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"I think elements of complacency are inevitable in long term relationships or long term situations of any kind. Nobody can be on top form and scrupulously attentive at all times. It's noticing, acknowledging and addressing it that's more important, to my mind. Mrs TMN x" This. 100%  | |||
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"I think elements of complacency are inevitable in long term relationships or long term situations of any kind. Nobody can be on top form and scrupulously attentive at all times. It's noticing, acknowledging and addressing it that's more important, to my mind. Mrs TMN x This. 100% "Good to see you back round here, Obi x | |||
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"I think elements of complacency are inevitable in long term relationships or long term situations of any kind. Nobody can be on top form and scrupulously attentive at all times. It's noticing, acknowledging and addressing it that's more important, to my mind. Mrs TMN x" I agree. Well put, Mrs TMN | |||
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"Complacency, an attitude of self-satisfaction that leads to people automatically and mindlessly following a routine Or a feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one's achievements. I had a conversation with someone a few months ago. I called them out on the way they had treated me at a certain point in time. They admitted to it, even saying back to me the words they used when they had mistreated me, they even said sorry. But I asked the question, why? And their response was 'I guess I got complacent' A past partner used the same reason for their behaviours in our relationship that failed. But is it a valid excuse? " If that were someone’s answer, that they were reverting to type, I would be questioning whether I wanted to be around their type. | |||
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"People get complacent because they get comfortable with whom they are with, it's a bad excuse to treat someone like dirt. I've called a few friends out on it in my life, they have always apologised for it once I have" My father used to say, familiarity breeds contempt. And it is a shitty excuse. | |||
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"I don’t think that even makes sense Treating someone bad because you got complacent? I don’t get it " Me neither, it keeps popping into my head every so often. I'm clearly trying to process it. It seems like a bullshit excuse to me. I could list certain sentences uttered to me by this person and then when I tack on the end of it 'he said that because he'd got complacent' none of it makes sense. Like when they said, "unless I sit you down with pen and paper you just aren't going to get it" how is that to do with being complacent? It's like they are saying I got so comfortable that my mask fell off. But that's not valid excuse. | |||
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"I think elements of complacency are inevitable in long term relationships or long term situations of any kind. Nobody can be on top form and scrupulously attentive at all times. It's noticing, acknowledging and addressing it that's more important, to my mind. Mrs TMN x This. 100%
Good to see you back round here, Obi x"Thanks. My much needed sabbatical is definitely over. 
It's nice to be back.   | |||
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"If someone said to me, "I got so smug and self-satisfied that I was a dick to you" - they can fuck right off." I love this! | |||
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" Like when they said, "unless I sit you down with pen and paper you just aren't going to get it" how is that to do with being complacent? " that's got nothing to do with complacency as far as I can see.  | |||
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"If someone said to me, "I got so smug and self-satisfied that I was a dick to you" - they can fuck right off." Yep. No Petite, it's bollocks. I mean it's not because it's the truth but at the same time you don't need to put up with that. I had someone a couple weeks ago apologise for lying to and about me. Only to follow it up with they lied a lot because I asked questions. About their lies. 
Look, you can listen to someone. Hear them out. Maybe get clarity on why. It doesn't excuse their dickishness. | |||
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"I don’t think that even makes sense Treating someone bad because you got complacent? I don’t get it Me neither, it keeps popping into my head every so often. I'm clearly trying to process it. It seems like a bullshit excuse to me. I could list certain sentences uttered to me by this person and then when I tack on the end of it 'he said that because he'd got complacent' none of it makes sense. Like when they said, "unless I sit you down with pen and paper you just aren't going to get it" how is that to do with being complacent? It's like they are saying I got so comfortable that my mask fell off. But that's not valid excuse." Oh no, no no, that’s not complacency. That’s something completely different. Someone talking down to you like that knows exactly what they’re doing. | |||
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" Like when they said, "unless I sit you down with pen and paper you just aren't going to get it" how is that to do with being complacent? that's got nothing to do with complacency as far as I can see. "No, and they've expected me to take it as a valid excuse or reason. | |||
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"Reasons for doing something are not the same as excuses for that behaviour " | |||
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" Like when they said, "unless I sit you down with pen and paper you just aren't going to get it" how is that to do with being complacent? that's got nothing to do with complacency as far as I can see.
No, and they've expected me to take it as a valid excuse or reason.
