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The issue I have is we are meeting for a social and I am worried I may get over excited and my hands will wonder where they are not supposed to! 
Please Aunt/Uncle, any advice would be very much appreciated  | |||
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"Good morning Awful Agony Aunt/Uncle, I wondered if you offer me some words of wisdom? I am meeting up with a lady friend in the near future, we have openly admitted to liking each other for quite some time and boy, she definitely makes my fanny flutter with glee
The issue I have is we are meeting for a social and I am worried I may get over excited and my hands will wonder where they are not supposed to!
Please Aunt/Uncle, any advice would be very much appreciated "Well My dear you have got yourself in a might tangle here havnt we. You have one of 2 options here: switch the social to an incredly unsexy setting such as a fish market, slaughter House... Newport even secondly just before you walk in rub a raw onion in your eyes and handcuff yourself to a Asda shopping trolly. You won't be able to see said lady and your hands won't wander either. Of course the third option is to ask her to put her phone in her pocket and set to vibrate and just keep calling her during the social. | |||
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"Dear Uncle Creative, Whilst attempting to fell a stubborn tree stump earlier, I inadvertently managed to lop off my own head with my brand new 91 cm blade McCulloch chainsaw. My question is: Is DeWalt a better make? " I think your looking at this the wrong way, the tree stump clearly is into you. I'd ask it to marry you at once! Also you can now be in 2 places at once so and even bigger win. This whole post might have just been a brag actually. | |||
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"Dear Uncle Creative, Whilst attempting to fell a stubborn tree stump earlier, I inadvertently managed to lop off my own head with my brand new 91 cm blade McCulloch chainsaw. My question is: Is DeWalt a better make? I think your looking at this the wrong way, the tree stump clearly is into you. I'd ask it to marry you at once! Also you can now be in 2 places at once so and even bigger win. This whole post might have just been a brag actually. "  Thank you Uncle; I knew I could count on your sage advice  Bertha (I’ve just named her) and I are now engaged  It’s just a matter of time before we have some little saplings on the way….  | |||
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"Dear AAA(U)M, When I urinate on the neighbour's cat, it makes a sound awfully like "biscuit dunker", but I know this particular breed hasn't yet mastered human speech. So my question is, do you think Marx and Engels underplayed the role of the Lumpenproletariat and overplayed the role of both the Bourgeoisie and Proletariat in their analysis of social transformation? Also - why is your own acronym the same sound as the fundamental vibration of your planet's star? Kisses, Starthing RoboKlunge xx" Thank you for your question my child. Firstly cats are actually quite clever, I saw a documentary on them once in the west end of London, they can sing and dance! Have you considered that the cat might actually be sing the zz top smash hit "give me all your loving"? I'd also maybe try and just piss on anything really and see what noise it makes, say its for science. To your second point, I feel that Marx made some great points but should maybe have trimmed the beard a little. I mean I'm sure there is a section on pornhub for him. Have you actually considered your fortune lays in a niche porn series of you dressed as Marx, another gentleman dressed as Engels and a women as a cat that stinks of piss fighting crime? Maybe like a Robin hood type thing? | |||
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"Dear AAA(U)M, When I urinate on the neighbour's cat, it makes a sound awfully like "biscuit dunker", but I know this particular breed hasn't yet mastered human speech. So my question is, do you think Marx and Engels underplayed the role of the Lumpenproletariat and overplayed the role of both the Bourgeoisie and Proletariat in their analysis of social transformation? Also - why is your own acronym the same sound as the fundamental vibration of your planet's star? Kisses, Starthing RoboKlunge xx Thank you for your question my child. Firstly cats are actually quite clever, I saw a documentary on them once in the west end of London, they can sing and dance! Have you considered that the cat might actually be sing the zz top smash hit "give me all your loving"? I'd also maybe try and just piss on anything really and see what noise it makes, say its for science. To your second point, I feel that Marx made some great points but should maybe have trimmed the beard a little. I mean I'm sure there is a section on pornhub for him. Have you actually considered your fortune lays in a niche porn series of you dressed as Marx, another gentleman dressed as Engels and a women as a cat that stinks of piss fighting crime? Maybe like a Robin hood type thing? " All Hail AAA(U)M! | |||
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"Good morning Awful Agony Aunt/Uncle, I wondered if you offer me some words of wisdom? I am meeting up with a lady friend in the near future, we have openly admitted to liking each other for quite some time and boy, she definitely makes my fanny flutter with glee
The issue I have is we are meeting for a social and I am worried I may get over excited and my hands will wonder where they are not supposed to!
Please Aunt/Uncle, any advice would be very much appreciated
Well My dear you have got yourself in a might tangle here havnt we.
You have one of 2 options here: switch the social to an incredly unsexy setting such as a fish market, slaughter House... Newport even
secondly just before you walk in rub a raw onion in your eyes and handcuff yourself to a Asda shopping trolly. You won't be able to see said lady and your hands won't wander either.
Of course the third option is to ask her to put her phone in her pocket and set to vibrate and just keep calling her during the social. "Why thank you for your help 
I will change the venue to a slaughter house
I make sure I take my set of handcuffs and I will buy some cable ties and gaffa tape on route just to be sure
I like the suggestion of constantly calling her. I will do this by using my burner phone  | |||
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"Dear AAAU Creative, What do you suggest when you're drawn to someone who doesn't treat you well? TIA, Sin xo" Why thank you for your question sin and might I say how lovely you look today. This is a tricky one and one I've had problems with myself. I wouldn't suggest staging a fake bio leak in their place of work it takes far to long to sort out and it's really not the weather for a Hazmat suit. So I'd go for Be shit at sex with them intentionally, make shit cups of tea for them, sign them up for many many tesco club cards. Then find someone much, much better. Maybe some who has a huge package, is rich, smart and then and this is important fuck on big pile of their clothes, take some pictures and then set them on fire, sit back and have a nice glass of white wine. | |||
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"One of my teeth hurts." But is the other one OK? (Yup...I'll pay for that ) xx | |||
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"One of my teeth hurts." Oh no, I feel your pain... well not physically anyway. I've found the 2 best things for tooth pain is booze and an orgasm. If you can make yourself "arrive" while the pint of John Smith settles even better. | |||
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