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" What I’ve learned however is that all these friends aren’t reliable, they have and still can lean on me for anything but the same is never returned. Basically, I wouldn’t worry about it. " Very true. The older you get, the less real friends you have. I like my own company and regularly holiday alone. If you're fine with your own company OP, no one else is gonna care. Least of all on here. X | |||
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" What I’ve learned however is that all these friends aren’t reliable, they have and still can lean on me for anything but the same is never returned. Basically, I wouldn’t worry about it. Very true. The older you get, the less real friends you have. I like my own company and regularly holiday alone. If you're fine with your own company OP, no one else is gonna care. Least of all on here. X" Thank you. I do actually like my own company and now learned to holiday on my own instead of holding on for false friends. Had a nice 3 week break last summer living out of a backpack  | |||
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"I’ve got the widest variety of friends you’ve ever seen, but I’m a social loner and love my own company. What I’ve learned however is that all these friends aren’t reliable, they have and still can lean on me for anything but the same is never returned. Basically, I wouldn’t worry about it. " You're very lucky to have people in your life like that. I've never experienced friendship, only people who use me for my purpose then get rid once I'm done with | |||
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"What are people's thoughts on someone who has pretty much no friends? Unfortunately that's the case with me and a lot of people see it as a red flag sadly. Truth is I don't really have anyone in close to and growing up I've always been the one left out by others, last picked for the team at school and these days I don't get anyone asking after me, no calls. Even family are more distant from me than ever. Not after pity at all, I do like my own company but just been led to believe it's not "normal"" Can fairly much relate to that. I also had the same experience at school as well as being bullied. That I very rarely talk about my childhood. Society and especially the media seem to show a distorted view of the world where people have a wide social circle of close friends and that loners are the exception and to be avoided reinforcing isolation. I probably have only 3 people I would class as close friends but they are in different parts of the country. The others people I know probably would not even notice if I disappeared of the earth. Celebrate what you have and try not to feel under pressure to conform to society’s false expectations. The world in reality is not like the TV series “Friends”. | |||
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"I’m very similar, I’ve always felt on the outside of any social circle looking in, not quite fitting. I’d often joke I was a triangle peg, pretending to be a square peg for a round hole. I recently found out I’m neurodivergent, which was been an influencing factor. Knowing that has helped me identifying how and why I react to some things which has been a useful skill. In the end, just be the authentic you, don’t be afraid to reach out and if we’re all honest, most modern people feel the way you do from time to time. " That's exactly how I feel, always on the outside | |||
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"I don't have many friends but the few I do have are like family, they have been my rocks in difficult times & visa versa. Not having friends is not a bad thing, but severely limits regular exercising of a variety of social skills; healthy communication, conflict resolution, opportunities to express empathy, etc, unless you have social hobbies that include these outside of work. " That's what I worry about, some days I don't really communicate with anyone. Don't have any social hobbies, even at the gym I just plug in my headphones and keep myself to myself | |||
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"My cat is my best friend. Quality over quantity. If you mean here. I only friend people I have met. I am not here adding folk for pic views. " Animals are the best. | |||
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"I have 2 people I'd class as close friends, I don't want anymore. Friends are overrated op, if you can enjoy your own company you're good. And people who shout red flag at every little thing are a red flag. " Thank you, just people see someone without friends as the type you'd hear about in crime doc's | |||
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"What are people's thoughts on someone who has pretty much no friends? Unfortunately that's the case with me and a lot of people see it as a red flag sadly. Truth is I don't really have anyone in close to and growing up I've always been the one left out by others, last picked for the team at school and these days I don't get anyone asking after me, no calls. Even family are more distant from me than ever. Not after pity at all, I do like my own company but just been led to believe it's not "normal"" Hi, Firstly ignore the word 'normal'. There is no normal. Secondly, what people call a 'friend' varies greatly. Children call someone they met 5 seconds ago- 'my friend'. Some adults call their mate who punches them each time they have an argument - 'my friend.' I had a woman at work tell me her life problems and when I thanked her for trusting me she said , ' Of course I trust you , 'you're my mate!' and I thought 'fuck me , i've only met you at a few weeks ago and this is the very first time we've spoken apart from hi. There is nothing wrong with liking your own company. The brain and soul need down time to process your day or week BUT being alone for long periods is not good , humans are social animals and linked in ways that keep us healthy BUT....... you can get the kind of social interaction you need at a small club/group/social. We all need intimacy but that comes in varying degrees too and what is intimacy to some is just the 'job' of sex to others. Context really matters , a cuddle can do a lot more than a fuck if its a cuddle you are in need of. I'd go as far as to say that 'friendship' is a personal construct and a cultural concept. The ideas of what makes a friend will differ from person to person. The intensity and length of friendships will vary , just like marriages do. Friendships for life are not as common as we might imagine. For me a friendship is a conflict free zone (for most of the time) where mutual support enables all parties to thrive. I look for many traits but one or two of the most necessary - for me - are 'honesty, trustworthiness and an interest in others' .. More simply - I used to tell my children ' in order to get friends you have to be a friend'... It takes time and patience and self awareness... If YOU feel you need to work at it then do. If you are happy as you are then leave it. Above all ...... do NOT compare yourself to others. | |||
