FabSwingers.com forum: People that are hard to talk to

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I can talk, probably way too much, a few can confirm this.

I'm chatting to somebody who's approached me wanting something casual.

We seem compatible.

The problem is, im finding her extremely hard to talk to.

Normally I just fade out of the scene if it's too hard to talk to someone, but I'm trying to change this and give people the benfiet of the doubt that not everyone talks non stop shit like me.

I know she's shy, and this could be the reason so I don't want to just knock this on the head.

But at what point do I just stop responding and say "not for me"

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

Talking in person or through writing/text?

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

Given you admit you talk a lot - are you sure that the issue is them and not you? Are you giving them the space to actually talk? Have you tried leaving some open ended questions and giving her the space to respond?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Talking in person or through writing/text?"

I havnt met her yet, this is all via text and we had a call yesterday, she seemed a bit more chatty but the conversation didn't flow like it normally would.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’d need to elaborate

Do you mean you aren’t connecting on topics you both find interesting?

Or do you mean she’s just not contributing much to the conversions?

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"Talking in person or through writing/text?

I havnt met her yet, this is all via text and we had a call yesterday, she seemed a bit more chatty but the conversation didn't flow like it normally would.

Not everyone communicates fluidly in writing. Also if you’re shy phone calls can be anxiety inducing, plus phone calls with someone you’ve not met! Shudders! Not for everyone.

She’s said she’s shy, meet her and let her warm up/tune into you and sense if you feel safe - then make a more informed decision.

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By *ormalfornorfolkMan
over a year ago

Norwich

I usually bail at the first lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Talking in person or through writing/text?

I havnt met her yet, this is all via text and we had a call yesterday, she seemed a bit more chatty but the conversation didn't flow like it normally would.

Oh if you haven’t met yet, just push for a meet

Communication styles differ and I struggle to really get chatty if we haven’t actually met

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

See how you get on in person. It may be completely different

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Given you admit you talk a lot - are you sure that the issue is them and not you? Are you giving them the space to actually talk? Have you tried leaving some open ended questions and giving her the space to respond?"

Possibly?

when I talk alot it's normally because I respond to all the questions I'm asked (feel rude if I dont), but I also do talk alot to do what you said, ask questions about people to learn more about them.

Her answers about her self don't contain much information though and she doesn't particularly ask anything back, it's normally briefly answering what I said and that's it.

I don't normally have issues talking to people that give brief responses.

On the rare occasions I do, I normally give it a bit of time and then stop engaging.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You’d need to elaborate

Do you mean you aren’t connecting on topics you both find interesting?

Or do you mean she’s just not contributing much to the conversions? "

It's more me asking questions and her giving brief answers and not really asking anything back. And then if I read and not reply I'll get a response after with something brief.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You’d need to elaborate

Do you mean you aren’t connecting on topics you both find interesting?

Or do you mean she’s just not contributing much to the conversions?

It's more me asking questions and her giving brief answers and not really asking anything back. And then if I read and not reply I'll get a response after with something brief."

Typically, women have options

Thru don’t tend to talk to people they don’t want to

So if your reading and not replying, but she’s re-engaging, even with something brief, that’s pretty good

Personally, I like to sort out the ones that actually want to meet from the ones that just want attention, by just pushing for a meet

Have you got a meet planned? Have you asked?

Sadly, plenty of women will chat chat chat, just to fill the boredom. Push for a meet and see if she’s actually down

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Talking in person or through writing/text?

I havnt met her yet, this is all via text and we had a call yesterday, she seemed a bit more chatty but the conversation didn't flow like it normally would.

Not everyone communicates fluidly in writing. Also if you’re shy phone calls can be anxiety inducing, plus phone calls with someone you’ve not met! Shudders! Not for everyone.

She’s said she’s shy, meet her and let her warm up/tune into you and sense if you feel safe - then make a more informed decision. "

Well this is what I'm hoping. I understand she doesn't know me and it can be quite daunting for some. I'm just thinking if a meet doesn't happen for a while it's going to be a challenge of keeping interest alive with the way the conversation is at the moment.

I'm thinking just match her energy until a meet, and if it fizzles out then it is what it is.

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

Possibly?

Her answers about her self don't contain much information though and she doesn't particularly ask anything back, it's normally briefly answering what I said and that's it.

I don't normally have issues talking to people that give brief responses.

On the rare occasions I do, I normally give it a bit of time and then stop engaging.

If she is answering questions and then not asking them I would probably wind it up pretty quick not if I am honest. There is more to life than trying to drag a conversation out of someone on here.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Text type chatting is not the same as talking in real life. We each set our goals and rules,, though we may be flexible.

Something doesn't seem right here.

Perhaps you could go for a walk or do something together where you shut up a lot

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Possibly?

Her answers about her self don't contain much information though and she doesn't particularly ask anything back, it's normally briefly answering what I said and that's it.

I don't normally have issues talking to people that give brief responses.

On the rare occasions I do, I normally give it a bit of time and then stop engaging.

If she is answering questions and then not asking them I would probably wind it up pretty quick not if I am honest. There is more to life than trying to drag a conversation out of someone on here."

Honesty mate, normally I kill these convos early, I think I'm just trying to be more conscious that people can be extremely shy at first.

But this is uncharted territory for me so I was wondering what everyone else's opinions and approach would be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Text type chatting is not the same as talking in real life. We each set our goals and rules,, though we may be flexible.

Something doesn't seem right here.

Perhaps you could go for a walk or do something together where you shut up a lot "

What doesn't seem right?

"Shut up alot"?

So when you have conversations with people you don't ask them questions about themselves and wait for an answer?

How do you approach things?

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

Possibly?

Her answers about her self don't contain much information though and she doesn't particularly ask anything back, it's normally briefly answering what I said and that's it.

I don't normally have issues talking to people that give brief responses.

On the rare occasions I do, I normally give it a bit of time and then stop engaging.

If she is answering questions and then not asking them I would probably wind it up pretty quick not if I am honest. There is more to life than trying to drag a conversation out of someone on here.

Honesty mate, normally I kill these convos early, I think I'm just trying to be more conscious that people can be extremely shy at first.

But this is uncharted territory for me so I was wondering what everyone else's opinions and approach would be."

Why not actually talk to her about it?

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

I have a lot of similar experiences OP, particularly on normal dating apps.

It can be very frustrating, and I get that some people are shy or not naturally chatty, but I find I get bored of trying to keep the conversation going.

I usually back off a bit to see just how interested they are. If they want to know you, they’ll make an effort. If not, you have your answer.

Annoying if you fancy each other and are compatible, but I won’t be a sl@ve to princesses.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Possibly?

Her answers about her self don't contain much information though and she doesn't particularly ask anything back, it's normally briefly answering what I said and that's it.

I don't normally have issues talking to people that give brief responses.

On the rare occasions I do, I normally give it a bit of time and then stop engaging.

If she is answering questions and then not asking them I would probably wind it up pretty quick not if I am honest. There is more to life than trying to drag a conversation out of someone on here.

Honesty mate, normally I kill these convos early, I think I'm just trying to be more conscious that people can be extremely shy at first.

But this is uncharted territory for me so I was wondering what everyone else's opinions and approach would be.

Why not actually talk to her about it?

Oh I have asked, her response was being shy and tired.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Is this person a fab connection?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this person a fab connection? "

Oh no, nothing to do with here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like a time waster to me. Letting you lead the conversation, keep her entertained and occupied. Offers little in return

Make her put her money where her mouth is and ask her to meet up for a drink

Girls that want to, will

Girl that don’t, will make an excuse

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Is this person a fab connection?

Oh no, nothing to do with here."

Good.

I think that if you're already asking other people how you should deal with this it's a non starter. Some people aren't naturally talkative and don't want to know a lot about another person or give too much away about themselves at first.

Maybe go for a coffee and if you feel as if you're a one man entertainment show you'll know where you stand

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

If she is answering questions and then not asking them I would probably wind it up pretty quick not if I am honest. There is more to life than trying to drag a conversation out of someone on here.

Honesty mate, normally I kill these convos early, I think I'm just trying to be more conscious that people can be extremely shy at first.

But this is uncharted territory for me so I was wondering what everyone else's opinions and approach would be."

If she is your only chat then keep it going but if it was the other way round and it was a female asking about a monosyllabic male the forum would be swarming to tell her to stop wasting time on him and just move on. The forum would be right.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is this person a fab connection?

Oh no, nothing to do with here.

Good.

Maybe go for a coffee and if you feel as if you're a one man entertainment show you'll know where you stand "

It's because I don't normally engage in convos like this but I'm also trying to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Like some have mentioned above some don't communicate as well over text.

I think I'm gonna match her energy from now until a meet. And if it fizzles out and a meet doesn't happen then so be it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Talking in person or through writing/text?

I havnt met her yet, this is all via text and we had a call yesterday, she seemed a bit more chatty but the conversation didn't flow like it normally would.

They why bother?

Your gut is saying no.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I hate question and answer conversations.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Is this person a fab connection?

Oh no, nothing to do with here.

Good.

Maybe go for a coffee and if you feel as if you're a one man entertainment show you'll know where you stand

It's because I don't normally engage in convos like this but I'm also trying to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Like some have mentioned above some don't communicate as well over text.

I think I'm gonna match her energy from now until a meet. And if it fizzles out and a meet doesn't happen then so be it."

I don't engage in conversations like this more than once either. I've spent excruciating interludes in coffee shops and bars where the other person barely engaged or answered my questions with a "yes"' "no" or "not really*. Whether it's intentional or not I assume they're not interested in me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can talk, probably way too much, a few can confirm this.

