FabSwingers.com forum: How long to get over an ex?

By (user no longer on site) OP
39 weeks ago

How long do you think it takes to get over an ex? Especially when it's a situation that has caused the breakup rather than the person.

What do you do to move on from that when you're still in love and hoping things were different?

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By *sWyldWoman
39 weeks ago

Edinburgh

I'm probably the worst person to answer this really.

My romantic little heart wants to believe that love can conquer all situations eventually and if you both choose each other it can and will happen eventually.

However if that's not the case then the best way forward is to love yourself. Do all the things you enjoy, treat yourself, be kind to yourself, have solo adventures and spend time with people who make you happy. In time, that void gets smaller as life around it gets bigger and fuller.

For some that might take weeks or months, for others it might take years. All you can do is one day at a time.

Good luck xx

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By *olfandtazCouple
39 weeks ago

Bristol

It depends on how much you invested in the relationship, how deeply you loved them, for me it took years to get over my ex.

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

It used to take me months. Then I stopped getting so heavily involved.

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By *ea monkeyMan
39 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I'm probably the worst person to answer this really.

My romantic little heart wants to believe that love can conquer all situations eventually and if you both choose each other it can and will happen eventually.

For some that might take weeks or months, for others it might take years. All you can do is one day at a time.

Good luck xx"

This is beautiful and perfect.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
39 weeks ago

East Sussex

As long as it takes is the only answer I can give.

Is the situation completely without remedy?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
39 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

For some that might take weeks or months, for others it might take years. All you can do is one day at a time.

Good luck xx"

Speaking from experience.......this 1000000000%

It's hard initially but you'll get there.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

I let you know when I figure that one out myself 14 years and counting

Hence why I am single I am single by choice

I don’t feel it’s fair to someone when my hart isn’t in it to get in to a relationship

I do try ever couple off years to go on normal dates ever couple off years but end up the same harts just not there

hence that’s not to say a FWB is off the table and maybe with time my hart hits them

But it’s unfair to someone not looking for that kind off thing to lead them on just so I am not single

So I am single by choice

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

Still not completely over mine yet, 2-3 years later. Hence looking for casual, rather than a relationship these days.

We broke up due to a variety of issues, neither of which was either of us personally. Mostly distance, money and immigration laws. Our circumstances we not ideal amazing as we were. It put too much stress on both of us, trying to make it happen.

We explored all avenues, even staying illegally. Didn't want to go that route, because it had so much potential fallout for everyone.

So at some point, we had to call it a day. Worst day of my entire life and I've had some devastating days in my time.

We even tried to be more casual, then friends, but it just doesn't work. We're all or nothing.

Obviously still love her and I know she loves me, even if we end up with other people. Either way, I just want her to be happy. Sucks that I can't be the one who does that, though.

In a way, I don't know if I would ever be "over her" like that. I'll always hold on to that little bit of hope that I win enough on the lottery, so we can be together. It's the main reason I even bother with it, to be honest.

It would take a miracle and my life has always been absolutely devoid of those lol.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
39 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

A lot depends on the person.

There are those that WONT let go and there are those that DONT want to let go and there are those that LET GO as if they never cared in the first place.

I guess the ideal would be where there's a 'respectable' grieving period but to be fair I believe that what is respectable depends on the individual.

You will know when you feel that you are moving forward.

There is no need to run into another relationship as it is seldom a cure.

Give yourself 'space' and by that I mean a little time for you to think and do something you enjoy.

If feelings come up don't try to push them down ......let them out ...even if it means crying when you don't want to.

You are a human. You are uniquely you.

But everyday you will take another step forwards.

xx Time + Self Care and you will get there at your own pace xx

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By *TG3Man
39 weeks ago

Dorchester

"How long do you think it takes to get over an ex? Especially when it's a situation that has caused the breakup rather than the person.

What do you do to move on from that when you're still in love and hoping things were different?"
make them different.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
39 weeks ago

"I'm probably the worst person to answer this really.

My romantic little heart wants to believe that love can conquer all situations eventually and if you both choose each other it can and will happen eventually.

For some that might take weeks or months, for others it might take years. All you can do is one day at a time.

Good luck xx"

What a lovely message and advice, thank you x

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By *empest2KMan
39 weeks ago

Derby

"How long do you think it takes to get over an ex? Especially when it's a situation that has caused the breakup rather than the person.

What do you do to move on from that when you're still in love and hoping things were different?"

Sadly, I think it varies from person to person, based on situation and circumstance.

For instance, the breakup with my first love was difficult to accept, whereby it took me a good year to get over. The turning point that finally helped me get over her was minimising my contact (accidental or otherwise) with her and removing/avoiding anything that would trigger me. Essentially, I went with the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ approach, but I know this doesn't work for everyone but it worked for me. The fly in the ointment was when I had children with an ex (before we broke up), and so the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ approach wasn't possible.

However, when I met my first ex again a couple of years later after we broke up, it felt strangely comfortable chatting to her and we have been good friends ever since, especially after she got married, so that was closure for me.

On the flip side, I've been dumped multiple times for one reason or another, and I've moved on a lot quicker than I expected, possibly due to the painful experience I had with my first ex. I think that steeled me a bit.

I think learning to not think about the ‘what ifs’ helps in the long run, as that only brings sadness, in my humble experience. I try to think about the ‘what is’ these days, especially since I got into my 40s, and it has made me stronger overall. I won't lie about it being difficult to not let the ‘what ifs’ sneak back in, but I know what happens if they do, and I don't want or need that.

Whatever happens, I hope things work out for the better

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By (user no longer on site) OP
39 weeks ago

Ugh, thanks for the replies everyone. I thought by talking about it, it would help. But now I kind of just feel worse. Which isn't a surprise.

We were together for 14 months. He's smart, funny, good looking, kind. And our relationship was incredible, I've never had that level of understanding, communication, level of comfort and trust with someone else. There was such a deep level of emotional intimacy there and I'm heartbroken because I've lost my partner and my best friend at the same time. Things ended because of his family commitments and are not likely to change anytime soon.

I guess I knew there wasn't going to be a magic cure all response. I know I need to focus on myself and what will make me happy and in doing so will mean that he isn't the cornerstone of all my thoughts. I think for me, hope is a killer. I want to believe that things can be different but at the same time I don't want my life to stand still waiting.

I appreciate all of you for reading this thread and responding. I do this thing when I think of exes, I do it with this ex that I've written about. I think about how how he made me feel - loved, safe, content. And I feel all those things. Then I push them towards him, because I want him to have that too, even without me.

I hope for peace and happiness for all of you too x

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
39 weeks ago

Central

It's like and may include grief, where you may have different stages and emotions.

I throw myself, appropriately, into different activities and engagements, which allow my attention and energy to be channelled outwards, that also give me a return on my investment. Definitely engage with people who are nurturing and supportive of you.

I avoid rebound relationships.

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By *agnar73Man
39 weeks ago

glasgow-ish

"How long do you think it takes to get over an ex? Especially when it's a situation that has caused the breakup rather than the person.

What do you do to move on from that when you're still in love and hoping things were different?"

Are you ever over them?

By that I mean we learn to cope and adapt and keep going.

Why a situation rather than person?

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

"A lot depends on the person.

There are those that WONT let go and there are those that DONT want to let go and there are those that LET GO as if they never cared in the first place.

I guess the ideal would be where there's a 'respectable' grieving period but to be fair I believe that what is respectable depends on the individual.

You will know when you feel that you are moving forward.

There is no need to run into another relationship as it is seldom a cure.

Give yourself 'space' and by that I mean a little time for you to think and do something you enjoy.

If feelings come up don't try to push them down ......let them out ...even if it means crying when you don't want to.

You are a human. You are uniquely you.

But everyday you will take another step forwards.

xx Time + Self Care and you will get there at your own pace xx "

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

Go on a month long holiday on your own

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
39 weeks ago

little house on the praire

It depends used to take me 3/4 weeks to get over a relationship ending. Think my marriage ending took about 4 weeks. I'd mope a round a bit then pick myself up and dust myself down.

When my partner of 16 years died I've never got over it because I don't want to move on. I feel exactly the same as the day he died and its been 18 months now

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By *ullyMan
39 weeks ago

Near Clacton

Oooo very sore point. I think it depends on time together and if it's true love. My late partner, my friend my soulmate passed away nine years ago after 49 years together, I will never get "over" it, but you have to come to terms, be sensible and move forward as and when you can. There's no time limit it depends entirely on the individual. I had counselling she was a lovely girl, really nice and was going through hell with her girlfriend, so we helped each other a lot, I was her shoulder to cry on, and she did.

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By *naswingdressWoman
39 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

Grief is different for different people. This isn't the same kind of loss, but I think it's a similar kind of psychological process.

I still think about most of my relationships occasionally, with varying feelings, sometimes painful. And they all ended years ago.

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By *rill PhilMan
39 weeks ago

Crediton

I've had brake ups that I've gotten over in a matter of weeks and I've had breakups that I still deal with today.

Getting over something like that depends on a multitude of factors.

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By *naswingdressWoman
39 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

I increasingly wonder if "getting over" is the right term (yes, I'm intellectually chewing my cud here).

There comes a point where you're not consumed by it anymore - and I suspect that this is what most people mean.

But I think all important people in our lives leave a mark. One that can't - even shouldn't - be erased.

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By *ex HolesMan
39 weeks ago

Up North

The time it takes to walk to the pub

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