FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Bad day at the office

Jump to newest
 

By *inger_the_Ninja OP   Man
34 weeks ago

Frome

I gave a presentation at work today, a presentation I was a little unprepared for as I was at the hospital this morning getting an x-ray because I broke my finger. Saying that, I had put in the legwork and I didn't think it was that bad.

Straight after the meeting, a director sent a message to the group chat, but intended for a colleague that read "...[Ginger's] presentation was dreadful". They quickly deleted it, but I had read it, so had the colleague it was meant for. I'm having a meeting with my line manager tomorrow but I feel hugely upset. I have always had a feeling this director doesn't appreciate my work, but now I'm certain. I haven't been able to concentrate all day, have actually cried about it and have been job searching. I do suffer from imposter syndrome, this certainly isn't helping. I can't face this director and I have a quite intense 4 day trip next week with work where we will have to interact pretty intensely at times.

I just wanted to rant and get it off my chest. I'm fuming.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uperS77Man
34 weeks ago

Gloucester


"I gave a presentation at work today, a presentation I was a little unprepared for as I was at the hospital this morning getting an x-ray because I broke my finger. Saying that, I had put in the legwork and I didn't think it was that bad.

Straight after the meeting, a director sent a message to the group chat, but intended for a colleague that read "...[Ginger's] presentation was dreadful". They quickly deleted it, but I had read it, so had the colleague it was meant for. I'm having a meeting with my line manager tomorrow but I feel hugely upset. I have always had a feeling this director doesn't appreciate my work, but now I'm certain. I haven't been able to concentrate all day, have actually cried about it and have been job searching. I do suffer from imposter syndrome, this certainly isn't helping. I can't face this director and I have a quite intense 4 day trip next week with work where we will have to interact pretty intensely at times.

I just wanted to rant and get it off my chest. I'm fuming. "

In your line of work are you in a union to get some advice and or support around this as this person has acted completely unprofessionally and has caused unnecessary stress and anxiety and emotion.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
34 weeks ago

East Sussex

Hugely unprofessional of the director. If they had a problem with your presentation their first port if call should have been you or your line manager...*confidentially*

I'd be upset too. Hospital all morning and presentation while stressed and in pain.

I think if you can face it you need to clear this up before next week.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emorefridaCouple
34 weeks ago

La la land

If you don't want to speak to that director directly, is there another one you can speak to about it. Totally unprofessional and should be held accountable for their actions.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *elix SightedMan
34 weeks ago

Cloud 8

I’m very sorry to hear about that op. I know we all sometimes faux pas with messages but to send one slating you like that is not professional.

If you feel you’re being bullied, I would raise a grievance. That said, I always encourage people to try to resolve issues informally first. I appreciate many people really don’t welcome confrontation but how do you feel about speaking to this director? You could ask outright what his/her problem is with you.

You should definitely raise it at your 121 and ensure it is recorded somewhere to protect you.

Do you like your job, the company and colleagues? If so, you shouldn’t allow yourself to be bullied out because of one person. I know that easier said than done but if you’re otherwise happy you should stay.

I hope you feel better for venting. I know that helps me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
34 weeks ago

A den in the Glen

That's not good. I feel for you. Personally I would seek to speak to the director and iron the issue out. Find out what was bad about it, so you can address it. Then I would let them know that I wasn't best pleased to find out how I did without any form of f2f debrief.

We are all different and that may not sit comfortably with others. You have done nothing wrong (even if the presentation wasn't up to someone else's standard - perhaps they should've given you a steer).

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inger_the_Ninja OP   Man
34 weeks ago

Frome

Thanks. I think the fact he used the term 'dreadful' to a colleague was the thing that upset me. Firstly, that's very strong terminology and secondly, I'd expect him to act in a professional way, even through messaging. I certainly would use appropriate language and not send someone a message like this less than a minute after the meeting.

If he'd handled it by sending a thoughtful email to me, or my line manager with useful reflections, we'd all be fine now.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *estarossa.Woman
34 weeks ago

Flagrante

I am not unsympathetic, but to play devils' advocate, was the presentation your best work?

If not, maybe start with an appology, and an explanation, but be honest about the message you saw, and open a discussion?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
34 weeks ago

East Sussex


"Thanks. I think the fact he used the term 'dreadful' to a colleague was the thing that upset me. Firstly, that's very strong terminology and secondly, I'd expect him to act in a professional way, even through messaging. I certainly would use appropriate language and not send someone a message like this less than a minute after the meeting.

If he'd handled it by sending a thoughtful email to me, or my line manager with useful reflections, we'd all be fine now. "

Exactly!

He's probably feeling quite anxious right now. Might be the best time to approach him calmly even if it's just to let him know you saw the message if you can face it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otyouraverageguyMan
34 weeks ago

W Midlands & N Wales

Straight to HR, and say that you're thinking of raising a grievance. That is deeply unprofessional by a member of senior management

If it's upset you to that extent, I would also advise taking time off sick

That sounds a toxic environment, my advice would be to look for a way out and this might give you that option with a nice big settlement cheque too

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otyouraverageguyMan
34 weeks ago

W Midlands & N Wales

[Removed by poster at 25/03/24 15:25:33]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *imisugarWoman
34 weeks ago

Rugby

Your director has acted in a very unprofessional manner.

It's not constructive criticism either, whilst they may not have been aware of the circumstances for your unprepared presentation, communicating like that about you to someone else isn't on.

No one is going to improve with "feedback" like that not directed purposefully. As it's been deleted now I doubt HR would even do much, they aren't their for employees rights, just to protect the company.

It's a reflection of their behaviour and not you. I hope this doesn't affect you for much longer. I appreciate how difficult it can be being on the receiving end of something like that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otyouraverageguyMan
34 weeks ago

W Midlands & N Wales

The fact the message was deleted really proves the point as well

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *issmorganWoman
34 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Sorry to hear this op, big hug.

Please keep a log of all that happens now, including what you saw about yourself.

Do you have anyone you trust that you could speak to about it all?.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inger_the_Ninja OP   Man
34 weeks ago

Frome

The next thing is talking to my line manager tomorrow, she's new in role so it should be a nice clean slate. I'm going to chat to her and take the rest of the day off - I have a bit of lieu time. It's come at a very busy time at work. We're a small team too, I know everyone else would have seem the message, and seen it's be deleted. I'm working from home today but am petrified of coming to the office.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inger_the_Ninja OP   Man
34 weeks ago

Frome


"I am not unsympathetic, but to play devils' advocate, was the presentation your best work?

If not, maybe start with an appology, and an explanation, but be honest about the message you saw, and open a discussion?"

It wasn't my best work - but I'm not sure it should have even been my work, it would have made more sense coming from the person that wrote the policy on it. I don't normally give presentations either, it's out of my comfort zone.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *had_ThunderCockMan
34 weeks ago

a place somewhat adjacent to you…

So sadly; this is my wheel house, and I have a lot to say, but not the inclination to type out the series of conversations that need to be had starting with yourself. Lean into it. Overall it leaves a rather unpleasant taste when these things are poorly handled.

But, I offer you my time face:face on a call to help you lead your way through this. This is an excellent moment to take ownership and lean into this learning; massive reputational gains.

I’ve not even offered face to face with some of the folks here who I like!! Again, only an invite. It’s up to you.

DM ME, if you wish. It’s a solid genuine offer. just one organisational leader to another.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inger_the_Ninja OP   Man
34 weeks ago

Frome


"So sadly; this is my wheel house, and I have a lot to say, but not the inclination to type out the series of conversations that need to be had starting with yourself. Lean into it. Overall it leaves a rather unpleasant taste when these things are poorly handled.

But, I offer you my time face:face on a call to help you lead your way through this. This is an excellent moment to take ownership and lean into this learning; massive reputational gains.

I’ve not even offered face to face with some of the folks here who I like!! Again, only an invite. It’s up to you.

DM ME, if you wish. It’s a solid genuine offer. just one organisational leader to another.

"

Hi, thanks for your kind offer, it's honestly amazing. I am trying to resolve this is a calm, amicable way and having just had a chat with my line manager I feel that we are going to get there - I do actually quite like the director and there isn't a culture of bullying or unprofessionalism. We're a small charity, we're all still learning here. The conversation I have had with myself is about if I want to stay, if I'm in the right role. And the answer, even before this was , no, not exactly. I'm hoping to restrain next year, so that's what I'm holding out for.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inger_the_Ninja OP   Man
34 weeks ago

Frome

*retrain

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *heGateKeeperMan
34 weeks ago

Stratford

I think you’ve handled this amicably to date OP.

The only thing I’d ask is what would you like as an ideal outcome? Whilst I understand why people are suggesting HR and raising a grievance, it doesn’t sound to me like an avenue you’re wishing to pursue (even though it seems like there might be some previous)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inger_the_Ninja OP   Man
34 weeks ago

Frome

No previous, not really, just a touch of imposter syndrome and an inkling that he's not my biggest fan, nothing concrete.

Also, our HR is an outside agency who I don't have a great deal of confidence in.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inger_the_Ninja OP   Man
34 weeks ago

Frome

Thanks everyone for your advice and support. I spoke to my line manager, the director feels awful, he's very apologetic.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *obilebottomMan
34 weeks ago

All over


"Thanks everyone for your advice and support. I spoke to my line manager, the director feels awful, he's very apologetic.

"

Happy ending

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
34 weeks ago

East Sussex


"Thanks everyone for your advice and support. I spoke to my line manager, the director feels awful, he's very apologetic.

"

How's this being dealt with going forward? Have you been given any pointers as to why he felt the way he did so you can either refute or improve?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *ris GrayMan
34 weeks ago

Dorchester


"I gave a presentation at work today, a presentation I was a little unprepared for as I was at the hospital this morning getting an x-ray because I broke my finger. Saying that, I had put in the legwork and I didn't think it was that bad.

Straight after the meeting, a director sent a message to the group chat, but intended for a colleague that read "...[Ginger's] presentation was dreadful". They quickly deleted it, but I had read it, so had the colleague it was meant for. I'm having a meeting with my line manager tomorrow but I feel hugely upset. I have always had a feeling this director doesn't appreciate my work, but now I'm certain. I haven't been able to concentrate all day, have actually cried about it and have been job searching. I do suffer from imposter syndrome, this certainly isn't helping. I can't face this director and I have a quite intense 4 day trip next week with work where we will have to interact pretty intensely at times.

I just wanted to rant and get it off my chest. I'm fuming. "
Sounds very pretentious I'd certainly leave but your insecurities will go with you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top