FabSwingers.com forum: How much are you

By *tanley Funseeker OP Man
39 weeks ago

stanley

Affected by low self confidence or low self esteem?

Do they affect you at all? How do you overcome them?

Not a “cry for help” post , just genuinely interested in how widespread the issues are .

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

I have low self esteem/ low self confidence. I suppose it makes sense as I have depression and anxiety and take medication for it.

How do I overcome it? I don’t know. Recently I’ve been feeling really low, really unattractive, really low about my ability at work and as a parent and other things etc. what helped get me out of the negative thoughts? A haircut. Going back to a look that I felt good in.

Sometimes it’s writing stuff down and taking time to be grateful. Sometimes it’s a haircut. It’s hard. It’s not always helpful when people just tell you your thoughts and feelings about yourself are untrue because sometimes you have to see it for yourself.

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By *ommander_StraxMan
39 weeks ago

Telford

Many moons ago, when VHS was the standard and the wheel was invented, I was in a relationship. She mentally abused me… a lot. In a lot of ways. One of those ways was in the bedroom.

Even though nobody I was with before had an issue, and nobody I was with after has had an issue, this one person used to take the Micheal out of me. According to her, I was too small for her, and of course all her friends fellas were 10 inch monsters…. OF COURSE.

And of course, to the shock of nobody here I’m sure, I was her first.

The thing is, I haven’t had an issue with anybody else. Nobody ever had a problem. In fact with a few I had to take it slower.

But of course, that one person, because we were so close? It’s in there. It’s forever in there. Any time I meet anybody in clubs or here or whatever it’s never “what if they don’t like me?” But always that little voice at the back going “what if they laugh at me for it?”

It’s a shitter. It’s stupid. It’s not even true… well I hope it’s not true… but it’s always in there.

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By *sWyldWoman
39 weeks ago

Edinburgh

I have never had great confidence and definitely have always had low self esteem.

Over the years it's impacted my life in so many ways. Never really feeling I belong, never feeling like I'm enough, always feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, accepting really poor behavior in relationships, imposter syndrome.

The list could be endless.

It's only now I'm realising that the cause of all those things is how little I think of myself.

So now I'm trying to unravel 40 years of that by making a conscious effort to actually become my own friend.

I know that might sound odd but it is actually helping.

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By *risxbrisxMan
39 weeks ago

Bristol

I've always had anxiety and self-confidence issues, battled addiction, and it took me many years to begin to love and respect myself,

Change my mentality and actions and negative self talk etc

I still struggle every now and again we are only human.

Blessings to you all x

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By *cottish guy 555Man
39 weeks ago

London

"I have never had great confidence and definitely have always had low self esteem.

The list could be endless.

It's only now I'm realising that the cause of all those things is how little I think of myself.

So now I'm trying to unravel 40 years of that by making a conscious effort to actually become my own friend.

I know that might sound odd but it is actually helping. "

Genuinely interested in how you are doing that?

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By *sWyldWoman
39 weeks ago

Edinburgh

"I have never had great confidence and definitely have always had low self esteem.

The list could be endless.

It's only now I'm realising that the cause of all those things is how little I think of myself.

So now I'm trying to unravel 40 years of that by making a conscious effort to actually become my own friend.

I know that might sound odd but it is actually helping.

Genuinely interested in how you are doing that?

I quit negative self talk. I made a promise that I would put myself first more.

I looked at the things in my life that drain my energy and then worked out what I could stop or reduce.

I then look for things that make me happy and I do them. I try to do something every day that makes me happy. Sometimes it's eating chocolate for breakfast or buying ice cream for lunch. Sometimes it's switching off and just hanging out with my dog. Sometimes it is avoiding forcing myself through my huge to do list and just watching a film.

I've stopped apologising for being me. I used to do it constantly.

I date myself. I no longer wait for others, i just do it if I want to.

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By *sWyldWoman
39 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Oh and I now ask for what I want!

I don't just accept what I'm given.

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By *lternative-GuyMan
39 weeks ago

cradley heath

Quite heavily. I have self image issues. I often just find myself looking in the mirror finding myself ugly or unnatractive etc it's hard to beat sometimes

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By *ustBoWoman
39 weeks ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I always have had low confidence but not so much low self esteem. I know who I am and am happy enough with the person I am. I know my strengths and my weaknesses and I know there are things I should work on.

