FabSwingers.com forum: What do you do when…

By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell them to fuck off and if they don’t take the hint I give them directions!!

Your boundaries are your boundaries and if they won’t respect them. You have to tell them where to go.

I can imagine as a woman in a sticky situation it can be more difficult.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds specific.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"Tell them to fuck off and if they don’t take the hint I give them directions!!

Your boundaries are your boundaries and if they won’t respect them. You have to tell them where to go.

I can imagine as a woman in a sticky situation it can be more difficult. "

Sometimes patience and nuance is needed in the “how” of policing the boundary. This is true.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

If they set a test when I wasn’t aware they were going to set it as a test they pretty much end their acquaintance with me.

And when I say pretty much… I mean definitely

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"It sounds specific.

You’re welcome to interpret it any way you like.

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary. "

I’ve had this lots in my normal dating life and I just walk away. Im usually quite civil able it but have known to sharpen my tongue on occasion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have boundaries ( I use that word because itss as there now ) but there are lines that can be crossed that piss me off, or bother me. And done can be stepped over and it’s not an issue. Some are found out, and the person who crossed the line hopefully knows how much it would gather me.

Sometimes , someone has been able to assure me it wasn’t in purpose, and helped me realise that line was not needed anyway. It’s all a fluid thing with me, any one who gets to know me will learn I’m easy going, and if I like you, we’ll figure shit out if we want to continue getting to know each other.

Or I go in with a contract, and any rules broken and it’s over.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Oh I'm (rather irritatingly for me) a bit too soft and quick to forgive people because I think "Hey, come on Meli they didn't mean to do that". And they'll do it again and I'll be a bit irritated and probably silently swear at them and then try and forgive it.

Normally the third or fourth time is the end to my patience and generosity. Once I've truly walked away, that's me done. Forever. I try and not do that a lot though because guilt and people pleasing.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

[Removed by poster at 17/01/24 14:57:51]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i'm perfectly safe. no one wants to get within 10 miles of them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It sounds specific.

You’re welcome to interpret it any way you like.

I did.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"If they set a test when I wasn’t aware they were going to set it as a test they pretty much end their acquaintance with me.

And when I say pretty much… I mean definitely

That would be an unfair test - you’d be right to end your acquaintance. In a situation like that, so would I.

But don’t worry, I will always ask first, if you would like me to test you

And if you say yes, I’ll test you all… night… long

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary.

I’ve had this lots in my normal dating life and I just walk away. Im usually quite civil able it but have known to sharpen my tongue on occasion."

What do you use to sharpen it with?

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary. "

Whatever I said, whatever I did

I didn't mean it

I just want you back for good

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"I have boundaries ( I use that word because itss as there now ) but there are lines that can be crossed that piss me off, or bother me. And done can be stepped over and it’s not an issue. Some are found out, and the person who crossed the line hopefully knows how much it would gather me.

Or I go in with a contract, and any rules broken and it’s over.

(As an aside, are you using dictation? Only ‘cause I do that sometimes and the results are… interesting. My phone… doesn’t understand… my accent!

)

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"Oh I'm (rather irritatingly for me) a bit too soft and quick to forgive people because I think "Hey, come on Meli they didn't mean to do that". And they'll do it again and I'll be a bit irritated and probably silently swear at them and then try and forgive it.

Normally the third or fourth time is the end to my patience and generosity. Once I've truly walked away, that's me done. Forever. I try and not do that a lot though because guilt and people pleasing.

Three or four chances is pretty generous. I’ll give you that.

It’s hard though, right? Because I don’t think that most of us are trying to upset anybody. So it’s easy to assume that the other person didn’t mean it either.

Too quick to pull the trigger = maybe you’re making a mistake. Quick draw?

People will think they can take liberties that you’d never give permission for.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"i'm perfectly safe. no one wants to get within 10 miles of them"

That means you’re doing it right!

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary.

I’ve had this lots in my normal dating life and I just walk away. Im usually quite civil able it but have known to sharpen my tongue on occasion.

What do you use to sharpen it with?

Aha!! Something against which I can rub the inquisitive little chap in a back and forth motion.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"It sounds specific.

You’re welcome to interpret it any way you like.

I did.

*affectionately* Smart ass

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary.

I’ve had this lots in my normal dating life and I just walk away. Im usually quite civil able it but have known to sharpen my tongue on occasion.

What do you use to sharpen it with?

Aha!! Something against which I can rub the inquisitive little chap in a back and forth motion."

*fans myself*

I like where this is headed!

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary.

Whatever I said, whatever I did

I didn't mean it

I just want you back for good

What song is that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary.

Whatever I said, whatever I did

I didn't mean it

I just want you back for good

What song is that?"

Take that - back for good

And the whole thread YES!

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary.

Whatever I said, whatever I did

I didn't mean it

I just want you back for good

What song is that?

Take that - back for good

And the whole thread YES!"

What she said

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"If they set a test when I wasn’t aware they were going to set it as a test they pretty much end their acquaintance with me.

And when I say pretty much… I mean definitely

That would be an unfair test - you’d be right to end your acquaintance. In a situation like that, so would I.

But don’t worry, I will always ask first, if you would like me to test you

And if you say yes, I’ll test you all… night… long

You are adorable… and hot

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary.

Whatever I said, whatever I did

I didn't mean it

I just want you back for good

What song is that?

Take that - back for good

And the whole thread YES!

What she said"

I’d not have expected you to be into boy bands, Willy.

I’m listening to it now - this would fall under the “guilty pleasures” category of music for me

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"If they set a test when I wasn’t aware they were going to set it as a test they pretty much end their acquaintance with me.

And when I say pretty much… I mean definitely

That would be an unfair test - you’d be right to end your acquaintance. In a situation like that, so would I.

But don’t worry, I will always ask first, if you would like me to test you

And if you say yes, I’ll test you all… night… long

You are adorable… and hot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary. "

As with everything the people , timings , what the boundaries are etc...Context matters.

But ultimately if someone Is repeatedly crossing your hard boundaries when they are fully aware what they are doing ...and it's impact on you.

Time to take whatever action you need for your own peace of mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If they set a test when I wasn’t aware they were going to set it as a test they pretty much end their acquaintance with me.

And when I say pretty much… I mean definitely

And you’re a woman of your word

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?..."

•

I claim sexual asylum.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

I simply behead them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If they set a test when I wasn’t aware they were going to set it as a test they pretty much end their acquaintance with me.

And when I say pretty much… I mean definitely

I had to look for who wrote this.

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary. "

Everyone who has a decent set of morals even in this world must have rules and boundaries that should not be crossed. Any decent person should respect those boundaries. Those that do not are not worth your time.

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By *ags73Man
over a year ago

glasgow-ish

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary.

Whatever I said, whatever I did

I didn't mean it

I just want you back for good

That’s the worst thing I can imagine. Oh man.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"If they set a test when I wasn’t aware they were going to set it as a test they pretty much end their acquaintance with me.

And when I say pretty much… I mean definitely

And you’re a woman of your word

Uh huh…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly, I'd probably just roll with the punches so as not to cause a scene but it's something I'd probably think about for a while and would hope I would never interact with them again and if we did, then I would probably explain why I didn't want to see them again.

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary.

Whatever I said, whatever I did

I didn't mean it

I just want you back for good

What song is that?

Take that - back for good

And the whole thread YES!

What she said

I’d not have expected you to be into boy bands, Willy.

I’m listening to it now - this would fall under the “guilty pleasures” category of music for me

This is a place free from judgement

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?...

•

I claim sexual asylum."

Sexual Asylum? Is that a swingers’ club?

I wasn’t aware that you owned a club. Although come to think of it… not a surprise.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"I simply behead them

Me too!

Maybe

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"Honestly, I'd probably just roll with the punches so as not to cause a scene but it's something I'd probably think about for a while and would hope I would never interact with them again and if we did, then I would probably explain why I didn't want to see them again."

This is reasonable

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By *olfandtazCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Thankfully this isn't something we have had to deal with yet.

Crossing a boundary for us though is an instant stop, they don't get a 2nd chance to repeat. If you don't respect us enough then we will find someone that does

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary.

Whatever I said, whatever I did

I didn't mean it

I just want you back for good

What song is that?

Take that - back for good

And the whole thread YES!

What she said

I’d not have expected you to be into boy bands, Willy.

I’m listening to it now - this would fall under the “guilty pleasures” category of music for me

This is a place free from judgement

Are you sure about that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I explain to them that they were not, previously, a knobhead. And they are now a knobhead. Using graphs I then show them how the state of not being a knobhead went away, and how the state of them being a knobhead arrived.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary. "

I restate the boundary. I give them the opportunity to respect it.

If they push or I sense it’s on purpose, I get the hell out of dodge.

“I see you’ve chosen to end our interaction as you’re not respecting my boundary so I’m off. Bye”

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"I explain to them that they were not, previously, a knobhead. And they are now a knobhead. Using graphs I then show them how the state of not being a knobhead went away, and how the state of them being a knobhead arrived. "

Graphs!! ROTFLMMFAO

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary.

I restate the boundary. I give them the opportunity to respect it.

If they push or I sense it’s on purpose, I get the hell out of dodge.

“I see you’ve chosen to end our interaction as you’re not respecting my boundary so I’m off. Bye”"

I like this. It’s short and to the point

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

Btw, hope you’re ok, OP. Boundary violations are not fun.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Are we talking boundaries as in pre-agreed limits and previously discussed preferences during sex, or boundaries such as repeat pestering via phone/text/email, or someone rocking up unannounced expecting you to welcome them with open arms and get jiggy? Or them gossiping to others, or generally being indiscreet about your interactions? Or stealing your last hob nob?

Any boundary should always be respected, but if those boundaries haven't been clearly established then it can be easy for someone to misread things in the heat of a bedroom moment, or just assume wrongly that something is ok.

As with everything, good and clear communication is essential. You can't apportion blame if someone isn't aware they've crossed a line.

But if someone does and they should no better, then I guess it depends on your relationship with them as to how you deal with it. Some things can be solved with a quiet word and a quick reminder of a previous discussion. Others may require a swift kick in the nether region and a prompt request to fuck off to fuckoffsville, when they get there to smash their phone with a rock so they never contact you again, and then maybe emailing Elon for a ticket on the next SpaceX flight so you're as far from them as possible for all eternity.

Situationally dependent......

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"Thankfully this isn't something we have had to deal with yet.

Crossing a boundary for us though is an instant stop, they don't get a 2nd chance to repeat. If you don't respect us enough then we will find someone that does "

And yes. 100% this. Most people know enough to realise that other people have options. Nobody has to put up with shitty behaviour.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"Btw, hope you’re ok, OP. Boundary violations are not fun. "

Thanks xx

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"Are we talking boundaries as in pre-agreed limits and previously discussed preferences during sex, or boundaries such as repeat pestering via phone/text/email, or someone rocking up unannounced expecting you to welcome them with open arms and get jiggy? Or them gossiping to others, or generally being indiscreet about your interactions? Or stealing your last hob nob?

As with everything, good and clear communication is essential. You can't apportion blame if someone isn't aware they've crossed a line.

Situationally dependent......

BRB, dying laughing at your turn of phrase

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

"… someone tries to cross one of your boundaries?

What if it doesn’t work? What if the boundary crosser is doing it on purpose?

Here’s what I do: I roll with whatever I need to do for my own peace of mind.

Here’s what I don’t do: allow that boundary to be crossed.

Not going to get specific - a boundary is a boundary.

Whatever I said, whatever I did

I didn't mean it

I just want you back for good

What song is that?

Take that - back for good

And the whole thread YES!

What she said

I’d not have expected you to be into boy bands, Willy.

I’m listening to it now - this would fall under the “guilty pleasures” category of music for me

This is a place free from judgement

Are you sure about that?

Probably not

But on a serious note, if someone can't respect your boundaries then it's not someone you want in your life. On or off this site.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Definitely using graphs now.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

Definitely using graphs now. "

I feel like graphs might involve Excel spreadsheet pivot tables and I’ve never been able to get my head around those!

*waves fist in air at my incompetence

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

What happens when those boubdaries are not only crossed, but intentionally pissed on.

I had a meet that asked about cumming in my mouth, I told them in no uncertain terms that it was off the table. They held my head and came in my mouth anyway, I fuming and told them to leave in quite harsh terms. They even left a veri, saying I took his cum like a proper cumslut.

Needless to say they are blocked.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"What happens when those boubdaries are not only crossed, but intentionally pissed on.

Needless to say they are blocked."

I’m so sorry this happened to you. That goes beyond boundaries. That’s assault. And maybe harassment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What happens when those boubdaries are not only crossed, but intentionally pissed on.

Needless to say they are blocked."

That is utterly horrendous!

I'm so sorry he did that to you.

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