. considering what a loose cannon i was at times it seems i lived a charmed life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i (mr) had a great upbringing and couldnt of asked for more, i was fed, clothed, had a roof over my head and always felt protected and loved.

I never have or will raise my hand to my little girl, but we were blessed with a perfect child she does as shes told first time and we often get comments on how well behaved she is. "

I remember the belt, the slipper, the back of the hand, the fist.

Even at my age I still blame me for him losing his his temper that way.

Mr N is a much better parent than me, but I'll never be like my dad.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In some ways yes but in others no i had a very strict upbringing almost like a prison,im stern but fair with mine."

Sounds like me. I am apparently old fashioned lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *win PeaksCouple
over a year ago

Northamptonshire

No.

My kids are still able to sit down without pain after they break something, I never could

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No!! i was mentally abused when i was growing up, never allowed friends round or to stay, always being told that i was worthless and was going no where in life. And i was the eldest of three, i took the brunt of every thing. Then at the age of 14 my mother walked out on us all leaving just a note on the table. I vowed at that point i would NEVER do the same what she did to me.

Everyday i tell my children i love them, i have house full of my children's friends sometimes up to 10 for a sleep over. I have respect from my children because anyone that comes into my house is treated as my own and if i have to shout at an individual they will say sorry so have the respect of my children's friends as well.

I still don't see my mother or father but that was their choice not mine!!!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Nope didnt have a great upbringing but learnt from it and put right all the things that were wrong with it when bringing up mine

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *EPROFUNDISMan
over a year ago

billingham

I don't have any children but I'd bring any potential future ones up differently as to how I was raised.

A happyish childhood but no rod

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have one daughter and even though i love my parents, i do not bring my daughter up following thier example, I have never ever pushed the fact that shes a girl so she has to do girly things, if she wants to do more boy oriented stuff then shes completely free to do it, plus she is taught all about manners, politeness and respect. the problem is she lives with her mother and she has nothing but problems with my daughter, but she is an absolute angel for me, have only had to raise my voice to her once in the last year

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very few of us are lucky enough to have had a perfect childhood. I know I didnt. But I did know I was loved.

I bring my children up with a mix of old and new. Respecting others. Knowing actions have a consequence. My biggest rule is honesty and self worth. Make them earn things and not just be given it-so if my son wants a new phone then he has to save and earn half of the money for it.

Times change and these days banning all electricals for a week works better than the slipper I used to get.

Saying all of this I love my kids but im sure when the time comes I will be as proud a granny as I am a mum.... for as long as my kids still share their secrets with me. Feel comfortable with friends round as an open house and giggle in their sleep then I may not be perfect.... but it will do me. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

didn't have the best of childhoods, I'm completely different with my son. I've wrapped him up in cotton wool, spoilt him rotten as he has been an only child until his Dad had a little girl with a new partner.

I am very open and honest with him though, which my parents weren't with me.

I've not been a perfect mum, but I've tried my best.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tried to but failed lol. Never mind that's life!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nope didnt have a great upbringing but learnt from it and put right all the things that were wrong with it when bringing up mine

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes to an extent, being respectful, manners etc.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I don't have kids but if/when I do I can only hope to do as good a job as my parents. I know I have been very fortunate to have a great Mum and dad. They worked hard so that Me and my sister's had everything we could wish for.

I am thinking about writing my dad's stories down so I can read them to my children as I always love hearing them. Even to this day it doesn't matter that I've heard them 100 times before I still listenable it's the first time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford

wow some really sad stories of childhoods above

im glad u all seem to be fairly rounded people that turned out well, despite your bad starts in life.

its a testament to yourselves and those that stepped in as your parents/ carers

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't have kids but if/when I do I can only hope to do as good a job as my parents. I know I have been very fortunate to have a great Mum and dad. They worked hard so that Me and my sister's had everything we could wish for.

What a wonderful thing to do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes me and ex wife brought our kids up as good as we could instilling from early politeness and trying to think of others too.

Thats not to say there were not dodgy moments but generally ok. I was brought up well in my view.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hell no. I treated my kids as individuals and still do. Hence why they have both turned into beautiful young women!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *errynjuneCouple
over a year ago

Barnsley

Still trying our best lol.

But the grown up 3 insist we are much softer on and more generous to their 2 younger siblings.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In some ways we did but with, more humour and more trust and certainly a more liberal attitude but the basics are the same: good manners, consideration for others, honesty and a good work ethic among others. It is interesting to see these values being passed on to our grandchildren too."

I do my very best for my two children under far from ideal circumstances. Children spell love: T.I.M.E. and I certainly don't spoil them. When my youngest, still only 5, said he didn't want me to pick him up from school - because he's on report (bless) and I was giving him a bollocking if it wasn't good - I knew the last thing I should do was promise him presents if he came to Dad's. A couple of hours 1-1 at soft play and he's much better now. And so are his reports.

Not wanting to bitch at all but a real issue: How do I tackle the work ethic when mum (the RP, of course) doesn't go to work?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

I (Mr.) had a good upbringing and as far as possible have stuck to the way I was treated and taught. I believe Mrs feels the same way as well. Yes we had downsides, but in the main I believe both of us had a good childhood.

Our kids have been brought up in basically the same way, with just a few tweaks. We were much more open with our kids and it was never a case of "seen and not heard". They had to be polite and not interrupt, but they could join in conversations..

The big difference though is the openness! As our parents did, we always eat at the table with no TV on.. We always had great conversation, catching up on the day and a lot of problems were ironed out at the same time. As they grew up, sometimes we would get a little risqué talk and a grin from the responsible child. We never told them off and I believe that went some way to making sure they could always talk to us.

I find it very sad that so many on here seem to have had at best, indifferent upbringings.. There also seems to be so many that are estranged from their children's other parent, perhaps there is a correlation?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *or Fox SakeCouple
over a year ago

Thornaby

Went to see the nipper at school, spent an hour in the classroom. Now he's aged 5 so didn't expect him to be doing calculus.

That said, the lesson was the teacher reading from a BBC Cbeebies website, didn't see the kids pick up a pencil or paper once in an hour, teacher had a "teaching assistant" to help, there were about 20 kids in the class.....not ONCE did I see either the teacher interact to push coax or actually teach.

Sorry but at age 5 I can remember being taught to read and write and being pushed, and there were a damm site more kids in the class.

If thats the sort of schooling they are getting now god help the next generation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *win PeaksCouple
over a year ago

Northamptonshire

"Went to see the nipper at school, spent an hour in the classroom. Now he's aged 5 so didn't expect him to be doing calculus.

Sorry but at age 5 I can remember being taught to read and write and being pushed, and there were a damm site more kids in the class.

If thats the sort of schooling they are getting now god help the next generation."

I was surprised by how little actual work/lessons our daughter had while she was in the infant school, I remember doing actual pencil n paper hands on lessons when I was in primary school ( many moons ago ), but she is a bright clever 8 yr old who was speeding through 4 pics 1 word last night, shocked the hell out of the both of us as she could see words I couldn't. Her mental math is surprisingly good too. So what ever the school is doing it must be working

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ral.steveMan
over a year ago

LEEDS

Not bloody likely

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

God no! My mother especially showed me exactly how not to parent.

I was brought up being told I was not what she wanted - I was supposed to be a boy - and indeed she dressed me as one, and would call me a boys name when it was just me and her. Yet she adored my 2 sisters.

She was very physically and mentally abusive, always putting me down and being unkind in a variety of ways.

When her and my dad separated I saw a side of her I am ashamed of, and indeed finding her in bed with one of my boyfriends as a late teen on a rare visit home really opened my eyes to the woman she was.

But, on a positive note, shes been a fantastic role model of what not to do.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

MY mums a drinker so I never new from one day to the next how life would be .... I was never aloud friends in the house as a kid .. she hated us even having friends.So I made a point not being like that ... I am not like her at all my dad yes .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No not at all, though with hindsight now they are both grown up, and I am older and wiser. some things my parents did were right, even though I hated them at the time. Some things I did were totally wrong, especially after their mother died I got pretty messed up during some important years for them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

There was no better 'reward' than to hear my children say thank you for bringing us up the way we were. We tried to give them independance, values they can be proud of and live by, a love of life and all it brings good or bad and to respect others, always be polite and be true to their beliefs!

At their age I said the same to my parents! So in answer to the original question - yes!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread