FabSwingers.com forum: If

By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

Let's have your best if statement. Keep it nice but funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cif

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cif"

Preferred Jif tbh but who am I to stand in the way of progress?

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

Ted’s cleaned up there

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

"Ted’s cleaned up there

..It'd be a whole new experience

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If my grandmother had wheels she'd be a bike.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This forum seems a bit iffy

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"This forum seems a bit iffy"

Dont' worry, someone will be with you in a jiffy

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

If ifs and buts were coconuts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I had a quid for every single time...

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"If I had a quid for every single time..."

Every time what?

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

If wishes were horses beggars would ride..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If you keep waving that about you'll have someone's eye out

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

If I can’t believe it’s not butter is it really butter?

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"If you keep waving that about you'll have someone's eye out"

Every one here seens to know Harold

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I had a quid for every single time...

Every time what?

A woman sent me an unsolicited nude...

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"If I had a quid for every single time...

Every time what?

A woman sent me an unsolicited nude...

It is just your cross to bare on here

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By *arlot o scaraWoman
over a year ago

Hell

If your aunt had balls she’d be your uncle but she doesn’t so she’s not, do you know what I’m trying to say?

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

If I was a rich man

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"If I was a rich man "

Don't keep us in suspense

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"If I was a rich man

Don't keep us in suspense"

I'm rich in love my friend

But havent two half pennies to rub

Together .

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling.

Hmm, I suddenly fancy a cherry bakewell.

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

"If I had a quid for every single time...

Every time what?

A woman sent me an unsolicited nude...

You'd be skint

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling.

Hmm, I suddenly fancy a cherry bakewell."

Love this poem

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling.

Hmm, I suddenly fancy a cherry bakewell."

Brilliant

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

if the winds could whisper what they hear

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By *ddie1966Man
over a year ago

Paper Town Central, Essex.

[Removed by poster at 27/01/24 20:39:10]

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By *ddie1966Man
over a year ago

Paper Town Central, Essex.

"If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling.

Hmm, I suddenly fancy a cherry bakewell."

Game over.

Endex.

Felix wins.

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling.

Hmm, I suddenly fancy a cherry bakewell."

Self control, humility and integrity - rather rare commodities.

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