FabSwingers.com forum: Are gender roles changing?

By *hagTonight OP Man
30 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

I was listening to an interesting report from sweden, where they talked about an article in a newspaper where it said that young women want to prioritise family and soft values and how they want traditional values and gender roles to come back.

They talked about a new term that is called "soft girl" have you heard about it? I havent, apparently it stands for a girl that doesnt want to work, although they do all the things at home, like make herself pretty, do the cooking and cleaning.

They also interviewed few people to ask what they thought about bringing back traditional roles, the majority said that it would be nice if we couldget back to the old traditions that we had with the gender roles and as well where both had the same opertunities.and rights.

What is your view about it and what do you think of the change in women, how is it in the uk, is the drive from the women there same as in sweden and also why now?

I think that it would be good and a welcoming idea, it could be that life now is too hectic than before

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onameyet2Man
30 weeks ago

chorley

I think those soft girls used to be called fuckin lazy when I were a lad ?

Just saying

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
30 weeks ago

Essex

“They” always seem to forget that women have always worked. Not all…

But cleaning doorsteps, taking washing in, maids, nurses, bar staff. Ok so we weren’t in board rooms etc until quite late on.

So the so called traditional roles are pretty much bullshit

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rHotNottsMan
30 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Never heard that phrase but I have a met a lot of women who want nothing but to look after home, children and partner.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that as long as the partner wants the sane , roles are entirely up to the two people in the relationship.

What can happen when young people make this decision is they regret it later in life when kids have grown up they can feel without purpose and not easily able to get into a career

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
30 weeks ago

BRIDPORT

I think it is good that women assert their choice to do whichever suits them personally, providing it doesn’t impact on them getting their hubbys dinner on the table when he gets in from a hard days work.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
30 weeks ago

East Sussex

There's so much I'd like to say about this but I don't have the time or inclination. However these are *women* not 'soft girls'. Staying at home raising children, maintaining a house etc IS work. Just because it's not paid work doesn't make it any less valuable...have you seen how much childcare costs, how much do people pay cleaners and cooks?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
30 weeks ago

East Sussex

Also even when we were young it needed two salaries to pay a mortgage or rent

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
30 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)

I’d like to know who has the kind of money to allow one person to stay at home?!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
30 weeks ago

Most ideas of traditional gender roles are a myth. Women have worked for most of history and even when it's domestic.

A brief period when the Fordist model meant one salary was enough to support a family was more of an aberration than a long held tradition.

Finally, in a world in which work barely pays for many people, who can blame people for wanting to find another way of living? It may be misguided and retrograde, but you can see why the current neoliberal socioeconomic model doesn't suit many.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ot to giggleWoman
30 weeks ago

Coventry

Staying at home is not a soft option! Cooking , cleaning, getting kids to every activity on the planet.

A lot of women work full time and still do all the 'home' jobs.

I suppose its what your parents did to how you parent .. the idea that stay at home parents spend more time with children isnt always the case. Its quality of time spent.

The days of the 'little' woman staying at home to care for her 'man' have long gone!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *offiaCoolWoman
30 weeks ago

Kidsgrove

"I’d like to know who has the kind of money to allow one person to stay at home?! "

There is still a lot of very wealthy people, I know many people who's wives have never had paid employment since marrying.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
30 weeks ago

East Sussex

My mum didn't work. There were a lot of us kids spread out over a number of years, my parents also fostered. I was only thinking the other day how difficult it must have been for her when we were small. The work involved with no time off, ever. I wouldn't have liked to see anyone call her a soft girl and get away with it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uri00620Woman
30 weeks ago

Croydon

As a single parent as well as going to work I'd love to stay at home if I could. Work is frantic so a much slower pace home life would be very welcome!

I can be referred to as 'soft' or anything to have that for sure!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *red333Man
30 weeks ago

Dorchester

Their used to be a saying ' A womans place is in the home' and sayings exist for a reason but life changes, women want to work, women want to be in charge, women want. So the saying is redundant instead its been replaced with ' quality time' and 'I'm the bread winner you stay at home'.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hagTonight OP Man
30 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

[Removed by poster at 10/04/24 10:15:39]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hagTonight OP Man
30 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"Never heard that phrase but I have a met a lot of women who want nothing but to look after home, children and partner.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that as long as the partner wants the sane , roles are entirely up to the two people in the relationship.

What can happen when young people make this decision is they regret it later in life when kids have grown up they can feel without purpose and not easily able to get into a career "
Yes, it is up to them, how they do it in the relationship too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rcoupleCouple
30 weeks ago

Mid Glam

I think that it would be good and a welcoming idea, it could be that life now is too hectic than before

PMSL

Yeah chikd wrangling/stay at home parenting is sooooo easy.

Mrs works and earnt rhe bucks

Mr does the child wrangling, cleaning taxying the kids about.

Weirdly it's a full time job and then some tbh.

If you dont have kids and a ton of money spare it would be nice, tho generally most people you know won't be free weekday day times to go day drinking and shopping/golf.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *wist my nipplesCouple
30 weeks ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Like most things in life, we look back with rose-tinted glasses to a simpler time when everything was better. It's bollocks.

The problem with women being purely homemakers (childcare, cooking, cleaning, laundry, managing the household) is it leaves them very vulnerable. Because unpaid work isn't valued in our society the same way as paid work is it's seen as an easy option. It isn't. Not having your own income means you can't apply for credit in your own name. Being out of the workforce means it's more difficult to find a job, and when you do it's more likely to be lower paid. Your pension is lower as you've not been in paid employment for as long. In short, you're beholden to your partner who is earning. Where does this leave you if you decide to split up further down the line?

So no, it's not a soft option, and it isn't something society should aspire to. Choice, yes. Pushing an outdated fantasy on women, no.

Mrs TMN x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
30 weeks ago

Can think of absolutely nothing worse than being a little wife at home with kids asking my hubby for pocket money being lumbered with the housework etc

I've always been financially independent, worked full time and have a great career, have kids, dogs and my own home and fabulous friends

.... and I have previously been married .... absolutely my choice to be happily single ....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
30 weeks ago

A woman's place is wherever she wants it to be .....

A man's place is to support her decision ....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *undee2Man
30 weeks ago

Dundee

"I’d like to know who has the kind of money to allow one person to stay at home?! "

When I had my kids, I went without and provided for them so mum could stay at home rather than palming the kids off to others to look after. You can't have it all.

I can't turn back time but, with the mention of rent and mortgage, anyone with the basic grasp of the effect of money supply, knows that dual income families helped to create the inflationary world we live in.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
30 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Like most things in life, we look back with rose-tinted glasses to a simpler time when everything was better. It's bollocks.

So no, it's not a soft option, and it isn't something society should aspire to. Choice, yes. Pushing an outdated fantasy on women, no.

Mrs TMN x"

Agreed.

We also live in a society that encourages and requires people to work and have their children in child care. If women worked, unpaid at home (or men for that matter) the workforce would be massively depleted. Take women out of the paid workforce and immediately healthcare and retail become unmanageable.

We place such low value in caring for children in our society that anyone prepared to do it for nothing is penalised but we complain like mad about having to pay someone else to do it

We really do have our priorities all wrong

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
30 weeks ago

your head

I was a stay at home mum for a short time period when my eldest was born. I loved my time with her but enjoyed being able to go back to work when I could, when I had my second I took less time out as I knew I didn't want to be a stay at home parent. We also couldn't comfortably afford for me to be. I've had friends go straight back to work, some who have taken a few years out and some that never went back. It's what works for your family and you, not other people. If some women want traditional gender roles, fantastic. I personally would rather stick pins in my eyes but each to their own.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
30 weeks ago

East Sussex

I stayed at home with our two in the day until they started school. I worked evenings for a while and maternity benefits weren't bad then. I don't regret my choices and didn't return to my previous career afterwards, in fact I was glad not to

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *allandathleticMan
30 weeks ago

Asgard

Aside from sexual orientation. When are we going to stop with the him/her/they/them and just accept we are all people.

The reason i say aside sexual orientation. Is I like women. I find them attractive, i want to have sex with them. No one else.

But that doesn't transfer over to any other part of my life. I don't care who's got the better job, as long as they are well suited to it. I don't care who votes, I don't care in everyday life because what's between your legs isn't that bigger a deal.