"I obviously know nothing about this situation but I often think if you're confused by what someone is saying its deliberate on their part to put you on the back foot. The phrase you quoted is designed to bring a discussion to an end and make it your fault. That's not complaceency | |||
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" Like when they said, "unless I sit you down with pen and paper you just aren't going to get it" how is that to do with being complacent? that's got nothing to do with complacency as far as I can see.
No, and they've expected me to take it as a valid excuse or reason.
I obviously know nothing about this situation but I often think if you're confused by what someone is saying its deliberate on their part to put you on the back foot. The phrase you quoted is designed to bring a discussion to an end and make it your fault. That's not complaceency"It does sound like gaslighting though. Not only puts you on the back foot, it can make you feel stupid. I never see that until afterwards though! | |||
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"I don’t think that even makes sense Treating someone bad because you got complacent? I don’t get it Me neither, it keeps popping into my head every so often. I'm clearly trying to process it. It seems like a bullshit excuse to me. I could list certain sentences uttered to me by this person and then when I tack on the end of it 'he said that because he'd got complacent' none of it makes sense. Like when they said, "unless I sit you down with pen and paper you just aren't going to get it" how is that to do with being complacent? It's like they are saying I got so comfortable that my mask fell off. But that's not valid excuse." My honest opinion He knew he was in the wrong so he thought “complacent is just complex/confusing/ambiguous enough of a word that it’ll throw her off and take the pressure off me” When in reality what me needed to say was “sorry I’m a piece of shit that cares me about getting what I want and I thought you were enough of a push over to get it” And the fact that months later your still wondering and posting on a forum questioning it, it’s had the exact effect he wanted Don’t fall for the basic tricks of manipulators. | |||
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"I don’t think that even makes sense Treating someone bad because you got complacent? I don’t get it Me neither, it keeps popping into my head every so often. I'm clearly trying to process it. It seems like a bullshit excuse to me. I could list certain sentences uttered to me by this person and then when I tack on the end of it 'he said that because he'd got complacent' none of it makes sense. Like when they said, "unless I sit you down with pen and paper you just aren't going to get it" how is that to do with being complacent? It's like they are saying I got so comfortable that my mask fell off. But that's not valid excuse. My honest opinion He knew he was in the wrong so he thought “complacent is just complex/confusing/ambiguous enough of a word that it’ll throw her off and take the pressure off me” When in reality what me needed to say was “sorry I’m a piece of shit that cares me about getting what I want and I thought you were enough of a push over to get it” And the fact that months later your still wondering and posting on a forum questioning it, it’s had the exact effect he wanted Don’t fall for the basic tricks of manipulators. " Agree. I was struggling to understand the complacent part, it just sounded like someone being a shit. | |||
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"People make mistakes. A huge issue with today's culture is people will not forgive mistakes even if the person is sorry. They're disposable, there's other options. That's why so many are single looking for the perfect person. It's up to you what you do, but the above is my general opinion!" Jesus. what have you done with Bruce? I completely agree with that. I’ve put effort into a 23 yr relationship when I realised we both became complacent. (It ended) So, much to my surprise, when most women won’t give you more than a month or a couple of dates, before they move on because I’m not happy. A good relationship takes time, many people today are in such a rush. But I’m from the 90s, when dating and getting to know, someone was face-to-face, I missed the time of growing up in the culture apps, but here I am having to figure that out because that’s how apparently everybody is doing it nowadays. complacency does creep in, but if you BOTH want to do something about it, you will. Or just 1 of you will. And then it’s over. | |||
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"People make mistakes. A huge issue with today's culture is people will not forgive mistakes even if the person is sorry. They're disposable, there's other options. That's why so many are single looking for the perfect person. It's up to you what you do, but the above is my general opinion! Jesus. what have you done with Bruce? I completely agree with that. I’ve put effort into a 23 yr relationship when I realised we both became complacent. (It ended) So, much to my surprise, when most women won’t give you more than a month or a couple of dates, before they move on because I’m not happy. A good relationship takes time, many people today are in such a rush. But I’m from the 90s, when dating and getting to know, someone was face-to-face, I missed the time of growing up in the culture apps, but here I am having to figure that out because that’s how apparently everybody is doing it nowadays. complacency does creep in, but if you BOTH want to do something about it, you will. Or just 1 of you will. And then it’s over. " Fuck, I miss the 90s. https://youtu.be/DcUG8GYbrxM?si=3mWxdMe0rLr1VjWR | |||
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"People make mistakes. A huge issue with today's culture is people will not forgive mistakes even if the person is sorry. They're disposable, there's other options. That's why so many are single looking for the perfect person. It's up to you what you do, but the above is my general opinion! Jesus. what have you done with Bruce? I completely agree with that. I’ve put effort into a 23 yr relationship when I realised we both became complacent. (It ended) So, much to my surprise, when most women won’t give you more than a month or a couple of dates, before they move on because I’m not happy. A good relationship takes time, many people today are in such a rush. But I’m from the 90s, when dating and getting to know, someone was face-to-face, I missed the time of growing up in the culture apps, but here I am having to figure that out because that’s how apparently everybody is doing it nowadays. complacency does creep in, but if you BOTH want to do something about it, you will. Or just 1 of you will. And then it’s over. " I mean the way life is going people will either be single or in unhappy relationships anyway. The world is so small now! The internet! Fab! Now I'm perving on people in Newcastle when im in London! I think the swinging couples here have smashed it. And I do believe love and relationships can still work. But fuck me, that's what it is. Work! | |||
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" I think the swinging couples here have smashed it. And I do believe love and relationships can still work. But fuck me, that's what it is. Work!" Ummmmmm Is this some love for swinging couples?! Mrs TMN x | |||
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"People make mistakes. A huge issue with today's culture is people will not forgive mistakes even if the person is sorry. They're disposable, there's other options. That's why so many are single looking for the perfect person. It's up to you what you do, but the above is my general opinion!" Everyone in "today's culture"? What a sweeping statement. Do you mean that if someone makes any kind of mistake and says sorry, they should have to be forgiven? Because some things shouldn't be forgiven. Many people say sorry when they don't actually give a fuck. I suspect what a lot of men have a problem with is that many women are now clued up enough to not stand for bs. | |||
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" I think the swinging couples here have smashed it. And I do believe love and relationships can still work. But fuck me, that's what it is. Work! Ummmmmm Is this some love for swinging couples?! Mrs TMN x" Yeah I love you! Now let's shag! | |||
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"Personally if someone treats me like shit that gives some vaguely worded excuse. I just treat them as if no excuse is given. Because there is no excuse to treat someone like shit And I definitely wouldn’t be getting myself all twisted up trying to decipher their words months later We all only have so much time in a day. So much mental energy to expend. And someone that’s not even thinking about you is taking a lot of yours. That age old saying Talks cheap. Actions speak. Stop giving so much energy to some fumbled noises a guy made with his mouth when you called him out on his bullshit. It took him 0.3 seconds to make it and he’s probably never thought about then since " Is this not another example of belittling someone? Making the offence sound small and unimportant, trivialising it and having any feelings over it is then pathetic and weak. Does that not invalidate someones feelings as well as put someone down for feeling anything over something you deem as trivial? And implies the amount of energy put into thinking about it, while using the word twisted is akin to saying making a mountain out of a mole hill, or overreacting. | |||
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"People make mistakes. A huge issue with today's culture is people will not forgive mistakes even if the person is sorry. They're disposable, there's other options. That's why so many are single looking for the perfect person. It's up to you what you do, but the above is my general opinion!" It generally helps when someone actually says sorry though doesn't it instead of acting like a dickhead? But when someone says sorry and then goes back to type you don't forgive. Well I don't. I walk away. And in some cases people palm you off with that 5 letter word out of the whole English vocab to make themselves look and feel better and to save face and it does nothing for the person they've said sorry to. In other cases it's just used to fob you off with a nicety so they can get in your pants. | |||
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"Personally if someone treats me like shit that gives some vaguely worded excuse. I just treat them as if no excuse is given. Because there is no excuse to treat someone like shit And I definitely wouldn’t be getting myself all twisted up trying to decipher their words months later We all only have so much time in a day. So much mental energy to expend. And someone that’s not even thinking about you is taking a lot of yours. That age old saying Talks cheap. Actions speak. Stop giving so much energy to some fumbled noises a guy made with his mouth when you called him out on his bullshit. It took him 0.3 seconds to make it and he’s probably never thought about then since Is this not another example of belittling someone? Making the offence sound small and unimportant, trivialising it and having any feelings over it is then pathetic and weak. Does that not invalidate someones feelings as well as put someone down for feeling anything over something you deem as trivial? And implies the amount of energy put into thinking about it, while using the word twisted is akin to saying making a mountain out of a mole hill, or overreacting. " If you see it as belittling, then that’s on you For me, the most empowering thing I can do is not allow someone that treated me like shit take away the most important resource I have, my time and mental energy You do you | |||
