FabSwingers.com forum: Barriers.

By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

Whenever I read or hear how someone has put up barriers to protect their feelings, I’m not sure I understand what they mean. Or, when someone lets their barriers down …. I know we talk figuratively here, but what are those barriers or walls etc?

So if anyone has any ideas?

I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

My barriers are concreted in, they ain't ever going up.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
34 weeks ago

Reading

I will slow contact if i think feelings may start developing and turn ny focus to others. That is usually successful.

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

"Whenever I read or hear how someone has put up barriers to protect their feelings, I’m not sure I understand what they mean. Or, when someone lets their barriers down …. I know we talk figuratively here, but what are those barriers or walls etc?

So if anyone has any ideas?

I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?

Just play it simple and no need sex is gratification right op

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

So if anyone has any ideas?

I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?

Just play it simple and no need sex is gratification right op"

Fuckkkk and go

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By *orny-DJMan
34 weeks ago

Leigh-on-Sea

The barriers all depend on the person and what they've been through and why they have put up these barriers.

I myself can completely understand this as I've done it myself.

Usually people do this after getting hurt particularly badly, or if they've suffered abuse of some form or another.

You really need to respect these barriers as usually they are non-negotiable

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
34 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

"My barriers are concreted in, they ain't ever going up.

Down ?

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

"My barriers are concreted in, they ain't ever going up.

Down ?"

I was picturing those barriers in a car park. They go up to open.

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By *ris GrayMan
34 weeks ago

Dorchester

I don't have barriers, I'm open for anything

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By *rHotNottsMan
34 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"My barriers are concreted in, they ain't ever going up.

Down ?

I was picturing those barriers in a car park. They go up to open. "

If confused just think of knickers. When it’s a good thing they both come down.

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

"My barriers are concreted in, they ain't ever going up.

Down ?

I was picturing those barriers in a car park. They go up to open.

If confused just think of knickers. When it’s a good thing they both come down.

My new mantra

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By *ora the explorerWoman
34 weeks ago

Paradise, Herts

I don’t have them. Feelings don’t scare me at all. If I have feelings I have them. If I don’t I don’t. Always baffled me why feelings are such a taboo thing on here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

"I don’t have them. Feelings don’t scare me at all. If I have feelings I have them. If I don’t I don’t. Always baffled me why feelings are such a taboo thing on here.

I’m not talking about them being taboo.

I’m just aware some talk about barriers. And I’m wondering what they are, and what they are protectiong and how they do it?

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By *ris GrayMan
34 weeks ago

Dorchester

"I don’t have them. Feelings don’t scare me at all. If I have feelings I have them. If I don’t I don’t. Always baffled me why feelings are such a taboo thing on here.

I’m not talking about them being taboo.

I’m just aware some talk about barriers. And I’m wondering what they are, and what they are protectiong and how they do it? "
They are protecting their feelings Woody so no kissing, condoms, limited time on meets, just straight down to it and leave when the deeds done

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By *rHotNottsMan
34 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

In my experience people are referring to trust , allowing the self to trust is lowering the barrier.

I don't have barriers like this , I trust easily but almost always choose to avoid deep feelings because when I’m not with her I don’t want to be consumed thinking about her , I need to crack on with life.

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

I only meet any meet once, never break that rule. Then you cant become attached

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By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

"I don’t have them. Feelings don’t scare me at all. If I have feelings I have them. If I don’t I don’t. Always baffled me why feelings are such a taboo thing on here.

I’m not talking about them being taboo.

I’m just aware some talk about barriers. And I’m wondering what they are, and what they are protectiong and how they do it? They are protecting their feelings Woody so no kissing, condoms, limited time on meets, just straight down to it and leave when the deeds done

no kissing?…..

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By *ora the explorerWoman
34 weeks ago

Paradise, Herts

"I don’t have them. Feelings don’t scare me at all. If I have feelings I have them. If I don’t I don’t. Always baffled me why feelings are such a taboo thing on here.

I’m not talking about them being taboo.

I’m just aware some talk about barriers. And I’m wondering what they are, and what they are protectiong and how they do it? "

Well they kind of are, no? If people are putting up barriers to protect feelings? Or have I misinterpreted?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
34 weeks ago

Leeds

I do have barriers and I find it hard to let people in then when I do if they hurt me my barriers go straight back up as in I'll not allow myself to trust someone easily, my feelings will be muted and somewhat guarded i guess it's an odd way of trying to prevent future hurt.

Mrs

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By *rcoupleCouple
34 weeks ago

Mid Glam

I’m not talking about them being taboo.

I’m just aware some talk about barriers. And I’m wondering what they are, and what they are protectiong and how they do it? "

Everyonea will be differen (strange that)

For some it's wheee theyvneet or not having people round their or certain acts or actions.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
34 weeks ago

"I only meet any meet once, never break that rule. Then you cant become attached"

They? So it more about done or else’s feelings rather than protecting yours?

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By *ris GrayMan
34 weeks ago

Dorchester

"I don’t have them. Feelings don’t scare me at all. If I have feelings I have them. If I don’t I don’t. Always baffled me why feelings are such a taboo thing on here.

I’m not talking about them being taboo.

no kissing?…..

"
oh yes no kissing if they kiss you they are gazumped

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By *eliWoman
34 weeks ago

For me it meant deliberately distancing myself from anything that could resemble feelings. Not being my authentic self. Deliberately keeping conversations fairly short with sexual partners, not entertaining anything more than friendship and even then it was a very weak definition of that term. I tried it for a bit. Did it so I could heal and not worry that another person could hurt me, cheat on me etc. Being vulnerable takes trust doesn't it? When that's broken by another, it's natural for people to retreat a bit I think.

And then a few months ago I realised I wasn't really living life. Not for me. So I started being myself again, unashamedly enjoying things, people. I refuse to allow past hurt to affect future happiness. I do understand why it happens, won't knock people who do place barriers up but that's not for me.

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By *emorefridaCouple
34 weeks ago

La la land

Barriers for me personally is living in fear permanently. Fear that if you let someone in they will hurt you etc. Did that for so long that it become normal. But if you shut out all possibilities of being hurt you also deprive yourself from joy and happiness.

Sometimes you have to be brave, learn from the carnage and put your best foot forward. Because living your life in fear is a life half lived.

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By *ansoffateMan
34 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

If you don't form emotional attachment you can't feel the loss.

Opinions vary... Personally, I call bullshit on that one.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
34 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

These days any barriers I have are people dependant, not situation dependant.

If I'd gone down the road of blocking anyone and everyone off last year I'd not be here now.

It was only down to letting some people in that got me through things.

But I can totally understand why some feel the need to put emotional or physical barriers in the way in their life. Sometimes it's the easiest way to cope.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
34 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"These days any barriers I have are people dependant, not situation dependant.

If I'd gone down the road of blocking anyone and everyone off last year I'd not be here now.

It was only down to letting some people in that got me through things.

But I can totally understand why some feel the need to put emotional or physical barriers in the way in their life. Sometimes it's the easiest way to cope. "

* 'here' as in on Fab. Not anything else.

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By *m-BatmanMan
34 weeks ago

Gotham

You just ignore that and go about smashing your way insensitively through whatever made up psychological and emotional scarring the person perceived they have created as a defence mechanism until you get what you want. And then you have won and it didn’t matter what they meant…

Or it could mean, approach cautiously, they’ve been hurt in some way in the past. Something like that.

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By *ymAndIcedCoffeeWoman
34 weeks ago

Worcester

So if anyone has any ideas?

I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?

I’m not interested in stopping myself from developing feelings for people. I have never considered that to be something undesirable.

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

I don't have barriers. I'm totally open to feelings. In fact I don't think I can have sex with someone without some sort of feelings being there. I'm not scared of feelings but realise it's not what most people are here for and that's ok

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By *ames250122Man
34 weeks ago

Worcester

So if anyone has any ideas?

I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?

To be fair I have no idea either. I’ve been told by people I put walls up, though that’s usually by people I know I can’t trust. Likes wise I know when people are being cagey when talking about something and that’s cool as it’s not for me to pry and let it be. Other than that I have no idea

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

"no kissing, condoms, limited time on meets, just straight down to it and leave when the deeds done

Sorry what now?!

No kissing? Time limits? Smash and dash? I don’t wanna feel like a cheap whore….there is having boundaries/barriers and then there’s not having respect for the person you’re sleeping with

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

"no kissing, condoms, limited time on meets, just straight down to it and leave when the deeds done

Sorry what now?!

No kissing? Time limits? Smash and dash? I don’t wanna feel like a cheap whore….there is having boundaries/barriers and then there’s not having respect for the person you’re sleeping with "

This. I don't do "feelings". But I also don't do casual fuck anyone sex.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
34 weeks ago

North West

"no kissing, condoms, limited time on meets, just straight down to it and leave when the deeds done

Sorry what now?!

No kissing? Time limits? Smash and dash? I don’t wanna feel like a cheap whore….there is having boundaries/barriers and then there’s not having respect for the person you’re sleeping with "

Unfortunately, some people are here to look for free "whores". That's the sad truth

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By (user no longer on site)
34 weeks ago

"no kissing, condoms, limited time on meets, just straight down to it and leave when the deeds done

Sorry what now?!

No kissing? Time limits? Smash and dash? I don’t wanna feel like a cheap whore….there is having boundaries/barriers and then there’s not having respect for the person you’re sleeping with

This. I don't do "feelings". But I also don't do casual fuck anyone sex.

I don’t do casual fuck anyone either…no connection no sex! I couldn’t be like that

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By *iss.Bella.Woman
34 weeks ago

Wales

I like feelings, feelings are good. I'm not here for meaningless one night stands (to each their own) I'm here to build friendships and possibly, hopefully more.

When you get to know someone, you're opening yourself up to care for them. Whether that's stops at being worried about a friend going through a tough time, or falling for someone we're only human.

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By *ellhungvweMan
34 weeks ago

Cheltenham

There are feelings and there are feelings. I feel friendship with the people I meet and that is definitely the case with the people I meet regularly. I would like to think they could rely on me if they needed to.

However I really don’t want a relationship and I know the people I am meeting don’t want a relationship either because I am pretty much always the addition to their marriage. That works for me and it works for them.

I think if feelings ever got more than friendship (on side) then that would be a strong signal to stop seeing each other.

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By *ames250122Man
34 weeks ago

Worcester

Oww wow damn! I misunderstood, didn’t realise it meant treating people as meaningless sex objects or dehumanising them. Definitely not my way and not judging anyone else but even if it was just one night, I’d have more feelings, respect and regards to their well being as a person. Doesn’t mean I’m in love or want to date but would hold them with the same regards and respect as a mate at least. Don’t do sociopaths who treat others as meaningless objects to do robotic intermit stuff with with out any feeling and just focusing on dopamine from the next orgasm. Damn that’s just seems alien to me tbf x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
33 weeks ago

So if anyone has any ideas?

I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?

I’m not interested in stopping myself from developing feelings for people. I have never considered that to be something undesirable."

Simone above mentioned people who have been hurt tend to do things a certain way to not get hurt again. So I get it even if it might not be how I do things.

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By *ymAndIcedCoffeeWoman
33 weeks ago

Worcester

So if anyone has any ideas?

I know how I stop myself from developing feelings, but how do you, if you think you could become vulnerable?

I’m not interested in stopping myself from developing feelings for people. I have never considered that to be something undesirable.

Simone above mentioned people who have been hurt tend to do things a certain way to not get hurt again. So I get it even if it might not be how I do things. "

I’ve been hurt plenty of times. I still enthusiastically and unboundedly have feelings. You don’t get the good stuff without making yourself vulnerable.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
33 weeks ago

East Sussex

I think the barriers aren't to stop you feeling they're to stop the other person knowing how you feel. To me barriers are refusal to communicate how you feel.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
33 weeks ago

"I think the barriers aren't to stop you feeling they're to stop the other person knowing how you feel. To me barriers are refusal to communicate how you feel. "

That an interesting thought.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
33 weeks ago

East Sussex

"I think the barriers aren't to stop you feeling they're to stop the other person knowing how you feel. To me barriers are refusal to communicate how you feel.

That an interesting thought. "

It stops people getting too close.

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