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Advice/general question

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By *asepaul71 OP   Man
38 weeks ago

Buxton

Question guys, girls, they, them etc I've always been there to listen to family and friend problems, I don't judge or comment just listen, if it seems they want or are seeking advice I will give it but always say it's only my opinion and not the answer. The only person with the answer is yourself. What I'm told, what is discussed is 100% between us. My question is why can I not find someone willing to give me the same safety and security when being open, I can tell a family member my inner most thoughts, open up and within hours it's openly discussed. I guess I'm asking for someone I can vent to, someone I can say how I'm feeling knowing that once I've said it it's not going to become common knowledge. Where/how do you find that trust guys? Sorry it's not a sexual question, I'd would really appreciate your open comments

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
38 weeks ago

East Sussex

I honestly don't know.

I'm lucky I have a partner who I know won't tell anybody else anything I tell him and vice versa.

Maybe try and identify one friend or family member who'll keep your confidence.

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By *lynJMan
38 weeks ago

Morden


"Question guys, girls, they, them etc I've always been there to listen to family and friend problems, I don't judge or comment just listen, if it seems they want or are seeking advice I will give it but always say it's only my opinion and not the answer. The only person with the answer is yourself. What I'm told, what is discussed is 100% between us. My question is why can I not find someone willing to give me the same safety and security when being open, I can tell a family member my inner most thoughts, open up and within hours it's openly discussed. I guess I'm asking for someone I can vent to, someone I can say how I'm feeling knowing that once I've said it it's not going to become common knowledge. Where/how do you find that trust guys? Sorry it's not a sexual question, I'd would really appreciate your open comments "

You could try someone who isn't allowed to talk about what you have told them such as a therapist or - depending on your views - a priest of some type.

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago

Boundaries. Find someone with enough respect to understand them, and enough empathy to actually put them into action.

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By *ellhungvweMan
38 weeks ago

Cheltenham

Get yourself a dog. They listen intently, don’t talk behind your back and usually help you find the right answer eventually.

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By *didasmanukMan
38 weeks ago

Staines


"Get yourself a dog. They listen intently, don’t talk behind your back and usually help you find the right answer eventually."

Can you imagine the looks a dog would give back

But seriously it sounds like you're there for you family but they are not so much there for you ?

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago


"Get yourself a dog. They listen intently, don’t talk behind your back and usually help you find the right answer eventually."

No. But also yes.

Op. I tell a very close mate some things. And I e no problems trusting him. (I assume he may have filtered and shared minor details with his wife)

Would I tell my family? Hell no. I tell mine to not tell ne stuff when they start ‘I shouldn’t tell you this, but!” .. a good friend is hard to find.

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By *TG3Man
38 weeks ago

Dorchester


"Question guys, girls, they, them etc I've always been there to listen to family and friend problems, I don't judge or comment just listen, if it seems they want or are seeking advice I will give it but always say it's only my opinion and not the answer. The only person with the answer is yourself. What I'm told, what is discussed is 100% between us. My question is why can I not find someone willing to give me the same safety and security when being open, I can tell a family member my inner most thoughts, open up and within hours it's openly discussed. I guess I'm asking for someone I can vent to, someone I can say how I'm feeling knowing that once I've said it it's not going to become common knowledge. Where/how do you find that trust guys? Sorry it's not a sexual question, I'd would really appreciate your open comments "
Its a relief its not a sexual question so don't apologise and trust between two people has to be earnt obviously you can tell a stranger and not care about it, so you could tell us

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago

I dont share much not the deeper stuff because people don't really give a shit.

I find them ultimately unreliable and only interested in what I can do for them. People rarely listen anyway only looking to respond. Active listening skills are a rare thing indeed.

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