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"Personally if someone treats me like shit that gives some vaguely worded excuse. I just treat them as if no excuse is given. Because there is no excuse to treat someone like shit And I definitely wouldn’t be getting myself all twisted up trying to decipher their words months later We all only have so much time in a day. So much mental energy to expend. And someone that’s not even thinking about you is taking a lot of yours. That age old saying Talks cheap. Actions speak. Stop giving so much energy to some fumbled noises a guy made with his mouth when you called him out on his bullshit. It took him 0.3 seconds to make it and he’s probably never thought about then since Is this not another example of belittling someone? Making the offence sound small and unimportant, trivialising it and having any feelings over it is then pathetic and weak. Does that not invalidate someones feelings as well as put someone down for feeling anything over something you deem as trivial? And implies the amount of energy put into thinking about it, while using the word twisted is akin to saying making a mountain out of a mole hill, or overreacting. If you see it as belittling, then that’s on you For me, the most empowering thing I can do is not allow someone that treated me like shit take away the most important resource I have, my time and mental energy You do you " Explain to me how it isn't? | |||
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"Personally if someone treats me like shit that gives some vaguely worded excuse. I just treat them as if no excuse is given. Because there is no excuse to treat someone like shit And I definitely wouldn’t be getting myself all twisted up trying to decipher their words months later We all only have so much time in a day. So much mental energy to expend. And someone that’s not even thinking about you is taking a lot of yours. That age old saying Talks cheap. Actions speak. Stop giving so much energy to some fumbled noises a guy made with his mouth when you called him out on his bullshit. It took him 0.3 seconds to make it and he’s probably never thought about then since Is this not another example of belittling someone? Making the offence sound small and unimportant, trivialising it and having any feelings over it is then pathetic and weak. Does that not invalidate someones feelings as well as put someone down for feeling anything over something you deem as trivial? And implies the amount of energy put into thinking about it, while using the word twisted is akin to saying making a mountain out of a mole hill, or overreacting. If you see it as belittling, then that’s on you For me, the most empowering thing I can do is not allow someone that treated me like shit take away the most important resource I have, my time and mental energy You do you Explain to me how it isn't?" It’s is if you want it to be I just explained why it’s empowering to me. I value my mental energy and time, and I want to spend as much of that on people that truly care and love for me To each their own | |||
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"Personally if someone treats me like shit that gives some vaguely worded excuse. I just treat them as if no excuse is given. Because there is no excuse to treat someone like shit And I definitely wouldn’t be getting myself all twisted up trying to decipher their words months later We all only have so much time in a day. So much mental energy to expend. And someone that’s not even thinking about you is taking a lot of yours. That age old saying Talks cheap. Actions speak. Stop giving so much energy to some fumbled noises a guy made with his mouth when you called him out on his bullshit. It took him 0.3 seconds to make it and he’s probably never thought about then since Is this not another example of belittling someone? Making the offence sound small and unimportant, trivialising it and having any feelings over it is then pathetic and weak. Does that not invalidate someones feelings as well as put someone down for feeling anything over something you deem as trivial? And implies the amount of energy put into thinking about it, while using the word twisted is akin to saying making a mountain out of a mole hill, or overreacting. If you see it as belittling, then that’s on you For me, the most empowering thing I can do is not allow someone that treated me like shit take away the most important resource I have, my time and mental energy You do you " I second this. Main thing for me would be time and mental energy spent. Is it worth it 3 months later? | |||
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"Personally if someone treats me like shit that gives some vaguely worded excuse. I just treat them as if no excuse is given. Because there is no excuse to treat someone like shit And I definitely wouldn’t be getting myself all twisted up trying to decipher their words months later We all only have so much time in a day. So much mental energy to expend. And someone that’s not even thinking about you is taking a lot of yours. That age old saying Talks cheap. Actions speak. Stop giving so much energy to some fumbled noises a guy made with his mouth when you called him out on his bullshit. It took him 0.3 seconds to make it and he’s probably never thought about then since Is this not another example of belittling someone? Making the offence sound small and unimportant, trivialising it and having any feelings over it is then pathetic and weak. Does that not invalidate someones feelings as well as put someone down for feeling anything over something you deem as trivial? And implies the amount of energy put into thinking about it, while using the word twisted is akin to saying making a mountain out of a mole hill, or overreacting. If you see it as belittling, then that’s on you For me, the most empowering thing I can do is not allow someone that treated me like shit take away the most important resource I have, my time and mental energy You do you Explain to me how it isn't? It’s is if you want it to be I just explained why it’s empowering to me. I value my mental energy and time, and I want to spend as much of that on people that truly care and love for me To each their own " I don't see the explanation, just you saying what you do and think, not a breakdown of the original comment explained, what I do see is you flipping it back on me though. | |||
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"Personally if someone treats me like shit that gives some vaguely worded excuse. I just treat them as if no excuse is given. Because there is no excuse to treat someone like shit And I definitely wouldn’t be getting myself all twisted up trying to decipher their words months later We all only have so much time in a day. So much mental energy to expend. And someone that’s not even thinking about you is taking a lot of yours. That age old saying Talks cheap. Actions speak. Stop giving so much energy to some fumbled noises a guy made with his mouth when you called him out on his bullshit. It took him 0.3 seconds to make it and he’s probably never thought about then since Is this not another example of belittling someone? Making the offence sound small and unimportant, trivialising it and having any feelings over it is then pathetic and weak. Does that not invalidate someones feelings as well as put someone down for feeling anything over something you deem as trivial? And implies the amount of energy put into thinking about it, while using the word twisted is akin to saying making a mountain out of a mole hill, or overreacting. If you see it as belittling, then that’s on you For me, the most empowering thing I can do is not allow someone that treated me like shit take away the most important resource I have, my time and mental energy You do you I second this. Main thing for me would be time and mental energy spent. Is it worth it 3 months later?" It's a forum post while I do stuff round the house, it's not taking up my daily life and taking over. And where did you get 3 months from? | |||
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" ... If you see it as belittling, then that’s on you For me, the most empowering thing I can do is not allow someone that treated me like shit take away the most important resource I have, my time and mental energy You do you I second this. Main thing for me would be time and mental energy spent. Is it worth it 3 months later? It's a forum post while I do stuff round the house, it's not taking up my daily life and taking over. And where did you get 3 months from? " Few months became 3 months in my brain when arriving at the end of the thread. My mistake. Apologies. | |||
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"Personally if someone treats me like shit that gives some vaguely worded excuse. I just treat them as if no excuse is given. Because there is no excuse to treat someone like shit And I definitely wouldn’t be getting myself all twisted up trying to decipher their words months later We all only have so much time in a day. So much mental energy to expend. And someone that’s not even thinking about you is taking a lot of yours. That age old saying Talks cheap. Actions speak. Stop giving so much energy to some fumbled noises a guy made with his mouth when you called him out on his bullshit. It took him 0.3 seconds to make it and he’s probably never thought about then since " I agree with most of this really. Apart from the last paragraph. I wouldn’t tell other people how to deal with things. But the rest yeah definitely. | |||
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"Complacency, an attitude of self-satisfaction that leads to people automatically and mindlessly following a routine Or a feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one's achievements. I had a conversation with someone a few months ago. I called them out on the way they had treated me at a certain point in time. They admitted to it, even saying back to me the words they used when they had mistreated me, they even said sorry. But I asked the question, why? And their response was 'I guess I got complacent' A past partner used the same reason for their behaviours in our relationship that failed. But is it a valid excuse? " Sorry, I didn't finish reading your message, I guess..... | |||
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"In all relationships Honeymoon period Comfortable period You do nothing but get complacent Relationships need to be kept alive Some people may fall out of love. Complacency stinks and unpleasant and unwarranted. " This is all true We can all take people for granted I don't like the word complacent I think granted is better suited. There's no room for complacency in a relationship. | |||
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"Complacency, an attitude of self-satisfaction that leads to people automatically and mindlessly following a routine Or a feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one's achievements. I had a conversation with someone a few months ago. I called them out on the way they had treated me at a certain point in time. They admitted to it, even saying back to me the words they used when they had mistreated me, they even said sorry. But I asked the question, why? And their response was 'I guess I got complacent' A past partner used the same reason for their behaviours in our relationship that failed. But is it a valid excuse? " It’s not a valid excuse, but it might also be the truth. at least you had a chance to talk, and at least he was able to recognise his behaviour. I have zero expectation of any such recognition coming from those who’ve treated me with contempt Xx | |||
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