Low confidence has stopped me doing some things in life that I wish I could have done. I'm also quite introverted and that can be an issue at times especially when going to new places.

But all in all I'm quite happy in my life.

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By *hubster2016Man
39 weeks ago

"I have never had great confidence and definitely have always had low self esteem.

The list could be endless.

It's only now I'm realising that the cause of all those things is how little I think of myself.

So now I'm trying to unravel 40 years of that by making a conscious effort to actually become my own friend.

I know that might sound odd but it is actually helping. "

I’m trying to do this (apart from the relationship part as I’ve not had any!!)

It’s very very hard when you’re so used to being the butt of all the jokes and genuinely thinking you’re not good enough for anyone!

I’m on the waiting list for talking therapies (mental health) for a place to be able to talk to someone and get help with this!

Just hope it works as I now feel like I’ve missed loads of my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

My X well if she was in the SS she would been dismissed for cruelty. Did every know tick for me to slap her ( never did ) .

Got divorced , long road however good support build confidence up and women love confidence , did stand up all great .

Ps the pitch 2nd husband lasted only 2 years

Take care all you fabs be kind to yourself and others xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
39 weeks ago

East Sussex

I'm one of the lucky people who isn't affected by these issues. I don't know why because I never have been. I do sometimes wonder if I'm the odd one out though because it does seem very prevalent

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
39 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Lomdon

I used to be. Too short, too fat, too this or that. Then I turned 50 and really thought I was going to just go hide in a cupboard. But my insecurities vanished cause I just accepted myself for the way I am. But took me this long to do it.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
39 weeks ago

Leeds

Never.

Because I don’t give a fuck what other peoples perception of me is.

The mr

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By *ealitybitesMan
39 weeks ago

Belfast

Some people find renewed confidence or self esteem as they get older.

In my case I had zero confidence for 5 decades until just before turning 50.

A perfect storm of events took place around that time which were life changing and life affirming and as a result I found confidence I never had before.

My self esteem wasn't directly linked to my lack of confidence but following illness around the time I turned 40 I went through a 10 year period of having low self esteem which was only alleviated at the same time my confidence arrived.

Every day was a struggle and to some extent still is but the difference now is that I know my value and am confident enough to maintain that.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
39 weeks ago

Leeds

I have no answers, my self confidence has plummeted a lot over the past few years, body change post kids, career change & to be honest I just don't like myself very much the majority of the time.

I don't think I know who I am much anymore, I look different & feel different which isn't good & a reason we aren't currently meeting because in my mind who would find me sexy because I certainly dont & I don't think this place helps.

I'll over think everything & it's driving me insane!

I'd love for there to be a magic wand or if I could see myself through the eyes of others maybe.

I hope everyone struggling feels better soon.

Mrs

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
39 weeks ago

Essex

Not often. But when it hits, it hits HARD!!!

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By *ommander_StraxMan
39 weeks ago

Telford

"I have no answers, my self confidence has plummeted a lot over the past few years, body change post kids, career change & to be honest I just don't like myself very much the majority of the time.

I'll over think everything & it's driving me insane!

I'd love for there to be a magic wand or if I could see myself through the eyes of others maybe.

I hope everyone struggling feels better soon.

Mrs "

If it’s any help, I think you’re both fantastic look. You have an absolutely gorgeous figure, and you look great in your lingerie. Be proud of how you look, because many would kill to look as good

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
39 weeks ago

Essex

I hide my profile here. Read, listen to music & get outdoors. Trees & books do t care how I look, sound etc

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
39 weeks ago

Leeds

"I have no answers, my self confidence has plummeted a lot over the past few years, body change post kids, career change & to be honest I just don't like myself very much the majority of the time.

I'll over think everything & it's driving me insane!

I'd love for there to be a magic wand or if I could see myself through the eyes of others maybe.

I hope everyone struggling feels better soon.

Mrs

I can't be proud of what feels alien no matter how many others would like to have my figure, I'd rather my old one back.

Pretty photos don't show what your scars or rolls or everything else the mirror shows me.

It's just that, a pretty photo, it's not me.

The reality of me in my comfies without the pretty lingere in normal life is vastly different.

But thank you.

Mrs

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By *929Man
39 weeks ago

bedlington

Truthfully and it may be pretty shallow but it all goes off how looking physically at that time, if training going well and looking big full and veiny I feel on top of the world, if feeling and looking small and flat (like currently, 10kg down due to fucking horrendous bug that won’t leave) I feel like shit to the point just want to hide away

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
39 weeks ago

Essex

"I have no answers, my self confidence has plummeted a lot over the past few years, body change post kids, career change & to be honest I just don't like myself very much the majority of the time.

I'll over think everything & it's driving me insane!

I'd love for there to be a magic wand or if I could see myself through the eyes of others maybe.

I hope everyone struggling feels better soon.

Mrs

I can't be proud of what feels alien no matter how many others would like to have my figure, I'd rather my old one back.

Pretty photos don't show what your scars or rolls or everything else the mirror shows me.

It's just that, a pretty photo, it's not me.

The reality of me in my comfies without the pretty lingere in normal life is vastly different.

But thank you.

Mrs

The pretty photo also doesn’t show your heart & soul. The people who love you. X

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By *eroLondonMan
39 weeks ago

Mayfair

Ordinarily I'm not affected to any significant extent.

Since the onset of my Alopecia - yes. Having that condition did impact my self-esteem and question my desirability (to others), to the point of either taking a hiatus from Fab or leaving the site entirely.

Attending a few socials — group organised or one-to-one meets for coffee etc — helped in mitigating those insecurities.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
39 weeks ago

Leeds

"I have no answers, my self confidence has plummeted a lot over the past few years, body change post kids, career change & to be honest I just don't like myself very much the majority of the time.

I'll over think everything & it's driving me insane!

I'd love for there to be a magic wand or if I could see myself through the eyes of others maybe.

I hope everyone struggling feels better soon.

Mrs

I can't be proud of what feels alien no matter how many others would like to have my figure, I'd rather my old one back.

Pretty photos don't show what your scars or rolls or everything else the mirror shows me.

It's just that, a pretty photo, it's not me.

The reality of me in my comfies without the pretty lingere in normal life is vastly different.

But thank you.

Mrs

The pretty photo also doesn’t show your heart & soul. The people who love you. X"

That is actually really lovely! And your right they don't.

Mrs

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By *ellhungvweMan
39 weeks ago

Cheltenham

When I was young I used to really care what people thought about me. The day I realised that _everyone_ is basically only worrying about what they beleive other people think of them and that they don’t actually even have time to realise I am there was an epiphany. Nobody even has time to think about me (or you, or them). Totally liberating.

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By *ymbunnyfitCouple
39 weeks ago

East Yorkshire

I've suffered with lack of confidence and often doubt myself. My husband says I'm crazy as in hot as , very genuine and intelligent woman. Witch is lovely to have that always backing you yet I still now doubt myself in many situations xx

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By *ommander_StraxMan
39 weeks ago

Telford

"I have no answers, my self confidence has plummeted a lot over the past few years, body change post kids, career change & to be honest I just don't like myself very much the majority of the time.

I'll over think everything & it's driving me insane!

I'd love for there to be a magic wand or if I could see myself through the eyes of others maybe.

I hope everyone struggling feels better soon.

Mrs

I can't be proud of what feels alien no matter how many others would like to have my figure, I'd rather my old one back.

Pretty photos don't show what your scars or rolls or everything else the mirror shows me.

It's just that, a pretty photo, it's not me.

The reality of me in my comfies without the pretty lingere in normal life is vastly different.

But thank you.

Mrs

Swinging life is like real life - people only show you what they want you to see. It’s like Facebook…. All smiles, all the good stuff, but never any worry or sadness.

Scares make you who you are. Stretch marks make you who you are. The bad is just as important as the good, and everything you see as a “flaw” tells a story.

You have stretch marks because you had kids, right? Well… is that a bad thing? You’ve got kids! That’s amazing! Scars, well not sure there but at a guess could be a c section? My wife had one. But I think she’s amazing because she picked to have that rather than her unborn child be in danger.

When I look at people here, I don’t just look at their looks. Of course that does play into it. We all like what we like! But it’s far more important to me and many others that I spend my time on good people, people who will make me smile and aren’t up their own arse… because let me tell you, I’ve met a LOT of those over the years. Wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole.

Be proud of being you. There’s nobody else like it.

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By *r-8-BBCMan
39 weeks ago

LONDON

"Affected by low self confidence or low self esteem?

Do they affect you at all? How do you overcome them?

Not a “cry for help” post , just genuinely interested in how widespread the issues are ."

