FabSwingers.com forum: A question for the men...

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aughtyTimesBL5Man
31 weeks ago

bolton

I would definitely like a woman to make a move.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *radnorfMan
31 weeks ago

York / Norwich

No, in fact l receive very few replies. Don't know if they are just teasing us!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

I know I know, I'm not a man. I don't care, well actually I do, I wouldn't mind being a man. I'd totally be gay.

But I occasionally message first! Curse of having filters.

And I sometimes suggest meeting but then he needs to take control. I'm not doing all the work.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *im_1878Man
31 weeks ago

Formby

I got my first ‘first’ message off a young lady the other day. I was very impressed

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *amierebelMan
31 weeks ago

nae danger.

Yeah had a few back when I used to have a profile pic up it's certainly a welcome change don't understand why more lady's don't do their own searching

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

No, if only lol, it would be nice to receive a message first from a wonderful lady

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *wolf91Man
31 weeks ago

Rowley

I would find it attractive and nice for a woman to message first x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"I would definitely like a woman to make a move. "

If you're not attracted to her how would you handle it?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ewtothis345Man
31 weeks ago

hedon

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

Never been messaged first but would love it, it's hard for single men on here and would find it reassuring.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

I'd be very flattered to be messaged first by a woman, not likely to happen though

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubmissiveman2uMan
31 weeks ago

Cheshire

Nice to just receive a reply, a first message would be fandabybloodydosey

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"I know I know, I'm not a man. I don't care, well actually I do, I wouldn't mind being a man. I'd totally be gay.

But I occasionally message first! Curse of having filters.

And I sometimes suggest meeting but then he needs to take control. I'm not doing all the work. "

Be gone foul wench. It's a thread for men. The finest of penis wielders.

P.S Filters are a blessing, not a curse! Do you mind messaging a man first or saying hey, let's get a hotel room (because I don't imagine you're the two hour coffee first sort)?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rsteveMan
31 weeks ago

sheffield

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

I’d love it if the woman made the 1st move. Maybe this is because I love dominant women

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *wolf91Man
31 weeks ago

Rowley

"I would definitely like a woman to make a move.

If you're not attracted to her how would you handle it?"

I would still be thankful, an still be willing to socialise but be truthful an upfront.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *layfulguy123Man
31 weeks ago

strat

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

So I had one of my first replies today

Chatting well

Even exchanged numbers

I would love woman to message first at least then I don’t feel like we are hounding them

Sometimes when I have read profile and put effort into the messsge would love just a simple not for me, then I could put a note so not to re message etx

I know they get lots of messages but it’s tough for some of us guys

If anyone wants to point me in direction of improving profile I would love that

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

I my dreams I get loads. I the real world I'm lucky if they will even talk to me. There most be something wrong with me. Or maybe something else

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ark.aitkenMan
31 weeks ago

Aylesbury

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

Rarely on the receiving end of "first contact" but I guess that's because fab has soooo many guys to couples ratio it's hard for couples or ladies to keep their inbox manageable. I'd find ladies making the first move a great compliment and certainly love that.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ornyTravels86Man
31 weeks ago

All over

In my experience when the woman messages first its a fake profile, to be fair it's also rare to get a reply... maybe it's me

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *uestbucksMan
31 weeks ago

Back in the Shire

[Removed by poster at 15/04/24 16:47:25]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nozdraMan
31 weeks ago

Falkirk

Personally I would find it more jaw dropping than attractive for a female to send the opening message.... or reply to one

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"I got my first ‘first’ message off a young lady the other day. I was very impressed "

And she's definitely a lady not a man? Well, this is brilliant! Yay. One success story.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ysteryIncMan
31 weeks ago

Portishead

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

I have had the odd one, but mainly me first. I would find it attractive for the woman to make the first move.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *uestbucksMan
31 weeks ago

Back in the Shire

I've been messaged by single ladies and married ladies, not all turn out to be ladies.. but when they do I've had some very fun meets..

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *waleMFCouple
31 weeks ago

Swale

"In my experience when the woman messages first its a fake profile, to be fair it's also rare to get a reply... maybe it's me

We find the same as a couple very hard to find a genuine unicorn

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *im_1878Man
31 weeks ago

Formby

"I got my first ‘first’ message off a young lady the other day. I was very impressed

And she's definitely a lady not a man? Well, this is brilliant! Yay. One success story.

Yes she is a lady. Been chatting and sharing since she first messaged. Bit of a distance which is a shame. But happy to chat with confident women who know how to message first

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eaveOnTheLightsMan
31 weeks ago

Leeds

I've had a few women message me first and I'm always hugely flattered.

They have all been smart, articulate and knew exactly what they want - the type to take the initiative rather than wait for men to approach them.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *elboy1978Man
31 weeks ago

Fellgate

No never had a woman message me first

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Yeah had a few back when I used to have a profile pic up it's certainly a welcome change don't understand why more lady's don't do their own searching "

Because I think women are terrified of being rejected. It might also be this societal view that women are the one to be chased, men are the ones to do the chasing (I hate the whole chase analogy but it's a lazy and quick way of getting meaning across).

There's also the fact that there are far more men on here and some women delight in attention received and don't want someone to turn around and say nope, you're not for me thanks.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ove2lickMan
31 weeks ago

Sheffield

Been contacted about 3 times from women it's rare ha

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
31 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Yes.

My partner did.

Others have too. Often just for chat rather than anything else but that's all good.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Yes.

My partner did.

Others have too. Often just for chat rather than anything else but that's all good.

Ah your partner is a delight and delightfully forthright. Always admired that quality of theirs.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iscean_dreamMan
31 weeks ago

Llanelli

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

Yes they do and it's refreshing when it happens, I'm all for being approached.