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"I think things like social media makes people think others have a much better life or a much bigger circle, than they possibly do. I have a few close friends, my best mate I've known since we were 11 and have been through so much together, we will always be friends. Other friends have come and gone, it is harder to make friends the older you get I think. Many meet friends through work, I don't work in one place or with the same people, so that doesn't really happen. If you're happy with how you are and your life op, don't worry about what others think. People on here wouldn't know anyway, unless you chose to share it. " Social media, that's a deep trench. I've got around 80 odd 'friends' on Facebook, but every time I check I've got 1 or 2 less. Sad thing is about 8 of them are dead and keep them as memorial. I keep my work and private life separate and never do anything socially with work | |||
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"I dont have many friends other than my fwbs. I'm very close to my daughters and that's enough for me. " I'm glad you got a dynamic that works well. | |||
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"I think more people than you realise will relate to not having many friends. I'm 30 and it's only in the last two or so years that I've managed to find good friends that I see a few times a month. But you really have to work at them and keep in touch regularly if you don't want it to fade away. I don't think it's strange at all. You don't know the circumstances that lead to someone having no friends. I went to four different schools, missed years of education, suffered badly with my mental health until my mid 20s and didn't have an opportunity to make friends. If you do want to make friends, you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone and look for local hobby groups or volunteer within your community and soon enough you'll stumble across someone you click with. But if you're happy the way you are that's fine too. I've worked really hard to maintain and see my friends, for me it's so important and they make my heart happy when we spend time together.
"Thank you, that's some encouraging words | |||
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"I do have friends, but we're all spread out over the UK and beyond. Add to that mix the majority of us have kids and yeah we don't see each other as much as we would like. What I've done is join a dance class, I've made friends and the class itself is a bit of a social. And from that I've made a friend who I can go out for walks for. It's not easy doing it in your 40's but it's definitely possible if it gets you down. " Wait until your 50's, then it gets really tough. | |||
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"I do have friends, but we're all spread out over the UK and beyond. Add to that mix the majority of us have kids and yeah we don't see each other as much as we would like. What I've done is join a dance class, I've made friends and the class itself is a bit of a social. And from that I've made a friend who I can go out for walks for. It's not easy doing it in your 40's but it's definitely possible if it gets you down. " Well I go to the gym a few times a week but just to keep fit and not interested in befriending anyone. I do spend days off going for walks and nothing is better to me than leaving the house with a days worth of supplies and heading into the country. Luckily where I live it's only 20 mins walk and I'm away from civilization | |||
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"I do have friends, but we're all spread out over the UK and beyond. Add to that mix the majority of us have kids and yeah we don't see each other as much as we would like. What I've done is join a dance class, I've made friends and the class itself is a bit of a social. And from that I've made a friend who I can go out for walks for. It's not easy doing it in your 40's but it's definitely possible if it gets you down. Well I go to the gym a few times a week but just to keep fit and not interested in befriending anyone. I do spend days off going for walks and nothing is better to me than leaving the house with a days worth of supplies and heading into the country. Luckily where I live it's only 20 mins walk and I'm away from civilization " That's why a class is better for finding like minded people. If I go to the gym it's headphones in nobody else exists. Classes not gym based ones, are generally a bit more social and your learning something so more likely to ask the person next to you and strike up a conversation. Not sure if it's your kind of thing, but is there a men's shed near you? They're really good to find mates I've been told. | |||
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"What are people's thoughts on someone who has pretty much no friends? Unfortunately that's the case with me and a lot of people see it as a red flag sadly. Truth is I don't really have anyone in close to and growing up I've always been the one left out by others, last picked for the team at school and these days I don't get anyone asking after me, no calls. Even family are more distant from me than ever. Not after pity at all, I do like my own company but just been led to believe it's not "normal" Hi, Firstly ignore the word 'normal'. There is no normal. Secondly, what people call a 'friend' varies greatly. Children call someone they met 5 seconds ago- 'my friend'. Some adults call their mate who punches them each time they have an argument - 'my friend.' I had a woman at work tell me her life problems and when I thanked her for trusting me she said , ' Of course I trust you , 'you're my mate!' and I thought 'fuck me , i've only met you at a few weeks ago and this is the very first time we've spoken apart from