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Finding the right level of kink?

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By *laytime_13 OP   Woman
37 weeks ago

Lincs

Kinda as title really.

I enjoy restraints, edging, toys, very light sub/dom interactions, Al-fresco etc.

But I seem to either only come across profiles where it seems like the person is after more vanilla hook ups (nothing wrong with that at all, and I wouldn’t even say I’m that kinky myself) or what I would say is proper BDSM (which frankly scares me ???? )

I’m definitley open to exploring more of the kink/swinging side (it’s why I’m here) but how do you gauge finding a person on a similar level/what kind of comparability level would you go for?

The blind leading the blind feels like a bad idea but would someone more experienced be interested in showing the ropes as it were?

Not interested in someone whose watched 50 shades of grey and thinks that’s what it’s all about but someone who understands the rules, the after care and is happy to show a relative newbie but not sure if that’s too optimistic?

Not sure any of my Sunday morning ramblings make any sense but curious to hear thoughts

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By *alandNitaCouple
37 weeks ago

Scunthorpe


"Kinda as title really.

I enjoy restraints, edging, toys, very light sub/dom interactions, Al-fresco etc.

But I seem to either only come across profiles where it seems like the person is after more vanilla hook ups (nothing wrong with that at all, and I wouldn’t even say I’m that kinky myself) or what I would say is proper BDSM (which frankly scares me ???? )

I’m definitley open to exploring more of the kink/swinging side (it’s why I’m here) but how do you gauge finding a person on a similar level/what kind of comparability level would you go for?

The blind leading the blind feels like a bad idea but would someone more experienced be interested in showing the ropes as it were?

Not interested in someone whose watched 50 shades of grey and thinks that’s what it’s all about but someone who understands the rules, the after care and is happy to show a relative newbie but not sure if that’s too optimistic?

Not sure any of my Sunday morning ramblings make any sense but curious to hear thoughts"

I would guess that it's easier to corrupt someone who considers themselves "vanilla" than it is to "dial back" a dungeon master.

Cal

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
37 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Um.

Just find the people you connect with that are interested in exploring that with you.

If you're both new to something, go to peer events and workshops, or at least do your reading on how to do things safely and correctly.

But someone's kink level tends to vary between dynamics. At least it does for me. How far I go with Lycan is not something I would even consider with other partners. And if he'd approached initially with where we are now as a goal I'd have told him to fuck off.

The people that are right for you won't necessarily advertise any degree of kink

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By *ymAndIcedCoffeeWoman
37 weeks ago

Worcester

I think it’s more important to click with personality.

Like I’ve been doing kink a long time. I like to play very hard.

But also, I can easily (and happily) “dial it back” for the right match of personality.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


"Um.

….

The people that are right for you won't necessarily advertise any degree of kink "

The reason I don’t say much. People expect, and I’m more of the type of person to explore and see what works between two people.

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By *oodmessMan
37 weeks ago

yumsville

Edging, toys, outdoor, restraints aren't anything out of the ordinary OP. You might be spoilt for choice or a little put off by the volume of people or not taking up those who might be half decent as they haven't ticked a box.

Unless someone is completely wooden, foreplay usually involves some toying, some teasing - if this is communicated edging is only a slight extension into PE and relatively easy. Things like restraints and outdoor stuff, it really depends how comfortable you are, and how comfortable your with them as they're a bit like anal.. not typically done on a first meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

For me, this is why it is so important to talk at length and in depth before any play.

Establish what you like, what you hope to do and what your soft /hard boundaries are

I quickly learnt to provide boundaries after naively saying i didn't have any to an established Dom and in jest he said, great, so I'll add a trimmer to my kit and we'll shave your hair off

A good play partner will not rush you into a situation, they should be happy to go at your speed and should be interested/asking WHY you want to do x, y, z

Watch out for dim-doms.. There are lots about!

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

Happy to chat further if you want OP - just message me

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By *laytime_13 OP   Woman
37 weeks ago

Lincs

Thanks all.

Yep, don’t class my kinks as kinks tbh, I’d say I’m pretty vanilla.

Apologies if it seems like an obvious post, autistic and not always good at social cues etc!

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


"Kinda as title really.

I enjoy restraints, edging, toys, very light sub/dom interactions, Al-fresco etc.

But I seem to either only come across profiles where it seems like the person is after more vanilla hook ups (nothing wrong with that at all, and I wouldn’t even say I’m that kinky myself) or what I would say is proper BDSM (which frankly scares me ???? )

I’m definitley open to exploring more of the kink/swinging side (it’s why I’m here) but how do you gauge finding a person on a similar level/what kind of comparability level would you go for?

The blind leading the blind feels like a bad idea but would someone more experienced be interested in showing the ropes as it were?

Not interested in someone whose watched 50 shades of grey and thinks that’s what it’s all about but someone who understands the rules, the after care and is happy to show a relative newbie but not sure if that’s too optimistic?

Not sure any of my Sunday morning ramblings make any sense but curious to hear thoughts"

It's a journey. I have a proper Dom profile elsewhere, because here you don't really get people who are into BDSM. There are some, but most of them are fakes.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago


"

Watch out for dim-doms.. There are lots about! "

A pound a dozen

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By *oodmessMan
37 weeks ago

yumsville


"Thanks all.

Yep, don’t class my kinks as kinks tbh, I’d say I’m pretty vanilla.

Apologies if it seems like an obvious post, autistic and not always good at social cues etc!"

Little need to apologise, my replies aren't even read before posting so if they make sense at all it's complete pot luck

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By *laytime_13 OP   Woman
37 weeks ago

Lincs


"I think it’s more important to click with personality.

Like I’ve been doing kink a long time. I like to play very hard.

But also, I can easily (and happily) “dial it back” for the right match of personality."

Thanks, think you sussed out the question I was trying to ask but not phrasing myself very well at

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