I'm happy being asked if would like to meet etc, but I prefer taking the lead in the bedroom.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?

Never been messaged first but would love it, it's hard for single men on here and would find it reassuring."

Reassuring in what way? That you're desirable or that she's genuinely interested in you?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ou_cMan
31 weeks ago

Ruislip

It’s refreshing to be messaged first sometimes but also I feel it’s a gentleman’s job to message first

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
31 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"Because I think women are terrified of being rejected. … and don't want someone to turn around and say nope, you're not for me thanks."

It rarely goes well when I say no thanks. Rejection can be taken as poorly by women as it is by men.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ealitybitesMan
31 weeks ago

Belfast

I haven't sent a first contact message in more than 4 years so every conversation I've had since has been initiated by a woman sending an introductory message.

That's how I met my fab bestie even before I stopped sending messages.

She was proactive and got in touch.

I can't say I find it an appealing trait just in itself because an ability to send a first message doesn't make a woman more attractive.

Many of those conversations have been very short because some women are comfortable sending that initial message but aren't willing to make much effort beyond that and expect me to carry the load.

I've had hundreds of conversations on here that have never mentioned sex or even the suggestion of it so it's not all about attraction.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

Very rarely, but it does happen, always a refreshing change.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Because I think women are terrified of being rejected. … and don't want someone to turn around and say nope, you're not for me thanks.

It rarely goes well when I say no thanks. Rejection can be taken as poorly by women as it is by men."

Ah yes, women can be truly rotten when they're... well I'm not going to say rejected because someone saying no thanks isn't quite a rejection but if they're told no... then yes. They can be awful.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *cottish guy 555Man
31 weeks ago

London

I've struck up a few chats and friendships with the receipt of a first message from a lady.

Always a delight and surprise when someone says hello. If by taking the lead you are referring to some overtly masculine bollocks I think that's a bit victorian in attitude.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ardnreddyMan
31 weeks ago

LIVINGSTON

Have had messages not many

In answer I would love it if more women did though

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *alcon77Man
31 weeks ago

under the sun & the moon

I have no preference for who will take the lead..

But most people message me first, yes.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?

I’d love it if the woman made the 1st move. Maybe this is because I love dominant women

So there's an element of dominant about it for you? I guess I can kind of see that. It might be more confidence than a dominant thing. To say, 'yep, I think you're hot and I'm going to say hi anyway'.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubikslongswordMan
31 weeks ago

East Grinstead

[Removed by poster at 15/04/24 17:01:12]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ensuallover1000Man
31 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

I’ve been messaged by many lovely ladies

….the fact that the said messages generally consist solely of calling me an arsehole is irrelevant of course…..

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

Obvs!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ewtothis345Man
31 weeks ago

hedon

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?

Never been messaged first but would love it, it's hard for single men on here and would find it reassuring.

Reassuring in what way? That you're desirable or that she's genuinely interested in you? "

I won't lie it would be a confidence boost but would be great to see that a woman is interested and what they are hoping to get from it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

I like it when a girl messages me first

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ubikslongswordMan
31 weeks ago

East Grinstead

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"? "

In answer to your questions in order:

Not very often

Yes, I get excited whenever I receive a message first (especially from a woman) not so much fancy coming and watching porn while I suck you from men but the fact I have a message is exciting.

Yes I would absolutely fine it attractive as I often feel like my message

1 gets lost in the ether

And

2 is not appreciated no matter how well written it is as women get swamped.

I would find it appealing to have the woman arrange the social/dalliance as I am terrible for thinking of things to do unless it is in my immediate vicinity because I forget things exist (but that's because my brain hates me and sucks with object permenance)

Hope this helps your research

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

"Obvs!

It’s usually the one’s who do message first where you have more in common because they’ve either read your profile or observed your character rather than you just looking at their latest boob pics

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"It’s refreshing to be messaged first sometimes but also I feel it’s a gentleman’s job to message first "

Hmmm. See that's the sort of attitude I was interested in. I've messaged, met, dated some rather traditional men before with a similar attitude. That they should be the ones initiating, organising etc.

I've found that they've liked my rather erm enthusiastic approach to messaging and organising but then in the back of my mind I worry that... it's not quite wanted. They would rather fall back in to a more traditional gentleman archetype.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *J the bullMan
31 weeks ago

Washington

Yes I have and always reply as it is a rare complement for a single guy

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
31 weeks ago

The only time I've messaged anyone on here is forum related,

Traditionally Men have always taken the lead in these sort of things but Women especially on these type of sites get bombarded with messages so very rarely message first, but everyone loves the right type of attention so I recon 99% of Men would appreciate a woman sending message first

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ondiego85Man
31 weeks ago

nottingham

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

Yeah, I would find it attractive. It would make me reply in the most mellow way, whether for accepting or refusing the attention

I don’t mind women being proactive, however it’s so rare on here that I would be worried about catfish lol

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ife NinjaMan
31 weeks ago

Dunfermline

Rarely. Yes it would be appreciated

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"I've struck up a few chats and friendships with the receipt of a first message from a lady.

Always a delight and surprise when someone says hello. If by taking the lead you are referring to some overtly masculine bollocks I think that's a bit victorian in attitude.

It's not my attitude.

It's one that exists though. I'm not sure why it does but I do know some prefer men to be more proactive/take the lead. Women and men.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

"I know I know, I'm not a man. I don't care, well actually I do, I wouldn't mind being a man. I'd totally be gay.

But I occasionally message first! Curse of having filters.

And I sometimes suggest meeting but then he needs to take control. I'm not doing all the work.

Be gone foul wench. It's a thread for men. The finest of penis wielders.

