FabSwingers.com forum: Fab 5-a-side

By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

Right, I'm organising a Fab 5-a-side match. YOLO and I are the captains and need to recruit the best players.

Let us know why we should choose you and what skills you would bring to the table

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By *imi_RougeWoman
37 weeks ago

Portsmouth

I'll be physio... With the magic sponge.

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By *egDaySkipperMan
37 weeks ago

Liverpool

I don't like footy so I'm staying on the side with all the hot cheerleaders

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By *ou only live onceMan
37 weeks ago

London

Whoop!

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
37 weeks ago

Southampton

I'll be on hand with the orange slices lol

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
37 weeks ago

Basingstoke

I have great ball control

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By *r and Mrs CACACouple
37 weeks ago

congleton

I have 3 legs so got that extra bit of speed

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

I bring the skills, and a lot of Roy Keane type of motivation.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

No skills but I’ll be loitering in the changing rooms.

Give me a second to come up with an official job title….

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
37 weeks ago

A den in the Glen

"Right, I'm organising a Fab 5-a-side match. YOLO and I are the captains and need to recruit the best players.

Let us know why we should choose you and what skills you would bring to the table

Because in my day I was scouted by Dundee...despite the rugby balls on show. I still have a turn of pace, good in the air and don't roll around when tackled.

Plus I'm good at the 3rd half. Wait that rugby.

Happy to cut oranges up.

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By *ackformore100Man
37 weeks ago

Tin town

"I bring the skills, and a lot of Roy Keane type of motivation.

It's your job

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By *ou only live onceMan
37 weeks ago

London

"No skills but I’ll be loitering in the changing rooms.

Give me a second to come up with an official job title…. "

No need. You're hired!

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By *uietControlMan
37 weeks ago

Bath

Great at the back, hard in the tackle! Fantastic shot too.

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By *aizyWoman
37 weeks ago

west midlands

I am really good with balls!

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

Because I’m strong enough to penetrate a good defence

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"I'll be physio... With the magic sponge. "

Dibs on my team!

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By *iaisonseekerMan
37 weeks ago

Liverpool

My ideal role is what the Italians call the fantasista or trequartista: an impish, inventive presence that decorates the pitch with guile and whimsical touches.

Ideal for 5-a-side then

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"I don't like footy so I'm staying on the side with all the hot cheerleaders

There are no cheerleaders in football! Security!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"I'll be on hand with the orange slices lol"

Great idea! We'll need plenty of nourishment after a hard game

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By *illy IdolMan
37 weeks ago

Midlands

I can go in goal if you like. I'm good with my hands

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"I have great ball control

Hmmm... You might need a trial before we can pick you

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
37 weeks ago

Southampton

"I'll be on hand with the orange slices lol

Great idea! We'll need plenty of nourishment after a hard game

Exactly

and they're hydrating too lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"I have 3 legs so got that extra bit of speed "

But can you finish with the third?

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
37 weeks ago

Essex

I’m goalie. Because I’m a proper catch (er)

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

Can do 500 sit ups droping from 25kg in sets off 100 only stoping to drop off 5kg at a time so 100 at 25kg drop 5kg off 100 at 20kg drop 5kg off 100 at 15kg and so forth

Can do 6 sets off 8 rep pull ups with 20kg hang from my waist

Can do 4 sets off 8 press ups with a 10kg wight plate on my back

Can row 85-95kg

Can standing dumbbell press 50kg for 8 reps 4 sets

Can single hand row 45kg for 4 sets 8 reps

Yes I am a monster

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
37 weeks ago

Southampton

"I have 3 legs so got that extra bit of speed

But can you finish with the third?

My the sauciness in this one is strong tonight

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

I can guarantee you will have md the night with a clean sheet.

Oh. Wait.

Something about balls.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"I bring the skills, and a lot of Roy Keane type of motivation.

Yes! We need some leadership in the middle of the pitch

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By *r and Mrs CACACouple
37 weeks ago

congleton

"I have 3 legs so got that extra bit of speed

But can you finish with the third?

Have been known to slot it in at any angle hah

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By *illybeachboyMan
37 weeks ago

Guernsey

Im not a football lover but would be happy to assist in the showers...

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By *ellhungvweMan
37 weeks ago

Cheltenham

I have a few seats. That means I can be club chairman.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
37 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

I’m good at getting round the back of the defence and slipping one through the tight space…

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"No skills but I’ll be loitering in the changing rooms.

Give me a second to come up with an official job title…. "

This is serious stuff! You can't be waiting in the changing rooms for the sweaty men in shorts to come in

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By *illy IdolMan
37 weeks ago

Midlands

"I’m goalie. Because I’m a proper catch (er)

I know it's 5 a side but their could be a risk of a lob on

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
37 weeks ago

Southampton

"I’m goalie. Because I’m a proper catch (er)

I know it's 5 a side but their could be a risk of a lob on"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"Right, I'm organising a Fab 5-a-side match. YOLO and I are the captains and need to recruit the best players.

Let us know why we should choose you and what skills you would bring to the table

Because in my day I was scouted by Dundee...despite the rugby balls on show. I still have a turn of pace, good in the air and don't roll around when tackled.

Plus I'm good at the 3rd half. Wait that rugby.

Happy to cut oranges up."

A noble role, but football is a bit like rugby if you wanted to give it a go and try really hard

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By *elix SightedMan
37 weeks ago

Cloud 8

I’ll be the irritating fuckwit in the stands going:

Who’s he?

And who’s that?

Why’s he doing that?

What just happened?

Who’s the bloke in the middle? In black?

Why’s he allowed to pick it up?

Why’s it called football if you’re allowed to use your head?

Why’s it so long?

What do you mean that’s just half time?

Why did he just fall over?

Why are they throwing stuff on the pitch?

Oh, he’s got a mouth on him hasn’t he!

Why do they keep spitting?

Those chips are shit aren’t they.

What happens if no one scores?

How much longer?

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

I dribble on occasion…

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

Because I have the goalkeeping excellence of Andre Onana, the defending masterclasses of Harry Maguire, the midfield magic of Ali Dia and the finishing of Timo Werner when he was at Chelsea. Truly, having me in this will be a sight to behold.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

"No skills but I’ll be loitering in the changing rooms.

Give me a second to come up with an official job title….

This is serious stuff! You can't be waiting in the changing rooms for the sweaty men in shorts to come in

You’re right. Absolutely disgusti….what time do I start?

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

I’ll be in charge of oily rub downs

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By *r and Mrs CACACouple
37 weeks ago

congleton

"I’ll be in charge of oily rub downs "

Oh I could do with one of those x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"I am really good with balls!"

Hmmm... We need proof

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

"No skills but I’ll be loitering in the changing rooms.

Give me a second to come up with an official job title….

No need. You're hired!"

Yes! You’ll barely even notice that I’m there

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By *damxxMan
37 weeks ago

London

I’ll put myself forward as a striker, good at hitting the spot

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

Can i be a striker

I shoot everywhere

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By *illy IdolMan
37 weeks ago

Midlands

"I am really good with balls!

Hmmm... We need proof

I'm local, I could scout her out and report back?

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By *aizyWoman
37 weeks ago

west midlands

"I am really good with balls!

Hmmm... We need proof

More than happy to give you both a demonstration!

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By *ryingitout19Man
37 weeks ago

Wales

I’m limbering up if needed

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By *aizyWoman
37 weeks ago

west midlands

"I am really good with balls!

Hmmm... We need proof

I'm local, I could scout her out and report back?

Am I being scouted?!

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By *angerouslemaisonsMan
37 weeks ago

Peterborough

"I don't like footy so I'm staying on the side with all the hot cheerleaders

There are no cheerleaders in football! Security!"

Tell that to Crystal Palace!

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By *r and Mrs CACACouple
37 weeks ago

congleton

"I am really good with balls!

Hmmm... We need proof

More than happy to give you both a demonstration!

Is this invitation only or can anyone come by

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By *angerouslemaisonsMan
37 weeks ago

Peterborough

Should get one of the lovely fab ladies at CB criteria is…

Not afraid of big tackle

Great head when needed

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
37 weeks ago

Basingstoke

"I’ll put myself forward as a striker, good at hitting the spot

Isn't that what all men claim?

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By *illy IdolMan
37 weeks ago

Midlands

"Should get one of the lovely fab ladies at CB criteria is…

Not afraid of big tackle

Great head when needed

And love a block

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
37 weeks ago

North West

I'll put my fat tyres on so I can wheel on the grass. What position requires a robust chariot made from aluminium? And I know the offside rule

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
37 weeks ago

North West

"I'll put my fat tyres on so I can wheel on the grass. What position requires a robust chariot made from aluminium? And I know the offside rule

*Which is useless at 5-a-side, I realise

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

I know I’m a baller but I’ll just watch this one

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"Because I’m strong enough to penetrate a good defence

But can you keep getting in behind for an hour?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"My ideal role is what the Italians call the fantasista or trequartista: an impish, inventive presence that decorates the pitch with guile and whimsical touches.

Ideal for 5-a-side then

You sound like you know what you're doing. Straight in!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"I can go in goal if you like. I'm good with my hands "

But how good are you with your feet? We need modern and open minded goalies!

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

"I'll put my fat tyres on so I can wheel on the grass. What position requires a robust chariot made from aluminium? And I know the offside rule

*Which is useless at 5-a-side, I realise

"
knowing the offside rule means you can't be allowed on VAR.

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By *illy IdolMan
37 weeks ago

Midlands

"I can go in goal if you like. I'm good with my hands

But how good are you with your feet? We need modern and open minded goalies!"

I'm REARly good!

I'm under 40, so that makes me modern here and I'm straight. You won't have me getting confused which side I'm playing for

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By *ealitybitesMan
37 weeks ago

Belfast

Definitely a goalie.

Should be obvious that nothing gets passed me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"I’m goalie. Because I’m a proper catch (er)

You seem like you have a safe pair of hands

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"Can do 500 sit ups droping from 25kg in sets off 100 only stoping to drop off 5kg at a time so 100 at 25kg drop 5kg off 100 at 20kg drop 5kg off 100 at 15kg and so forth

Can do 6 sets off 8 rep pull ups with 20kg hang from my waist

Can do 4 sets off 8 press ups with a 10kg wight plate on my back

Can row 85-95kg

Can standing dumbbell press 50kg for 8 reps 4 sets

Can single hand row 45kg for 4 sets 8 reps

Yes I am a monster

Can you carry a dumbbell running around the pitch though?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"I can guarantee you will have md the night with a clean sheet.

Oh. Wait.

Something about balls. "

A clean sheet isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes it's just about having a bit of fun

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By *ensualbicockMan
37 weeks ago

liverpool wavertree picton clock

"I'll be physio... With the magic sponge. "

Can see meself getting an injury

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
37 weeks ago

Manchester-ish

I know the whole John Barnes rap off by heart.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

"I know the whole John Barnes rap off by heart.

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By *ascaIMan
37 weeks ago

Cheshire Liverpool Manchester

I watch Everton get beat every week so I know what not to do. If I don’t make the starting lineup I can just boo you all from the sidelines. I’ve had enough practice.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

I could be the ref. There would be no offside rule with me though...

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By *ou only live onceMan
37 weeks ago

London

"I know the whole John Barnes rap off by heart.

You've got hold or give...

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

So what are our fixtures?

Can we have north v south?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
37 weeks ago

North West

"So what are our fixtures?

Can we have north v south?

Not shirts vs skins?

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By *BWLOVER1965Man
37 weeks ago

My Own Little World

Defender

Nothing getting past me

Guaranteed

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By *irtydevil666Man
37 weeks ago

bristol

I can put a good sliding tackle in....

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By *educing_EmCouple
37 weeks ago

Tipperary

I'll be the person that brings the bottles of water because sport is not my forte

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By *obilebottomMan
37 weeks ago

All over

I will do the meals and snacks for you.

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