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The Paradox of Online vs. Real-Life Attraction: A Personal Experience

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By *heitaliandreamer OP   Man
over a year ago

Northampton

Hey everyone on the forum,

I've been contemplating a bit of a paradox in my social life that I think many of you might relate to, and I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences to see if we could spark a discussion about it.

I consider myself an average-looking guy, and like many of you here, I've faced the challenge of trying to connect with women or couples online. It's been a struggle, to say the least. Sending out messages and not getting responses has become an all-too-common occurrence, and it's not for lack of trying.

But here's where things get interesting – in the club scene, my experience is like night and day compared to my online endeavors. When I'm out, I feel confident and successful in my interactions. I can flirt and, more often than not, I can connect with someone regardless of how attractive they might be. It's a stark contrast to the radio silence I receive in the digital world.

This led me to a realization: there's a huge discrepancy between how we present ourselves online and who we are in person. A profile picture or a bio can't encapsulate the essence of someone's charisma, their energy, or the way they can make others feel when they're actually in the room.

I'm starting to think that we, as a community, might be missing out on incredible connections because we're too focused on the superficial aspects that come across in online profiles. I'm not saying that physical attraction isn't important – it definitely plays a role – but it isn't the whole story.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's hope for us yet, and perhaps we should consider giving people more of a chance. A picture might be worth a thousand words, but it doesn't always tell the full story of who someone is. Maybe we need to look a little deeper and be more open-minded to the possibilities.

Have any of you had similar experiences? How do you reconcile the disparity between online interactions and real-life connections? I'd love to hear your stories and thoughts on this.

Cheers,

Giuseppe

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I get what you mean. Clubs are a great way to get to know the real person behind a profile, as are organised group socials.

I also use the forums to try and get my personality across, in addition obviously to my profile and photos.

I guess that's why my inbox is as dry as the sahara and I don't meet much.....

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Pictures for me play a small role on here, it's more how someone approaches me with their 1st message that catches my eye.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

I find a 1000 words paint a better picture for me OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just by remembering the sheer amount of messages women get on here.

It would drive me cold after about an hour I reckon if the roles were reversed (Call me what you want but I think it is true)

What I mean is different factors affect both worlds and you will likely always have better luck face to face than you ever will online

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By *eductiveEncountersWoman
over a year ago

South West

In real life Ive had no problem with dates, and making friends.But online there are so many different obstacles, as most are seeking something completely different.Worlds apart.Opposite to what I find appealing.Yet they still message,and expect me to meet them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One thing online forums creates that are not present in the interactions you’re having in person, are the breadcrumbs of your thoughts, views, etc.

Additionally, in a club some (not all) are more likely to have limited interactions to determine “suitability” to move on to sex or not. You’d be a fool to adopt yourself in the foot, for example, discussing deep heavy topics in person at a club than you would do online with your verbose essays.

In the end, the only thing that matters is what works for you as an individual. If that’s clubs, then stop trying to make online work for you if it isn’t. As someone important once said, trying the same thing over and over, and expecting different outcomes is the definition of insanity.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

It's quicker to see if I like someone in the flesh as I need to see the face, hear the voice and all that.

"A real pound coin is worth more than a fist full of monopoly money"

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

It’s why I like to prey in the forums not on profiles.

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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire/Northwest

We have played with couples and single guys in clubs and afterwards when we have come to leave a verification have found that they have messaged us previously and we haven't replied.

You simply can't beat a face to face encounter and thats why we no longer meet people on here unless its in a club.

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By *heitaliandreamer OP   Man
over a year ago

Northampton

Thank you all for your replies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with you 100%. most nights I go out to a typical bar or club I get approached by women that I find attractive and have no problem having conversation, but I always make the assumption they are just being friendly unless made obvious it's not, so I rarely pursue anything.

But, they can see how I carry myself, how I'm smiling and joking, talking to strangers, etc. I don't go out to pull, so I'm not the sex pest at the bar hitting on every woman.

I get along with people easily and just enjoy my night with whoever i am oit with.

Online I am dire, im not the type of person who puts alot of work Into selling himself and now I have to be the chaser that has the most appealing 1st message and profile out of the other 4000 fellas that day.

