FabSwingers.com forum: Self confidence

By *els_Bells OP Woman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

Are you:

1) a person who oozes self confidence in all situations?

Or 2) are you someone who has a speciality in certain areas which you feel confident in?

Or 3) are you only partially confident when you feel comfortable in certain things?

Or 4) are you so self concious in everything you do, even on here?

For me, Im a mix. Im very self conscious in how I look and what a certain few think about me. But in an area I know and passionate about, I could talk til the cows came home.

What about you?

Are you consistently confident/reassured?

No offence, but some posters seem extremely self assured/ confident no matter what they post on, so be curious to see if they comment here.

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By *hris148Man
over a year ago

I pretend to be confident in as many situations as I can. I rarely feel it though.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Are you:

1) a person who oozes self confidence in all situations?

Or 2) are you someone who has a speciality in certain areas which you feel confident in?

Or 3) are you only partially confident when you feel comfortable in certain things?

Or 4) are you so self concious in everything you do, even on here?

For me, Im a mix. Im very self conscious in how I look and what a certain few think about me. But in an area I know and passionate about, I could talk til the cows came home.

What about you?

Are you consistently confident/reassured?

No offence, but some posters seem extremely self assured/ confident no matter what they post on, so be curious to see if they comment here.

I am pretty confident, but I think that is probably due to age and the experiences (good and bad) I have been through. I am very comfortable with who I am and, more importantly, LIKE who I am, warts and all.

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

not at all .. thats why we try to stick to meeting people we already know .. its more of our comfort zone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm someone who struggles with self confidence. It is something I have struggled with for many years.

My confidence comes and goes, at the moment its fairly shocking and I will be very honest and say that tonight I have been quite emotional.

No amount of being told I'm this that and the other helps.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

2 because i cant travel places on my own and i get nervous about going to new places but i would say im a confident person within myself. It is surprising how many people profess to be confident when in fact they are not

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By *els_Bells OP Woman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

"2."

Im a number 2 too when it comes to talking about my professional experiences. On here though I am wayyyy down on the confidence list. Strange world we live.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im confident in some ways and not in others, in every day life, my job and talking to people im confident, its when it comes to my personal life, like meeting people on here I loose it, funnily enough im quite confident in clubs when im walking about and talking to friends, unless someone im attracted to talks to me and again I just loose it, I have never rated my looks, I have never had a good body and im very awear of that and it does hold me back a lot when it comes to meeting and playing in clubs, I lack confidance in those areas

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

2 I suppose. Stuff I know about, I'm confident about although I'm confident at trying new things and am usually confident I will be good at them. Even if I'm not after the event, I always think it was good to try.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"2.

Im a number 2 too when it comes to talking about my professional experiences. On here though I am wayyyy down on the confidence list. Strange world we live."
In what way on here are you NOT confident?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not at all confident. In most areas of my life

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"2 because i cant travel places on my own and i get nervous about going to new places but i would say im a confident person within myself. It is surprising how many people profess to be confident when in fact they are not"

I love travelling alone - been to Singapore alone, across Europe to Poland, up the coast of Queensland, Australia. It's very liberating - though it was scary at first. It's good to get out of your comfort zone and see what you can do. I think that helps build confidence.

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By *hris148Man
over a year ago

" It's good to get out of your comfort zone and see what you can do. I think that helps build confidence."

Well said

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

My job... I am so confident in... Myself sometimes I am.. It depends...

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By *els_Bells OP Woman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

"I'm someone who struggles with self confidence. It is something I have struggled with for many years.

My confidence comes and goes, at the moment its fairly shocking and I will be very honest and say that tonight I have been quite emotional.

No amount of being told I'm this that and the other helps. "

No offence, and I hope you dont take any, but on forums I always thought of you as a very confident individual who didnt give a flying fig what others thought.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Its the worst thing about my life, i can only get on a train if im being met of it and thats only sometimes. Luckily ive got some amazing people in my life

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By *hris148Man
over a year ago

"I'm someone who struggles with self confidence. It is something I have struggled with for many years.