P.S Filters are a blessing, not a curse! Do you mind messaging a man first or saying hey, let's get a hotel room (because I don't imagine you're the two hour coffee first sort)?"

I'm deeply offended that you think I'm just some wanton hussy that just wants the penis Meli. Deeply offended.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hilloutMan
31 weeks ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Most women on fab rarely message a man spontaneously that they find appealing / attractive.

The reason is they have little incentive to do so. Their inbox is usually full of unsolicited messages / interest from hundreds of men. It's far easier taking a passive approach in sifting through the constant stream to find that rare message / profile that catches the eye and respond.

The fear of rejection is real and many a woman on fab doesn't handle it well.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"I've had a few women message me first and I'm always hugely flattered.

They have all been smart, articulate and knew exactly what they want - the type to take the initiative rather than wait for men to approach them. "

Ah so there's a particular personality type who message first? That makes sense come to think of it. Hugely flattered is a definite positive to come from it.

Men on the whole on Fab don't particularly receive compliments or attention unless they initiate something. It's quite a shame.

I messaged someone yesterday off the back of a thread and they thought I was joking around. Just saying it to be nice. Nothing could be further from the truth but it did make me think that men aren't used to that approach.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

Yes. But I like older women so I’m also realistic Meli.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *alcon77Man
31 weeks ago

under the sun & the moon

People send me messages to tell me I'm beautiful (physically)

-Men and women.

Which is nice I guess..the conversation can go from there, it's a pleasant starting point. .

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *alcon77Man
31 weeks ago

under the sun & the moon

"People send me messages to tell me I'm beautiful (physically)

-Men and women.

Which is nice I guess..the conversation can go from there, it's a pleasant starting point. . "

..It it superficial, (my features I got from my mum..I didn't earn them.)

But it's a nice starting point as I said.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *andadbodMan
31 weeks ago

Liverpool

I’ve had a few women message me first and have taken the lead in every way, i find it very refreshing personally, i don’t mind taking the lead after first contact, but those women who know what they want and how to get it really do turn me on.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
31 weeks ago

Bristol

It happens so very rarely and I tend to assume it's a fake profile.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *carlet SeductionWoman
31 weeks ago

Maidstone

I message first when I'm feeling strong. It's hard work and it nearly always ends up with me being ignored. I find men seem to be flattered at first but then they get distracted by a passing butterfly or something. *shrugs*

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

I would love for women to message first, it shows they are interested and not afraid to take control.

Who doesn’t like letting someone else take the lead every so often

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *carlet SeductionWoman
31 weeks ago

Maidstone

"I message first when I'm feeling strong. It's hard work and it nearly always ends up with me being ignored. I find men seem to be flattered at first but then they get distracted by a passing butterfly or something. *shrugs*"

Sorry just realised this was a thread directed at men. I'll hush my dirty mouth

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *cLovin2Man
31 weeks ago

Reading

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

I would personally see it as very progressive, I think a lot of guys would welcome it. The shy ones, those unsure of how to proceed, even your average Jo may get an offer from a lady he missed.

Frankly in 2024 why does one need to have a penis in order to make the first move?

I'm sure lesbians don't wait for a penis approach.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

It's happened like, 4 times, ever.

I try and sound nonchalant, but deep down it's made me feel awesome.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

I get first messages relating to forum stuff never the 'hey I like the look of you, want to hang out sometime?' kind.

It would be great and definitely not off putting

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *unchalMan
31 weeks ago

Dartford

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

Of course. Don’t all men want women who want sex as much as them. I’ve kind of given up on women on here and find that lots of men are happy to message me their desires!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *overOfWomen91Man
31 weeks ago

Bedfordshire

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

Don’t threaten us with a good time. Of course we would love it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *dam1971Man
31 weeks ago

Bedford

"Do women ever message you first? "

Yes, sometimes. It’s rarely out of nowhere, but often from a forum post - that’s a good ice breaker.

"Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first? "

It’s always nice to receive a message from someone where maybe things can develop. I’ve seen my fair share of rejection, so I find it a bit flattering too.

"If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

Confidence is attractive, so is intelligence. If she wants to take the lead and thinks old, patriarchal values can fuck right off, that’s a good thing.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eadymade31Man
31 weeks ago

newbiggin by the sea

Rarely happens on here for me to be fair..not all women but a LOT expect the extraordinary

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ycanNightsMan
31 weeks ago

Workington

In terms of first message etc...its been more couples than single women that have approached ... especially recently. But yeah it's happened quite a few times. I absolutely don't mind it

But many of the approaches have been lazy , half arsed , badly written messages... and yeah...it gets the response you might expect

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ecadent_DevonMan
31 weeks ago

Okehampton

It’s the only way I meet people (either promoted by a wink or a message from them). And occasionally I do! I prefer confident women and to be honest I don’t think it’s lazy, it’s just a smart use of time. If I spend 20 minutes composing a message for it to be deleted, it’s a bit soul destroying and probably no fun for them.

If they like my profile they only have to send a wink (one button push) and at least I know I’ve peaked interest. Better for me, better for them.

As I am looking for quite specific people (in terms of mindset) when I do get that wink or message, I am genuinely thrilled and if nothing else, have a nice little chat.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *riveinsaturdayXXXMan
31 weeks ago

Bristol

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

Only happened a couple of times but geography was the problem, alas.

It would amazing, of course! Especially as I don’t tend to approach women because a) they already have hundreds of messages a day, it must be overwhelming; b) I know being out-bi can be off-putting for some, & c) some of the absolute Gods these beauties have veris from puts a certain perspective on things, lol.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ed MartinMan
31 weeks ago

Shefford

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

No they don’t, yes I would, and I don’t mind who makes the first move-I think it’s courageous and immensely flattering of them if they do.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *alandNitaCouple
31 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

We occasionally get messages from single ladies, and they're always appreciated.

