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I've had...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A shit day... Cheer me up with some jokes please

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

Two fish in a tank , one says to the other " how do you drive this thing?" .... sorry I'll see myself out ... this joke tanked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A shit day... Cheer me up with some jokes please "

What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

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By *r imp miss minxCouple
over a year ago

Colchester

Some geezers just messaged me and asked me if I want the winner of the grand National next month!? I said “No thanks mate, I’ve only got a small garden!”

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Oh boy these are good!! I'm smiling already

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

Why did the egg cross the road?

To get to the Shell Station.

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By *r imp miss minxCouple
over a year ago

Colchester

Last night my wife said: "Come upstairs with me & I'll put on that black lace number."

I said: "No thanks, I can't stand Agadoo."

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By *unchalMan
over a year ago

Dartford


"A shit day... Cheer me up with some jokes please "

Knock, knock…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus.

I think I’ll log off now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What has five fingers bit it's not your hand?

.......

My hand

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By *unchalMan
over a year ago

Dartford


"Last night my wife said: "Come upstairs with me & I'll put on that black lace number."

I said: "No thanks, I can't stand Agadoo.""

Damn. That made me giggle. But I am old enough to remember how good Billy Don’t Be A Hero was. Didn’t it win Opportunity Knocks? They were a real band once.

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By *r imp miss minxCouple
over a year ago

Colchester

Bruce Lee had a vegan brother.

Broco Lee!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Groan

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A shit day... Cheer me up with some jokes please

Knock, knock…"

Who's there!

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By *r imp miss minxCouple
over a year ago

Colchester

Just bought myself one of them George Formby grills.It has 3 settings....Medium, ,well done and Turned Out Nice Again.....

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

what do you call a man who cries when he maturbates,, A tearjerker

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By *r imp miss minxCouple
over a year ago

Colchester

One more and we’ll shut up.

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls' getaway trip, shopping, casinos, massages, and facials.

Two days before the group is to leave Mary's husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn't going.

Mary's friends are very upset that she can't go, but what can they do?

Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the bar drinking a glass of wine.

"Wow, how long have you been here, and how did you talk your husband into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night... Yesterday evening I was sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes and said ‘Guess who'?"

I pulled his hands off to find all he was wearing was his birthday suit. He took my hand and lead me to our bedroom. The room was scented with perfume, had two dozen candles and rose petals all over... On the bed, he had handcuffs and ropes! He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed, so I did. And then he said, "Now, you can do whatever you want.

So here I am."

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"A shit day... Cheer me up with some jokes please "

The weather here in the UK is a joke so it’s almost April. It’s bloody freezing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aww hugs jokes aren’t really my specialty but can can offer you some flattery

By telling you your awesome and so gorgeous and lovely

You make me smile from time to time to I thank you for that your truly wonderful x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sean Connery once came round to my house and very kindly helped me with some DIY.

I left him to it for a bit, but upon hearing an almighty crash, I rushed back into the room and saw lots of stuff had fallen on the floor.

-I heard sobbing..'what's wrong Sean?'..I asked.

He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "I'm ashamed of my shelf."

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

I'd tell you my favourite joke about pizza...

.

.

.

.

.

.

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But it's too cheesy!

J

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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I was felling generous today so I gave away all the used batteries from my toy collection.

Free of charge.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

The bottom of the River Ankh


"I'd tell you my favourite joke about pizza...

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.

.

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.

But it's too cheesy!

J"

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pastaway

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By *iss_Juicy79Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk

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By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over

Sorry to here, hope you feel better soon. Not been myself for a few days either. Here is a poor attempt of one:

A horse goes into a restaurant. The host says, "Hey!" The horse replies, "You read my mind."

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By *ie n MashCouple
over a year ago

Back in Malice

Why did the pervert cross the road?

He couldn’t get his knob out of the chicken.

I want to learn Hebrew. I’ll do that in due course.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No joke, but big hugs x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Some of these are brilliant

Thanks everyone for the hugs too xxx

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

In the classic counterfactual vein of speculating what would happen if a man were to post x...

I wonder if I had a shit day and asked for boobs to cheer me up, would it generate this many responses?

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By *ags73Man
over a year ago

glasgow-ish


"

Some of these are brilliant

Thanks everyone for the hugs too xxx"

Hope you feel better. My memory for dad jokes is poor. Some crackers above

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In the classic counterfactual vein of speculating what would happen if a man were to post x...

I wonder if I had a shit day and asked for boobs to cheer me up, would it generate this many responses?"