Where as, you might get some fellas that put their all into their profile who end up disappointing in real life.

It is what it is, I know when I meet that person I'm compatible with we are gonna have a great time, I've got zero doubts there, but women equally have a hard time trawling through tonnes of messages trying to work out who's worth investing their time in.

The games the game, it is what it is.

You just have to be patient in waiting for the right one.

I've met a few women I get along with on here, they all just live a million miles away.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

A lot of the times the photos don't match up to real life.

Silly filters, missing heads and faces and all that.

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By *he turned me GreyCouple
over a year ago

Warwick and Coventry


"Hey everyone on the forum,

I've been contemplating a bit of a paradox in my social life that I think many of you might relate to, and I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences to see if we could spark a discussion about it.

I consider myself an average-looking guy, and like many of you here, I've faced the challenge of trying to connect with women or couples online. It's been a struggle, to say the least. Sending out messages and not getting responses has become an all-too-common occurrence, and it's not for lack of trying.

But here's where things get interesting – in the club scene, my experience is like night and day compared to my online endeavors. When I'm out, I feel confident and successful in my interactions. I can flirt and, more often than not, I can connect with someone regardless of how attractive they might be. It's a stark contrast to the radio silence I receive in the digital world.

This led me to a realization: there's a huge discrepancy between how we present ourselves online and who we are in person. A profile picture or a bio can't encapsulate the essence of someone's charisma, their energy, or the way they can make others feel when they're actually in the room.

I'm starting to think that we, as a community, might be missing out on incredible connections because we're too focused on the superficial aspects that come across in online profiles. I'm not saying that physical attraction isn't important – it definitely plays a role – but it isn't the whole story.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's hope for us yet, and perhaps we should consider giving people more of a chance. A picture might be worth a thousand words, but it doesn't always tell the full story of who someone is. Maybe we need to look a little deeper and be more open-minded to the possibilities.

Have any of you had similar experiences? How do you reconcile the disparity between online interactions and real-life connections? I'd love to hear your stories and thoughts on this.

Cheers,

Giuseppe "

It's all about the 69

Mr

(Yes didn't read Any of that)

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

When I am meeting off here I've no interest in giving someone a chance if they have made virtually zero effort with their profile. Their profile is their shop window on here. So many people make zero effort with theirs on here.

Of course in real life it can be easier to get your personality across. But just because someone has better luck in real life does not mean they should be given a chance on here. If they can do well in real life than they should have at least an inkling on how to approach people they like on here. The problem is many don't and seem to think they are entitled to a chance cos they simply joined fab.

I don't get many messages but I won't reply if the profile doesn't interest me or if the person thinks a faf message will do.

That's just how I do fab and my point of view. But I do despise the excuse that people should give those they have no interest on here a chance. And yes I know that may seem harsh but I found even chatting to someone after telling them I've no interest in meeting them causes too much agro and also tends to make them think a quick chat entitles them to a meet regardless of being told no at the start. So no I won't give someone a chance if they don't appeal to me. And I would expect the same from anyone I would message on here if they had no interest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps it's how much words matter to you? They matter a great deal to me and I can see them more clearly from a distance - online. I don't wish to meet people and fuck them an hour later so it suits me to communicate in a detached manner until I'm ready to meet.

I think a lot of people struggle here because they don't communicate well in writing. A social or club situation seems a better approach for them.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'm not sure how clubs display anything about a person's depth.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"I'm not sure how clubs display anything about a person's depth."

The opportunity to talk to people.

It's not always just 'walk in, drop your keks and bang the first person you encounter'.......allegedly.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

I'm probably the opposite, rubbish at meeting people in real life, they get "that look" if they're trying to chat me up. And I just find the small talk painful.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I'm not sure how clubs display anything about a person's depth.

The opportunity to talk to people.

It's not always just 'walk in, drop your keks and bang the first person you encounter'.......allegedly. "

Yeah, small talk about clichés and inanities tells you a whole lot that you can't tell in messages, silly me!

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By *heitaliandreamer OP   Man
over a year ago

Northampton

Thank you all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Online - my matches turn to dust and a ghost very quickly.

In person….I am more of an in person person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I call online a “sweet shop syndrome”

You go into a sweet shop knowing what you like, you like it for a reason and it’s always worked for you. Then suddenly you see another sweet and then another, maybe bigger, shinier or whatever so you change to that one.

Normally you go back to the sweet you like.

That for me is the world of fab and internet dating. People can literally base someone on a photo or a line of text and quickly move to the next

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I don't really look for people to meet on here anymore because online connection and real life connection can be totally different.

I need a face and personality to form an attraction to someone and in a world of cock and vag it's hard to make that attraction.

I find it much easier in real life the organised socials face to face is much better for me for meeting people.

Mrs

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By *heitaliandreamer OP   Man
over a year ago

Northampton

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't really look for people to meet on here anymore because online connection and real life connection can be totally different.

….

Mrs "

I cannot just agree to jump into bed with someone from fab like this. That’s why socials 1st are important. But this is referring to Fab, it’s leading with the sexy sex, and that’s always in the back of my mind.

Other places, I can guess easily if I’d get along with someone to know I’d enjoy their company, and I’ve found the same here. I know I’d get along with them if the subject of sex is taken away.

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

I find it difficult to interact in real life with people I don't know. On the other hand I find it difficult to interact in the online world with people I don't know.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I find it difficult to interact in real life with people I don't know. On the other hand I find it difficult to interact in the online world with people I don't know."

I just don't like people. Makes life easier.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I think part of it is a more open mentality when attending a club. many go with the intention of finding someone whereas on here they may be here for many different reasons. Plus yes some people come across better.in rl.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"Hey everyone on the forum,

I've been contemplating a bit of a paradox in my social life that I think many of you might relate to, and I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences to see if we could spark a discussion about it.

I consider myself an average-looking guy, and like many of you here, I've faced the challenge of trying to connect with women or couples online. It's been a struggle, to say the least. Sending out messages and not getting responses has become an all-too-common occurrence, and it's not for lack of trying.

But here's where things get interesting – in the club scene, my experience is like night and day compared to my online endeavors. When I'm out, I feel confident and successful in my interactions. I can flirt and, more often than not, I can connect with someone regardless of how attractive they might be. It's a stark contrast to the radio silence I receive in the digital world.

This led me to a realization: there's a huge discrepancy between how we present ourselves online and who we are in person. A profile picture or a bio can't encapsulate the essence of someone's charisma, their energy, or the way they can make others feel when they're actually in the room.

I'm starting to think that we, as a community, might be missing out on incredible connections because we're too focused on the superficial aspects that come across in online profiles. I'm not saying that physical attraction isn't important – it definitely plays a role – but it isn't the whole story.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's hope for us yet, and perhaps we should consider giving people more of a chance. A picture might be worth a thousand words, but it doesn't always tell the full story of who someone is. Maybe we need to look a little deeper and be more open-minded to the possibilities.

Have any of you had similar experiences? How do you reconcile the disparity between online interactions and real-life connections? I'd love to hear your stories and thoughts on this.

Cheers,

Giuseppe "
Its just a numbers game too many men for too few women its not that you aren't worthy its soley about numbers, women can bat above average here because of numbers

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By *hisismeXXXMan
over a year ago

Welsh Wales

I can relate to this through a story of when I was married on the scene with my then wife.

She was very certain of her ‘type’ when it came to women that she was attracted to and wanted to play with. We were on the guest list for one of the old SDC nights at Xtasia and a female who was also on the list messaged us for a chat, with her aim being she just wanted to connect with a few people who may have been staying in the Premier Inn next door so she could meet people for pre drinks and just make the whole evening sociable.

Cutting a long story short, while she seemed perfectly nice and personable, the wife was clear that this wasn’t a route she was interested in pursuing. She simply wasn’t her type. Age, build, looks were all against type.

However, we did end up in each others social company, mingling among others in the bar area in Xtasia and all three of us got on well. As the night went on it was clear there was a real connection between my wife and her and they ended up having some time together on one of the sofas upstairs which resulted in me being told we are going to the playroom.

That was the start of a great friendship that saw us meeting up regularly over a couple of years despite living 200 miles apart - she came and spent several weekends at ours as well as meeting up on club nights.

Moral of the story? I don’t know, maybe “don’t rely on profiles, get out and meet people, you never know what might happen”?

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