We don't message single ladies ourselves, I guess that they get too many messages already so don't want to add to that load.

Cal

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aribbean King 1985Man
31 weeks ago

South West London

It be nice if women made the first move but unfortunately 99% of women dont

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rHotNottsMan
31 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

They do , but more often they wink , you wink back and then they either message or just wait for you to message. But some just message too & are very good at it

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aribbean King 1985Man
31 weeks ago

South West London

[Removed by poster at 15/04/24 18:10:45]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ony MannMan
31 weeks ago

New York City New York USA

I have had women message me first, I find confident women attractive.

I'm not a sub, but I do appreciate a confident equal partner, if she is the one who says let's go to bed, why not.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aribbean King 1985Man
31 weeks ago

South West London

Well if women wink first instead of message then its lazy on their part

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ad HardcoreMan
31 weeks ago

A Chippy Near You...

Actually posted this on another forum, but seeing as it's yourself...

I recently received a message from a very attractive 23 year old female, saying: 'Hey, how's you? Nice pic'.

Checked her profile, local, same interests, looked good...

And I accepted her friend invite. Natch!

Messaged her - respectfully of course - only twice over the next few weeks. No replies.

Saw that she'd become a Silver Fab site supporter, then she also uploaded a photo of herself in 'action'.

Then only last week, just really having a bit of a perv over my friends pics... She's gone. Just like that Hall & Oates song.

Aff Fab completely.

Caught briefly between two emotions - C'est la Vie...

And what the fuck...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *egDaySkipperMan
31 weeks ago

Liverpool

Once a month I get a message from a single female account.

2 messages in I discover they're actually a man in disguise

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ily WhiteWoman
31 weeks ago

I'm not a man. But I like to waffle almost as much as you do my dear Melster, so I'm going to stick my nose in regardless of your intended audience!

Messaging first was always my preferred method of engagement. I

used to largely ignore the contents of my inbox. I've only ever met one man on here who messaged me first (he was already on my 'to do' list, I just hadn't got around to making contact). I've also been the one to suggest meeting first on numerous occasions...mainly because I've always known quite quickly whether I've wanted to play with someone's dangly bits or not, and I get bored of talking about the weather.

I understand that I deviated from the norm on here, and some were taken aback by my directness, I think a handful were even slightly intimidated. I honestly don't understand the fear of rejection though. Nobody goes through life without being turned down for one thing or another.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entlemanrogueMan
31 weeks ago

Motherwell

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

Yes it happens from tkme to time.

If i find it attractive or not depends on what message said and what the profile is like.

I dont mind who initiates a meet , it is good that said woman is making it clear she is free and wants to spend that time with me, but i do prefer to take the lead during a meet.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ad HardcoreMan
31 weeks ago

A Chippy Near You...

"Once a month I get a message from a single female account.

2 messages in I discover they're actually a man in disguise

A man in disguised as... a LADY?!

FFS, that's new

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

Yes, and don't care. I spend so much time raging about societal norms, I'd be a fool to stand by this one.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?

In answer to your questions in order:

Not very often

Yes, I get excited whenever I receive a message first (especially from a woman) not so much fancy coming and watching porn while I suck you from men but the fact I have a message is exciting.

Yes I would absolutely fine it attractive as I often feel like my message

1 gets lost in the ether

And

2 is not appreciated no matter how well written it is as women get swamped.

Hope this helps your research

Ah I've never seen someone use object permanence on the fora before! Love it. It's a thing, it's good you recognise it but yeah... also cra* (I'm trying to watch my language a bit recently).

I think messages can get lost but also women can be incredibly lazy and almost expect attention? And far too sensitive to being told no.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ulieAndBeefCouple
31 weeks ago

Manchester-ish

This is Julie just so you know I'm rebelling against your thread.

I often message first. Both for myself and in my Pimpo capacity.

I'm pretty sure B would be absolutely thrilled if a woman messaged him first as he's pretty shy.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

Sorry just realised this was a thread directed at men. I'll hush my dirty mouth

No, keep your dirty mouth open Scarlet. Always. Please and thank you.

That aside, it's really interesting to read a point of view from a woman who is proactive. Ignored? So not an acknowledgement, no replies, nada.

People get distracted easily. Joy of Fab isn't it? Investing time in to something when there are squirrels popping up can be hard.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Yes. But I like older women so I’m also realistic Meli. "

Come back Pickle and tell me if there's a demographic difference in the likelihood of being proactive. Thanks, luv you.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

Well for alot of us we don't get a reply anyway so it don't make a difference what use do I'm yet still to get a reply back and I've been on here for 4 months just to many guys to women or I'm just not attractive I dunno lol

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *xonman53Man
31 weeks ago

Thame

Be nice to be messaged...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *odders88Man
31 weeks ago

Northampton

I’d be all for the woman to send the first message or the first wink

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ickyKlungespeareMan
31 weeks ago

St Leonards

"Do women ever message you first?"

Yes. Not often. But yes.

"Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?"

The ones who have done so, I've liked, admired, and respected them all for doing it. Any attractiveness would be down to profile, engagement, and looks though - not receiving a message as an isolated event. I can't fancy someone just because they're brave, but I'll always admire it. The majority have been attractive to me though. Less so those who wink without a message, interestingly. Profiles have been mostly a turn-off with winkers.

"If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

2016-2020 FAB profile all "dalliances" were from going to clubs and parties on my own, or messaging women myself that became socials or "dalliances". I don't recall receiving initial messages from women on that profile.