I use to suffer from it until I would lock myself away. One day I said to myself that "you can't go on like this!" I over came my low self esteem from throwing myself in at the deep end and not caring about other people's opinions and it worked. I was in my early 20s at the time though.

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By *OYFBWoman
39 weeks ago

Jersey (sometimes Notts)

"Affected by low self confidence or low self esteem?

Do they affect you at all? How do you overcome them?

Not a “cry for help” post , just genuinely interested in how widespread the issues are ."

Lots. All of my life. Been on antidepressants the past three years…they might be helping. I no longer feel every day that I don’t deserve to live, so that’s something I suppose.

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By *illy IdolMan
39 weeks ago

Midlands

"I have no answers, my self confidence has plummeted a lot over the past few years, body change post kids, career change & to be honest I just don't like myself very much the majority of the time.

I'll over think everything & it's driving me insane!

I'd love for there to be a magic wand or if I could see myself through the eyes of others maybe.

I hope everyone struggling feels better soon.

Mrs "

These types of comments are always sad to read. If only we seen ourselves like others did. Nothing anyone else says helps your battles with your own acceptance.

You'll probably look back in 10 years and think actually, I was pretty hot.

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By *ags73Man
39 weeks ago

glasgow-ish

"Affected by low self confidence or low self esteem?

Do they affect you at all? How do you overcome them?

Not a “cry for help” post , just genuinely interested in how widespread the issues are ."

Don’t know if it’s esteem or confidence but yeah I struggle with it.

Try really hard to be presentable and make an effort if I go to things.

Really struggled with night time club things so far and I’ll have to keep working on it.

Trying to relax into things, not get nervous, not lose the ability to speak and try and stick it out. Much much more difficult without alcohol.

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

I don't think I'm anything special and always feel a bit of a fraud when good looking guys on here seem to like me.

I can appreciate others looking good but when it comes to me I'm a perfectionist and anything less makes me disgusted in myself. But I know I'll never reach "perfect" so I'll never be happy with how I look.

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By *agatoXXXMan
39 weeks ago

Gone and completely forgotten.

I have just enough esteem to get by.

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By *andynecklaceWoman
39 weeks ago

Someplace

I used to have really low self esteem as a teenager but not so much anymore. If I do have negative thoughts about myself, I just push it out. I try to be as positive as I can

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By *reative-mindMan
39 weeks ago

Exeter

I can't really remember a time when I didn't have low self esteem or confidence to be honest.

I'm OK in a professional setting because I just put on an act but away from that I'm quite happy to not draw attention to myself. It's probably also part of my issues with anxiety.

Like Fab is a huge step for me, meeting people and living outside my comfort zone as much as possible is probably the only way I think I could personally change it.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
39 weeks ago

Bradford

"Affected by low self confidence or low self esteem?

Do they affect you at all? How do you overcome them?

Not a “cry for help” post , just genuinely interested in how widespread the issues are ."

Never had low self estream

Its madness putting your self down .but in recent years it seams to be teaching epic proportionds

Saying. That I hate looking in the mirror in the bathroom in morning

And seeing the face of my father looking back at me when he was old . so do understand

How can effect people .

But women still find me attractive

So I might beat myself up little that

Still don't look 20 years younger .but

Its life jim if it doesn't bother them

All good .

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By *ools and the brainCouple
39 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

"Affected by low self confidence or low self esteem?

Do they affect you at all? How do you overcome them?

Not a “cry for help” post , just genuinely interested in how widespread the issues are ."

My life is low self esteem and lack of confidence, I extrude low self esteem.

I am my own worst critic and dislike myself immensely.

Genuinely hate my voice my face and the way I think and look.

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By *andC1000Couple
39 weeks ago

Ashford

Have always struggled with confidence throughout life in all aspects and being cheated on completely shattered what little confidence I did have. Knowing someone who was meant to love you would rather give their sexual attention to someone else makes you feel completely worthless and lowers confidence even more sadly.

Everyone deals with confidence crisis in different ways can’t really say I’ve done anything in particular but would love to be one of those lucky people who don’t ever seem to be affected

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

Reminds me of that song in sounds of music.

I strive for confidence in me.My job requires it too.

Knock backs

Poor relationships

I stay away from drama or negatives includes negative people or places.

I am taking my confidence into a new job,in a new place. Yes,it is hard to sustain but I try my best to think positive

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