FabSwingers.com forum: Under starter's orders...BANG and they're off!...

By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

A Snail, Tortoise and Slug. A one meter race to the finish line. A juicy lettace leaf for the victor. Who are you going for?

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By *stellaWoman
42 weeks ago

London

Slug.

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By *mmaleiaWoman
42 weeks ago

East Northamptonshire

Tortoise, they really shift when they want to

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

Forgot to say who I'm going for. The Snail.... (inside info about the race)

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By *elix SightedMan
42 weeks ago

Cloud 8

Tortoise, easily.

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
42 weeks ago

Basingstoke

What's the course terrain? Any gravel or sand? If so, I'm backing the tortoise!

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
42 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

The tortoise.

He's packing salt......

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By *ittleRed18Woman
42 weeks ago

Aberdeen

Ummmmm... the slug since it's not carrying it's home on it's back...

Orrrrr... the tortoise because it's bigger so can cover the same distance quicker

Oh wait or is it a Giant African Snail?

Ahhhhh! I can't choose!

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By *estarossa.Woman
42 weeks ago

Flagrante

Is it on the flat?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

To the above four or so posters, I can't divuldge any more. You need to choose affirmitavely.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Ummmmm... the slug since it's not carrying it's home on it's back...

Orrrrr... the tortoise because it's bigger so can cover the same distance quicker

Oh wait or is it a Giant African Snail?

Ahhhhh! I can't choose!

I like the logical thought process.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Is it on the flat?"

Yes, flat track

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"The tortoise.

He's packing salt......

No the tortoise isn't packing a mineral to make the race impossible for the other competitors.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"What's the course terrain? Any gravel or sand? If so, I'm backing the tortoise! "

No, but there is a slight hill in the middle.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Is it on the flat?

Yes, flat track"

* A tiny slight hill.

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By *ad NannaWoman
42 weeks ago

East London

Tortoises have been deceiving us for centuries.

They can run, and climb.

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Tortoises have been deceiving us for centuries.

They can run, and climb."

No they can not!.... Can they?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

Answering with a cool fab emoji doesn't make the tortoise the winner. (It does look cool though)

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

Answering with a cool fab emoji doesn't make the tortoise the winner. (It does look cool though)

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By *cflirtyMan
42 weeks ago

hants/ w sussex border

I'm backing the tortoise, especially if its an indian star.. 5 paces and it would cover a metre

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By *estarossa.Woman
42 weeks ago

Flagrante

"Is it on the flat?

Yes, flat track

* A tiny slight hill."

Snail then. They are great at climbing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

Answering with a cool fab emoji doesn't make the tortoise the winner. (It does look cool though)

Stop it! Stop showing off!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"I'm backing the tortoise, especially if its an indian star.. 5 paces and it would cover a metre

This man knows his slow creature racing... But is he correct?

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By *he turned me GreyCouple
42 weeks ago

Warwick and Coventry

The one wearing spikes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Is it on the flat?

Yes, flat track

* A tiny slight hill.

Snail then. They are great at climbing

Mmmm, let's see if you're right. The race is halfway run and the slug is leading atm.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"The one wearing spikes

Mr "

No. Spikes free race here.

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By *ildbillkidMan
42 weeks ago

where the road goes on forever

Which one is leaving the slime trail?

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By *he turned me GreyCouple
42 weeks ago

Warwick and Coventry

"The one wearing spikes

No. Spikes free race here.

My money is a photo finish then

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
42 weeks ago

Basingstoke

I'm feeling bizarrely invested in this mega sporting event now!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"The one wearing spikes

No. Spikes free race here.

My money is a photo finish then

Mr "

A bit unfair for the tortoise as its eyes don't pop out. A body photo finish instead is fair.

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By *estarossa.Woman
42 weeks ago

Flagrante

"Is it on the flat?

Yes, flat track

* A tiny slight hill.

Snail then. They are great at climbing

Mmmm, let's see if you're right. The race is halfway run and the slug is leading atm. "

Prove it!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"I'm feeling bizarrely invested in this mega sporting event now!"

I won't keep you in suspense too much longer. The race is into the final furlong. I'll report the winner.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Is it on the flat?

Yes, flat track

* A tiny slight hill.

Snail then. They are great at climbing

Mmmm, let's see if you're right. The race is halfway run and the slug is leading atm.

Prove it!!

I'm not live streaming the race.

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By *orny PTMan
42 weeks ago

Peterborough

Dead heat as they slug and snail will hitch a ride on the poor ol' tortoise.

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By *stellaWoman
42 weeks ago

London

"Is it on the flat?

Yes, flat track

* A tiny slight hill.

Snail then. They are great at climbing

Mmmm, let's see if you're right. The race is halfway run and the slug is leading atm. "

Come on slug!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Dead heat as they slug and snail will hitch a ride on the poor ol' tortoise."

No free rides. If the Snail or Slug do that, they'll be disqualified. They're all honest and steroid free racers. They all agreed to a fair race to the lettuce line.

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By *olfandtazCouple
42 weeks ago

Bristol

Come on slug!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Is it on the flat?

Yes, flat track

* A tiny slight hill.

Snail then. They are great at climbing

Mmmm, let's see if you're right. The race is halfway run and the slug is leading atm.

Come on slug!"

Oh no! Slug has found a bit of carrot by the side of the track, it's stopped for a nibble and slipped back into second place!

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

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By *estarossa.Woman
42 weeks ago

Flagrante

Snail is leaving the others trailing...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

There are not eight tortoises in this contest of speed. (or was that how the tortoise would look because it's moving so fast?)

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

Bystanders:

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

There are not eight tortoises in this contest of speed. (or was that how the tortoise would look because it's moving so fast?)

The speed of tortoise is indeed swift...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Snail is leaving the others trailing..."

Poor jokes won't aid the snail. This is a very serious race!

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By *orny PTMan
42 weeks ago

Peterborough

it depends on the terrain.

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 12/02/24 22:53:53]

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

"Snail is leaving the others trailing..."

will lap it!

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
42 weeks ago

Basingstoke

"Is it on the flat?

Yes, flat track

* A tiny slight hill.

Snail then. They are great at climbing

Mmmm, let's see if you're right. The race is halfway run and the slug is leading atm.

Come on slug!

Oh no! Slug has found a bit of carrot by the side of the track, it's stopped for a nibble and slipped back into second place! "

So who's now leading?

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By *cflirtyMan
42 weeks ago

hants/ w sussex border

The crntipede has run on ahead to catch the photo finish

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By *cflirtyMan
42 weeks ago

hants/ w sussex border

"The crntipede has run on ahead to catch the photo finish"

Grr centipede

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

It's started to rain...we all know what that means!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Is it on the flat?

Yes, flat track

* A tiny slight hill.

Snail then. They are great at climbing

Mmmm, let's see if you're right. The race is halfway run and the slug is leading atm.

Come on slug!

Oh no! Slug has found a bit of carrot by the side of the track, it's stopped for a nibble and slipped back into second place!

So who's now leading?"

Hang on, the Tortoise and the Snail have both paused for a photo opportunity.... The slugs eaten, revived and taken the lead again!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"The crntipede has run on ahead to catch the photo finish

Grr centipede"

What!! There isn't a centipede in this race?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"It's started to rain...we all know what that means!"

....Yeah, it ain't looking great for the Tortoise atm.

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

Snail AND slug are dickstracted by the rain but

speeds ahead cheered on by

etc

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

"It's started to rain...we all know what that means!

....Yeah, it ain't looking great for the Tortoise atm.

What?!

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
42 weeks ago

Reading

The tortoise as ive put a line of salt down.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

Into the last 20cm. (OMG the excitement, there's no more than 4mm between them) What a race!!

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By *stellaWoman
42 weeks ago

London

Come on slug!

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By *cflirtyMan
42 weeks ago

hants/ w sussex border

"The crntipede has run on ahead to catch the photo finish

Grr centipede

What!! There isn't a centipede in this race?

Centipede is the press covering the race

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

for the win!

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By *orny PTMan
42 weeks ago

Peterborough

"It's started to rain...we all know what that means!"

The earthworms have joined the melee and the birds thought supper was ready.

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

Oh no, the slug fell down amd drowndead in a puddle

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

And.....20 cm has taken FIVE minutes and there's one drowndead slug, a dickstracted snail and a very determined

HURTLING towards the LINE of salt!

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
42 weeks ago

Basingstoke

Wait, is that a sloth coming up from behind? A late entry to the race - making good progress!

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

"Wait, is that a sloth coming up from behind? A late entry to the race - making good progress! "

SLOTH! SLOTH? WTAF!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Oh no, the slug fell down amd drowndead in a puddle

Erm excuse me. I didn't make you the ref!

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

"Oh no, the slug fell down amd drowndead in a puddle

Erm excuse me. I didn't make you the ref!

Erm excuse me the REF was nowhere in sight!

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

If the sloth is allowed and the centipede is doing press, my champion

is a late starter and already in the lead!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Wait, is that a sloth coming up from behind? A late entry to the race - making good progress! "

Where's the sloth come from.... It was sleeping at the start so a non runner!

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By *estarossa.Woman
42 weeks ago

Flagrante

The snail takes a slug of Monster and speeds through the raindrops, over the brow of the hill and is just skiing down the hill now!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Oh no, the slug fell down amd drowndead in a puddle

Erm excuse me. I didn't make you the ref!

Erm excuse me the REF was nowhere in sight! "

I'm the ref, end of! And very much in sight and making sure this race is a fair event.

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By *stellaWoman
42 weeks ago

London

Come on slug!

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By *ob Carpe DiemMan
42 weeks ago

Torquay

Slugs go up the side of my building, there's no food up there, dead snails on the ceiling of my bin store, the tortoise will find the food although they are fussy eaters sometimes so maybe none will find the lettuce

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

"Oh no, the slug fell down amd drowndead in a puddle

Erm excuse me. I didn't make you the ref!

Erm excuse me the REF was nowhere in sight!

I'm the ref, end of! And very much in sight and making sure this race is a fair event.

It's a MIRACLE! The slug has not breathed its last. But it will still come last as the

will be TRIUMPHANT!

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
42 weeks ago

Basingstoke

For the love of God is this race ever going to end, or has the tortoise overturned, the snail been snatched up by a crow and the slug squished by a passing elephant?

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By *ob Carpe DiemMan
42 weeks ago

Torquay

"Slugs go up the side of my building, there's no food up there, dead snails on the ceiling of my bin store, the tortoise will find the food although they are fussy eaters sometimes so maybe none will find the lettuce "

It will wilt and die when it could have been nice and crisp in a coronation chicken sandwich

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

"For the love of God is this race ever going to end, or has the tortoise overturned, the snail been snatched up by a crow and the slug squished by a passing elephant?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"The snail takes a slug of Monster and speeds through the raindrops, over the brow of the hill and is just skiing down the hill now!"

Taking enhanements! I might need to disqualify the Snail...

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

"The snail takes a slug of Monster and speeds through the raindrops, over the brow of the hill and is just skiing down the hill now!

Taking enhanements! I might need to disqualify the Snail...

YASSSSS!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Oh no, the slug fell down amd drowndead in a puddle

Erm excuse me. I didn't make you the ref!

Erm excuse me the REF was nowhere in sight!

I'm the ref, end of! And very much in sight and making sure this race is a fair event.

It's a MIRACLE! The slug has not breathed its last. But it will still come last as the

will be TRIUMPHANT! "

Will it indeed?

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

"Oh no, the slug fell down amd drowndead in a puddle

Erm excuse me. I didn't make you the ref!

Erm excuse me the REF was nowhere in sight!

I'm the ref, end of! And very much in sight and making sure this race is a fair event.

It's a MIRACLE! The slug has not breathed its last. But it will still come last as the

will be TRIUMPHANT!

Will it indeed?

You know it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"For the love of God is this race ever going to end, or has the tortoise overturned, the snail been snatched up by a crow and the slug squished by a passing elephant?"

I'm sorry. It's a slow race, they're all really damn slow.

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By *ob Carpe DiemMan
42 weeks ago

Torquay

Can I clarify, which one is Taylor Swift dating, it appears to make a difference

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

"For the love of God is this race ever going to end, or has the tortoise overturned, the snail been snatched up by a crow and the slug squished by a passing elephant?

I'm sorry. It's a slow race, they're all really damn slow.

Two hours to cover a metre. Yeesh!

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
42 weeks ago

Basingstoke

"Can I clarify, which one is Taylor Swift dating, it appears to make a difference "

She'll change her mind as soon as the race is over!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Can I clarify, which one is Taylor Swift dating, it appears to make a difference "

The Tortise. Taylor likes a slow mover but with a bit of muscle under the shell.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"For the love of God is this race ever going to end, or has the tortoise overturned, the snail been snatched up by a crow and the slug squished by a passing elephant?

I'm sorry. It's a slow race, they're all really damn slow.

Two hours to cover a metre. Yeesh!

They're all slow shifters. Be patient this is an exciting race.

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

"Can I clarify, which one is Taylor Swift dating, it appears to make a difference

The Tortise. Taylor likes a slow mover but with a bit of muscle under the shell.

preens

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

OMG..... They've agreed a time out for refreshments..... 3 minutes. What are they refreshing with to win the race?

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

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By *estarossa.Woman
42 weeks ago

Flagrante

"OMG..... They've agreed a time out for refreshments..... 3 minutes. What are they refreshing with to win the race? "

Sounds like the Superbowl last night! Took 5 hours to do an hours worth of gameplay!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"OMG..... They've agreed a time out for refreshments..... 3 minutes. What are they refreshing with to win the race?

Sounds like the Superbowl last night! Took 5 hours to do an hours worth of gameplay!"

No, this is a real sport. Usher won't be jerking his ass and miming.

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By *ob Carpe DiemMan
42 weeks ago

Torquay

Where is the Hare in all this or is it because it's approaching March and he's limbering up to go mad, in fact fucking bonkers cause I've seen em and they truly do go fucking barmy

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

"OMG..... They've agreed a time out for refreshments..... 3 minutes. What are they refreshing with to win the race?

Sounds like the Superbowl last night! Took 5 hours to do an hours worth of gameplay!

No, this is a real sport. Usher won't be jerking his ass and miming.

What's the name of the sport, sport?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Where is the Hare in all this or is it because it's approaching March and he's limbering up to go mad, in fact fucking bonkers cause I've seen em and they truly do go fucking barmy "

No Hare in this race. Sorry but you'll just have to go barmby.

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

"Where is the Hare in all this or is it because it's approaching March and he's limbering up to go mad, in fact fucking bonkers cause I've seen em and they truly do go fucking barmy

No Hare in this race. Sorry but you'll just have to go barmby.

Barmby Moor?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"OMG..... They've agreed a time out for refreshments..... 3 minutes. What are they refreshing with to win the race?

Sounds like the Superbowl last night! Took 5 hours to do an hours worth of gameplay!

No, this is a real sport. Usher won't be jerking his ass and miming.

What's the name of the sport, sport?

I think the name of the sport is: (Staged set plays while the cameras capture them for huge internet sensation and clicks.

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By *ookie46Woman
42 weeks ago

Deepest darkest Peru

I’ve been chased by a tortoise, they’re blinking nifty

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By *estarossa.Woman
42 weeks ago

Flagrante

"Where is the Hare in all this or is it because it's approaching March and he's limbering up to go mad, in fact fucking bonkers cause I've seen em and they truly do go fucking barmy

No Hare in this race. Sorry but you'll just have to go barmby.

Barmby Moor? "

Or less

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"Where is the Hare in all this or is it because it's approaching March and he's limbering up to go mad, in fact fucking bonkers cause I've seen em and they truly do go fucking barmy

No Hare in this race. Sorry but you'll just have to go barmby.

Barmby Moor? "

You could do, but they don't hold a race event as exciting as this.

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By *estarossa.Woman
42 weeks ago

Flagrante

Did they all fall asleep?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

THE RACE IS OVER, AND THE WINNER IS ......

The Snail.

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By *estarossa.Woman
42 weeks ago

Flagrante

"THE RACE IS OVER, AND THE WINNER IS ......

The Snail. "

I won! What do I win?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"THE RACE IS OVER, AND THE WINNER IS ......

The Snail.

I won! What do I win?

... I don't recall any mention of a prize in my opening thread. No prize. Just the smug satifaction of winning.

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By *estarossa.Woman
42 weeks ago

Flagrante

"THE RACE IS OVER, AND THE WINNER IS ......

The Snail.

I won! What do I win?

... I don't recall any mention of a prize in my opening thread. No prize. Just the smug satifaction of winning.

What no medal!

What does the snail get? The lettuce?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

"THE RACE IS OVER, AND THE WINNER IS ......

The Snail.

I won! What do I win?

... I don't recall any mention of a prize in my opening thread. No prize. Just the smug satifaction of winning.

What no medal!

What does the snail get? The lettuce?"

Erm, well... yeah. That was the prize

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By (user no longer on site) OP
42 weeks ago

Thank you to all that indulged my daftness on this thread tonight. Be assured any losing bets have been donated to charity. (The lost orphan kittens trust) They're all content, happy, snuggly warm and getting dreamies now, thanks to you.

Goodnight fab

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By (user no longer on site)
42 weeks ago

here. Very depressed. I thought I had a new career as a professional [redacted] racer. I was seduced by the promises of glamour, prize lettuce and sexy lady

. Just crawling back into my shell to consider my options.

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By *TG3Man
42 weeks ago

Dorchester

Tortoises are surprisingly fast and can climb

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By *orny PTMan
42 weeks ago

Peterborough

"THE RACE IS OVER, AND THE WINNER IS ......

The Snail.

I won! What do I win?

I demand a stewards' inquiry, as it's been brought to my attention, that the slug identifies as a homeless snail and the snail is not, in fact a snail but a slug: that's squatting in that very same shell.

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