hi. There is nothing wrong with liking your own company. The brain and soul need down time to process your day or week BUT being alone for long periods is not good , humans are social animals and linked in ways that keep us healthy BUT....... you can get the kind of social interaction you need at a small club/group/social. We all need intimacy but that comes in varying degrees too and what is intimacy to some is just the 'job' of sex to others. Context really matters , a cuddle can do a lot more than a fuck if its a cuddle you are in need of. I'd go as far as to say that 'friendship' is a personal construct and a cultural concept. The ideas of what makes a friend will differ from person to person. The intensity and length of friendships will vary , just like marriages do. Friendships for life are not as common as we might imagine. For me a friendship is a conflict free zone (for most of the time) where mutual support enables all parties to thrive. I look for many traits but one or two of the most necessary - for me - are 'honesty, trustworthiness and an interest in others' .. More simply - I used to tell my children ' in order to get friends you have to be a friend'... It takes time and patience and self awareness... If YOU feel you need to work at it then do. If you are happy as you are then leave it. Above all ...... do NOT compare yourself to others. " Words of wisdom. | |||
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"I do have friends, but we're all spread out over the UK and beyond. Add to that mix the majority of us have kids and yeah we don't see each other as much as we would like. What I've done is join a dance class, I've made friends and the class itself is a bit of a social. And from that I've made a friend who I can go out for walks for. It's not easy doing it in your 40's but it's definitely possible if it gets you down. Well I go to the gym a few times a week but just to keep fit and not interested in befriending anyone. " I am down the gym most days and my primary aim is to keep fit. That said, you do end up speaking to people you see regularly there. Would I say they were “close” friends as a result of those interactions? Probably not but they are also more than just acquaintances - I know them and they know me and we support each other. | |||
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"I don't have many, I wouldn't even say I have a close friend anymore, I have people I message and occasionally I meet up with but I wouldn't say we are close, I'm quite complex as a person, I am quite awkward around people, not very good with back and forward conversation (I am trying to be better), I don't message people either as I feel I may be bothering them which probably also leads to them thinking I don't want to be friends with them (but at the same time, phones work both ways, if they don't message me either then why should I keep trying?). I only have one really close friend and that's doughnut which is lovely but would be lovely to find someone that just gets me that it's ok to just sit in silence and the talk if we want too lol x" Exactly how I am messaging people. If they wanted to speak to me then they'll message me as well! | |||
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"I'd say get the most out of life and get out there join a gym or something plenty of games and activities to join or be part of... It's a great way to build a circle of friends I myself have been fortunate as I'm open sociable... Mind you I wasn't always as open which did effect in my teens but had a circle. Now it's difficult trying to keep up with everyone but do have a little ISH circle whom are my besties "I am a part of a gym but just come in do treadmills and weights on my own and hardly interact with people, just in my own with my music. Never had the experience of someone I'd call a "bestie" | |||
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"I'd say get the most out of life and get out there join a gym or something plenty of games and activities to join or be part of... It's a great way to build a circle of friends I myself have been fortunate as I'm open sociable... Mind you I wasn't always as open which did effect in my teens but had a circle. Now it's difficult trying to keep up with everyone but do have a little ISH circle whom are my besties
I am a part of a gym but just come in do treadmills and weights on my own and hardly interact with people, just in my own with my music.
Never had the experience of someone I'd call a "bestie""I never had a bestie and one of my daughters the sane, I don’t think there’s any need, in fact I think it’s a little bit odd. My closest friend I met through work around 10 years ago , we instantly clicked, saved wavelength, both were into 3&4 some at the time and had some adventures , shared secrets, insecurities and created a life long bond of loyalty and trust. Maybe see him 4 times a year max | |||
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"I'd say get the most out of life and get out there join a gym or something plenty of games and activities to join or be part of... It's a great way to build a circle of friends I myself have been fortunate as I'm open sociable... Mind you I wasn't always as open which did effect in my teens but had a circle. Now it's difficult trying to keep up with everyone but do have a little ISH circle whom are my besties
I am a part of a gym but just come in do treadmills and weights on my own and hardly interact with people, just in my own with my music.
Never had the experience of someone I'd call a "bestie""That's great you do but I still interacted with others as they were to regular gym users. Which also lead to nights out Don't you have a online group in your area community based My besties we just clicked like we've known each other all our lives and bounce off each other mainly women and not all local to me | |||
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"I'd say get the most out of life and get out there join a gym or something plenty of games and activities to join or be part of... It's a great way to build a circle of friends I myself have been fortunate as I'm open sociable... Mind you I wasn't always as open which did effect in my teens but had a circle. Now it's difficult trying to keep up with everyone but do have a little ISH circle whom are my besties
I am a part of a gym but just come in do treadmills and weights on my own and hardly interact with people, just in my own with my music.
Never had the experience of someone I'd call a "bestie"
That's great you do but I still interacted with others as they were to regular gym users. Which also lead to nights out
Don't you have a online group in your area community based
My besties we just clicked like we've known each other all our lives and bounce off each other mainly women and not all local to me "Tbh I'm not interested in any community orientated stuff myself. I actively avoid any kind of social gathering if I can | |||
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"I've grown up where I live so have my friends around me. My closest friends I met in my first job It's not as unusual as you think for people to not have many friends. It's hard to make friends the older you get You seem happy enough as you say you avoid social groups which most would suggest joining. Plus you've got us on here" Thank you, your words are very kind. Unfortunately I've grown up a long way from my home so always feel a bit of an outsider. As for happiness, I've actually had a really good weekend. Went out yesterday on a wild camp, packed some rations and importantly some beer, found a quiet spot and was there till this morning. Got home and hour ago all smelly and in need of a bath but better than sitting in from of the TV watching something with Ant and Dec and wondering what I've done in my life | |||
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"My friends ..quality over quality bit like sex partners. I would rather shag one and have momentous moments than meet a guy who is a bit drippy with his eggs lol" Well put. With sex I'm a lot more casual, happy to meet for one offs etc | |||
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"I work away a lot so don't have any friends, mainly sad and lonely nights in hotel bars bored, quick meal and off to my room" Sorry to hear that. Inbox is open if you want to chat shit about anything friend | |||
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"I have 1 close friend who I've been friends with almost 20 years, a couple of friends I hardly see and occasionally chat too. I'm quite happy with that. Mrs " I'm glad it works for you. I have people who suppose to call me a friend but don't hear from them in years and when they do it's simple "hi how are you? "Yeah good you? "Yeah good thanks" | |||
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"Do your own normal. Avoid others who expect you to conform to their requirements " Thank you. I don't conform to anyone I can tell you that | |||
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"I've grown up where I live so have my friends around me. My closest friends I met in my first job It's not as unusual as you think for people to not have many friends. It's hard to make friends the older you get You seem happy enough as you say you avoid social groups which most would suggest joining. Plus you've got us on here Thank you, your words are very kind. Unfortunately I've grown up a long way from my home so always feel a bit of an outsider. As for happiness, I've actually had a really good weekend. Went out yesterday on a wild camp, packed some rations and importantly some beer, found a quiet spot and was there till this morning. Got home and hour ago all smelly and in need of a bath but better than sitting in from of the TV watching something with Ant and Dec and wondering what I've done in my life" Quite a talent.. | |||
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"What are people's thoughts on someone who has pretty much no friends? Unfortunately that's the case with me and a lot of people see it as a red flag sadly. Truth is I don't really have anyone in close to and growing up I've always been the one left out by others, last picked for the team at school and these days I don't get anyone asking after me, no calls. Even family are more distant from me than ever. Not after pity at all, I do like my own company but just been led to believe it's not "normal"" I have 3 close friends in my life that's all I need . I don't see them much but they are at the end of the phone if needed. If you want to chat just drop me a message x | |||
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"What are people's thoughts on someone who has pretty much no friends? Unfortunately that's the case with me and a lot of people see it as a red flag sadly. Truth is I don't really have anyone in close to and growing up I've always been the one left out by others, last picked for the team at school and these days I don't get anyone asking after me, no calls. Even family are more distant from me than ever. Not after pity at all, I do like my own company but just been led to believe it's not "normal"" Been on my own for over a decade. In love with freedom Be myself more Discover new things Work my butt off My friends adore me My cat appreciates me Peace and who needs an army of friends op | |||
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"I've grown up where I live so have my friends around me. My closest friends I met in my first job It's not as unusual as you think for people to not have many friends. It's hard to make friends the older you get You seem happy enough as you say you avoid social groups which most would suggest joining. Plus you've got us on here Thank you, your words are very kind. Unfortunately I've grown up a long way from my home so always feel a bit of an outsider. As for happiness, I've actually had a really good weekend. Went out yesterday on a wild camp, packed some rations and importantly some beer, found a quiet spot and was there till this morning. Got home and hour ago all smelly and in need of a bath but better than sitting in from of the TV watching something with Ant and Dec and wondering what I've done in my life Quite a talent.." Thanks. It's how I find my inner peace. Better than a Saturday night out drinking and fighting outside the local kebab shop | |||
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