Well in fairness i only asked for jokes, not personal pictures of genitals thanks for your considered input

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish


"In the classic counterfactual vein of speculating what would happen if a man were to post x...

I wonder if I had a shit day and asked for boobs to cheer me up, would it generate this many responses?

Well in fairness i only asked for jokes, not personal pictures of genitals thanks for your considered input "

I do have an awesome new picture of my boobs if you'd like it though Midnight

J

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

.

Two tampons walking down the street

who says Hi first

Neither of them as they're both stuck up cunts

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"In the classic counterfactual vein of speculating what would happen if a man were to post x...

I wonder if I had a shit day and asked for boobs to cheer me up, would it generate this many responses?

Well in fairness i only asked for jokes, not personal pictures of genitals thanks for your considered input "

Actually, if not quite a joke, it was intended as a satirical comment on the tendency of threads to devolve into whataboutery along gender lines.

I must be coming down with a case of forum fatigue if I am trying to satirise posting trends

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In the classic counterfactual vein of speculating what would happen if a man were to post x...

I wonder if I had a shit day and asked for boobs to cheer me up, would it generate this many responses?

Well in fairness i only asked for jokes, not personal pictures of genitals thanks for your considered input

I do have an awesome new picture of my boobs if you'd like it though Midnight

J"

How could i possibly refuse

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"In the classic counterfactual vein of speculating what would happen if a man were to post x...

I wonder if I had a shit day and asked for boobs to cheer me up, would it generate this many responses?

Well in fairness i only asked for jokes, not personal pictures of genitals thanks for your considered input

Actually, if not quite a joke, it was intended as a satirical comment on the tendency of threads to devolve into whataboutery along gender lines.

I must be coming down with a case of forum fatigue if I am trying to satirise posting trends "

I'm out of sorts, so I'll apologise if i read it wrong x

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection

Judge says “first offender?” She says “no, first a Gibson then a Fender”.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Three girls at a wine bar arguing about how much dick they can take.

One says "I've taken three dicks at once, you can't beat that!"

The second responds "Well I've been double fisted, two fists are more than three dicks!"

Third one grins smugly, slowly inching down the bar stool.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Priest, a Pastor, and a Rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the Rabbit "What blood type are you?"

"I think I'm a Type-O", replied the Rabbit.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

The bottom of the River Ankh


"Three girls at a wine bar arguing about how much dick they can take.

One says "I've taken three dicks at once, you can't beat that!"

The second responds "Well I've been double fisted, two fists are more than three dicks!"

Third one grins smugly, slowly inching down the bar stool."

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

The bottom of the River Ankh


"A Priest, a Pastor, and a Rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the Rabbit "What blood type are you?"

"I think I'm a Type-O", replied the Rabbit."

Badum tish

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

Manchester(ish).


"Two fish in a tank , one says to the other " how do you drive this thing?" .... sorry I'll see myself out ... this joke tanked "

That's easily my fave joke.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/03/24 20:03:37]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also, hope you feel better soon Midders!

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

The bottom of the River Ankh


"Two fish in a tank , one says to the other " how do you drive this thing?" .... sorry I'll see myself out ... this joke tanked

That's easily my fave joke. "

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

Manchester(ish).

What's brown and sticky?

.

A stick.

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What's red and sticky.

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A bonfire.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

The bottom of the River Ankh


"What's brown and sticky?

.

A stick.

.

.

.

.

What's red and sticky.

.

.

A bonfire.

"

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

Man Utd FC

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

What’s better than eating a mandarin?

Eating Amanda out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Man Utd FC "

*Inhales deeply* BOY!

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

The bottom of the River Ankh


"Man Utd FC

*Inhales deeply* BOY!"

* shots fired lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Which country is full of people who can’t sing….

…. Singapore

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford


"Man Utd FC

*Inhales deeply* BOY!"

Joe you’re my boy but I couldn’t resist

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford


"Man Utd FC

*Inhales deeply* BOY!

* shots fired lol"

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By *r imp miss minxCouple
over a year ago

Colchester

Two cats raced across the English Channel.

One cat was named Onetwothree, and the other was named Undeuxtrois.

Onetwothree cat won because Undeuxtrois cat sank

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

WILTY always makes me laugh... This is particularly funny.

https://youtu.be/Q1dqNms-_XA?si=cPJwZzDhP4D-yMiD

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By *r imp miss minxCouple
over a year ago

Colchester

I met an older woman in the pub last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We had a couple of drinks and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.' We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'. We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'MOM...YOU STILL AWAKE?.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Bruce Lee had a vegan brother.

Broco Lee!"

Groan ... but made me laugh

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