2023 - Today FAB profile - One social, now one of my two regular "dalliances", from my message.

Which is my quota of polyamory.

There are, however, two lovely women from FAB who both messaged me first, whom I would be delighted to have poly "dalliances" with in the future should/once my existing arrangements no longer work. I hope my existing arrangements do continue to work. I like the people. But if they didn't, there are two women from FAB who have messaged me whom I'd be very happy to start something with, regardless of whether I or they were more proactive in arranging the meet.

This is specifically answering about "those who've messaged me", not those whom I've messaged first.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ensible lady 1960Woman
31 weeks ago

Near Bishop Auckland.

i have just messaged a man on here. See if he messages back?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"I'm not a man. But I like to waffle almost as much as you do my dear Melster, so I'm going to stick my nose in regardless of your intended audience!

Messaging first was always my preferred method of engagement. I

Lily, you can waffle all you want. Run riot in my thread, post the word "meet" or even "play". Melster.

You get bored talking about the weather?

You did deviate from the norm but why is that a bad thing? I don't see why in this day and age it is the norm. It's really rather dreary. I like being proactive. Like organising, messaging first etc. Yet societal etiquette would deem that... not always a good thing. Codswallop really.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *tylebender03Man
31 weeks ago

Manchester

I rarely slide in the dms anymore, I mostly wait for the women to message me first

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *partharmonyCouple
31 weeks ago

Ruislip

I don't know if the man in a couple is invited to reply, but we often have women making the first connection with us and we like it. In some cases it has led to really good things. Long may that continue. Luke

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?

I would personally see it as very progressive, I think a lot of guys would welcome it. The shy ones, those unsure of how to proceed, even your average Jo may get an offer from a lady he missed.

Frankly in 2024 why does one need to have a penis in order to make the first move?

I'm sure lesbians don't wait for a penis approach."

No but lesbians are dire at approaching each other. Well and truly sh*te.

Actually do you know who is worst? Bisexual/pan women. I don't know why that is, why women aren't good at being more direct with each other but they're really not.

A delightful friend recently came back in to my life. Seeing her in Cheltenham soon. It took us far, far, too many years to actually say 'Hey I'd like to kiss you'.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ssexBlkMaleMan
31 weeks ago

Essex

I’ve received messages from woman on here that has lead to meets and also lead to nothing and I like the boldness of it and them being forward and just saying and knowing what it is that they want.

What I’ve found on Fab and in the real world is most women will say they were worried about making the first move in case they get rejected as I guess it hurts more from a female perspective when your confidence is knocked from a rejection as you’ll be fearful of the next time asking again.

As a man I guess we generally kind of expect it and are used to rejection from an early age so it doesn’t have such an impact on our confidence overall when it happens and most men will play the numbers game in hope of finally getting a yes.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

"Yes. But I like older women so I’m also realistic Meli.

Come back Pickle and tell me if there's a demographic difference in the likelihood of being proactive. Thanks, luv you.

Women around my age tend to be more confident shooting their shot I find. When my fiancé and her girlies be chatting about getting guys sometimes they move to them. I’m like ‘must be nice’. I find women 35 and under are more confident. They have less hang ups about relationship roles. If they want something, or someone, they’re going to get it. They’re not going to wait around and hope a guy picks up on signals and messages first. Too many games. If you didn’t reply and they want to say something? They’ll double message. They’re not going to wait around for you to come back.

(In my experience obviously)

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ake_or_deathMan
31 weeks ago

Manchester

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

It has happened, I like it, and I hope it happens again in future. I'm always too full of doubt and indecision and assuming the person I want to message won't be interested, so if they message me first they've obviously seen or read something they like, which is a good start.

Also women having that kind of confidence is hot.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hrek101Man
31 weeks ago

Herts

I wish women would msg first, it's almost pointless msging women here,so if they msg you at least you know they like you.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ickhangingsuitMan
31 weeks ago

Doncaster

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

The answer is definitely yes, women take us for granted because of shear numbers, and they all end up with the same quality of men, usually with abs but no brain that do not care if the woman achieves an orgasm or not. But hey...then they can complain that all men are shit

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eroLondonMan
31 weeks ago

Covent Garden

I've said this on similar threads — aside from reciprocal messages between friends and forum-dwellers on here, I've only sent a handful of 'first' messages in the last 3 years. All of my dates/meets/socials have been on the back of women sending me the first message.

With regards to soirées or dalliances I feel more comfortable in orchestrating them.

With that said — I wish women were more proactive within the realms of Fåb.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Most women on fab rarely message a man spontaneously that they find appealing / attractive.

The fear of rejection is real and many a woman on fab doesn't handle it well."

Hai Chilly! It's good right?

Think it's a skill of mine.

Annnnnyway, yes I think that's true. Why would a woman when she can upload a photo of her big toe and have a hundred men telling her how beautiful she is and how much they'd worship her toe?

I don't think they do. Increasingly, I really don't think they do.

You're something of a classic man. Wait, how have I phrased that politely before? A traditional man. If a woman you found attractive, back in your ManSlut days, did message first, would she be more likely to stand out going forward?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"i have just messaged a man on here. See if he messages back?

Oh best of luck! I hope he does, x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ul_dmac1Man
31 weeks ago

Dublin

Definitely be great to see a message to start the conversation first, there’s people here I’ve loved to message but can’t seem to get the words out to start and in person I can’t shut up

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
31 weeks ago

Essex

My uninvited opinion …

I’ve just had a search through my local area.

I looked at 20 male profiles. Only 2 had a biography/text more than “new to this” “looking to meet women or couples”. Only 4 had more than 2 public pictures and 1 of those was “action shots” which personally tend to put me off.

