FabSwingers.com forum: Understanding swingers???

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi at the risk of getting slated,as a married man on here looking for genuine couple for mfm 3sum and friendship,what is it I am missing about swingers? I consider myself quite good looking non pushy and genuine but don't understand why such a problem to take things further chats go well but meets don't materialise,is it the fact I chat to the wrong people/they aren't really a couple or I just don't understand???

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

You will find its probably more down to the fact that you are married.

A lot of people on here do not like playing with married people when their partners don'tknow (cheaters if you will) regardless of the reason why they do it.

Some see it as an affront to their living relationship, some get upset for the other half. Who is oblivious to your double life.

It's your choice to be in here and I think it's good you let people make an informed choiceon meeting you by ttelling them your situation but it will mean you will have to work harder to get a meet.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Oh and.....there have been some good threads on cheating this weekend. Would be good to read those to understand what I am saying.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 10/03/13 08:47:03]

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Hi at the risk of getting slated,as a married man on here looking for genuine couple for mfm 3sum and friendship,what is it I am missing about swingers? I consider myself quite good looking non pushy and genuine but don't understand why such a problem to take things further chats go well but meets don't materialise,is it the fact I chat to the wrong people/they aren't really a couple or I just don't understand??? "

It could be any number of reasons but if couples don't accommodate, you can't obviously, and the plethora of "genuine" single men that can...well, who gets first dibs you reckon?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for replies guys understand what your saying however as I'm upfront about it people know this,a lot of couples say it's not for them but some say its not a problem yet are happy to chat and then nothing,the hardest part is that I know if I got a meet everything would be ok(that's not meant in an arrogant way just I'm confident it would be fine) help?? lol

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"the hardest part is that I know if I got a meet everything would be ok "

And so says every other single guy that doesn't get what swinging is about.

I don't mean that nastily but just be yourself on your profile and in messages and everything else will follow. If it doesn't then maybe swinging isn't for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you think swingers do? Just a thought from how you phrased it. Do you think swingers shag all the time/ anyone and everything? Because that's not true. Ok maybe some do....!

There's tons more blokes on here than couples or single females. Could just be that you're unlucky and other guys are lucky. Don't take it as a confidence knock. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See my post, I have been up front with people ref the post, but you will always get people who just think its wrong of you to be doing this. I say to them, its my life and I will live it the way I do. I do not judge people. Hope it all works out for you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks again,Scarlett I don't think that in fact I would like just to meet a genuine couple for friendship aswell not just sex every time we meet I understand that much,maybe I'm best looking at trying to get invite to group meetings/socials first??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for replies guys understand what your saying however as I'm upfront about it people know this,a lot of couples say it's not for them but some say its not a problem yet are happy to chat and then nothing,the hardest part is that I know if I got a meet everything would be ok(that's not meant in an arrogant way just I'm confident it would be fine) help?? lol "

You need to see this from the couples point of view.

You arrange a meet with a couple who are okay with the fact that you're married, and then at the last minute your wife reminds you that you are supposed to be doing something else and you have to cancel. What is the couple now going to think of you?????

You arrange a meet with a couple who are okay with the fact that you're married, and then you rather stupidly leave your phone laying around, your wife picks it up and scrolls through your 'recent activity'. The next thing you know, you've got an irate couple on the phone asking why your wife has been threatening them with all kinds of crap!

What are the couple going to think of you then..????

That's just two of the pitfalls a couple has in meeting a married guy for a private meet - whether he's upfront about being married or not.

Any couple with any common sense will err on the side of caution and, having thought about the possible ramifications of going through the meet with you, will blow you out. It's as simple as that.

The only way which is reliable for both YOU and any couple you play with, is to go to a club. At least then if either of you blows the other out, you can still get to play with others.

For the couples POV it's a simple case of safety and security, and they will go with caution every time...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Appreciate that post and totally understand that but couples do meet married men and although I agree with all you say surely them points/situations would be addressed in catharsis before any meet to ensure that everyone is ok with the situation and ensuring that that doesn't happen? but do take on board everything you said in post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problems with married men (and women for that matter) is the risk of an irate partner finding out and bringing a shed load of unnecessary agro into my life. And that married men are potentiallu unreliable and have limitations on their time. But most of all I fail to see how when they play with couples they have any respect for that couples relationship and for the female half when their own is so unimportant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

unfortunatly there is no place in swinging for cheating, it is the total opposite of what swinging is about, now you may be lucky and find some that dismiss there morals and go with it but the majority of real swingers wont go near, swinging is about sharing fantasys, honesty with everyone involved, exploring new things together and openess there is no place in there for cheating.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is it really all about morals? surely different people have different views,have been to a club in north east where no one seemed to mind the fact I was married but obviously each to their own surely as people swing for lots of different reasons,voyerism,girl on girl,3sums,4sums,soft swap,group sex as well as social side??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes and like in my previous post its about exploring new things which you have mentioned a list of the things people explore together.

in reply to your visit to the club, if people dont no your married then they assume as your there as a single guy then your single and if you were caught going to a club there would be to many for your wife to hunt down and the only place she would no to look would be the club, no addresses or phone numbers to find.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

" But most of all I fail to see how when they play with couples they have any respect for that couples relationship and for the female half when their own is so unimportant.

Personally, if I were in a couple THIS would be the reason I'd not play with married people.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

While many couples will not meet guys playing away, there are couples who ONLY meet married guys playing away. Each have there own logic for choosing one or the other.

That said, as has been said, how can you be expected to respect someone else's relationship if you don't seem to respect your own?

"have been to a club in north east where no one seemed to mind the fact I was married"

How many of them wanted you to play with them? We might seem not to mind that you are married, in fact its none of our business, we wouldn't play with you, equally we wouldn't be trying to tell you what you should or shouldn't do.

I'd suggest that you continue to be up-front about your status so people can make an informed choice. Then accept the fact that not everyone is going to jump into bed with you regardless of their moral views.

There often seems to be a preconceived illusion that everyone else is having loads of meets and sex in this hobby 'except me!'

Maybe Mr & Mrs X have shagged 100's in the last year, maybe Mr & Mrs Y have only shagged 2 or 3 in the same time period. By what 'bench mark' do you gauge your progress? Do you see my point, you seem to 'think' you're not making progress because you are married playing away, would you REALLY make better progress if you were single? Probably not.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some very intetesting replies most are spot on,Angie I agree with what you say the thing is Ian looking for a genuine couple and its not just about the sex it's friendship and having a few laughs,have tried discussing with wife but in fantasy she would but not in reality will keep trying tho because would love it if she were to join me and us play as a couple

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