FabSwingers.com forum: Do women

By *GermanInLondon OP Man
over a year ago

London

... send cringe worthy first DMs?

There are plenty of examples from man.

Is there a female equivalent?

If so is there a common theme?

If not why is there such a difference between the genders? Any ideas?

Please no naming and shaming and keep it civil.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think couples do. But I bet it’s the man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope. “Hey” is a common one. Nothing cringe, just extremely low effort

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/01/24 10:30:09]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my experience, women don’t put much effort into messaging on here.

Whether they say ‘hi how are you’ or something detailed, it’s *unlikely* their message to a man will be deleted instantly.

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

No, not in my experience — they've conducted themselves impeccably in their messages to me.

The only exceptions are the monosyllabic messages with photographic attachments of their quim / quinny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never had a first message from a woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not naming and shaming but I recently had a horrific first message from a woman. I read to double check and read it twice because it so WTF?!

So yeah, some women can be as bad as men

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By *olden RatioWoman
over a year ago

Buckinghamshire

I really have a think about how I might come across, so it usually takes a while before I'm ready to press send.

Obviously I don't speak on behalf of other women here.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Yes.

I get a lot less of them than I do cringey messages from men. But then my inbox is about 99% single males.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course! We all need to start somewhere

Usually start badly, have a laugh and break the ice and then hope it gets better +better

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By *ymAndIcedCoffeeWoman
over a year ago

Worcester

On all dating apps, sites, and on here I send the same opening message 90% of the time: "Hey, how's it going?"

I'm not going to spend ages composing a message to a guy if he's never going to reply back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes.

I get a lot less of them than I do cringey messages from men. But then my inbox is about 99% single males."

I will stop messaging then

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Only had 1 cringy unsolicited vag pic & that was this morning but from a couple.

I find women's messages are overall much better than men's although there's a lot of 1word ones.

Mrs

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By *aizyWoman
over a year ago

west midlands

Every first msg I send I cringe a little no matter what I have said, think its just that first msg feeling I never know what to say or how its going to be taken.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On all dating apps, sites, and on here I send the same opening message 90% of the time: "Hey, how's it going?"

I'm not going to spend ages composing a message to a guy if he's never going to reply back."

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

I try not to be, I usually pay a compliment or respond to a status.

I'm very careful what I say in case they take it the wrong way though, like some sort of innuendo.

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By *GermanInLondon OP Man
over a year ago

London

Agree with that most women approach with a very short message or just a wink.

I would say probably down to the numbers female Vs male on here.

But does any one understand how a male could think that such first messages could be successful?

My theory is either quite new. Or a mix of desperation and then sending messages in a state of the horn taking over the brain? Any opinions?

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"I'm not naming and shaming but I recently had a horrific first message from a woman. I read to double check and read it twice because it so WTF?!

So yeah, some women can be as bad as men

FFS Joe, I’ve apologised!

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By *arlot o scaraWoman
over a year ago

Hell

Yes

But I’ve never sent an unsolicited flaps pic

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"I'm not naming and shaming but I recently had a horrific first message from a woman. I read to double check and read it twice because it so WTF?!

So yeah, some women can be as bad as men

Sorry JB

* runs and hides under blanket

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I probably do. I don’t know. I’m much better face to face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never had a first message from a woman - barring one, clear obvious scammer

I imagine it's universal - I've chatted to plenty of women who are just as bad as holding a conversation with one word answers!

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By *ealMissShadyWoman
over a year ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders

I'm too shy to send a first message

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I send the ridiculous generally. If it pops into my brain I’m sending it.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

"Nope. “Hey” is a common one. Nothing cringe, just extremely low effort "

Agreed, I get those kind of messages too; it's as if they are saying "I'm a female on Fab, I don't need to try", which of course is true but I much prefer it when they do put some effort in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An offer to be pegged by a very large toy and that wasn’t the worst/best depending on your kinks.

Right out of the gate she went there.

I thought it was a guy but after putting my best sleuthing hat on checking multiple verifications and checking their verifications etc it certainly appeared to be a woman.

She would have been my type except for the above suggestions!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I've had some... not cringe? But entitled. Telling me what I'm going to do and where I'm going to be and what I'm going to wear.

I suspect they were sad to learn that I would be doing something better than acquiescing to their demands, like scrubbing the toilet.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Probably not, blokes are so desperate on here they could probably say “ I want to suck your big toe with my bum hole “ and every single one would jump at the chance.

The mr

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

The messages i receive from women aren't short they are thoughtful or a reply to a thread, I've never received a cringe worthy message, i guess the difference is they don't have an erection to contend with

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By *electableicecreamMan
over a year ago

The West

Most messages I get from women are short and sweet. Usually a polite inquiry as to how I am or more likely a reference to a forum post, photo or status update.

I take my cue from these and structure my (rare) opening messages the same way.

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By *ir-March-a-lotMan
over a year ago

london

I’ve had one cringy message message from a woman. It was an unverified profile so I just thought it was a fake profile trying to get me to send pics.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nope. “Hey” is a common one. Nothing cringe, just extremely low effort "

Hey, you sexy gorgeous beast. Is that low effort

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do so wish fab had a better way of detecting men on womens accounts.

Hard to moderate.

Anyway, those messages of unwanted refute I just delete persistants get blocked. Move on. Best policy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a woman messages me being 'forward'.....it's an 80% chance it's a man smothered in Lurpak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Should messages be cringe worthy if its your kind of kink.

Each to their.

As to how to start a text on here.

Becs here, just been perusing your profile, fancy a chat? You might find it cringey or low effort but hey, I try my best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a woman messages me being 'forward'.....it's an 80% chance it's a man smothered in Lurpak."

Forward what way

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"I’ve had one cringy message message from a woman. It was an unverified profile so I just thought it was a fake profile trying to get me to send pics."

Can't say I blame her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a woman messages me being 'forward'.....it's an 80% chance it's a man smothered in Lurpak.

Forward what way"

No.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

If I’m going to send a message I make sure it is well constructed and thought about first…

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We’ve had some one word responses from women - like they have to make no effort.

The more effort people put in suggests the more effort they’ll put in to meeting you or the more effort they’ll put in for sex.

A one word response when you first start chatting screams lazy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nope. “Hey” is a common one. Nothing cringe, just extremely low effort

Hey, you sexy gorgeous beast. Is that low effort"

That’s man effort. Instant block

It’s a lose-lose for women messaging

Either it’s too low effort and we aren’t interested

Or it’s too high effort and we think your a man

Not our fault, you gals made the market

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I’m going to send a message I make sure it is well constructed and thought about first…

This.

I give the same effort I’d expect.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"If a woman messages me being 'forward'.....it's an 80% chance it's a man smothered in Lurpak."

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

I might start sending really cringey messages, just for fun.

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

I ask for heavy spunking videos, but I write a post, not send DMs.

Makes people go

lol…

*butter wouldn’t melt and all that…*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I’m going to send a message I make sure it is well constructed and thought about first…

This.

I give the same effort I’d expect."

When you think of a good message to send, send it to me first and I’ll read over it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"... send cringe worthy first DMs?

There are plenty of examples from man.

Is there a female equivalent?

If so is there a common theme?

If not why is there such a difference between the genders? Any ideas?

Please no naming and shaming and keep it civil.

Dearest Op

What makes a cringey message in the first place.

Mine would be

becs here, just perusing your profile fancy a chat?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nope. “Hey” is a common one. Nothing cringe, just extremely low effort

Hey, you sexy gorgeous beast. Is that low effort

That’s man effort. Instant block

It’s a lose-lose for women messaging

Either it’s too low effort and we aren’t interested

Or it’s too high effort and we think your a man

Not our fault, you gals made the market "

Bit hard to message so how you getting cringey messages..

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By *electableicecreamMan
over a year ago

The West

[Removed by poster at 21/01/24 11:55:06]

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By *electableicecreamMan
over a year ago

The West

"We’ve had some one word responses from women - like they have to make no effort.

The more effort people put in suggests the more effort they’ll put in to meeting you or the more effort they’ll put in for sex.

A one word response when you first start chatting screams lazy.

One word replies nearly always end up going nowhere.

If I have to carry the conversation chances are I'm going to have to carry everything else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nope. “Hey” is a common one. Nothing cringe, just extremely low effort "

Yes. I've had the exact thing happen to me a few times. Although I'm not against women or anyone starting conversation that way with me, it seems very double standard that it's acceptable for women to just say hey, but for a man, it's considered low effort and not worth responding to.

I actually think that's a good way of starting a conversation... especially as a person on the autistic spectrum, as knowing what to say to kick off the conversation can be a minefield to navigate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nope. “Hey” is a common one. Nothing cringe, just extremely low effort

I actually think that's a good way of starting a conversation... especially as a person on the autistic spectrum, as knowing what to say to kick off the conversation can be a minefield to navigate."

I think low effort is low effort. I appreciate sending just “hey” is ultra high effort for most women for *reasons* but it’s not the vibe I think people should accept.

But I also recognise many guys aren’t in a position to say no to any opportunity

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"If a woman messages me being 'forward'.....it's an 80% chance it's a man smothered in Lurpak."

He can't believe it's not better ^^^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a woman messages me being 'forward'.....it's an 80% chance it's a man smothered in Lurpak.

He can't believe it's not better ^^^

Ffs J

Butter!!!

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"No, not in my experience — they've conducted themselves impeccably in their messages to me.

The only exceptions are the monosyllabic messages with photographic attachments of their quim / quinny."

I’ve apologised a thousand times!!! Let it go

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By *GermanInLondon OP Man
over a year ago

London

"... send cringe worthy first DMs?

There are plenty of examples from man.

Is there a female equivalent?

If so is there a common theme?

If not why is there such a difference between the genders? Any ideas?

Please no naming and shaming and keep it civil.

Dearest Op

What makes a cringey message in the first place.

Mine would be

becs here, just perusing your profile fancy a chat? "

I think what is cringey is subjective and depends what how your profile reads...

For me it would be detailed sexual scenarios as a first message for example. Or pics of genitals.

For someone specifically asking for such pics that would totally different I guess.

Your message would be fine from my perspective. Not cringey at all.

Could be more detailed but you are way over the average words for messages I receive so all good.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"If a woman messages me being 'forward'.....it's an 80% chance it's a man smothered in Lurpak.

He can't believe it's not better ^^^

Ffs J

Butter!!!"

Does it help them slide into your DMs?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"If a woman messages me being 'forward'.....it's an 80% chance it's a man smothered in Lurpak.

He can't believe it's not better ^^^

Ffs J

Butter!!!

Does it help them slide into your DMs?

lube. obviously

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I send a low effort general one to start

I don't expect anything different from a first message to me

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

"No, not in my experience — they've conducted themselves impeccably in their messages to me.

The only exceptions are the monosyllabic messages with photographic attachments of their quim / quinny.

I’ve apologised a thousand times!!! Let it go

•

I'm more focused on the ·quality· of your apologies than the ·quantity·.

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By *ornucopiaMan
over a year ago

Bexley

"Nope. “Hey” is a common one. Nothing cringe, just extremely low effort "

Never sure why they think my name is Faf when they keep putting it after Hey.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a woman messages me being 'forward'.....it's an 80% chance it's a man smothered in Lurpak.

He can't believe it's not better ^^^

Ffs J

Butter!!!

Does it help them slide into your DMs?

Yes

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I don't send messages so every conversation in the last 4 years has been started by a woman.

Most opening messages are ok but there are some I struggle to respond to because of how cringy they are.

I've had all the usual one word messages so if they say hi I say hi back.

Others are just gushing about my pics or telling me how amazing I am despite never having spoken before.

The worst have been repeat efforts where they told me my profile was brilliant and asked where I had been hiding as they had never seen me before.

My response was always to say I had been hiding in plain site and that was the end of the conversation until they sent exactly the same message a few months later and then again a few months after that.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Nope. Mine are always tailored to him and his Interests that are mutual to mine

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By *ittle. BeaverWoman
over a year ago

Launceston

What? Women can send an opening message? Never!

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

What about if I message all the younger guys asking if I can be they're mommy?

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"What about if I message all the younger guys asking if I can be they're mommy?

*Their, bloodying autocorrect

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"What about if I message all the younger guys asking if I can be they're mommy?

*Their, bloodying autocorrect "

Oh ffs

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By *cttMan
over a year ago

hatfield & Cannock

"What about if I message all the younger guys asking if I can be they're mommy?

*Their, bloodying autocorrect

Oh ffs

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By *cttMan
over a year ago

hatfield & Cannock

"If I’m going to send a message I make sure it is well constructed and thought about first…

This.

I give the same effort I’d expect.

When you think of a good message to send, send it to me first and I’ll read over it

Hows it going?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What? Women can send an opening message? Never!

You have to be a platinum member

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

I've had one or two "women" (of course... behind a keyboard, it could be anyone...!) send messages to our inbox that caused an

eye roll or two.

Makes me wonder what they teach in educational establishments these days.

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