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Fantasy vs Reality

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By *sWyld OP   Woman
37 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Following on from Pickles 'Better in Person "thread.

My answer was no. Mostly because on here, behind a screen, filtered and staged pictures, we can all become a different version of ourselves.

It's one of the reasons I keep returning to Fab. I like to be that part of me, that in every day life I'm not.

So I'm always worried when I meet people that the reality of me might be too different or a bit of a let down.

That doesn't mean I'm deceiving anyone, it is just different, more ordinary I guess.

So my question is, do you feel the fantasy of you is different to the reality of you?

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By *alandNitaCouple
37 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

I think that other peoples views of our personallity are vastly different to our own perception of how we are... and that our personallity changes according to the interactions we are having with those around us.

Personally, I am no good at pretending to be anything other than I am, so I'll let others decide that they make of me and not worry about it.

Cal

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

Following on from Pickles 'Better in Person’ thread. - makes me feel like such a big deal

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
37 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

I think I'm pretty much the same.

It's sometimes a bit easier online to communicate for me as I don't get that panic set in, and knowing I can read what I'm saying and edit before sending is much less terrifying than letting the word vomit fall out unedited in person, especially if I'm really interested in someone.

But I've been working hard on not letting the panic freeze me up completely when I'm into someone.

And I'm just as brazen a hussy in person I think

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

It probably is but I think that's more of what the other person is projecting rather than what I am. I'm pretty much the same online as in person so expectations should be realistic. The sexual connection can sometimes be better in fantasy than reality though if you just don't connect in person, which is no ones fault it just happens sometimes.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
37 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

Here I am 100% me as are YOU , yet you don't realise it.

In 'reality' or face to face or social setting we present a configuration of ourselves our social mask if you like.

Here, part of you comes out that you may not use in social settings with people you are not yet on intimate terms with BUT it is none the less 100% YOU.

e.g. someone cannot feign using intellectual ideas / language / humour/ being physically attractive ( AI excepted ) if it is not already part of them.

So at times being here may be a certain configuration or a partial you but it is none the less YOU .

In simple terms we see sides... and it's no different here than it is in reality.

The problem arises only if in 'talks' you make promises that are not likely to arise in reality.

I'm not into FAKE shouts all the time. That makes me feel the shouter is a pretty myopic being.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

The reality of me is better. Because my humour mostly comes across more in person and I’m also more interested in people in person. I admit that I can be a prick online or cold because my time in an online space is not the same and is not as valuable to me. So I’m less serious. Idk if that even makes sense. But the reality is better anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

Also, in person, I talk about race like 70% of the time as opposed to 100% of the time online.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
37 weeks ago

Leeds

Yes I do.

I feel people make preconceived ideas of you based on your photos etc, my photos are kind of an alter ego, I like them mainly because I don't associate them being me.

In reality I'm quite shy, I'm not walking around in my lingere and wanting sex 24/7.

I do worry in real life I'm just a big disappointment because of their built up image of me.

I try to include it in our bio that I'm shy and wobble! But still people see pretty pics and make their own judgements.

But yeah good photos don't make a confident person behind them.

Disappointing I know.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

Yes. I think especially if you’ve spent a while getting to know someone before meeting, you build up an image of them and how they’ll be in your head.

I never want to disappoint anyone.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
37 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross


"Here I am 100% me as are YOU , yet you don't realise it.

In 'reality' or face to face or social setting we present a configuration of ourselves our social mask if you like.

Here, part of you comes out that you may not use in social settings with people you are not yet on intimate terms with BUT it is none the less 100% YOU.

e.g. someone cannot feign using intellectual ideas / language / humour/ being physically attractive ( AI excepted ) if it is not already part of them.

So at times being here may be a certain configuration or a partial you but it is none the less YOU .

In simple terms we see sides... and it's no different here than it is in reality.

The problem arises only if in 'talks' you make promises that are not likely to arise in reality.

I'm not into FAKE shouts all the time. That makes me feel the shouter is a pretty myopic being.

"

I agree Granny

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

37 weeks ago

East Sussex

I do occasionally. It's obvious from some of the messages we get that what's in their head bears very little resemblance to me. .

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By *ellinever70Woman
37 weeks ago

Ayrshire

When I first joined fab on a previous profile, I had pictures of me in lingerie, stockings etc.

I guess to attract men's attention.

But I quickly realised it painted a fantasy picture of me and got pissed off when it created an expectation of me from the men I met...in reality I don't enjoy dressing that way

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

The way I see it is always be true to yourself.

Yes of course the persona you have here will be 100% positive and the best version of you.

However, in reality we have so much more going on in our minds and that’s perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of.

If they don’t like you at face value then they’re clearly not matched correctly and aslong as you’ve been yourself you can walk away with your head held high.

That is all

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
37 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

I mostly agree with what Granny said.

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By *ornycougaWoman
37 weeks ago

NORWAY Wherever I lay my hat

I try and portray the real me. Yes, I choose what I think is the most flattering pic but don't use filters and only post very recent media as I'd hate anyone to be disappointed at first impressions.

Personality wise, I can be a slow burn but I don't think I give an inaccurate representation of the sarcastic, arsey cow that I actually am!

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


"Here I am 100% me as are YOU , yet you don't realise it.

In 'reality' or face to face or social setting we present a configuration of ourselves our social mask if you like.

Here, part of you comes out that you may not use in social settings with people you are not yet on intimate terms with BUT it is none the less 100% YOU.

e.g. someone cannot feign using intellectual ideas / language / humour/ being physically attractive ( AI excepted ) if it is not already part of them.

So at times being here may be a certain configuration or a partial you but it is none the less YOU .

In simple terms we see sides... and it's no different here than it is in reality.

The problem arises only if in 'talks' you make promises that are not likely to arise in reality.

I'm not into FAKE shouts all the time. That makes me feel the shouter is a pretty myopic being.

"

Unless the person in question presents with a mental health disorder.

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By *ealitybitesMan
37 weeks ago

Belfast

I'm not sure if there is an actual fantasy version of me but that would obviously be for others to say.

My fab persona is as close as it's possible to get to reality (pun intended).

I'm not confrontational by nature so I'm probably a little quicker off the mark on here when challenging others than I would normally be but the everyday me still doesn't stand idly by.

The fab version of me is just as approachable and relatable as the real version and that is proven by the fact I haven't sent a single first contact message in more than 4 years and yet I've still managed to have lots of conversations in that time with women who like what they see and what they read.

The general consensus when they get in touch is that they like the fact I don't shower people with false praise or follow the herd.

Anyone who has ever met me through fab can confirm that I am no different in person.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
37 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 10/03/24 09:47:19]

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
37 weeks ago

BRIDPORT


"I mostly agree with what Granny said."

I think she was just rambling again, you can tell when she hasn’t taken her medication.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
37 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross


"I mostly agree with what Granny said.

I think she was just rambling again, you can tell when she hasn’t taken her medication. "

Was she. Poor dear. I think she's missing her walk.

I still agree with her way of thinking tho .....

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

And also due to mitosis we are a completely different person than say 10 years ago.

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By *ife NinjaMan
37 weeks ago

Dunfermline

Well, there's work me (suit, tie, making decisions), there's dad me (caring, protective, loving), there's going out me (karaoke, dancing, flirting) then there's fab me (more flirting, stripping off, kissing, sexy things).

They're all facets of the same me. I'm always going to disappoint someone, but hopefully I'll please more. Those are the people I want to be around

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
37 weeks ago

ashford

No what u see here is what u get! For better or worse! No filters No holding back on my opinions ! Just me x

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By *aseylee324Couple
37 weeks ago

Valley of Squinting Windows

Of course the fantasy is different to the reality, but I don't worry about that, if people have built me up to be something I'm not, that's their problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

I know for sure that i cannot possibly live up to the fantasy that some people have already built in their minds and in honesty that puts me off ever meeting them as i feel they would be disappointed, even though its their projection not mine

I reality I'm quite shy, but probably come across as friendlier and more approachable than in my forum responses and profile

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


"[Removed by poster at 10/03/24 09:47:19]"

I saw that

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

I don't think it is. When I'm meeting someone, I prefer to manage expectations early on so try not to talk a big game as you'll inevitably let them down. So I like to think the fantasy and reality is pretty close

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By *ealitybitesMan
37 weeks ago

Belfast


"I'm not sure if there is an actual fantasy version of me but that would obviously be for others to say.

My fab persona is as close as it's possible to get to reality (pun intended).

I'm not confrontational by nature so I'm probably a little quicker off the mark on here when challenging others than I would normally be but the everyday me still doesn't stand idly by.

The fab version of me is just as approachable and relatable as the real version and that is proven by the fact I haven't sent a single first contact message in more than 4 years and yet I've still managed to have lots of conversations in that time with women who like what they see and what they read.

The general consensus when they get in touch is that they like the fact I don't shower people with false praise or follow the herd.

Anyone who has ever met me through fab can confirm that I am no different in person. "

As often happens I post and then think of something to add.

I don't do other forms of social media so this is the only platform where I engage with others.

I may have nude pics on here but I don't believe I'm giving anyone a false impression because I'm not a very sexual person generally.

I don't talk about sex and I don't have fantasies and that is all reflected in my bio and forum engagement.

The nude pics are simply an expression of me as an almost 60 year old man who isn't trying to create a fantasy image but rather showing a little pride in how I believe I look for my age.

Obviously I can't do that anywhere else so this is just an outlet for that expression and not done for shallow validation.

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
37 weeks ago

Essex


"I know for sure that i cannot possibly live up to the fantasy that some people have already built in their minds and in honesty that puts me off ever meeting them as i feel they would be disappointed, even though its their projection not mine

I reality I'm quite shy, but probably come across as friendlier and more approachable than in my forum responses and profile"

You’re such a warm & inviting person in reality. I felt instantly comfortable. And obviously you’re gorgeous, but we all knew that xx

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By *ou only live onceMan
37 weeks ago

London

Yes. 100%. (Not that I think others have a particular 'fantasy' version of me, but I'm almost sure I wouldn't meet it if they did).

I've just seen Joe's response, and I agree. I very much like to manage expectations!

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
37 weeks ago

Essex

I used to be concerned that I was a catfish. I don’t use filters, but as HC said - pick the most flattering pictures. I’ve been assured I’m the same in the flesh so that’s all good.

I’m 100% honest here, but perhaps in person I’m a little more ebullient. Definitely more awkward.

It just depends what situation you have me in. And how we get along.

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By *ife NinjaMan
37 weeks ago

Dunfermline


"I used to be concerned that I was a catfish. I don’t use filters, but as HC said - pick the most flattering pictures. I’ve been assured I’m the same in the flesh so that’s all good.

I’m 100% honest here, but perhaps in person I’m a little more ebullient. Definitely more awkward.

It just depends what situation you have me in. And how we get along. "

You're wickedly funny and you have cute eyes and buns

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
37 weeks ago

Manchester-ish

Our pictures show 'sexy me' but I don't think my forum posts do. Sexy me is still going to burst out laughing at a fanny fart or when my tummy rumbles at an inappropriate moment though. So as long as you make that part of your fantasy we're all good.

J

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


"I know for sure that i cannot possibly live up to the fantasy that some people have already built in their minds and in honesty that puts me off ever meeting them as i feel they would be disappointed, even though its their projection not mine

I reality I'm quite shy, but probably come across as friendlier and more approachable than in my forum responses and profile

You’re such a warm & inviting person in reality. I felt instantly comfortable. And obviously you’re gorgeous, but we all knew that xx"

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


"……

So my question is, do you feel the fantasy of you is different to the reality of you? "

Absolutely.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
37 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross


"[Removed by poster at 10/03/24 09:47:19]

I saw that "

I can't even remember what it said Don't remind me either x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
37 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross


"[Removed by poster at 10/03/24 09:47:19]

I saw that

I can't even remember what it said Don't remind me either x"

I remember now !!!

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By *viatrixWoman
37 weeks ago

Redhill

I am an open book. Here or in “real” life. I just cannot be another version of who I am. It goes against everything I believe in….

I show who I am and what I am like in both arenas and hope the people I meet are the same.

I lost someone’s friendship, a man I met here on Fab and adored- we shared so much about our lives (“real lives” if you see it that way) over 5 years and he told me a few weeks ago that I was only part of an alternative world…. What the fuck. That hurt me like very few things have. Needless to say, he is out of my life.

I show myself the way I am and expect the people I surround myself with to be the same. I am much more wary now.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

I like to think that I'm being the same person, even down to the occasional rambling lol. So far, I've never met anybody who has said to me that my actual persona is different from my online one.

Perception is down to the individual and how they see the world and those within it, so it isn't inherently their fault per se. People see things differently, that's all.

Fantasy does indeed play a part, though. But I don't see that as too much of a negative. Dream a little, just not too much. It's more about keeping your expectations of others in check, rather than fantasy versus reality.

If you let your imagination run wild, then it does have the potential to become a problem. We've all done it at some point, it can't be helped. Learning from that, as with any situation, is key for survival.

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By *elix SightedMan
37 weeks ago

Cloud 8


"Following on from Pickles 'Better in Person "thread.

My answer was no. Mostly because on here, behind a screen, filtered and staged pictures, we can all become a different version of ourselves.

It's one of the reasons I keep returning to Fab. I like to be that part of me, that in every day life I'm not.

So I'm always worried when I meet people that the reality of me might be too different or a bit of a let down.

That doesn't mean I'm deceiving anyone, it is just different, more ordinary I guess.

So my question is, do you feel the fantasy of you is different to the reality of you? "

I genuinely can’t imagine anyone having a fantasy version of me! I’m just the bloke off the internet. As I alluded in my ‘Pickles post’, I worry people may think I’m as erudite in person when I clearly won’t be.

As for meeting others, I’m terrible for allowing my brain to film in the blanks using idealised parameters. If their pictures are teasers in which I can’t see their face, my brain will build the remainder of that picture for me. And I’m always wrong. Same with personality.

But that’s on me and isn’t a fantasy of you, it’s based on a mental projection.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


"

As for meeting others, I’m terrible for allowing my brain to film in the blanks using idealised parameters. If their pictures are teasers in which I can’t see their face, my brain will build the remainder of that picture for me. And I’m always wrong. Same with personality.

But that’s on me and isn’t a fantasy of you, it’s based on a mental projection."

Why let yourself do that though? I can't imagine a scenario where you would ever correctly picture someone based on their body!? So you will continually be disappointed on meeting them?!

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By *imply DeeWoman
37 weeks ago

Wherever

Yes. And I talk about it extensively if I chat to someone with intention of potential meeting. I do feel like people will easily make up a “persona” purely based on the pictures and their fantasies (it happened in the past).

This is the reason I will take my time to get to know the person and let them get to know me too. I always meet for a social, sometimes more than one and let them see me for who I am.

I think I have also covered it pretty much in my profile text.

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
37 weeks ago

Stockport

I hope that I'm a little better in person than the somewhat depressed pessimistic realist that I show myself as here. I do try to be painfully honest about my shortcomings on here, in my profile and in my forum writings, as I don't see any point in pretending to be something I'm not.

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By *elix SightedMan
37 weeks ago

Cloud 8


"

As for meeting others, I’m terrible for allowing my brain to film in the blanks using idealised parameters. If their pictures are teasers in which I can’t see their face, my brain will build the remainder of that picture for me. And I’m always wrong. Same with personality.

But that’s on me and isn’t a fantasy of you, it’s based on a mental projection.

Why let yourself do that though? I can't imagine a scenario where you would ever correctly picture someone based on their body!? So you will continually be disappointed on meeting them?! "

You are absolutely right, it’s daft and I’ll never be right. I don’t know why I do it - it’s not a conscious thought process. That being said I can’t consciously make myself not do it. Importantly, it is rare for me to be disappointed. Someone’s face may look different from how I pictured it, but there’s every chance I’ll still be attracted. Not least because personality goes a long way for me

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

Midnight. You’d better be as I expect. If you turn out to be a 50yr old guy, I’m never speaking to you again.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


"Midnight. You’d better be as I expect. If you turn out to be a 50yr old guy, I’m never speaking to you again. "

Err well as you thought i was in my 30s i can't see how its going to go well lol !!

Ok lets set expectations... I'm short, dumpy, with greasy hair and lots of body hair... Oh and I'm OLD Woody.. OLD!!

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
37 weeks ago

Manchester-ish


"Midnight. You’d better be as I expect. If you turn out to be a 50yr old guy, I’m never speaking to you again.

Err well as you thought i was in my 30s i can't see how its going to go well lol !!

Ok lets set expectations... I'm short, dumpy, with greasy hair and lots of body hair... Oh and I'm OLD Woody.. OLD!! "

You forgot to mention the monobrow!

J

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


"Midnight. You’d better be as I expect. If you turn out to be a 50yr old guy, I’m never speaking to you again.

Err well as you thought i was in my 30s i can't see how its going to go well lol !!

Ok lets set expectations... I'm short, dumpy, with greasy hair and lots of body hair... Oh and I'm OLD Woody.. OLD!! "

Did I say 30s? Haha. That sounds like me.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
37 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

Basically I think you’re all right. All of you. Well, most of you.

I think it was Gibson who said that one of the things our kids will find most adorable about us is that we still tend to separate the digital from the real. Like Granny says, this part of you that you trot out on Fab *is* real. Just as real as the side of yourself you show at work. Or with your friends. Or wherever.

But we all put our best foot forward. Try to be who we want to be, take photos in the best light, all that sort of thing. What is it the kids call it? Curating our personal brand? That’s what we’re doing when we make a post or share a photo, whether we admit it or not.

And we all have some degree of impostor syndrome. We all get nerves before meeting someone for the first time. And yet, lots of us still end up in bed together. So we can’t be all that bad really.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


"Midnight. You’d better be as I expect. If you turn out to be a 50yr old guy, I’m never speaking to you again.

Err well as you thought i was in my 30s i can't see how its going to go well lol !!

Ok lets set expectations... I'm short, dumpy, with greasy hair and lots of body hair... Oh and I'm OLD Woody.. OLD!!

You forgot to mention the monobrow!

J"

Shit Julie, i thought we were friends

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
37 weeks ago

Manchester-ish


"Midnight. You’d better be as I expect. If you turn out to be a 50yr old guy, I’m never speaking to you again.

Err well as you thought i was in my 30s i can't see how its going to go well lol !!

Ok lets set expectations... I'm short, dumpy, with greasy hair and lots of body hair... Oh and I'm OLD Woody.. OLD!!

You forgot to mention the monobrow!

J

Shit Julie, i thought we were friends "

I still would, even with the monobrow.

J

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


"Midnight. You’d better be as I expect. If you turn out to be a 50yr old guy, I’m never speaking to you again.

Err well as you thought i was in my 30s i can't see how its going to go well lol !!

Ok lets set expectations... I'm short, dumpy, with greasy hair and lots of body hair... Oh and I'm OLD Woody.. OLD!!

You forgot to mention the monobrow!

J

Shit Julie, i thought we were friends

I still would, even with the monobrow.

J"

you'll get used to the tickle

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
37 weeks ago

Glasgow / London


" you'll get used to the tickle "

You can tickle my bits anytime, Midders.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


" you'll get used to the tickle

You can tickle my bits anytime, Midders. "

Offtt that gave me a tingle

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By *irthandgirthMan
37 weeks ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster


"Following on from Pickles 'Better in Person "thread.

My answer was no. Mostly because on here, behind a screen, filtered and staged pictures, we can all become a different version of ourselves.

It's one of the reasons I keep returning to Fab. I like to be that part of me, that in every day life I'm not.

So I'm always worried when I meet people that the reality of me might be too different or a bit of a let down.

That doesn't mean I'm deceiving anyone, it is just different, more ordinary I guess.

So my question is, do you feel the fantasy of you is different to the reality of you? "

I think when you only meet someone for short periods of time it can be easy to mix up someone's life with the small part of it you experience. Very few of us don't have a large portion of mundanity in our lives. I suppose it takes a level of maturity to recognise and deal with that.

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By *ake_or_deathMan
37 weeks ago

Manchester


"Midnight. You’d better be as I expect. If you turn out to be a 50yr old guy, I’m never speaking to you again.

Err well as you thought i was in my 30s i can't see how its going to go well lol !!

Ok lets set expectations... I'm short, dumpy, with greasy hair and lots of body hair... Oh and I'm OLD Woody.. OLD!! "

Oh, so you're hotter than I thought

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
37 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

I think performance is a good analogy for this perception vs reality thing.

Sometimes we’re comparing our own backstage persona (our inner voice, worries, and self-image) with other people’s on-stage image (their best photos, carefully-written profile, or positive veris).

If you remember everyone else is performing a bit, same as you are, it can make things easier.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


"Midnight. You’d better be as I expect. If you turn out to be a 50yr old guy, I’m never speaking to you again.

Err well as you thought i was in my 30s i can't see how its going to go well lol !!

Ok lets set expectations... I'm short, dumpy, with greasy hair and lots of body hair... Oh and I'm OLD Woody.. OLD!!

Oh, so you're hotter than I thought "

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By *eyond PurityCouple
37 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

What you’ve got to remember is that most of us are at a stage where we feel we looked better last (month/year/years ago) so we will view ourselves differently.

However people you chat to on here only see you now - they haven’t seen you any other way.

So seeing yourself through others eyes is sometimes a more real version of yourself.

Do I have more wrinkles than before? Yes

Do I have more body confidence and sexiness than before? Yes

So sometimes fantasy vs reality isn’t that much difference

K

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