So with zero personality coming through text & nothing more than 2 cock pictures to look at - why would I message?

I have messaged a small amount of people in the forums. Who tend to have better profiles or I’ve seen some personality come through on here.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ittleJohn5Man
31 weeks ago

Wickham Market

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

Has happened but rarely

Love it to happen more often as makes my day.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ustagentMan
31 weeks ago

wa14

Mainly yes as they(the ladies) do tend to message first as they have read my profile, most are pestered to death ,100s of messages so i dont send many out for that reason , they know what they want and usualy get it!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"They do , but more often they wink , you wink back and then they either message or just wait for you to message. But some just message too & are very good at it "

Ah the good old winking system. It's an easy way of seeing if someone is potentially open to being messaged.

So let's say you've got past that first hurdle. Do you find women are proactive when it comes to organising something? Do you like when they are?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ryingitout19Man
31 weeks ago

Wales

It’s rare but have from time to time. Always nice to get one, even if it doesn’t go any further!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
31 weeks ago

Southampton

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?

Yes they do and it's refreshing when it happens, I'm all for being approached.

I'm happy being asked if would like to meet etc, but I prefer taking the lead in the bedroom. "

Interesting...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Yes. But I like older women so I’m also realistic Meli.

Come back Pickle and tell me if there's a demographic difference in the likelihood of being proactive. Thanks, luv you.

(In my experience obviously) "

35 and under. Love that for me.

That's really interesting! I always thought it to be the other way around - men oft quote one of the reasons they like older women being because of how direct they are. Happy to go for what they want.

Games are tiresome aren't they? If I like someone I like to feel comfortable enough with myself to go for it. Yeah sure, I can get bi-panic but once I'm sure it's reciprocated I can be quite forward. Thank you Pickle for indulging my curiosity!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"I've said this on similar threads — aside from reciprocal messages between friends and forum-dwellers on here, I've only sent a handful of 'first' messages in the last 3 years. All of my dates/meets/socials have been on the back of women sending me the first message.

With regards to soirées or dalliances I feel more comfortable in orchestrating them.

With that said — I wish women were more proactive within the realms of Fåb."

In what way? You've said you've only sent a handful of messages, I'm assuming your dalliances/dates/socials have been more than that.

So, in what way do you wish women were more proactive on here?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

"Yes. But I like older women so I’m also realistic Meli.

Come back Pickle and tell me if there's a demographic difference in the likelihood of being proactive. Thanks, luv you.

(In my experience obviously)

35 and under. Love that for me.

Men sometimes say things to get things more easily

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ommander_StraxMan
31 weeks ago

Telford

Yes, I get a good few messages where women and couples message first. However of course it’s not as common.

Isn’t a turn on? It depends on the content of the message really. Some people just cannot have a conversation sadly, so it goes nowhere. More common than you think!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

Never in my life unless it’s for hookup !!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ackdaw52Man
31 weeks ago

Chesterfield

On rare occasions a woman/couple has sent the first message.

And I found it a big turn for them to show the initiative for a change!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *agnar73Man
31 weeks ago

glasgow-ish

Had a few chats with lovely ladies from forums and nice to have a chat with them. Some have mailed me first.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

If I see someone I like,I'll message them, although it's generally to compliment them on their profile or picture.

And to be fair they are usually miles away...

( I've seen them from the forum or male top pics)

I don't search who's online or anything like that,so therefore don't usually send a "Hi Wuu2 " or "Hey babe" kinda message

Or the "Phoaar you have a massive cock"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *obycontinuedMan
31 weeks ago

Liverpool

It's like Christmas comes round once a year

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Men sometimes say things to get things more easily

I'm not sure why you're disturbing my peace on a Monday night like this. I'm also not sure that I care for it. No more revelations please, thank you.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
31 weeks ago

Southampton

"It's like Christmas comes round once a year "

Did it come early??

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Yes, I get a good few messages where women and couples message first. However of course it’s not as common.

Isn’t a turn on? It depends on the content of the message really. Some people just cannot have a conversation sadly, so it goes nowhere. More common than you think!"

No, I truly believe it's common.

I think some people just aren't particularly good conversationalists, certainly not online and it's bordering on painful trying to engage in one with them.

When I asked if it was a turn on it was more meant in a, well, let's say there are two women. Both you find attractive. Woman A messages first, Woman B waits for your message. Would a woman messaging first have any effect on how you viewed her? Positive or negative.

I think that's slightly clearer! Apologies.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *onny DangerousMan
31 weeks ago

Nowhere Town Aycliffe

I’m perfectly happy for woman to approach me first, not that it happens often, if at all.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *enrietteandSamCouple
31 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Back when we had single profiles I used to get a few.

Thirsty bitches.

Honestly… I found it perfectly reasonable.

I like straightforward women.

Wait, is that an oxymoron?

Am I a foxymoron?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ommander_StraxMan
31 weeks ago

Telford

"Yes, I get a good few messages where women and couples message first. However of course it’s not as common.

Isn’t a turn on? It depends on the content of the message really. Some people just cannot have a conversation sadly, so it goes nowhere. More common than you think!

No, I truly believe it's common.

I think some people just aren't particularly good conversationalists, certainly not online and it's bordering on painful trying to engage in one with them.

I think that's slightly clearer! Apologies."

Ahh I see… honestly, a lot of ladies here simply won’t message first… ever. It’s like an unwritten rule. A lot do, let’s make that clear though. But with how many absolutely mundane messages they get, it’s a minefield for them. I’ve had a lot of chats when out with single ladies and the horror stories are incredible.

But to hit back on that first bit again: for me, if we can’t hit it off in a conversation online, we won’t hit it off in the bedroom. I like to be stimulated mentally too, which means we both need to push the conversation forward. If it’s only me… I can tell.

But honestly, the way to my bed is laughing… nothing sexier than a girl who isn’t up herself but has a sense of humour. Beats sexy underwear any day for me!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?

Utter nonsense. I don't want to be harsh so I haven't said this is bollocks.

This false narrative of women being attracted to abs with no brains, that a man possessing/lacking those qualities doesn't care about a woman's orgasm. It's a tired belief that should have been laid to rest some time ago.

I don't think women do take men for granted. Nor do I think they want a chance to say all men are shit - let's be honest, I think they'd rather do without things that lead to that viewpoint.

I do think women can be lazy mares, too in their own head, too reliant on traditional patriarchal protocols when it comes to... let's call it the mating ritual.

I like when people are confident enough to message me first, I like messaging men first. I hope that men don't find it odd or some other negative feeling.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

The only time a lady has messaged first is after we've interacted ok the forum

Would love more women to make the first move, and it would be a massive turn on

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Back when we had single profiles I used to get a few.

Thirsty bitches.

Honestly… I found it perfectly reasonable.

I like straightforward women.

Wait, is that an oxymoron?

Am I a foxymoron?

You're definitely the latter half of that word.

Straightforward women are good aren't they? Thirsty though. It's those pesky shovel hands of yours. Hard life for you I'm sure.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

"Men sometimes say things to get things more easily

I'm not sure why you're disturbing my peace on a Monday night like this. I'm also not sure that I care for it. No more revelations please, thank you."

I’ll shuppp now and be good

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *BWLOVER1965Man
31 weeks ago

My Own Little World

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

Have had two meets on hear it was in public in coffee shop speak to number of women in hear in non sexual context

But will not send messages prefer the women to take the lead at least I know they interested in me personally than profile

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

Meli, I'd have sex with a tree if it made the first move...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
31 weeks ago

Southampton

"Meli, I'd have sex with a tree if it made the first move..."

Now , that's a fib !

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *cLovin2Man
31 weeks ago

Reading

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?

I would personally see it as very progressive, I think a lot of guys would welcome it. The shy ones, those unsure of how to proceed, even your average Jo may get an offer from a lady he missed.

Frankly in 2024 why does one need to have a penis in order to make the first move?

I'm sure lesbians don't wait for a penis approach.

No but lesbians are dire at approaching each other. Well and truly sh*te.

Actually do you know who is worst? Bisexual/pan women. I don't know why that is, why women aren't good at being more direct with each other but they're really not.

A delightful friend recently came back in to my life. Seeing her in Cheltenham soon. It took us far, far, too many years to actually say 'Hey I'd like to kiss you'.

Lesbians are dire at approaching one another? Really?

Do you have evidence to back up such a claim?

I always imagined that lesbians know how women think and what they want, so always envied their intuition into the female mind.

Meli you are disappointing me and ruining my wet lesbo fantasies at the same time

Now my lesbian fantasy will consist of two nerdy girls desiring each other but not able to articulate what they want. How is one supposed to knock one out to that?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *cflirtyMan
31 weeks ago

hants/ w sussex border

I have had a couple of ladies message me first, and 1 is now a good friend. I think ladies should make the first move if they see someone that interests them. Why not ! It is kinda sexy and refreshing too , as it is nearly always fellas that are more forthright... or in some cases a darn pain in the butt! ( that is a quote from said friend .. by the way)

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *illy IdolMan
31 weeks ago

Midlands

"I haven't sent a first contact message in more than 4 years so every conversation I've had since has been initiated by a woman sending an introductory message.

That's how I met my fab bestie even before I stopped sending messages.

She was proactive and got in touch.

I can't say I find it an appealing trait just in itself because an ability to send a first message doesn't make a woman more attractive.

Many of those conversations have been very short because some women are comfortable sending that initial message but aren't willing to make much effort beyond that and expect me to carry the load.

I've had hundreds of conversations on here that have never mentioned sex or even the suggestion of it so it's not all about attraction."

It must be nearly 5 years surely? It's been 4 years since I joined

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rispyDuckMan
31 weeks ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

Yes they do & I love it

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rill PhilMan
31 weeks ago

Crediton

I've never been messaged first by a woman who was interested in meeting me.

If I did, it would make my day!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *moothshaftMan
31 weeks ago

Coventry

I love a woman messaging me first.

Sadly, I'm now a pensioner, so it's extremely rare

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman JayMan
31 weeks ago

Wakefield

I got a message from a lady just yesterday. Very nice it was too.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *anny_stevensMan
31 weeks ago

holytown

In all the years ive been here on and off, no never had a first message

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *londebiguyMan
31 weeks ago

Southport

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

I've had a few message me.

I'm very relaxed and easy about it all.

I'd never message a woman first anyway.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *xfordjohnMan
31 weeks ago

Oxford

I'd wouldn't mind at all. It's always nice to be messaged and it would be a nice change for it to come from a woman, instead of a man who hasn't read my profile properly.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rMonkeyMan
31 weeks ago

Somewhere

Yes

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Actually posted this on another forum, but seeing as it's yourself...

I recently received a message from a very attractive 23 year old female, saying: 'Hey, how's you? Nice pic'.

Checked her profile, local, same interests, looked good...

And I accepted her friend invite. Natch!

Messaged her - respectfully of course - only twice over the next few weeks. No replies.

Saw that she'd become a Silver Fab site supporter, then she also uploaded a photo of herself in 'action'.

Then only last week, just really having a bit of a perv over my friends pics... She's gone. Just like that Hall & Oates song.

Aff Fab completely.

Caught briefly between two emotions - C'est la Vie...

And what the fuck...

Charge it to the game sadly.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Meli, I'd have sex with a tree if it made the first move..."

Why are you like this, Joe? I want to wrap you in cotton wool and protect you from the world.

So would you blush and send a reply saying 'er er er ermmm' if a woman was to message you first?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

"Meli, I'd have sex with a tree if it made the first move...

Why are you like this, Joe? I want to wrap you in cotton wool and protect you from the world.

So would you blush and send a reply saying 'er er er ermmm' if a woman was to message you first?

Of course not! But I would spend a while thinking over the best replies that wouldn't get me blocked instantly

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ertie basset all sortsMan
31 weeks ago

Portsmouth

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

I would just appreciate a response,,let alone message first ha ha x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eeds fun guyMan
31 weeks ago

yorkshire

Very interesting question I like very much to be asked but I am not submissive

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
31 weeks ago

Southampton

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?

I would just appreciate a response,,let alone message first ha ha x "

Must have forgotten I replied to you then lol

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *odgerMooreMan
31 weeks ago

Carlisle

What a relief it would be if women put themselves up for the rejection we face every day on here. To find 200 messages in my inbox with boob pics attched and FAF and a mobile no. Id ask for a face pic and they'd send it - then id block them with no reply

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ragonbaitCouple
31 weeks ago

Reading and Aberdare

I (the female half) have sent some first messages - didn't think anything of it. I have filters so they wouldn't be able to message me otherwise.

I actually need to carry on some conversations, so thanks for the reminder! Quite tempted to send some messages to blokes on this thread too

A x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ANDA!Man
31 weeks ago

DUMFRIES

I think I've received one, perhaps two messages. Usually I'm the one who messages first with very little in return.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *amierebelMan
31 weeks ago

nae danger.

"I think I've received one, perhaps two messages. Usually I'm the one who messages first with very little in return. "

I stopped messaging on here when it got to that point just block me rather than a one word reply

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ny1localMan
31 weeks ago

READING

Women message first? I didn't know that happens

seriously though, the only ones that contact me first now seem to want some sort of payment..that's not happening.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *uttymonkeyMan
31 weeks ago

devon

Would be nice.

Also if more women would say if they are interested/their type directly and respectfully rather than simply ghosting you after a reply would be nice.

Think I've only ever had one who I thanked for doing just that

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"Women message first? I didn't know that happens

seriously though, the only ones that contact me first now seem to want some sort of payment..that's not happening. "

Of course women do! Some of them anyway. I don't think it's that common.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oharleyMan
31 weeks ago

Hexham

"Do women ever message you first?

Would you find it attractive if a woman was to message you first?

If a woman was more proactive when it came to arranging a social/dalliance, would you find that appealing or do you prefer to be the one to "take the lead"?"

I would be flattered if a woman was to take the lead.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *educing_EmCouple
31 weeks ago

Tipperary

I sent a first first message to a man yesterday

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"I sent a first first message to a man yesterday

Yay! You go Em Coco.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
31 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"Yay! You go Em Coco. "

Two for you Em Coco.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iss.Bella.Woman
31 weeks ago

Wales

I'm starting to message men first more often. If they dont reply, they don't reply

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *evils PuddingCouple
31 weeks ago

the pub or in the nude in Paisley

Used to get loads when I had single man profile. Now it's just "straight" men that message

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *westUKguyMan
31 weeks ago

Southport

Never gonna happen , more chance of winning the Nigerian lottery

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *endydick.CumbersnatchMan
31 weeks ago

I've had a number of first messages from females. Normally because of my user name, then evolves into something to talk about.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *wist my nipplesCouple
31 weeks ago

North East Scotland, mostly

I'm very often the first messager. Plus I'll be proactive in arranging to meet if the chat goes well. I genuinely don't think anything of it - if I like someone, why would I faff around waiting for them to ask me? It's just wasted energy.

Am I the odd one out?

Mrs TMN x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *urovalMan
31 weeks ago

Grimsby

Not had a woman message me first yet but I would definitely appreciate it if they did! I honestly think that an open advance is quite attractive so if a woman makes the first move I'm definitely going to be interested at least.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

"I'm very often the first messager. Plus I'll be proactive in arranging to meet if the chat goes well. I genuinely don't think anything of it - if I like someone, why would I faff around waiting for them to ask me? It's just wasted energy.

Am I the odd one out?

Mrs TMN x"

NipNips.

I don't think you're an odd one out, no. I was musing. If I like someone I'm excited. Want to do something about it. But then I know some are more traditional, that perhaps having an enthusiastic Meli can be a bit much, maybe they'd prefer to take the lead.

And thus, the thread was born.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

This [redacted] lying your honor

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ick hardyMan
31 weeks ago

Launceston

Have been messaged first by a lady before very rare. But hey it lead to some erotic nights. If only it happened again though

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *wist my nipplesCouple
31 weeks ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Am I the odd one out?

Mrs TMN x

NipNips.

And thus, the thread was born.

Why are you not being you, though? Cos if I'm starting off an interaction by censoring myself, it's somewhat inauspicious. IMO traditional is often a polite way of saying "women, know your place" when it comes to relationships. If someone doesn't like the way I am, we're not a good fit. You don't need to dilute yourself. X

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eli OP Woman
31 weeks ago

Musing doesn't mean I'm altering my behaviour. It just means I'm pondering. Thinking out loud. Curious to see how others view things.

I'm too old to dilute myself to fit neatly in to a watered down depiction of myself to suit another's expectations. It doesn't mean I won't wonder how others view it. Have little moments where I think about how I am.

Anyway, this thread has been interesting! Thanks everyone.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately