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Who should propose first?

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By *hagTonight OP   Man
43 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

I was watching a fun scene in a movie where at the same time both asked the question and after both argued with eachother going back and forth saying "I should ask, not you".

That makes me wonder wonder who proposed first if you are married and what is your view in general of who should propose first? I think that anyone can do it and that it doesnt matter if it is the guy or the women who do it first too

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By *ymAndIcedCoffeeWoman
43 weeks ago

Worcester

Neither. Legal marriage should be abolished.

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By *nothernewtwoCouple
43 weeks ago

Herts

Doesn’t matter at all, whatever suits the dynamic of the relationship.

Mr went first here

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By *ellinever70Woman
43 weeks ago

Ayrshire


"Neither. Legal marriage should be abolished."

Why?

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By *ickyKlungespeareMan
43 weeks ago

St Leonards


"Neither. Legal marriage should be abolished.

Why?"

Is it because illegal marriage is so much more fun?

Like, you can marry a pair of trainers.

Or twelve o'clock.

Just to make 11:59 and 12:01 green with envy.

Must be that.....

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By *ymAndIcedCoffeeWoman
43 weeks ago

Worcester


"Neither. Legal marriage should be abolished.

Why?"

Because “love” shouldn’t come into legal contracts and people shouldn’t be afforded civil advantages based on it.

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By *ornycougaWoman
43 weeks ago

Wherever I lay my hat


"Neither. Legal marriage should be abolished.

Why?

Because “love” shouldn’t come into legal contracts and people shouldn’t be afforded civil advantages based on it."

What she said. Never been married and never will be

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By *ickyKlungespeareMan
43 weeks ago

St Leonards


"Neither. Legal marriage should be abolished.

Why?

Because “love” shouldn’t come into legal contracts and people shouldn’t be afforded civil advantages based on it."

Nah.

It's the trainers at 12 o'clock.

Yours was just a silly idea .

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
43 weeks ago

Leeds

Neither of us really proposed, I saw a ring I liked and that was that.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago


"Neither. Legal marriage should be abolished."

100%

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By *BWLOVER1965Man
43 weeks ago

My Own Little World


"I was watching a fun scene in a movie where at the same time both asked the question and after both argued with eachother going back and forth saying "I should ask, not you".

That makes me wonder wonder who proposed first if you are married and what is your view in general of who should propose first? I think that anyone can do it and that it doesnt matter if it is the guy or the women who do it first too "

When I proposed got down on one knee and all that it would not have mattered who did it

Unfortunately wife passed away many years ago

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
43 weeks ago

Reading

I find it a ridicuous tradi5ion. It should be made as all decisions should be by frank discussion. Money children monogamy etc should all be thoroughly discussed. This also should happen before living together.

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By *adCherriesCouple
43 weeks ago

Cheshire/Northwest

We just made a joint decision. The thought of proposing/ one knee / dramatic stuff makes me want to vom.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago


"Neither. Legal marriage should be abolished."

no.

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By *olfandtazCouple
43 weeks ago

Bristol

We aren't married and we never will be, we both believe its an outdated concept

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By *ymAndIcedCoffeeWoman
43 weeks ago

Worcester


"Neither. Legal marriage should be abolished.

no. "

People could still have some kind of romantic ceremony. They could have a handfasting or a wedding or whatever their religion or lifestyle dictates.

But there should be no legal contract with the state based on "love" and people should not get civil advantages (tax breaks and similar) based on "love."

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

I proposed. In the most awkward way. I got nervous.

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago


"I find it a ridicuous tradi5ion. It should be made as all decisions should be by frank discussion. Money children monogamy etc should all be thoroughly discussed. This also should happen before living together. "

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
43 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

Marriage can be a beautiful thing.

(Just posting to balance out all the cynicism in this thread. Everyone’s opinions are valid, but this one is mine.)

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago


"Neither. Legal marriage should be abolished.

no.

People could still have some kind of romantic ceremony. They could have a handfasting or a wedding or whatever their religion or lifestyle dictates.

But there should be no legal contract with the state based on "love" and people should not get civil advantages (tax breaks and similar) based on "love.""

How else could I piss off her parents without a certificate of marriage?

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By *ornucopiaMan
43 weeks ago

Bexley


"

...

But there should be no legal contract with the state based on "love" and people should not get civil advantages (tax breaks and similar) based on "love.""

Such civil advantages are based on marriage, not necessarily love.

I'm sure there are plenty of loveless marriages which are, or stay, in existence for financial reasons.

Similarly there are plenty of couples living together in various states of romantic involvement who are doing so to make ends meet more easily.

Without a doubt couples, married or otherwise, are generally a more lucrative market for those who benefit from the capitalist system.

People somewhere will be making money out of the 29th of February.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

43 weeks ago

East Sussex

There's something to be said for romance and a proposal but I don't think it matters who does it. Who does it in same sex relationships?

I do wish people had a more business like attitude towards the nuts and bolts of long term relationships though and were encouraged to be truthful about hopes and expectations from the start

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By *ymAndIcedCoffeeWoman
43 weeks ago

Worcester


"

...

But there should be no legal contract with the state based on "love" and people should not get civil advantages (tax breaks and similar) based on "love."

Such civil advantages are based on marriage, not necessarily love.

I'm sure there are plenty of loveless marriages which are, or stay, in existence for financial reasons.

Similarly there are plenty of couples living together in various states of romantic involvement who are doing so to make ends meet more easily.

"

But why do I have to be a 'couple' to benefit from a tax break?

Why can't I share my best friend's tax-free allowance, for example? Why do I have to pay loads of money to get a contract drawn up if I want to be a legal guardian for her kids, when I could get married for less than a hundred quid to her for the same benefits? Why should she have to pay inheritance tax on my estate just because we're not married? Why should married people get out of paying inheritance tax?

What about people in triad relationships? Three of my friends had a very difficult decision to make regarding who marries who, and who gets contracts. I think in the end it cost them about four thousand pounds to get contracts drawn up to match all of the legal advantages (particularly regarding children) than you get with legal marriage.

These legal constructs should be available to anyone, not just a couple in a two-person relationship.

The only reason for them to exist, and continue to exist, is because the government wants to maintain the (patriarchal) status quo of monogamy and 2.4 kids.

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By *illy IdolMan
43 weeks ago

Midlands


"I proposed. In the most awkward way. I got nervous. "

My brother got his toddler at the time to bring the engagement ring over for the proposal. Unfortunately his toddler shat in his nâppy so it killed the vibe a little

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By *icolerobbieCouple
43 weeks ago

walsall

Come on, it’s 2024. Women can propose nowadays. They’ll probably have to a lot of men are finding themselves in a much better position without it.

They seem to agree that the patriarchy isn’t working for them.

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By *ragonbaitCouple
43 weeks ago

Reading and Aberdare


"

...

But there should be no legal contract with the state based on "love" and people should not get civil advantages (tax breaks and similar) based on "love."

Such civil advantages are based on marriage, not necessarily love.

I'm sure there are plenty of loveless marriages which are, or stay, in existence for financial reasons.

Similarly there are plenty of couples living together in various states of romantic involvement who are doing so to make ends meet more easily.

But why do I have to be a 'couple' to benefit from a tax break?

Why can't I share my best friend's tax-free allowance, for example? Why do I have to pay loads of money to get a contract drawn up if I want to be a legal guardian for her kids, when I could get married for less than a hundred quid to her for the same benefits? Why should she have to pay inheritance tax on my estate just because we're not married? Why should married people get out of paying inheritance tax?

What about people in triad relationships? Three of my friends had a very difficult decision to make regarding who marries who, and who gets contracts. I think in the end it cost them about four thousand pounds to get contracts drawn up to match all of the legal advantages (particularly regarding children) than you get with legal marriage.

These legal constructs should be available to anyone, not just a couple in a two-person relationship.

The only reason for them to exist, and continue to exist, is because the government wants to maintain the (patriarchal) status quo of monogamy and 2.4 kids.

"

Hear hear. A couple of friends have or are planning civil partnerships as the easiest way to get all the legal protections without getting married.

Personally at the moment, with H and I both having been married before, mostly grown up children, own our own houses, I’d be more likely to just do the romantic gesture bit as I don’t think the legal entanglements would necessarily be beneficial to our kids.

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By *hagTonight OP   Man
43 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.


"Doesn’t matter at all, whatever suits the dynamic of the relationship.

Mr went first here "

Yes, you are right there, it depends on the dynamic of the relationship too

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By *uffnmuffCouple
43 weeks ago

London


"Neither. Legal marriage should be abolished.

Why?

Because “love” shouldn’t come into legal contracts and people shouldn’t be afforded civil advantages based on it."

I like you way of thinking me and my partner will never marry we have been together almost 35 years in our eyes we are better than married x

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By *hagTonight OP   Man
43 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

When you are in a relationship and want to propose, could you sense that the partner would ask before you, or if you want the other one to ask first, would you wait or just go for it?

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By *hagTonight OP   Man
43 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

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