FabSwingers.com forum: Am i selfish for not wanting kids?

By *lujiz94 OP Man
38 weeks ago

Bishop's Stortford

I had a back and fourth with some relatives (they have a 18 month old and another baby due in may) and the older ones asked when i plan on having kids, since I'm still single. When i said I don't think I want children, they gave me a rather hostile look. I then overhead one of my older relatives saying it was rather selfish of me, since someone else's kids will have to take care of me when I'm older. What are people's thoughts on here?

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By *andynecklaceWoman
38 weeks ago

West Brom

No, you're not selfish. It's your decision and your life lol

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By *an_spMan
38 weeks ago

Coventry

Nope. It’s your life

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By *ou only live onceMan
38 weeks ago

London

This one's easy: no.

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By *alandNitaCouple
38 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

Not at all selfish.

I don't think anyone should have children unless they really want them. Children are a big responsibility and an expensive one.

Nita

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By *naswingdressWoman
38 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

No, you're not selfish.

I always told my detractors that it would be far more selfish of me to bring an unwanted child into the world. Because a child I had would not be wanted. All children should be wanted and fiercely loved.

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By *emorefridaCouple
38 weeks ago

La la land

No, having kids so they look after you is. No guarantee they'll live close in any case. I live a long distance from one of my parents.

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
38 weeks ago

Southampton

"I had a back and fourth with some relatives (they have a 18 month old and another baby due in may) and the older ones asked when i plan on having kids, since I'm still single. When i said I don't think I want children, they gave me a rather hostile look. I then overhead one of my older relatives saying it was rather selfish of me, since someone else's kids will have to take care of me when I'm older. What are people's thoughts on here?"

You're not selfish for not wanting children, it's no one's business but your own and people should keep their nose out

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By *naswingdressWoman
38 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"No, having kids so they look after you is. No guarantee they'll live close in any case. I live a long distance from one of my parents. "

Imagine being told that your very existence is to wipe your parent's arse when they can't anymore. I can't even.

And yet people say this every day in polite conversation - that people must have children to take care of them when they're old.

I feel better about my potential children - and I flush the parts that could make them down the toilet once a month. (I have a period. Yes I know that's a grotesque description)

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago

I think plenty of people have kids because they 'want' them, but put their unhealed baggage on them, or can't afford the cost, time, resources that they require to become resilient, stable, capable individuals. That's more selfish, imo.

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By *emorefridaCouple
38 weeks ago

La la land

"No, having kids so they look after you is. No guarantee they'll live close in any case. I live a long distance from one of my parents.

Imagine being told that your very existence is to wipe your parent's arse when they can't anymore. I can't even.

And yet people say this every day in polite conversation - that people must have children to take care of them when they're old.

I feel better about my potential children - and I flush the parts that could make them down the toilet once a month. (I have a period. Yes I know that's a grotesque description)"

Exactly it's grim, you were born for this function alone. I hope my kids don't have to look after me, I don't want to be a burden on them.

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago

No,it's your choice and nothing to do with anyone else.

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By *ycanNightsMan
38 weeks ago

Workington

It's a choice...I don't believe it's a selfish one...but even if it is...it's your choice. I'd tell em to keep their nose out.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
38 weeks ago

East Sussex

It's not selfish. Having children is no guarantee they'll look after you when you're old either. My dad has loads of kids and I'm the only one who helps him out

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago

"I …..rather selfish of me, since someone else's kids will have to take care of me when I'm older. What are people's thoughts on here?"

So you’re creating a job.

How’s that selfish?

Haha. Some people miss the bigger picture.

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago

Definitely not selfish in any way! Never think that you are.

I have 2 children and I love having children but I totally get why people do not. It’s only society and certain people who say that you must have children! They don’t make the rules! X

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago

No. What would be selfish is bringing an unwanted child into the world to look after you when you are unable to look after yourself.

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By *ealMissShadyWoman
38 weeks ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders

No, your life, your choice. Are they willing to fork out a lifetime for the child's upbringing?.

I hate these societal expectations people think you need to follow. My Son and Daughter in Law are financially secure in their own house, got married last year and people keep saying to her "all you need now is kids"

she gets upset as she cant physically have them and isn't particularly bothered about Children anyway, they both prefer dogs and their lifestyle won't fit having a Child.

They may adopt, they may not. Whatever they do it's their choice regardless

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
38 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Nope.

I've managed it. And that won't change.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
38 weeks ago

Reading

The reverse if you plan properly for your retirement.

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago

Those someone else's kids decided to take that career path and get paid for it..

No not selfish at all.

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By *reat me rightWoman
38 weeks ago

Rotherham

Your decision. Your life. Your rules.

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By *elvet RopeMan
38 weeks ago

by the big field

Tell them if they stump up about £50k in set up fees and deposit an additional £20k per year per child in running costs, then they can have a say in the matter

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By *elix SightedMan
38 weeks ago

Cloud 8

I have never wanted children and I get very annoyed at some of the comments I get. It’s my life and I’ll live it how I want.

I’d have been tempted to say to those relatives that it’s selfish to make someone feel guilty for not following their own narrow minded views on how life should be lived.

You do you and I’ll do me!

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
38 weeks ago

BRIDPORT

I am the same OP, have no desire for kids, I have also had comments from people similar to your self, I tell them to bugger of and mind their own business.

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
38 weeks ago

Markfield

I knew from a very early age that I didn’t want kids and had to suffer so many people telling me I’d change my mind (including medical professionals).

I haven’t changed my mind yet and I was 54 at the start of the year!

It’s not selfish. It’s choice.

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By *ris GrayMan
38 weeks ago

Dorchester

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By *phroditeWoman
38 weeks ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

1. The choice not to have kids can have many (genuine) reasons and every one is valid IMHO.

2. It is nobody else's business but yours.

3. Why should this even be up for discussion, I ask myself?

Live and let live!!

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By *issmorganWoman
38 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

No it's not selfish at all op. It's not compulsory to have them &

Why bring kids into the world if you don't want them anyway.

I've never wanted kids, so never had them, I was told for years I'd change my mind etc.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
38 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

It's your choice and admire you sticking to your guns and staying by your choice.

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By *ostindreamsMan
38 weeks ago

London

[Removed by poster at 05/03/24 20:54:34]

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago

You’re absolutely not selfish. Parenthood just isn’t for some people and there should be no shame in that

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By *ostindreamsMan
38 weeks ago

London

You are selfish, so are everyone else. Some people get meaning out of life through kids and families. Some people get meaning out of lives through other means. We all go our ways. Yes, we are all selfish and there isn't anything wrong with that.

As long as you are aware of the challenges of old age being lonely, you should be good.

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By *an_spMan
38 weeks ago

Coventry

"You are selfish, so are everyone else. Some people get meaning out of life through kids and families. Some people get meaning out of lives through other means. We all go our ways. Yes, we are all selfish and there isn't anything wrong with that.

As long as you are aware of the challenges of old age being lonely, you should be good."

That’s doesn’t quite satisfy the definition of being selfish, point taken though

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By *ostindreamsMan
38 weeks ago

London

As long as you are aware of the challenges of old age being lonely, you should be good.

That’s doesn’t quite satisfy the definition of being selfish, point taken though "

I went by the wiki definition of "Selfishness is being concerned excessively or exclusively for oneself or one's own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of others."

There are so many altruistic arguments we can make about both having and not having kids. End of the day, we don't care about any of these and go on with what gives us satisfaction.

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By *mateur100Man
38 weeks ago

nr faversham

Not selfish in the slightest

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By *issYeuxBleusWoman
38 weeks ago

My boudoir - S Wales

That’s actually pretty appalling that they’d say that to you. Sorry OP. I know it’s your family.

I’ve dropped friends in the past for saying similar things. I can’t have children, and if I wanted them or not that’s nobodies business.

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
38 weeks ago

North West

I'm childless by choice.

You can find a way to fend off these well meaning people. You choose how diplomatic you want to be with them.

I could think of nothing more selfish than knocking out a kid or two then resenting the hell out of them.

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By *empest2KMan
38 weeks ago

Derby

I don't think you're selfish, and I have kids! There's pros and cons to having children and not having them, so each to their own. And who's to say you won't change your mind should you meet someone. Your choice is yours to do with as you please, so I admire you for that

Anyway, the only thing I'm hoping for from my kids is that they'll put me in a decent care home with some hot nurses! Wishful thinking, I know!!!

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By *ecky and justCouple
38 weeks ago

Godalming

Definitely not selfish.

We both decided not to have kids, way before we even met.

No desire at all.

We have financial plans in place to look after us in retirement.

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By *idnightMischiefMan
38 weeks ago

London

I don't have kids, I don't want kids and I don't want to date anyone who has kids.

Every child creates a carbon footprint and a strain on society - avoiding kids is the opposite of selfish.

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By *rminjoMan
38 weeks ago

london

Bless u

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By *orny-DJMan
38 weeks ago

Leigh-on-Sea

I'd argue that they are bang out of order for even suggesting that they should have any say in what you do or how you live your life.

Rather selfish of them in fact.

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By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
38 weeks ago

south coast IOW

I think its absolutely the right decision for you and totally unselfish. There are enough unwanted children in this world and i think it takes real bravery to admit you dont want to have any of your own against society expectations. Keep being you OP and sod what any one rlse thinks.

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By *sWyldWoman
38 weeks ago

Edinburgh

You don't have children with the expectation they will look after you. In fact that's the last thing I want for my boys!

You're not selfish.

I love my sons, they are my life and I wouldn't have ever been without them, but, I'm very glad they are now much older and I'm beginning to get time in my life for me.

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By *lex46TV/TS
38 weeks ago

Near Wells

Definitely not selfish, you’re saving the planet by not increasing the population of this world. I don’t have kids , never really wanted them.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
38 weeks ago

ashford

It's the complete opposite of selfish imo! X

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By *aribbean King 1985Man
38 weeks ago

South West London

Its not selfish at all. What would be selfish is if you had kids but didn't look after them

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By *ndycoinsMan
38 weeks ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,

Not selfish.Your life your choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
38 weeks ago

Nope it would be worse to have them and not be 100%

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By *ad NannaWoman
38 weeks ago

East London

Why will someone else's kids have to take care of you when you're older?

You'll have saved enough money by not having children to pay someone to look after you. If you go abroad to Thailand or somewhere as cheap you can live like a king.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
38 weeks ago

Wirral.

So not selfish, OP.

I knew from a very young age that I didn't want kids and I remember my mum telling me I was selfish because of "all the women who can't have children". I told her to butt out & you should do the same to your relative.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
38 weeks ago

Central

No. Having children is a calling, not an asset to produce and develop.

Neither should kids be expected to give anything back to their parents. They had no say in the process of their conception. Adults should invest in their kids, out of duty and nothing more than wanting them to be treated fairly.

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
38 weeks ago

Hastings

No in my opinion children are a drain on resources cash and time

YES I'm far to selfish to be a good dad so I chose not to be one at all do I regret it NO way children today are so demanding and have a sense of entertainment.

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