FabSwingers.com forum: Asker or askee...

By *eli OP Woman
39 weeks ago

A friend recently used those terms to describe two different types of people.

So... when it comes to making a move - whether suggesting a social/date, going in for a kiss or wanting to fuck someone.

Are you an asker or an askee? What group do you like (if you have a preference!)?

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
39 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

In this context, I’ll say I’m switch. I go both ways.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
39 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"In this context, I’ll say I’m switch. I go both ways."

This was not a very helpful response, I know.

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By *illy IdolMan
39 weeks ago

Midlands

I'm similar to RoseTG with regards to this question. Hope this helps.

As for chatting, I'm more of an asker. I prefer to listen than be the one doing the talking. We'd be perfect Meli

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
39 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Hmm.

I'm probably more often an askee.

I'm fairly laid back and like to know the other people are interested in doing a thing before outright asking, and usually in bringing up an event or activity they do the suggesting of actually doing it and getting organised before I get that far.

But I do initiate the conversations to get to that point fairly often. And if they don't suggest it first but seem interested enough to join me then I'll ask them and deal with the admin

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By *eli OP Woman
39 weeks ago

"In this context, I’ll say I’m switch. I go both ways.

This was not a very helpful response, I know."

Oh, no, it was Rosie, don't worry. I'm switchy as well - depends on the dynamic I have with another.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
39 weeks ago

Okehampton

Askee

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By *eli OP Woman
39 weeks ago

"I'm similar to RoseTG with regards to this question. Hope this helps.

As for chatting, I'm more of an asker. I prefer to listen than be the one doing the talking. We'd be perfect Meli"

Willy, stop flirting with me like this - testing my kegels and disturbing my peace? *swoon*

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By *estarossa.Woman
39 weeks ago

Flagrante

I have been pro-active on here.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
39 weeks ago

Reading

Askee pretty exclusively but i have been known to occasionally make the first move

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By *sWyldWoman
39 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Usually I'm unlikely to be the forward one. Maybe I need to push myself to try more often.

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

I prefer to be the askee

If I’m feeling brave though, I don’t mind being the asker or making the first move when I’ve established that they are interested.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
39 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"Usually I'm unlikely to be the forward one. Maybe I need to push myself to try more often. "

I seem to remember you being *very* forward on our first date.

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

I'm an askee. I don't even send a first message on here unless it's to someone I'm friends with already...

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
39 weeks ago

Reading

"Usually I'm unlikely to be the forward one. Maybe I need to push myself to try more often.

I seem to remember you being *very* forward on our first date.

What happens on a date ....

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By *illy IdolMan
39 weeks ago

Midlands

"I'm similar to RoseTG with regards to this question. Hope this helps.

As for chatting, I'm more of an asker. I prefer to listen than be the one doing the talking. We'd be perfect Meli

Willy, stop flirting with me like this - testing my kegels and disturbing my peace? *swoon*

I can't help it, your avatar is drawing me in like a moth to a lamp

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

I will ask, but only if I really really want to. The way I see it is, time is precious, I was wanting to be asked the person I like, and I like me waiting for me to ask them, it would never happen.

I think that’s why I put so much energy into someone when I like them, I want to catch up on wasted time.

And then there’s that friendship, when you don’t ask, because you it could spoil what you have, but you know if they asked you, you would jump all over them.

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By *eli OP Woman
39 weeks ago

"Hmm.

I'm probably more often an askee.

But I do initiate the conversations to get to that point fairly often. And if they don't suggest it first but seem interested enough to join me then I'll ask them and deal with the admin

Ah I didn't know you were an adminy sort of person, I thought you were more... passenger princess?

Initiating conversations to get to that point can be a *very* good idea, else you just dance around it and never actually do anything about it. Kind of a waste really.

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

neither as i never get that far

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By *a LunaWoman
39 weeks ago

South Wales

I never ask.

I’m old fashioned like that.

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By *stellaWoman
39 weeks ago

London

I think I’m often more the asker. I love being the askee tho!

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By *eli OP Woman
39 weeks ago

"I have been pro-active on here."

Has it worked out for you generally?

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By *sWyldWoman
39 weeks ago

Edinburgh

"Usually I'm unlikely to be the forward one. Maybe I need to push myself to try more often.

I seem to remember you being *very* forward on our first date.

You gave excellent encouragement

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By *ust MikeMan
39 weeks ago

Yaxley

A little of both but don’t want to seem too pushy so usually the askee

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By *gent CoulsonMan
39 weeks ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

I am a retired asker

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By *iss.Bella.Woman
39 weeks ago

Wales

Probably more the askee, unless I see something, or rather someone that's of *real* interest. Then I somehow gain the courage to speak up but not all the time

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By *iddlesticksMan
39 weeks ago

My nan’s spare room.

"Probably more the askee, unless I see something, or rather someone that's of *real* interest. Then I somehow gain the courage to speak up but not all the time

There’s things I’d ask you

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
39 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

"Ah I didn't know you were an adminy sort of person, I thought you were more... passenger princess?

Initiating conversations to get to that point can be a *very* good idea, else you just dance around it and never actually do anything about it. Kind of a waste really."

Passenger princess is probably painfully on point to be fair.

I can and do deal with admin if I'm the one driving the plan. But I'm much more likely to hint to someone who likes doing the organising thing that we should do a thing but let it be their suggestion so they feel comfortable taking that role. I always find the organised types get stressed when my kind of chaos is in charge, but then if you start organising someone else's thing it can feel overbearing and rude.

If I'm dancing around the idea and they're not engaging because they're not interested, I won't bother encouraging them to do a thing with me they're not excited about. But if I think they're just not getting the hint or that they just don't want the hassle of the admin bits, I'm happy enough taking that role now and again

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By *otSoPoshWoman
39 weeks ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

It's complicated (shocker... I know... waffle incoming). I tend to be an asker. But that's because I expect rejection, and I dont like uncertainty. So if I do the asking, it kind of means I'm not going to be wasting my time. Or I'm pleasantly surprised. But it takes quite a lot for me to pull up my big girl pants and do the asking, so I often don't actually manage to do the asking. I'm kind of a pro-active wannabe askee really, who doesn't expect to be asked so kind of blurts. I'm a blurter.

I'm also really bad when people drop hints rather than come out and ask things, and I hate it when I seem as if I'm doing that. Because I'm not... I just sometimes babble in a train of thought that is actually me psyching myself up to asking and really ought to be in my head and not out loud (including via text).

I'd like to be an askee. But it seems I'm either not wanted enough for asking or I come across as too scary to ask. Or maybe because I do the blurting I'm attractive to askees and they're waiting to be asked.

Oh Meli. It's so complicated in the nest of snakes and goblins that is my brain.

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By *estarossa.Woman
39 weeks ago

Flagrante

"I have been pro-active on here.

Has it worked out for you generally?"

I sometimes get rejected, but its no biggy.

I do think some men prefer the chase, so it actually puts them off!

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By *mf123Man
39 weeks ago

with one foot out the door

I was more a taker or a come with me and do the head nod to the door with my hand out thing

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By *eroLondonMan
39 weeks ago

Covent Garden

I think I'm an 'asker' but I'm not comfortable with that term. I think of myself as an 'instigator'.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
39 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

A ‘firestarter’, if you like.

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By *andT2023Couple
39 weeks ago

in the middle

I ask lots of q in conversations on here ..but at meets i think askee ... i need someone else to show interest to open the door to more x

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
39 weeks ago

Southampton

"A ‘firestarter’, if you like."

I'm just twisted

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
39 weeks ago

Essex

I’m a totally missed the question askee. And then get really annoyed that the person I’m flirting hard with isn’t “asking”. So then I either stop flirting and leave. Or do my whole ffs & launch at them move.

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
39 weeks ago

A den in the Glen

"I’m a totally missed the question askee. And then get really annoyed that the person I’m flirting hard with isn’t “asking”. So then I either stop flirting and leave. Or do my whole ffs & launch at them move."

Prepare to launch. Then launch full frontal attack.

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By *iss.Bella.Woman
39 weeks ago

Wales

"Probably more the askee, unless I see something, or rather someone that's of *real* interest. Then I somehow gain the courage to speak up but not all the time

There’s things I’d ask you

Ask away

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
39 weeks ago

Essex

Prepare to launch. Then launch full frontal attack."

Like a hairless Labrador

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By *eli OP Woman
39 weeks ago

"Usually I'm unlikely to be the forward one. Maybe I need to push myself to try more often. "

I don't know. Part of me thinks you should go for it. Try saying yes more and embracing things. Finding that confidence. Another part of me thinks that's what you're comfortable with and it's the natural balance in life.

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
39 weeks ago

A den in the Glen

Prepare to launch. Then launch full frontal attack.

Like a hairless Labrador

Or a rabid lurcher (lost him today for a full 15 minutes)

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
39 weeks ago

Manchester-ish

I so nearly did this thread!

But you've phrased it better than I would have.

On here, I can be an asker relatively easily. In person, I am an askee who is very occasionally an asker. I find it very hard to believe that the people I fancy, fancy me back. If there are signs of interest I *sometimes* ask. Go me!

And everything is so much more complicated as a couple as there's 3 or 4 way attraction to deal with. That's why I prefer organised socials with a message afterwards if I think there might be a connection.

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By *carlet SeductionWoman
39 weeks ago

Maidstone

If I wasn't an asker I wouldn't get anywhere ever.

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By *eli OP Woman
39 weeks ago

"I'm an askee. I don't even send a first message on here unless it's to someone I'm friends with already... "
don't!

Why not? You don't feel confident enough to or you don't have any desire to be the one who... asks?

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By *edeWoman
39 weeks ago

the abyss

I'm an askee to the core - it's also become quite apparent that I'm also a terrible answerer

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By *emorefridaCouple
39 weeks ago

La la land

Askee through and through. I will discuss general ideas but actual plans nope no way. It's not from a fear or rejection or anything like that, I just go through so many options in my head that I won't make an actual choice. So I find it easier for someone saying shall we do xyz? And me agreeing or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

I'm impatient, so I'll demand... But i wish i was the recipient

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
39 weeks ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Asker, all day long. I can't be faffed dancing around for weeks on end. Is this happening or not?

Mrs TMN x

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
39 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"Asker, all day long. I can't be faffed dancing around for weeks on end. Is this happening or not?

Mrs TMN x"

FINE. Okaaay. We can do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

Definitely an askee. I don't want to read the signals wrong and end up making an absolute fool out of myself

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By *eroLondonMan
39 weeks ago

Covent Garden

This thread has been an êyê-opening revelation. I'm taking notes...and going to start "asking" more often...

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By *iaisonseekerMan
39 weeks ago

Liverpool

To quote the Smiths:

"Nature is a language can't you read? So ask me, ask me, ask me. Ask me, ask me, ask me."

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
39 weeks ago

BRIDPORT

"Definitely an askee. I don't want to read the signals wrong and end up making an absolute fool out of myself

Just call him Arthur

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By *cottish guy 555Man
39 weeks ago

London

I look forward to witnessing that particular manoeuvre.

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By *cottish guy 555Man
39 weeks ago

London

"Definitely an askee. I don't want to read the signals wrong and end up making an absolute fool out of myself

I was told, don't ask, don't get. Trust me Joe, a straightforward question from you will rarely see you disappointed.

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
39 weeks ago

Southampton

"Definitely an askee. I don't want to read the signals wrong and end up making an absolute fool out of myself

This ^^

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

I don't ask as then I can't be rejected

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By *rMrsBrightsideCouple
39 weeks ago

Newcastle

Askee, I am aware I should be more proactive but that’s a bit scary.

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By *ittle. BeaverWoman
39 weeks ago

Launceston

I'm more an askee, I've never really got anywhere instigating! I've found that men don't like women being forward!!!!

At least if the guy makes the first move it shows he's interested. Then i know I'm not flogging a dead horse so to speak! Lol

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