Black

White

Him

Her

They

Them

= people.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *allandathleticMan
30 weeks ago

Asgard

I missed my ending....

Therefore, if you (as people) choose one is better to take care of the children. Stay at home. Work your ass off. Who cares?

As long as it works in your version of the world and doesn't negatively impact anyone else.

Crack on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
30 weeks ago

Cumbria

There are always articles like this popping up, usually in right wing newspapers, desperate to bring back the old days when women knew their place.

I take them with an extremely large pinch of salt.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rHotNottsMan
30 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"I’d like to know who has the kind of money to allow one person to stay at home?! "

Lots are things are often lifestyle choices & not seen if you look at what some couples spend on alcohol, cigarettes , clothes, holidays , sky tv, gadgets for kids etc it’s often more than a full time minimum wage. Both my partners chose not to work while raising little kids and I fully supported them on that decision. We tried putting two little ones into full time childcare in 2003 and it was almost £1000 a month with no government help plus all the added pressure of traveling , getting in/out later each day and hiring a cleaner it was barely worth her working

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
30 weeks ago

East Sussex

"There are always articles like this popping up, usually in right wing newspapers, desperate to bring back the old days when women knew their place.

I take them with an extremely large pinch of salt."

Same, as soon as I saw the term 'soft girls' I knew

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
30 weeks ago

Cumbria

"There are always articles like this popping up, usually in right wing newspapers, desperate to bring back the old days when women knew their place.

I take them with an extremely large pinch of salt.

Same, as soon as I saw the term 'soft girls' I knew "

It’s all propaganda, they’re just trying to make it look as though what may very well be a fringe opinion is rather mainstream.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
30 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

There is no need to go to Sweden to have a full understanding of the long time used phrase 'soft girl' .....

Here in Liverpool one can oft here the locals bellowing .... You've shrunk me fucking jumper Soft Girl !

Followed by the loving reply of , Then do your own fucking laundry Soft lad!

Followed by a slamming door and , I'm gowin' out Soft Shite !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *sWyldWoman
30 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Staying at home full time and raising a family is anything but "soft" regardless of your gender it's bloody hard. Not to mention the implications later on in terms of finance or career.

Going to work and not being at home with children is also hard. Guilt, costs that mean you're practically working for nothing, exhaustion of trying to do it all.

Assumptions, harsh judgement, criticism, no matter what you do.

No one but you can decide what's right for you and your family or situation and it's sad that we live in a world where often that decision is actually taken from us.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ad NannaWoman
30 weeks ago

East London

Men need to earn way more money than they used to, to be able to have a wife you doesn't have to work to pay bills.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hagTonight OP Man
30 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"Staying at home is not a soft option! Cooking , cleaning, getting kids to every activity on the planet.

A lot of women work full time and still do all the 'home' jobs.

I suppose its what your parents did to how you parent .. the idea that stay at home parents spend more time with children isnt always the case. Its quality of time spent.

The days of the 'little' woman staying at home to care for her 'man' have long gone!

"
Hi gottogiggle, yes, you are right there, it is not easy, it is hard work too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
30 weeks ago

"There's so much I'd like to say about this but I don't have the time or inclination. However these are *women* not 'soft girls'. Staying at home raising children, maintaining a house etc IS work. Just because it's not paid work doesn't make it any less valuable...have you seen how much childcare costs, how much do people pay cleaners and cooks? "

So true…and damn hard work at that. It can be extremely isolating and demanding and like you said, there is no pay, no holidays, no sick breaks and it’s all those tasks (and so much more) combined. It’s a massive sacrifice to stay home and care for kids and one that is often overlooked in modern times.

I think is important that the work that stay at home parents do is valued and respected just as much as the ‘breadwinner’….i’m saying this from a position of being the breadwinner, but having seen my wife stay home with the kids while they grew up and the amazing effort she put in while putting her own career on pause. I know she felt at times that what she did was taken for granted or not seen as ‘work’.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hagTonight OP Man
30 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *odders88Man
30 weeks ago

Northampton

I saw a lady putting her green recycling bin out this morning so maybe they are!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread