FabSwingers.com forum: *throws grenade*

By (user no longer on site) OP
43 weeks ago

WARNING controversial post, please play nice and don't attack each other or fall out.

I'm hoping for a healthy discussion over someone else's words as follows:

"Society today is just catering to narcissistic women. If they post a picture online, a bikini picture, there's nothing the husband can do that could compete with that level of accolade. The compliments, the messages, the attention from men around the world with money and things. There's nothing he can do. He can't post online and get the same reaction and more so he can't give her the same level of validation. So what's happened is we've created a setup in society that means men have to compete with a level validation they can't compete with. And if they go online, if they join a dating app that night they can have so many more options than a man can because they've got filters, so the things women can do to manipulate male validation, to get more attention from men, to soothe themselves and remind themselves they are above this, They don't need him, they can replace him. It's something men actually can't do so they have to rely on pornography for that, they replace us with pornography, we replace them with likes and comments on social media"

What are your thoughts on this? How accurate do you think this is? Do you think the word narcissistic is accurate? How much can you relate to it being on fab and dating apps?

Be adults and nice PLEASE!! My title was tongue in cheek to try and lighten the mood.

I find the woman that said that very interesting and so far I like her take on things in various points and not just about this particular thing above.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
43 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Pussy power!

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By *ris GrayMan
43 weeks ago

Dorchester

I can replace a woman with a woman but i get what you mean, women rule her and bat above average and men mostly have to accept what they get

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By *ris GrayMan
43 weeks ago

Dorchester

"I can replace a woman with a woman but i get what you mean, women rule her and bat above average and men mostly have to accept what they get

"
here

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
43 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

It's not a competition though.

If you really feel you have to compete for your partners affection and attention, is that a happy and healthy relationship that's worth sustaining?

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
43 weeks ago

kent

I’m at work, and I can’t fully unpack this at the moment, so very briefly, although this post isn’t particularly well articulated, there is some merit in what she’s driving at.

I’ll be sure to pop back later and give this a read.

Interesting one OP Xx

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
43 weeks ago

in Lancashire

[Removed by poster at 01/02/24 13:44:33]

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By *panksspankedMan
43 weeks ago

Edinburgh

It's certainly a view point. I think it really depends on what you buy into and how much attention you pay to media imposed images of your ideals. For most of us these people live in a different world whether we aspire to that world too is entirely up to us

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
43 weeks ago

Reading

a compliment from my so means so much more than from some fella online who just wants sex. so the premise is faulty.

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By *ellinever70Woman
43 weeks ago

Ayrshire

Poor men

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By *illy IdolMan
43 weeks ago

Midlands

I don't mind marmite. I don't love or hate it. It's just okay

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

It's a common complaint men are making now. But these guys are insecure, probably unable to hold onto a relationship due to jealousy issues.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
43 weeks ago

Paradise, Herts

"It's not a competition though.

If you really feel you have to compete for your partners affection and attention, is that a happy and healthy relationship that's worth sustaining?"

This was my first thought too

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By *imply DeeWoman
43 weeks ago

Wherever

As in women nowadays prefer to replace a validation from her real life partner/s by getting all the validation from strangers online? Men feel the need to compete with said strangers online? I’m not sure I understand that, either way sounds very strange and unhealthy.

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By *ealitybitesMan
43 weeks ago

Belfast

No idea if all of that is true but parts of it certainly are.

I don't think narcissistic is the correct term though.

Some people will take advantage of scenarios such as those and it can affect their own self worth one way or the other.

It's much easier for women to get attention and be showered in compliments but that doesn't mean that attention is welcome or is the kind of attention they would prefer.

As an experiment the outcome is fairly obvious before it starts but in reality it doesn't necessarily mean that all women would be comfortable with the results or that all men would feel uncomfortable.

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By *enelope2UWoman
43 weeks ago

Fife

He lost the minute he felt it competition... Competition is when you don't already hold the prize..

He has her they don't . If he's not appreciative of what he has right in his hands eyes send then yeah he will and should feel insecure. Someone else sees what he's ignoring and more power to her when she realized she doesn't have to take his crumbs...

Same goes for a guy that sees a toy as competition it's your companion team up with it and satisfy your woman that you doesn't kiss it doesn't remember your favourite colour it doesn't rub your feet after a long day.

It simply doesn't make excuses unless you forget to pay the utility bill or forget to replace the batteries..

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By *icolerobbieCouple
43 weeks ago

walsall

I don’t think many men want a wife who was posting explicit pictures and joining dating apps. I’m sure there are some that won’t mind, but they’re in the minority.

Many young women are learning that they can monetise their looks, hence the rise in only fans and the like.

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By *aramel.desiresMan
43 weeks ago

Heathrow

Some good points here. But is the validity coming from a good source with good intent? And how many likes has the source clicked that day?

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By *enelope2UWoman
43 weeks ago

Fife

"He lost the minute he felt it competition... Competition is when you don't already hold the prize..

It simply doesn't make excuses unless you forget to pay the utility bill or forget to replace the batteries.."

And I've never have never will use filters take me as I am or not at all. I seldom wear makeup either so go add if the person thinks that's a necessary they themselves are also insecure.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
43 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"WARNING controversial post, please play nice and don't attack each other or fall out.

I'm hoping for a healthy discussion over someone else's words as follows:

What are your thoughts on this? How accurate do you think this is? Do you think the word narcissistic is accurate? How much can you relate to it being on fab and dating apps?

Be adults and nice PLEASE!! My title was tongue in cheek to try and lighten the mood.

I find the woman that said that very interesting and so far I like her take on things in various points and not just about this particular thing above.

'There's nothing he can do', unless....

He's Henry Cavill, Matthew McConaughy, Brad Pitt, Jared Leto etc.

But yeah. Us mere mortals are fucked.

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By *heGateKeeperMan
43 weeks ago

Stratford

Hard to unpack but i think there is some truth to it.

The digital age and the level of availability and access play a huge factor.

I need to find a way to phrase my opinion with it seeming like I’m mansplaining or being derogatory which I’ll try to do in words later

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By *heGateKeeperMan
43 weeks ago

Stratford

"Some good points here. But is the validity coming from a good source with good intent? And how many likes has the source clicked that day?

I’m not sure how important that is (the good source and the intent) I think the outcome is the dopamine hit and that’s what’s important in the moment. The rationalisation happens later, if at all

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

This is the 80/20 rule in action

20% of guys are getting 80% of the women

50 years ago that meant just in your town or social circle

With social media, apps, places like fabs, your competing with everyone, everywhere

Beautiful women get messaged on instagram and offered to be flow out to Miami, Dubai, where ever.

That’s why relationships are so fickle these days. There’s always better options constantly and offering themselves.

In the next few decades I expect women interested in ENM/poly is going to explode as society catches up to the fact that a woman absolutely can have as much as she wants and for most men, they’ll either need to accept that or accept nothing

I don’t type this in a negative or a positive view. It’s just how I see it going.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
43 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"I can replace a woman with a woman but i get what you mean, women rule her and bat above average and men mostly have to accept what they get

here"

*sniffles* I didn’t know you were settling, Fred.

*packs*

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
43 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"a compliment from my so means so much more than from some fella online who just wants sex. so the premise is faulty."

Same

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
43 weeks ago

North West

I'm not sure all the partnered-up women are on this (and/or other) sites are here for compliments and validation. I know personally speaking that I don't believe about 99.9% of the compliments I get here and expect they're mainly hollow words to get the Sex.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
43 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

Okay, two things.

The first, Prey already covered. Attention is not a competition. It’s not a limited resource.

Secondly, abstracted virtual attention is not the same as tangible physical presence and affection. It ticks different boxes, in different ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

"I don’t think many men want a wife who was posting explicit pictures and joining dating apps. I’m sure there are some that won’t mind, but they’re in the minority.

Many young women are learning that they can monetise their looks, hence the rise in only fans and the like."

I do. I want somebody's wife posting in dating sites and social media. She is clearly looking for sex.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
43 weeks ago

Leeds

"It's not a competition though.

If you really feel you have to compete for your partners affection and attention, is that a happy and healthy relationship that's worth sustaining?"

Exactly this, we aren't in competition.

I know if I post a pic alone and the Mr does on here I'll get more fabs, but fabs but that's the blokes doing that.

Do compliments from thirsty men actually give any kind of validation to me they don't.

If the men weren't so ERM.....what's a polite way to put it....I don't have one greasy and compliment every bit of skin they see this wouldn't be a thing.

Mrs

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
43 weeks ago

Southampton

My head hurts reading this thread

...

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

Speaking of women's ability to monetise their looks, it used to be through marriage, now it's OF. Software eats everything, don't know why marriage should be spared.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
43 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

"Speaking of women's ability to monetise their looks, it used to be through marriage, now it's OF. Software eats everything, don't know why marriage should be spared."

Gods bless the algorithm

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By *ycanNightsMan
43 weeks ago

Workington

It's not a competition...

Real feelings , genuine affection and attention can't be compared to likes and comments on here or social media.

Sure it's attention and compliments can be nice and all...and I'm sure it kinda hits the spot sometimes in some ways.But comparable to someone genuinely demonstrating love and affection...No

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By *a LunaWoman
43 weeks ago

South Wales

"It's not a competition though.

If you really feel you have to compete for your partners affection and attention, is that a happy and healthy relationship that's worth sustaining?"

This.

And I think it’s official - Fab is getting too high brow for me!

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By *heGateKeeperMan
43 weeks ago

Stratford

I will have to go back and read the thread in it’s entirety to understand the focus on perceived ‘competition’ but I find it an interesting concept which immediately makes me draw comparisons between real husbands and ‘work husbands’

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By *lder.Woman
43 weeks ago

Not Local

Is online validation catering to narcissism or creating it.

Ill think about the rest of the question

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

"Is online validation catering to narcissism or creating it.

Ill think about the rest of the question

Both

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
43 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"Is online validation catering to narcissism or creating it?"

Both, endlessly. Like a snake eating its own tail.

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

"Is online validation catering to narcissism or creating it?

Both, endlessly. Like a snake eating its own tail."

Supply and demand.

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By *rHotNottsMan
43 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I don’t think it’s accurate. If some women enjoy that kind of attention from strangers that’s fine but there’s no need for me to compete with that.

women used to streak at football matches, and blokes would shout oooh I’d do her and it never made me insecure.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
43 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"Supply and demand."

Humans gonna human.

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By *parkle1974Woman
43 weeks ago

Leeds

I'd rather get compliments from a partner than some random as I know they are truly meant.

Some women may have narcissistic tendencies and use the trait to their advantage....those are the type I don't wish to know or be associated with.

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By *hilloutMan
43 weeks ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"WARNING controversial post, please play nice and don't attack each other or fall out.

I'm hoping for a healthy discussion over someone else's words as follows:

To begin with, no self respecting husband should tolerate this behaviour if it's something he isn't doing himself. It would be an indication that something is seriously wrong with the relationship which should be addressed. I don't care what anyone says, but posting a revealing pic of yourself online is done with specific intent of getting attention / adulation / validation.

In an online environment, hetero men can't possibly ever compete with the amount of attention a woman can receive. As far as dating apps are concerned, 80-90% of men are invisible as the "standards" women now impose exclude the majority of them. The endless amount of attention inflates many women's sense of worth. This also applies to fab.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
43 weeks ago

East Sussex

I think if you live in a world of social media that's the 'society' you know. It might be accurate in a few cases but really how many women display narcissistic traits?

I don't know because it sounds really fucked up to me

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
43 weeks ago

East Sussex

I would also point out that its actually men who drive this validation. If it's a monster, men created it

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

"I would also point out that its actually men who drive this validation. If it's a monster, men created it"

I accept we did, and do. We are easy to exploit.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
43 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

Whilst the premise is true, in that, women will get more attention and validation than men, I don’t think it’s competition.

It’ll only be competition if the woman wasn’t happy in a relationship and was therefore looking for an alternative.

Same for the porn comparison for the male - porn isn’t a comparison for a relationship. If you’re thinking porn is better than a relationship then you clearly aren’t in the right relationship.

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By *elix SightedMan
43 weeks ago

Cloud 8

"I think if you live in a world of social media that's the 'society' you know. It might be accurate in a few cases but really how many women display narcissistic traits?

I don't know because it sounds really fucked up to me"

Everyone, everyone - Mrs Nicecouple sweared.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
43 weeks ago

East Sussex

"I would also point out that its actually men who drive this validation. If it's a monster, men created it

I accept we did, and do. We are easy to exploit. "

As my dad says "a woman will draw them further than gunpowder will blow them".

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
43 weeks ago

East Sussex

"I think if you live in a world of social media that's the 'society' you know. It might be accurate in a few cases but really how many women display narcissistic traits?

I don't know because it sounds really fucked up to me

Everyone, everyone - Mrs Nicecouple sweared.

I save swearing for special occasions. I find it has more impact

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By *xperience huntingMan
43 weeks ago

where

I agree to an extent but women have always been of higher value than men, more sought after and generally wanted more.This place Simply exacerbates it as does social media.

I’m not going down the it’s hard to be a fella route well not all the way down anyways. But it can be tricky to navigate these days. Often you’re not sure what to do or say in order to be considered decent.

Good post OP

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
43 weeks ago

East Sussex

"I agree to an extent but women have always been of higher value than men, more sought after and generally wanted more.This place Simply exacerbates it as does social media.

Good post OP"

Higher value in what way?

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By *xperience huntingMan
43 weeks ago

where

More celebrated I feel is probably more accurate in fairness. Apologies.

If a woman posts hot pics any where there’s a plethora of men and women supporting that much more so than men.

Women years ago were seen as beautiful creatures to tend to and look after where as men were to work and provide.

I know this has changed a little !

Women are celebrated for success men tend to be

Seen as greedy or selfish for the same reason.

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By *elix SightedMan
43 weeks ago

Cloud 8

"WARNING controversial post, please play nice and don't attack each other or fall out.

I'm hoping for a healthy discussion over someone else's words as follows:

What are your thoughts on this? How accurate do you think this is? Do you think the word narcissistic is accurate? How much can you relate to it being on fab and dating apps?

Be adults and nice PLEASE!! My title was tongue in cheek to try and lighten the mood.

I find the woman that said that very interesting and so far I like her take on things in various points and not just about this particular thing above.

I have no doubt there are many who feel this way. ‘Victim to the internet’.

I wonder how many people pictured this particular woman who has (hypothetically) plastered her bikini on the World Wide Web. Did you think of a typical model type, all tall and thin and tanned, micro bikini etc? And was the assumption her man is punching? Mr ordinary and therefore less desirable? Because it could equally be the opposite. It could be him that’s the stunning male model, all hunkified and ripplin, with his Speedo Skyns barley covering the python lying beneath. Reality can be very different than the perception.

And does seeking adulation make us narcissists? Surely it’s a basic human trait to be desired. If I want to find out if I’m desirable, I need to take that step and put my image out there to be judged. It’s the motivation behind it that defines the subject. Seeking adulation, no matter how transparent or cheap, doesn’t mean I love myself. It’s probably filling a hole left by something psychological from my past. The internet has merely provided me with a vehicle.

All that being said, men are supposed to be visual creatures. We apparently favour what we see over anything else and women less so. It therefore stands to reason totties will get more adulation than geezers. We probably look at more porn, more sexy portraits on instagram, fawn over more female celebrities etc.

It’s up to us all to be secure about ourselves, how we are appreciated and by whom. If the woman I’m with is more interested in anonymous adulation than subtle validation from me, maybe I’m not in a healthy relationship. But there could be any number of reasons behind why she does what she does and partners are not always blameless innocents.

Anyway, I’m off for a wank over some lezzer porn.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
43 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

He could have just said he wanted a wank

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
43 weeks ago

East Sussex

Just using fab as an example.

Women ask for validation based on their appearance, men (and some women) flock to give it.

Men ask for validation for their woman partner based on her looks, men (and some women) flock to give it.

Men ask for validation based on their looks...

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

"Just using fab as an example.

Women ask for validation based on their appearance, men (and some women) flock to give it.

Men ask for validation for their woman partner based on her looks, men (and some women) flock to give it.

Men ask for validation based on their looks..."

Some Men give it…

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

Its definitely more a case of supply and demand.

And who doesn't want to be wanted?

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By *rucking-HellMan
43 weeks ago

Northampton

Once a man learns to give himself validation, he's pretty much untouchable.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
43 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Just using fab as an example.

Women ask for validation based on their appearance, men (and some women) flock to give it.

Men ask for validation for their woman partner based on her looks, men (and some women) flock to give it.

Men ask for validation based on their looks...

Some Men give it…

They do and some women but a fraction of the number who will tell a woman she's gorgeous. One wonders what possible motivation they might have

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By *eroLondonMan
43 weeks ago

Covent Garden

Nearly 60 posts in and not a single one of you saintly souls have inserted the grenade emoji

You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
43 weeks ago

East Sussex

Mind you all of us who have more than one public picture are seeking approval of some sort of we'd all have fabs disabled

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By (user no longer on site) OP
43 weeks ago

"Nearly 60 posts in and not a single one of you saintly souls have inserted the grenade emoji

You all should be ashamed of yourselves."

We were clearly waiting for you to do the dirty dead Nero.

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

"Mind you all of us who have more than one public picture are seeking approval of some sort of we'd all have fabs disabled "

It like a peacock flexing his feathers.

I literally take off my pants and take a photo and post it…. It’s not for a job interview, I’m not daft, I’d like a woman to look at me and think, Damn he’s sexy and I bet his squirty cream would taste lovely on my buns.

Of course we want to be liked… even the ones who pretend they don’t.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
43 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Mind you all of us who have more than one public picture are seeking approval of some sort of we'd all have fabs disabled

It like a peacock flexing his feathers.

Of course we want to be liked… even the ones who pretend they don’t. "

Very true.

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By *rispyDuckMan
43 weeks ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

I think 1 of the problems is ‘some fellas don’t know their own self worth & will tolerate anything to stay with a partner that doesn’t respect them’

If I was with someone & she craved male validation posting thirst traps or dressed provocative for attention & it made me uncomfortable. I would address it respectfully

& if it continued I would walk away simple ass

I have no attachment issues, in my eyes any women that can be replaced except my mother

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By *rispyDuckMan
43 weeks ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

We all crave a lil validation which is fine

but if it make your partner uncomfortable then it’s an issue

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
43 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"Nearly 60 posts in and not a single one of you saintly souls have inserted the grenade emoji

You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

We were clearly waiting for you to do the dirty dead Nero."

https://youtu.be/jsjdjWGDvFk?si=HvV279f0ypSV39vX

This song is now stuck in my head.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
43 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"Once a man learns to give himself validation, he's pretty much untouchable. "

I think that works regardless of gender.

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By *ellaboo400Couple
43 weeks ago

Gorebridge

I can see this in other people's relationships but me and Mr K know we're number 1 in each others lives so if I get compliments he's proud more than anything else. I think society in general is set up to serve narcissistic people tho because people all flock around falling for their charm and never believe anyone who talks about what happens behind closed doors, genuine people aren't appreciated anymore by most people but fake narcs with a big show and bravado are worshipped

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By *host63Man
43 weeks ago

Bedfont Feltham

"WARNING controversial post, please play nice and don't attack each other or fall out.

I'm hoping for a healthy discussion over someone else's words as follows:

What are your thoughts on this? How accurate do you think this is? Do you think the word narcissistic is accurate? How much can you relate to it being on fab and dating apps?

Be adults and nice PLEASE!! My title was tongue in cheek to try and lighten the mood.

I find the woman that said that very interesting and so far I like her take on things in various points and not just about this particular thing above.

100% accurate and I agree with the OP

Thank you for writing this

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By *ris GrayMan
43 weeks ago

Dorchester

"a compliment from my so means so much more than from some fella online who just wants sex. so the premise is faulty.

Same"
damn i was about to compliment you too

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By *ittlebirdWoman
43 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

I think it’s true for some people.

I’m not one of them though OP

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By *tylebender03Man
43 weeks ago

Manchester

There’s definitely something to this. I’ve seen similar threads on social media. Stories of women leaving their partners because they think the grass is greener and they often find it’s not and they left a good man. Dopamine is a helluva dr*g

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By *edeWoman
43 weeks ago

the abyss

To those that find attention important I can see how this would be a problem.

I prefer intention, that is much harder to find

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By *ittle. BeaverWoman
43 weeks ago

Launceston

"It's not a competition...

Real feelings , genuine affection and attention can't be compared to likes and comments on here or social media.

Sure it's attention and compliments can be nice and all...and I'm sure it kinda hits the spot sometimes in some ways.But comparable to someone genuinely demonstrating love and affection...No"

I agree with Lycan, and others who have said similar.

Like fabs, any attention on here for us women should be taken with a massive pinch of salt. You'd be really silly to take any of the attention to heart. It's all shallow and hollow. And probably most of it isn't even meant, just a means for people to get what they want out of you!

No social media attention can ever fulfill low self esteem, it probably makes it worse.

So I agree, there is ultimately no competition. A loving partner is far better than loads of likes and waffle online!

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
43 weeks ago

chichester

"It's not a competition...

Real feelings , genuine affection and attention can't be compared to likes and comments on here or social media.

Sure it's attention and compliments can be nice and all...and I'm sure it kinda hits the spot sometimes in some ways.But comparable to someone genuinely demonstrating love and affection...No

I agree with Lycan, and others who have said similar.

No social media attention can ever fulfill low self esteem, it probably makes it worse.

So I agree, there is ultimately no competition. A loving partner is far better than loads of likes and waffle online! "

Being honest on here most people compliment anything if they feel it will increase odds of a bunk up

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By *xfordjohnMan
43 weeks ago

Oxford

Whilst I recognise the content of the quote, I think it applies only to a tiny - very tiny - number of people. Most of us just get on with life and don't live for or through social media; we just use it as a means of communication.

In terms of Fab, the skewed membership inevitably means that women (fewer in number than men) get more attention. If they are grown-up, they'll recognise that and treat it appropriately.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
43 weeks ago

Horsham

Start wearing dresses, make up, wigs, and emmulate women. Then start to look for men to have sex with.

The men will have become women, and men will have replaced women.

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
43 weeks ago

A den in the Glen

It's a bit 'bob on' tbh.

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

"It's not a competition though.

If you really feel you have to compete for your partners affection and attention, is that a happy and healthy relationship that's worth sustaining?"

No. No way do we need to compete for his attention

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By *oubleswing2019Man
43 weeks ago

Colchester

My take on initially reading the OP's quoted text was "this is drivel written by an incel" by about the 3rd line.

It wasn't until the OP mentioned it was written by a woman ; and now I am really confused.

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