FabSwingers.com forum: Narcissists

By *narmitage OP TV/TS
over a year ago

Staines

Any narcissist survivors here? (either regarding a relationship or neighbour/s). I have been plagued with them all of my life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I sometimes worry if I’m a narcissist. But I hope only a non narcissist would think like that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hriscooperMan
over a year ago

Warrington

Ex wife was one, I had a lucky escape.

It only took me 18 years to suss her out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago

Leigh-on-Sea

Sadly, yes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imbobaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

They are as common as grey squirrels. It’s the red ones you need to find and cherish.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rozac_fairyCouple
over a year ago

tamworth

My ex.

The PTSD is absolutely horrendous but I'm 12 years away from him

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

"I sometimes worry if I’m a narcissist. But I hope only a non narcissist would think like that."

On a scale of 1 to 7 to what extent do you agree with the statement "I'm a narcissist"? Your honest answer to that reveals a lot apparently.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, I had 6 year relationship with him and the verbal abuse was horrendous, there isn’t a nasty/vile word that I can think of that wasn’t shouted at me.

That finally ended in Aug 22.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

How would you know if you are a narcissist?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hriscooperMan
over a year ago

Warrington

"How would you know if you are a narcissist?"

Manipulative, charming and life of the party in front of others, controlling, passive aggressive, selfish, never wrong as its always someone else fault.

To name but a few traits.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

"How would you know if you are a narcissist?"

Answer the question above

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

"How would you know if you are a narcissist?

Answer the question above"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hawn ScottMan
over a year ago

london Brixton

Short answer yes.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *l chapo123Man
over a year ago

Costa del sol

What is narcissus

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *londebiguyMan
over a year ago

Southport

"Any narcissist survivors here? (either regarding a relationship or neighbour/s). I have been plagued with them all of my life. "

I seem to have a magnet attracting them too.

Still surviving though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthernJayMan
over a year ago

DXB / SG / Thailand Krabi

“Does a narcissist know they’re a narcissist?”

I’ve always thought this a fascinating question!

Intriguingly, both myself and two female friends are survivors of narcissism; the behavioural traits of all three narcissistic abusers were identical.

They’d never met, had nothing in common and all three had totally diverse backgrounds but still behaved exactly the same.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imisugarWoman
over a year ago

Rugby

I don't think real narcissists even acknowledge they are. They love a fresh supply to get their fix and definitely don't hold themselves responsible for anything. It's so hard to deal with them work wise or personal life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

I always thought it was about being a lex luger impersonator until i joined here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think real narcissists even acknowledge they are. They love a fresh supply to get their fix and definitely don't hold themselves responsible for anything. It's so hard to deal with them work wise or personal life. "

This is defo true!! I have managed to attach them like magnet for a lifetime and it’s bloody draining!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imisugarWoman
over a year ago

Rugby

This is defo true!! I have managed to attach them like magnet for a lifetime and it’s bloody draining! "

Such an intense drain, leaves me exhausted because I'm an over thinker by nature. Unfortunately I haven't learnt how to completely switch off from them yet or stop trying to process why they do what they do?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthernJayMan
over a year ago

DXB / SG / Thailand Krabi

^^^^ absolutely this ^^^^

Deprive them of the oxygen they crave, which is your reaction to their behaviour!

Mind you, took me 15 years to work out my ex wife; no surprise she’s been through three marriages since me and a wasteland of souls she’s vacuumed!

It’s unfortunately easier said than done to avoid!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is defo true!! I have managed to attach them like magnet for a lifetime and it’s bloody draining!

Same.. an ex was one but I never really knew until we actually broke up and it was only looking back on things it all made sense.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Yes a survivor! Horrendous time of my life ! X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

My ex has all the traits.

I was with him for 15 yrs and he almost broke me.

It's been 5 yrs since I escaped (he still finds ways to get at me).

OP - Are you OK?

There are support groups out there that can help x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I sometimes worry if I’m a narcissist. But I hope only a non narcissist would think like that."

There are various free online quizzes you can take - not sure how scientific there are though!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imisugarWoman
over a year ago

Rugby

This is defo true!! I have managed to attach them like magnet for a lifetime and it’s bloody draining!

Same.. an ex was one but I never really knew until we actually broke up and it was only looking back on things it all made sense."

I find the after reflection hits you like a tonne of bricks. A few in my life have let the mask slip briefly when they didn't get the reaction they needed. I always feel embarassed though when I get taken in by it, like I should have known better or spotted it sooner.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every woman’s ex is a narcissist these days

It’s a word that’s been so easily thrown around its lost any meaning

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthernJayMan
over a year ago

DXB / SG / Thailand Krabi

"Every woman’s ex is a narcissist these days

It’s a word that’s been so easily thrown around its lost any meaning "

Completely disagree with you on this.

You know you’ve survived a narcissist believe me!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imisugarWoman
over a year ago

Rugby

"Every woman’s ex is a narcissist these days

It’s a word that’s been so easily thrown around its lost any meaning "

I've been fortunate on that front, I don't believe any of my ex relationships have been narcissistic.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"Every woman’s ex is a narcissist these days

It’s a word that’s been so easily thrown around its lost any meaning "

I'm sure you would not be so flippant with your remarks if you'd found yourself in this kind of relationship. Let's hope you never do.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Every woman’s ex is a narcissist these days

It’s a word that’s been so easily thrown around its lost any meaning

I'm sure you would not be so flippant with your remarks if you'd found yourself in this kind of relationship. Let's hope you never do.

Im a survivor too. A post I found on Facebook said so

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. A parent. No contact for 6 years now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onameyet2Man
over a year ago

chorley

If you’re in a relationship the only solution is get the hell out.

If your just being plagued by one a good response to what ever they say is “whatever”, drives em mental

Good luck anyone in this situation or recovering, PTSD is very common in survivors of narcissists.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've encountered men with narcissistic traits including my ex-partner. I hesitate to use the word narcissist because he has no recognition of how self-involved and grandiose he can be and no diagnosis.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arlot o scaraWoman
over a year ago

Hell

Yes. And the worst of it is, as a psychology graduate, it didn’t take me stepping out of the situation to realise it. I knew once the initial “love bombing” stage was over that he had at least one severe personality disorder. His behaviour was absolutely textbook. The problem was, by that point I was trapped with no way out.

Those that know me a little bit beyond my posts on here, know I’ve had a really tough time since leaving him. I went to court for a restraining order, which he then went to prison for 9 months for breaking. For almost 18 months now, I’ve been fighting to have him done for stalking and mal comms. Last week, the CPS finally authorised the charges, meaning he has been charged this week and we will be going to court. It’s not about any sort of revenge, I want him to be convicted so any future partners who may submit a Claire’s Law request would be informed of the kind of person he really is.

I really don’t want anyone else to go through what I went through with him.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes. And the worst of it is, as a psychology graduate, it didn’t take me stepping out of the situation to realise it. I knew once the initial “love bombing” stage was over that he had at least one severe personality disorder. His behaviour was absolutely textbook. The problem was, by that point I was trapped with no way out.

I really don’t want anyone else to go through what I went through with him. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really don’t want anyone else to go through what I went through with him. "

Horrific

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex husband

My ex

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkygentkentMan
over a year ago

Maidstone

I have a friend who survived a narcissistic ex and is now a counsellor. If anyone needs help to get out or thinks they are in this sort of relationship, I'll happily pass on her details. Narcs are the lowest of the low.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthernJayMan
over a year ago

DXB / SG / Thailand Krabi

"I have a friend who survived a narcissistic ex and is now a counsellor. If anyone needs help to get out or thinks they are in this sort of relationship, I'll happily pass on her details. Narcs are the lowest of the low."

Good man #clapping

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arlot o scaraWoman
over a year ago

Hell

"Every woman’s ex is a narcissist these days

It’s a word that’s been so easily thrown around its lost any meaning "

Or is it that there’s more of them out there than anyone wants to admit?

It’s funny how people will freely disparage “this generation”, but when it comes to someone surviving something genuinely awful, they’re just making it up for attention and as such words are losing any and all meaning.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkygentkentMan
over a year ago

Maidstone

Good man #clapping "

I've turned all my message filters off for this purpose. Just put "narc" in the subject line

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

"Every woman’s ex is a narcissist these days

It’s a word that’s been so easily thrown around its lost any meaning

Or is it that there’s more of them out there than anyone wants to admit?

Yes more out there than people think.

Yes probably also an overused term.

But also I thinking the swinging world probably has a disproportionate number of narcissists of varying degrees. It also has lots of people who having survived bad experiences of abuse, narcissistic abuse and other, find the world of swinging and also use it to take back control.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eard and TattsCouple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

I freely admit I'm one but I keep my traits at bay and allow myself to suffer only in my head. People don't deserve to feel less then their worth or treated like idiots. It's cruel and unkind but just remember, not all narcasissts are like mentioned above, some genuinely suffer and whatever they try seems not to work so it's easier to be nice on the surface and suffer in your own head, that way you don't hurt others and you get to feel a small reward when you are genuinely kind. Most hate being this way but there's nothing they can do.

So to all the narcasissts who suffer in silence, I got your back.

To the out and out wankers who only seek to hurt and belittle their friends, family and loved ones....fuck you. I'm nothing like you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many toxic traits can mean people get labelled narcissistic easily. And the most selfish person can be labelled one too. So can someone that is just plain abusive or an incel or Misogynist/Misandrist for example.

How many clinically diagnosed narcs have I known? None. To my knowledge.

I would say that one person that was my life is a narc, they are massively concerned with how they look, they only look out for themselves and they have absolutely no empathy at all on a level I struggle to get my head round. And they will do whatever it takes to look good and that is a priority.

There is another that fits that description. Different gender.

I have come across another that others said was a narc and then decided he was sociopath but the biggest thing about them was the pathological lying, so blatant, and the control they tried to gain was something else.

Some people that are ND can also be labelled narcs when in fact they are just in their ND world and cant always see past it and lack other abilities or understanding needed and will be seen as narcs when in actual fact they are just misunderstood or people are too quick to use the narc label and don't understand ND.

An alcoholic will also been seen as a narcissist in many cases but alcoholism and narcissism can often go together.

On here it's easy to label someone a narc as a lot of people will appear selfish and be emotionally unavailable while trying to get others naked and drop them when they're not giving them what they want.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Every woman’s ex is a narcissist these days

It’s a word that’s been so easily thrown around its lost any meaning

Or is it that there’s more of them out there than anyone wants to admit?

Or is it more likely that people will view everything through their own biased lense and “5 telltale signs you’ve dated a narcissist” type articles on Facebook are designed to gather clicks, not diagnose a genuine mental disorder

No one’s mentioned anything about doing these thing’s for attention. Just that’s it’s a very hyped up popular thing at the minute that gets thrown around with very little thought

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eard and TattsCouple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"I freely admit I'm one but I keep my traits at bay and allow myself to suffer only in my head. People don't deserve to feel less then their worth or treated like idiots. It's cruel and unkind but just remember, not all narcasissts are like mentioned above, some genuinely suffer and whatever they try seems not to work so it's easier to be nice on the surface and suffer in your own head, that way you don't hurt others and you get to feel a small reward when you are genuinely kind. Most hate being this way but there's nothing they can do.

So to all the narcasissts who suffer in silence, I got your back.

To the out and out wankers who only seek to hurt and belittle their friends, family and loved ones....fuck you. I'm nothing like you"

Male half here btw

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

"Every woman’s ex is a narcissist these days

It’s a word that’s been so easily thrown around its lost any meaning

Completely disagree with you on this.

You know you’ve survived a narcissist believe me!"

Absoulutley! When u wake up after over 35 years still feeling that burden of your back! The treading on eggshells! Hiding all the knifes! Telling the kids to b carefull what they say! (Which is the worst part!) Wish I had the courage to have got out with them sooner! My eldest who will b 50 this year still hides in cuboards when she hears the front door open! She makes a joke of it but she did admit it stems from back then! For that I feel ashamed I didn't leave sooner!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arlot o scaraWoman
over a year ago

Hell

"Every woman’s ex is a narcissist these days

It’s a word that’s been so easily thrown around its lost any meaning

Or is it that there’s more of them out there than anyone wants to admit?

No one’s mentioned anything about doing these thing’s for attention. Just that’s it’s a very hyped up popular thing at the minute that gets thrown around with very little thought "

How nice it must be to have such a blinkered view. I wish I still had that luxury. Good for you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

A friend of mine used to complain bitterly and at great length about their ex being a narcissist without ever realising that they were a far bigger narcissist

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

So to all the narcasissts who suffer in silence, I got your back.

To the out and out wankers who only seek to hurt and belittle their friends, family and loved ones....fuck you. I'm nothing like you"

I think an important point is not all narcissists are abusive narcissists in the way many imagine. The term has become synonymous with abuse almost but doesn't have to be.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Every woman’s ex is a narcissist these days

It’s a word that’s been so easily thrown around its lost any meaning

I'm sure you would not be so flippant with your remarks if you'd found yourself in this kind of relationship. Let's hope you never do.

Im a survivor too. A post I found on Facebook said so "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hocCock1Man
over a year ago

Southampton

Been plagued with them for years, hence I now stick to nsa

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Any narcissist survivors here? (either regarding a relationship or neighbour/s). I have been plagued with them all of my life. "

Yes and got out pretty quick.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm fairly certain I made friends with a narcissist in my past. We've stayed friends as they got annoyed when I needed to leave for my own well being (was living with them at the time), but I don't ever speak to them now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

Everyone & I mean ‘everyone’ displays narcissist traits at some point.

But to be a narcissist (Narcissistic personality disorder) NPD one has to be diagnosed by a mental health clinician

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/01/24 10:59:48]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum was. She wasn't diagnosed but I know in my heart she was a narcissist. I would be interested to know how many narcs would actually go through all the stages of getting diagnosed anyway? I doubt many would put themselves in that vulnerable position knowingly. I think they are too selfish and arrogant to seek that kind of help and diagnosis. My mum is dead now, and I did love her. But she caused some serious damage to all of her children. She was an alcoholic too, but even when people speak of her before the drink they all describe a perfect narc.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eard and TattsCouple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"My mum was. She wasn't diagnosed but I know in my heart she was a narcissist. I would be interested to know how many narcs would actually go through all the stages of getting diagnosed anyway? I doubt many would put themselves in that vulnerable position knowingly. I think they are too selfish and arrogant to seek that kind of help and diagnosis. My mum is dead now, and I did love her. But she caused some serious damage to all of her children. She was an alcoholic too, but even when people speak of her before the drink they all describe a perfect narc."

I went to the doctor and her diagnosis was that I hated myself and it's true. I get envious of others and sometimes a bit self indulgent. I wish nothing but the best for everyone

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Everyone & I mean ‘everyone’ displays narcissist traits at some point.

But to be a narcissist (Narcissistic personality disorder) NPD one has to be diagnosed by a mental health clinician

Please don’t let the actual definition get in the way of everyone’s desire to show how hard done by they have been by people they don’t like.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone & I mean ‘everyone’ displays narcissist traits at some point.

But to be a narcissist (Narcissistic personality disorder) NPD one has to be diagnosed by a mental health clinician

Please don’t let the actual definition get in the way of everyone’s desire to show how hard done by they have been by people they don’t like. "

Have you even read the damn thread?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Everyone & I mean ‘everyone’ displays narcissist traits at some point.

But to be a narcissist (Narcissistic personality disorder) NPD one has to be diagnosed by a mental health clinician

Please don’t let the actual definition get in the way of everyone’s desire to show how hard done by they have been by people they don’t like.

Have you even read the damn thread?

Yes I have and it is exactly what I would expect on here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a survivor too. A post I found on Facebook said so "

You also have ADHD and autism (Instagram says so

)

I feel for anyone that's ever had a genuine narcissist and it seems like there's a few above that have. It's definitely thrown around far too flippantly though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone & I mean ‘everyone’ displays narcissist traits at some point.

But to be a narcissist (Narcissistic personality disorder) NPD one has to be diagnosed by a mental health clinician

Please don’t let the actual definition get in the way of everyone’s desire to show how hard done by they have been by people they don’t like.

Have you even read the damn thread?

Yes I have and it is exactly what I would expect on here. "

"I went to court for a restraining order, which he then went to prison for 9 months for breaking. For almost 18 months now, I’ve been fighting to have him done for stalking and mal comms. Last week, the CPS finally authorised the charges, meaning he has been charged this week and we will be going to court. "

Is it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Everyone & I mean ‘everyone’ displays narcissist traits at some point.

But to be a narcissist (Narcissistic personality disorder) NPD one has to be diagnosed by a mental health clinician

Please don’t let the actual definition get in the way of everyone’s desire to show how hard done by they have been by people they don’t like.

Have you even read the damn thread?

Yes I have and it is exactly what I would expect on here.

Is it.

I am sorry for that. I don’t doubt there are people, like you, who have had a horrid time.

I am thinking more about the self diagnosing types who seem to find _every_ relationship they have is “narcisstic”. Maybe, in those cases they need to look at the common factor - themselves.

These people undermine what you what went though by just throwing the term around and I don’t think that’s right.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

No I'm starting to get good at spotting them and run.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone & I mean ‘everyone’ displays narcissist traits at some point.

But to be a narcissist (Narcissistic personality disorder) NPD one has to be diagnosed by a mental health clinician

Please don’t let the actual definition get in the way of everyone’s desire to show how hard done by they have been by people they don’t like.

Have you even read the damn thread?

Yes I have and it is exactly what I would expect on here.

Is it.

I am sorry for that. I don’t doubt there are people, like you, who have had a horrid time.

I am thinking more about the self diagnosing types who seem to find _every_ relationship they have is “narcisstic”. Maybe, in those cases they need to look at the common factor - themselves.

These people undermine what you what went though by just throwing the term around and I don’t think that’s right."

That didn't happen to me. It was another woman in the comments but you didn't really read them did you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *dmundwilsonMan
over a year ago

Llandudno

A n abusive and frightening journey.

Syepp d away from the flame now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread