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advice???

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

i have known from an early age that i wanted kids when everyone else wanted to be doctors, vet's ect when iwas asked what i wanted to be when i grew up the answer never changed, i wanted to be a mummy. i met my now husband 4yrs ago and he always agreed he would like 2 kids someday. but we got married in september and now he says he doesn't want kids AT ALL, im so confused?? i know he is scared and we have already made a big commitment getting married but i dont know what to do, i love him and want to be with him forever, am i being selfish?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If its so important to you, then your not being selfish.

We all have needs and wants in life.

Some want to run a business, others want kids.

If your other half is adamant he does not want kids, then you do need to consider your options carefully.

Resentment will grow if its so important to you.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I think better discussed between yourselves and then possible relationship counselling as it is bound to come between you both.

all the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. I'm single I already have a child and I do not want any more. If I meet a bloke I always ask if he wants kids, if he does I cut my loses and walk away. It would be wrong knowing that I could never give that to him. If someone wants kids I would never want to rob them of that. As hard as it is, it truly is something amazing.

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By *utumnWoman
over a year ago

leeds

NO you are not being selfish

You have choices, It's your life.

My personal _iew would not help as only you can determine how you wish to spend the rest of your life

Good luck and truly hope you find a solution and conclusion to your dilemma

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your both young, you have years ahead of you to have kids, maybe he will feel different when he's older

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is very personal to you and your husband.... Think you would be better talking about this between you both!

We can't really answer for you.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

i know but if he changed his mind so quick couldn't he change it back? i dont want kids with anyone else. i think hes just scared as his cousin just found out theyre child will be born with stage 3 brittle bones syndrome and his neice and nephew died from it too, it runs heavily in the genes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i know but if he changed his mind so quick couldn't he change it back? i dont want kids with anyone else. i think hes just scared as his cousin just found out theyre child will be born with stage 3 brittle bones syndrome and his neice and nephew died from it too, it runs heavily in the genes"

In that case id be worried about having kids too

Im sorry but if I had a disorder than ran in my family that killed then id refrain from having children

Surely you must be able to understand his fears?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

think yoursel lucky you have a husband.

if you love him that much you will do what he wants to do.

having kids isnt the be all and end all

despite what some people say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i know but if he changed his mind so quick couldn't he change it back? i dont want kids with anyone else. i think hes just scared as his cousin just found out theyre child will be born with stage 3 brittle bones syndrome and his neice and nephew died from it too, it runs heavily in the genes"

Suggest you speak with a doctor and find out whether he carries the genes....It might make the decision easier for you....Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

i do but the rest of the brothers and sisters have had healthy children i know the disease does play heavily on his mind, but maybe he would think differently if we got tested? is there a test to see if your a carrier of the disease?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i do but the rest of the brothers and sisters have had healthy children i know the disease does play heavily on his mind, but maybe he would think differently if we got tested? is there a test to see if your a carrier of the disease?"

you really need to go speak to your doctor, with the greatest of respect you cant take advice from people on here about such a serious matter x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i do but the rest of the brothers and sisters have had healthy children i know the disease does play heavily on his mind, but maybe he would think differently if we got tested? is there a test to see if your a carrier of the disease?"

Ask your GP about a test or try doing some research on line

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it runs in his family surely other family members will know about tests etc?? surely others have already looked into it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

thanks guys for your help, i know some of you dont agree with me posting on here but i needed impartial advice, thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If it runs in his family surely other family members will know about tests etc?? surely others have already looked into it?"

his sister doesnt live close by and his cousin just found out and r very upset so dont want to start questioning her, but yeah i will ask the doctor thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"think yoursel lucky you have a husband.

if you love him that much you will do what he wants to do.

having kids isnt the be all and end all

despite what some people say."

I dont agree at all. Being in a marriage is all about give and take, compromise. He told her once that he wants kids, something some women crave, then has pulled the rug out from underneath her saying he doesnt want them at all. Saying 'if you love him you will do what he wants' is bollocks in my opinion because surely it works both ways?! And for some women having children is the be all and end all for some women. Its just some feel more passionately about it than others. Definitely consider having a test for the gene x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If it runs in his family surely other family members will know about tests etc?? surely others have already looked into it?

his sister doesnt live close by and his cousin just found out and r very upset so dont want to start questioning her, but yeah i will ask the doctor thanks"

I don't think your wrong I just don't think anyone on here is qualified to give you the answers you need, id sooner you go see a doctor and get the correct information than listen to someone on here

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"think yoursel lucky you have a husband.

if you love him that much you will do what he wants to do.

having kids isnt the be all and end all

despite what some people say.

I dont agree at all. Being in a marriage is all about give and take, compromise. He told her once that he wants kids, something some women crave, then has pulled the rug out from underneath her saying he doesnt want them at all. Saying 'if you love him you will do what he wants' is bollocks in my opinion because surely it works both ways?! And for some women having children is the be all and end all for some women. Its just some feel more passionately about it than others. Definitely consider having a test for the gene x"

thanks yeah being mum is becoming all i can think about since he told me he didnt want any

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"think yoursel lucky you have a husband.

if you love him that much you will do what he wants to do.

having kids isnt the be all and end all

despite what some people say.

I dont agree at all. Being in a marriage is all about give and take, compromise. He told her once that he wants kids, something some women crave, then has pulled the rug out from underneath her saying he doesnt want them at all. Saying 'if you love him you will do what he wants' is bollocks in my opinion because surely it works both ways?! And for some women having children is the be all and end all for some women. Its just some feel more passionately about it than others. Definitely consider having a test for the gene x"

its a bit of a stale mate situation, if she loves him she will respect he don't wan t kids....but if he loves her......

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

I think if the main reason he's changed his mind is because of the disease risk then that's understandable but if tests are available then he should agree to go ahead with them.

I know 2 couples who are going through similar with the blokes saying they wanted kids and now they don't end it's making them very bitter towards one another. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

i know and i dont want to be like that, i think deep down he wants kids 2 but is just scared, another factor is that i used to be heavily overweight ive lost 9 stone in 2 years! i go to the gym 5days a week and hes afraid a baby will change everything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i know but if he changed his mind so quick couldn't he change it back? i dont want kids with anyone else. i think hes just scared as his cousin just found out theyre child will be born with stage 3 brittle bones syndrome and his neice and nephew died from it too, it runs heavily in the genes"

then go and speak to the doctor about options for screening..

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"i know and i dont want to be like that, i think deep down he wants kids 2 but is just scared, another factor is that i used to be heavily overweight ive lost 9 stone in 2 years! i go to the gym 5days a week and hes afraid a baby will change everything"

are you saying he is worried you will put the weight back on? surely if he loved you when you were big he will love you still if that happens?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"think yoursel lucky you have a husband.

if you love him that much you will do what he wants to do.

having kids isnt the be all and end all

despite what some people say."

what a load of tosh!! im so glad im single but feel amazingly lucky and privilaged to have my son!

so sad when people think the be all and end all of life is to have someone love u! pah! loving yourself is the most important thing

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"think yoursel lucky you have a husband.

if you love him that much you will do what he wants to do.

having kids isnt the be all and end all

despite what some people say."

lucky she has a husband??? do what he wants??? have we all jumped in invictus' time machine back to victorian times???

what a load of tosh!!!

relationships are about communication and compromise. if the OP's husband has had such a dramatic change of heart then she needs to sit down with him and discuss why. thats is the only answer here.

If it is due to the genetic condition then they need to go see a doctor and discuss options/tests etc. Even if there is a chance of a disability that doesnt mean the end of having babies. disabled children can live very happy lives. i think it would be hard to knowigly carry a life limited baby though.

At the end of the day only the OP and her husband can decide what the best option is for them...but they decde it as a couple not one person dictating to the other because of their sex!!!

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By *arkchestCouple
over a year ago

edinburgh


"think yoursel lucky you have a husband.

if you love him that much you will do what he wants to do.

having kids isnt the be all and end all

despite what some people say."

I disagree with these comments. If you told him before you were married how much it meant and he agreed to have them then he should have gave it more thought before you got married. Having kids isnt the be all and end all but if its something you have always craved and means more to you than anything then you should do it and find someone who will do it with you. As far as doing what he wants is rubbish. I love my husband very much but I don't always do what he wants to do, a marraige is give and take and comprising to fill each others needs and wants

On saying all that maybe if there is some kind of test that can be done to determine whether you carry the gene or not would make the decision easier.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just saying sometimes we should be grateful for what we have got instead of being miserable about what we havnt got. having a child would affect his life as well as yours.

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