I'm chatting to somebody who's approached me wanting something casual.

We seem compatible.

The problem is, im finding her extremely hard to talk to.

Normally I just fade out of the scene if it's too hard to talk to someone, but I'm trying to change this and give people the benfiet of the doubt that not everyone talks non stop shit like me.

I know she's shy, and this could be the reason so I don't want to just knock this on the head.

But at what point do I just stop responding and say "not for me"

Hi op. What is it you find hard?

Just be yourself always

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Talking in person or through writing/text?

I havnt met her yet, this is all via text and we had a call yesterday, she seemed a bit more chatty but the conversation didn't flow like it normally would.

What needs to flow?

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"I hate question and answer conversations.

Ditto! It feels like a very unnatural way of interacting

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
over a year ago

Markfield

If she’s shy and was tired and just wants casual then she might be a bit overwhelmed with lots of questions and possibly doesn’t want to answer anything too much about herself too early on.

Maybe give her the opportunity to answer an open question and if she doesn’t then respond with a an answer to that and the. A question for you, I’d suggest she’s possibly not interested. Something along the lines of: “what’s your general availability to meet?” Hopefully she’ll say something like “usually weekends are good for me, what about you?”

If it doesn’t go something like that the I think she’s either not interested or she’s gonna be really difficult to hook up with and likely to not show up due to lack of confidence.

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By *archelCouple
over a year ago

A field somewhere

I'd sack it off. It's easy for us who can chew the hind leg off a donkey, but if the convo is like pulling teeth why bother. Mr M is the quiet one, but conversation always flowed easy with us from the start.

Mrs

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By *ildo_swagginsthe3rdWoman
over a year ago

Wales

I much prefer getting to know someone in person.

Being chatty or talkative over text gets tiresome for me, as you can't hear their voice and tone or see their expressions and mannerisms.

I find it quite difficult to feel a connection by text, often it just feels cold.

Much prefer talking to a real life human I can see.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the conversation is a struggle or one sided then it’s a none starter for me

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've given guys like this the benefit of the doubt. It's still like pulling teeth in person. Now I follow my instincts.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

She sounds a lot like me OP.

I am a nightmare to have a meaningful conversation with on here, it’s like pulling teeth! However, it’s not through lack of interest, I’m just so socially awkward that anxiety takes over, and I panic as to what to ask someone.

It’s usually very generic boring questions and I know they are boring so I sort of hold off asking them.

Also I find asking deep and meaningful questions to folk that are just basically going to be casual sex (as opposed to dating sites) a bit of a chore. All that effort and it’ll just be a knobbing and off they go.

Meeting up casually, getting a vibe for someone in person is the best way (albeit that is torture too). No chance of a phone call either.

It is hard work dealing with someone where you feel it’s one sided, but I’d like to hope that you’d get a hint of whether there was mutual interest at the very least.

Really only you can answer that and whether you’re willing to put that much effort in now or just knock it on the head and find someone who matches your energy.

I personally find I’m drawn to gobby folk who are chatty, don’t mind a few awkward silences and who don’t fire off a list of endless questions, because shy folk can find that a bit OTT and exhausting. She may be the same?

I think meeting sooner rather than later (before she bottles out and you get bored) might be for the best.

Once she relaxes around you (which can take weeks, months etc) then you’ll probably end up missing her quiet shyness as she might not shut up!!

Sorry for the waffle. I guess I just didn’t want you to write her off without giving her a decent chance.

Hope it all goes well

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Is it a bloke ? It's a bloke isn't it ? I bet it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When the fun stops, stop.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"When the fun stops, stop.

Or just keep messaging till you resuscitate them. Never give up!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When the fun stops, stop.

Or just keep messaging till you resuscitate them. Never give up!

I tried that with someone once.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"When the fun stops, stop.

Or just keep messaging till you resuscitate them. Never give up!

I tried that with someone once. "

How’d it work out?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When the fun stops, stop.

Or just keep messaging till you resuscitate them. Never give up!

I tried that with someone once.

How’d it work out?"

I dunno. I really dunno.

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By *amie HantsWoman
over a year ago

Atlantis

I try not to take messages to be too much of an indicator on whether they can hold a conversation. I’ve met a lot of people who seem like they have larger than life personalities through text but can’t seem to walk the walk in person and spend the whole time looking at the floor and blushing whilst making small talk. I’ve also had it where I’ve gone for coffee with people who send very short and infrequent messages and they’re great fun in person so if we fancy each other and both want to meet, try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt before I write them off.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"When the fun stops, stop.

Or just keep messaging till you resuscitate them. Never give up!

I tried that with someone once.

How’d it work out?

I dunno. I really dunno. "

Hang in there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I meet plenty of chatty people, that can't stop talking, but it doesn't mean that qualifies as a good conversation or any connection possibility. Then there can be people that choose words carefully but you have a great conversation and instant connection with.

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