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Difficult conversations

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
43 weeks ago

How do you deal with difficult conversations with close ones, friends, or strangers. The moments where you are really upset or annoyed? Do get stuck in to solving it, do you step out until you've cooled down & discuss it later, or do you let it fizzle out? Whats your M.O. and how does it work out for you?

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By *hrowawaydevice1987Man
43 weeks ago

SW London/Surrey

I am an irrational person, especially in the heat of the moment. I've learned to hold my tongue and not say anything I don't mean.

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By *onameyet2Man
43 weeks ago

chorley

I’m learning to recognise rising anxiety which leads to anger and try to stay calm and listen

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

Non-family, non-lovers are easier to deal with. I had a conflict brewing at work since last week, solved it by bringing in our manager into the meeting, everyone left happy and wanting to carry on. Family are usually more invested in their way of seeing things and will want their way to prevail. Tricky that one. Sometimes you just have to let it go or leave.

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By *eliWoman
43 weeks ago

.

I used to try and tackle it, fix it immediately. Respond with however I'm feeling and try and solve it.

Now? I'm learning to step away, wait until heightened emotions are lesser and I won't say anything unfairly/that I don't actually mean. You can't really take back words said in the heat of the moment.

Also - I don't have to fix everything. Sometimes myself and the other need space. Time. Then we can talk rationally later and hopefully discuss without too many emotions clouding responses.

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By *rHotNottsMan
43 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Having difficult conversations is more of a skill that can be developed rather than a natural weakness. Understanding this is really important.

Some skills that can help you are planning the difficult conversation carefully, Going through some scenarios in your mind so that you’re ready to respond to what comes up, doing it positively & constructively, Seeking a win-win if possible, and probably most importantly timing. The person that you are having the difficult conversation with should ideally be at ease and in a good place & have the time and space for it. This is most true when it’s your boss!

You do get better at it the more you exercise it, so practice having those difficult conversations!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
43 weeks ago

It's definitely easier with no emotional investment or when the concequences aren't severe.

Timing and calmness definitely help a conversation go better, that's true. Suppose it's also is it worth it, it depends on the person, topic too, what the aim of the conversation is.

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By *obilebottomMan
43 weeks ago

All over

Not keen on conflict. Will walk away and pick the conversation up again atva more appropriate time when emotions are less hightened

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By *oodmessMan
43 weeks ago

yumsville


"How do you deal with difficult conversations with close ones, friends, or strangers. The moments where you are really upset or annoyed? Do get stuck in to solving it, do you step out until you've cooled down & discuss it later, or do you let it fizzle out? Whats your M.O. and how does it work out for you? "

Friends tell them straight away. Close friend/acquaintances, depends what it is, likely leave it as don't need the stress, otherwise ask them to explain what's going on. Family, probably leave it, problems are either huge or tiny made huge, so no point stressing unless it's something that needs addressing.

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

Hi OP, It's only today that I've decided to delete unsavoury dms after reading with no reply..

The ones that say "watch me on cam while I wank" & "I'm in your area are you available" or something to that effect..

Firstly I have 24/7 access to high quality porn of my choice.. & Secondly why on earth would I meet an online total random stranger with no connection or chemistry..

So from today these type of dms deserve to be deleted with zero reply.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
43 weeks ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I used to try and tackle it, fix it immediately. Respond with however I'm feeling and try and solve it.

Now? I'm learning to step away, wait until heightened emotions are lesser and I won't say anything unfairly/that I don't actually mean. You can't really take back words said in the heat of the moment.

Also - I don't have to fix everything. Sometimes myself and the other need space. Time. Then we can talk rationally later and hopefully discuss without too many emotions clouding responses. "

Dammit Meli, you stole mine

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By *ea monkeyMan
43 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think it depends on the nature of the difficult conversations. Sometimes it’s important to find the right time, sometimes it’s important to know that there is no right time and it just needs to be addressed without putting it off.

Talking dispassionately and not using inflammatory language is important too as is listening as well though

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
43 weeks ago

Leeds

I have to think things through before approaching stuff especially if I'm angry, this can be hours or days or a week then I'll speak about it when I know I'm calm enough to do so.

I do avoid it sometimes which isn't good for my little brain, I'll think and think and just let it slide because it's easier than having the conversation which isn't Ideal as it leaves unresolved issues I'll over think in my head.

Mrs

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By *urly bearded manMan
43 weeks ago

Liverpool

I like to communicate an sort something if I cannot then God knows it could go anyway then

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By *assy69Man
43 weeks ago

West Sussex and Wales


"How do you deal with difficult conversations with close ones, friends, or strangers. The moments where you are really upset or annoyed? Do get stuck in to solving it, do you step out until you've cooled down & discuss it later, or do you let it fizzle out? Whats your M.O. and how does it work out for you? "

I used to just open my mouth and let my thoughts flow……. Have learned to take some time to consider things before speaking now and will go back later, but not too long, to discuss things. I don’t have many close friends or family and we all know each other really well and have learned to be able to speak to each other about issues and then move on

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
43 weeks ago

East Sussex

I just avoid them and make passive aggressive or snide remarks until the other person snaps back, we have a row and never speak to each other again.

Ooops no, that was a former boss of mine... sorry

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By *TG3Man
43 weeks ago

Dorchester

I leave the room or walk away, i really don't have conflict in my life anymore

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
43 weeks ago


"I just avoid them and make passive aggressive or snide remarks until the other person snaps back, we have a row and never speak to each other again.

Ooops no, that was a former boss of mine... sorry "

That made me chuckle

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By *BWLOVER1965Man
43 weeks ago

My Own Little World

Don’t do conflict at all keep calm and carry on and if the sniping starts go ahead just smile and walk away

No shit Sherlock

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By *a LunaWoman
43 weeks ago

South Wales

Wait until they’re in a good mood and then wow them with my charm before bringing in the honesty. Then I leave their vicinity quickly.

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By *undee2Man
43 weeks ago

Dundee

This is a difficult one. It does depend on I am talking with. As an ex funeral director, I immediately switch into the correct persona. If I have to call a business or public sector organisation, I am all sweetness and light to the person at the front end (you get many more bees using honey than you do vinegar) but if I have to go to a manager then I go for the jugular. With family I usually become very introverted and sometimes walk out to clear head. Having said that I have not spoken with my lad for nearly a year even though we live under the same roof. We ignore each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

I always stick to saying my piece with my facts sorted in my head. I'll walk away, after I say let them know when your ready to talk about it. Doesn't work for everyone but found it works for me as I hate arguments.

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

Hi Sin

Conflict resolution relies on intent and truth.

To have a candid conversation no matter how difficult relies on the fact no harm or upset is intended to the person/persons you are having the dialogue with.

The prep, The environment is good for you both to be in dialogue and free from distractions.

Both have room to unemotionally discuss.

That there are places to break free and recoup; and then regroup. There must be no chasing or hounding.

But setting context early is key.

Candid honesty that’s clear with the intent not to hurt, not to cause pain, but to move towards resolution.

There’s so much here … and I don’t want to write war and peace.

Reach out if you like?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
43 weeks ago

Lots of great suggestions here, including the ideal set up. Thanks all.

I definitely am guilty of being triggered & saying the first thing that pops into my mind, especially when I'm stressed, so that I need to work on for sure comes from the place of not sleeping on an argument but then inevitably I lose my valid point, with terrible delivery.

Equally, recognising that it takes 2 to want to have a conversation & both parties to want a resolution or conclusion, for it to be beneficial.

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By *immyinreadingMan
43 weeks ago

henley on thames


"How do you deal with difficult conversations with close ones, friends, or strangers. The moments where you are really upset or annoyed? Do get stuck in to solving it, do you step out until you've cooled down & discuss it later, or do you let it fizzle out? Whats your M.O. and how does it work out for you? "

Approach the situation calmly, be absolutely clear in what I am saying, and be as gentle as possible whilst being as firm as required.

Just get in with it, get it over with, and make it as constructive as possible, but leave no room for doubt

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