My confidence comes and goes, at the moment its fairly shocking and I will be very honest and say that tonight I have been quite emotional.

No amount of being told I'm this that and the other helps. "

Confidence is low? You built a table and chairs today!!! Surely that deserves a small pat on the back

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I have presented at conferences to very large audiences on subjects I know very very well.

But can struggle speaking to small groups of people on everyday stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm someone who struggles with self confidence. It is something I have struggled with for many years.

My confidence comes and goes, at the moment its fairly shocking and I will be very honest and say that tonight I have been quite emotional.

No amount of being told I'm this that and the other helps. "

im the same

No matter how nice someone tells you you look if you don't feel it you wont believe it

Its very hard at timers to look in the mirror and see this fat ugly person looking back at you and believe that not everyone see that person and not everyone _iews you like that

But at the end of the day not everyone will and that's what I struggle to accept, what makes it worse is the amount of people who go on about how single guys will fuck anything so when they mail me I think, Is it just any holes a goal or does he like me lol

fook me I need help lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My confidence is a brick wall ...... but others dont believe me when I tell them that I am shy ..........

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By *els_Bells OP Woman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

"2.

Im a number 2 too when it comes to talking about my professional experiences. On here though I am wayyyy down on the confidence list. Strange world we live.In what way on here are you NOT confident?"

On occasions I feel I should not be here and do not always feel as accepted as the next person. But that is MY problem and I deal with it. Its not Rod, Jane or freddys prob its mine.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"2.

Im a number 2 too when it comes to talking about my professional experiences. On here though I am wayyyy down on the confidence list. Strange world we live.In what way on here are you NOT confident?

On occasions I feel I should not be here and do not always feel as accepted as the next person. But that is MY problem and I deal with it. Its not Rod, Jane or freddys prob its mine."
In the forum or the site as a whole?

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By *ark Gr8 Teddy BearMan
over a year ago

Wigan

2, I can appear very confident in everything I do but a lot of the time it's an act.

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By *hris148Man
over a year ago

The truth is I am far more confident posting on this forum than I would be face to face with any of you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am told I give the impression that I am very confident , quite often I don't feel it though I am just a good actor

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Its the worst thing about my life, i can only get on a train if im being met of it and thats only sometimes. Luckily ive got some amazing people in my life"

I can understand that fear absolutely. It can be very scary travelling alone, especially as a woman. I was so pleased with myself the first time I did it, and it gave me confidence to do it again. Now I have travelled alone so much that I actually prefer it sometimes!

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"The truth is I am far more confident posting on this forum than I would be face to face with any of you"
Nothing wrong with that, lots are similar.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have zero self confidence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The truth is I am far more confident posting on this forum than I would be face to face with any of you"

as are 90% of the site, most people on here wouldnt say half what they say to the persons face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When it comes to my job i love it and am very confident.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

I am very confident 98% of the time, but i never used to be.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"The truth is I am far more confident posting on this forum than I would be face to face with any of you

as are 90% of the site, most people on here wouldnt say half what they say to the persons face "
I would agree with that NN.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The truth is I am far more confident posting on this forum than I would be face to face with any of you"

I'm the same on here as I would be face to face. Always speak my mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The truth is I am far more confident posting on this forum than I would be face to face with any of you

as are 90% of the site, most people on here wouldnt say half what they say to the persons face "

see i find myself lip biting and fence sitting..

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By *icentious.LibertineWoman
over a year ago

Falkirk

I'm confident in who I am, and love that, but not what I'm good at..

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"The truth is I am far more confident posting on this forum than I would be face to face with any of you

as are 90% of the site, most people on here wouldnt say half what they say to the persons face "

Viva la 10%....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

1 - My self confindence has actually made a lot of the relationships ive had in my life very difficult and creates a lot of resentment particularly in my working life

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

a mix of 3 and 4 for me. i am always second guessing what i put on here and what i say in life. i worry so much about making myself look a prat in front of people but i put a fairly good act on and hide the carzy...a lot!!!!

in groups of people i can become very overwhelmed and quiet

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"The truth is I am far more confident posting on this forum than I would be face to face with any of you

I'm the same on here as I would be face to face. Always speak my mind"
I tend to hold back on here, but i tend not to outside of Fabswingers.

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By *he Original TTMan
over a year ago

Brackley, Northants

I tend to be confident most of the time - and definitely when in a professional setting. I have been in my line if work for over 20 years... It helps!

Personally, I am rarely self conscious, and am well known amongst my friends as the one who will always do a dare, or go and talk to new people, etc.

I meet new people and have to interact with then every day at work, usually in more than a passing manner, so have built my self confidence over the years.

That said, I do occasionally get nervous or self conscious. I wouldn't be human if I didn't!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"The truth is I am far more confident posting on this forum than I would be face to face with any of you

I'm the same on here as I would be face to face. Always speak my mindI tend to hold back on here, but i tend not to outside of Fabswingers."

and i just say things lol

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

[Removed by poster at 09/03/13 22:34:51]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"1 - My self confindence has actually made a lot of the relationships ive had in my life very difficult and creates a lot of resentment particularly in my working life "

there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance, if its causing that many problems, in your private and work life, many its not confidence

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"The truth is I am far more confident posting on this forum than I would be face to face with any of you

I'm the same on here as I would be face to face. Always speak my mindI tend to hold back on here, but i tend not to outside of Fabswingers.

and i just say things lol"
Oh yes , i know lol

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Since I stopped giving a shit about what people thought about me and the way I live my life, I have to say I have been so much happier. The people who know and love me, love me for who I am, not who I try to be to please them. It was a huge weight off my shoulders to realise this. I just accept I am not perfect, never will be. But then - no one else is either!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friend gave me my confidence back and I'll love him forever for it. Well I wouldn't say I'm confident as such, more oblivious. I just crash through life with a cheesy grin on my face. Some people like me and some don't.

I'm not afraid to say I don't understand or that I don't know something, and ask for help. Not sure if that's confidence or just a numpty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm someone who struggles with self confidence. It is something I have struggled with for many years.

My confidence comes and goes, at the moment its fairly shocking and I will be very honest and say that tonight I have been quite emotional.

No amount of being told I'm this that and the other helps.

No offence, and I hope you dont take any, but on forums I always thought of you as a very confident individual who didnt give a flying fig what others thought."

No offence taken. I'm not going to lie, swinging has helped to boost my confidence. The last year my health has plummeted and that has knocked my confidence. I have had a few tough weeks and my confidence at the moment is fairly low. I haven't posted about it because I don't want to look like I am wanting sympathy. But privately I have been talking to my friends about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Since I stopped giving a shit about what people thought about me and the way I live my life, I have to say I have been so much happier. The people who know and love me, love me for who I am, not who I try to be to please them. It was a huge weight off my shoulders to realise this. I just accept I am not perfect, never will be. But then - no one else is either!"

see I can honestly say I don't care what other people think of me, its what I think of me that's my problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had long periods of being a 4, but since Christmas I've felt like a 1 and it's great, I feel like I'm getting so much more from people!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I am very solution based in my straight talking...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I pretend to be confident, it helps me feel it when I'm not.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

see I can honestly say I don't care what other people think of me, its what I think of me that's my problem

I understand that. I've had times in my life when I didn't think I was much - especially when in a relationship with someone who constantly criticised. It's not easy to like yourself - seems odd but true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

see I can honestly say I don't care what other people think of me, its what I think of me that's my problem

If someone has a problem with me I will talk to them about. Its wholly different telling yourself to stop being a twat and give yourself a break.

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By *els_Bells OP Woman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

"2.

Im a number 2 too when it comes to talking about my professional experiences. On here though I am wayyyy down on the confidence list. Strange world we live.In what way on here are you NOT confident?

On occasions I feel I should not be here and do not always feel as accepted as the next person. But that is MY problem and I deal with it. Its not Rod, Jane or freddys prob its mine.In the forum or the site as a whole?"

Bit of both really as I am not in anyones gang nor do I think I will ever meet anyone from forums, as Im not a massive contributer nor do many take notice. Im a NOMAD in forum land and even a lesser on the site.

In reality I am shy. On here if I ever meet I am shy and nervous and think WTF am I on here for. And I do wonder WTF Im doing on a daily basis lol

So there you have it.

Luv from a very pointless Hels x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

see I can honestly say I don't care what other people think of me, its what I think of me that's my problem

been there, got the I was married to a twat t shirt lol I do think its a big reason I feel the way I do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I pretend to be confident, it helps me feel it when I'm not.

Can certainly relate to that, Ive experienced some bad things in my life and put on a 'mask' to blag and try and front it out so that friends at the time wouldnt see how destroyed i was by things.

Recently i felt like i was finally making steps to overcome those issues.

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By *els_Bells OP Woman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

And Im out!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Very good thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

see I can honestly say I don't care what other people think of me, its what I think of me that's my problem

If someone has a problem with me I will talk to them about. Its wholly different telling yourself to stop being a twat and give yourself a break."

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford

im pretty confident maybe a 2 and a bit of 3

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"2.

Im a number 2 too when it comes to talking about my professional experiences. On here though I am wayyyy down on the confidence list. Strange world we live.In what way on here are you NOT confident?

In reality I am shy. On here if I ever meet I am shy and nervous and think WTF am I on here for. And I do wonder WTF Im doing on a daily basis lol

So there you have it.

Luv from a very pointless Hels x"

You're not pointless at all. You're lovely, huggable and gorgeous!! x

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"The truth is I am far more confident posting on this forum than I would be face to face with any of you

as are 90% of the site, most people on here wouldnt say half what they say to the persons face "

I'm considerably better at writing things than I am at saying them verbally, unless it's a subject I know about. Then I can't shut up. That's enthusiasm though.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

luckily, i was born with the i dont give a fuck what anyone else thinks of me gene. not sure if that is confidence or just the way im made

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

From my experience in business, people ask for direct constructive feedback... Not that many embrace it and can work/deal with it.

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford

"2.

Im a number 2 too when it comes to talking about my professional experiences. On here though I am wayyyy down on the confidence list. Strange world we live.In what way on here are you NOT confident?

In reality I am shy. On here if I ever meet I am shy and nervous and think WTF am I on here for. And I do wonder WTF Im doing on a daily basis lol

So there you have it.

Luv from a very pointless Hels x"
aww i dont see that in u at all i thinkur lovely and have never come across as a nobody

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From my experience in business, people ask for direct constructive feedback... Not that many embrace it and can work/deal with it.

see when it comes to work I am very confident. I have built my business from one lesson a week to 7 days a week and I have a waiting list. My competitor is advertising and I never have done. I call a spade a spade when its work and I also don't bullshit at work.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"luckily, i was born with the i dont give a fuck what anyone else thinks of me gene. not sure if that is confidence or just the way im made"
I think thats just the way you are Karen xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm more a "don't give a fuck" type but there are few times I'm not so confident.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

see I can honestly say I don't care what other people think of me, its what I think of me that's my problem

been there, got the I was married to a twat t shirt lol I do think its a big reason I feel the way I do "

It's not easy to be confident in yourself if you have heard negatives directed at you every day for years.

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By *UNCHBOXMan
over a year ago

folkestone

Not sure which id come under, but ive always felt that everyone is more confident than me, especially in social situations. But ive come to realise as i get older that many people hide their lack of confidence through drink.

Ive often heard that actors are lacking self confidence because it's easier to pretend to be someone else than be yourself.

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

Out of the options Id say Im probably a 1-er....

I dont see confidence as being the same as not giving a fuck, maybe more about recognising that no-one is perfect but being comfortable with that.

I certainly hope it doesnt come across as being arrogant

- see I do give a fuck what people think...

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I lacked self confidence then I went blonde had a new look and I found me... Yes I am a plus size woman but that is me..Its about making the best of what you have..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to act confident but I'm probally not really. Like that post I made earlier I got so much negative feedback and I found myself getting upset because some people on the internet thought bad of me, I mean seriously, Wtf.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I lacked self confidence then I went blonde had a new look and I found me... Yes I am a plus size woman but that is me..Its about making the best of what you have.. "

its amazing what effect hair has on a person.. i love being a red head.. any other colour i feel washed out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the only thing that's got me through meeting women is you can really pick up how nervous they are in body language and if they seem as nervous as me, I don't feel so bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm confident in things I know and not too bad at meeting new ppl. That said, put me a room full of strangers and you'll find me in a corner. I love ppl watching so I tend to way others up before I speak out.

My self confidence though is pretty crap most of the time, but shines when I'm comfortable or within my own zone.

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

"I think the only thing that's got me through meeting women is you can really pick up how nervous they are in body language and if they seem as nervous as me, I don't feel so bad."

Nothing wrong with a few nerves, adds to the excitement

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It varies greatly from day to day for me...today is a definite 4 day - especially as I have had 2 conversations go quiet today after sending them face pics!!! oh well...tomorrow will be a 1 day I'm sure....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It varies greatly from day to day for me...today is a definite 4 day - especially as I have had 2 conversations go quiet today after sending them face pics!!! oh well...tomorrow will be a 1 day I'm sure....

You can't let that get to you. Everyone has different tastes, there will be loads out there that find you attractive, I mean you are half of a couple so that's one already!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing wrong with a few nerves, adds to the excitement"

Very true, its very hot when you're both nervous but both like each other and you have to figure out how to make your move.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't let that get to you. Everyone has different tastes, there will be loads out there that find you attractive, I mean you are half of a couple so that's one already!"

True and that is the only one that really matters!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're welcome, that'll be one beer please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I am out of my depth and don't know much about a topic, I shall put my hand up and say so, or I'll just stay quiet.

However, I have an opinion on everything, and am confident in my believes and what I know, based on my knowledge and experiences.

Whether I choose to air them is another matter entirely.

No body likes a smart arse and know it all.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 10/03/13 05:31:58]

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Supremely confident in most things. I've been to meetings where I've been the only woman and ethnic minority and it hasn't phased me.

I've been to hearings where the panel consisted of military bigwigs on a raised dias looking down on my clients and I and I've thought "whatever...you can't intimidate me!"

I meet and play with some gorgeous men, one of my playmates owns and runs his own dancing school, 6ft 4, lean, lithe, graceful divine. He is shy getting naked in front of me, I droop, sag and wobble and have no qualms.

However, if you were to give me the keys to a Bentley Continental, programme the sat nav, tell me to drive to say Hyde Park Corner and Daniel Craig would be there waiting with £1m I'd decline and go and lie down!

There are two new cars parked outside my house. I'm insured to drive both, they both have passes to my work carpark but I take cabs and public transport. I go into a blind panic behind the wheel, driving makes me so nervous i haven't driven in 11 years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am confident but I'm not a loud, brash type, I'm more of an 'assess the situation and work out the best way to deal with it' type. I don't come across as an aggressive which is why I can deal with conflict successfully.

Looks wise I am also confident. I am honest about myself and I know my bad points, ie my flabby tummy but I don't feel it arrogant to say I have an attractive face and an individual style.

On here then again I feel I'm confident. I have never gone with the crowd in order to fit in. I am happy to give my opinion on any subject and won't be swayed by aggressive personalities. I won't allow anyone to try and belittle me, I will always challenge it regardless. You will never see a post from me asking what pictures I should put up or what my profile should say, I don't need to ask as I know. But I do try to be gracious about opinion and challenge. I wouldn't like to think I was rude or deliberately hurtful. I have no control over how someone interprets though and accept may be I have been rude at times.

My worst areas of lack of confidence are rather silly in comparison. I don't like disagreeing with my hairdresser, I feel I'm criticising his work even though its my hair. I don't like complaining in restaurants, it would have to be really bad in order for me to do so. I don't like returning items to shops for a refund and I don't like going into cafes and having a coffee by myself

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