FabSwingers.com forum: What is it when....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You're seeing someone, they want more, you propose it stays as it is and set some boundaries and they say no to that because they want more and you then don't see each other anymore?

Are you dumped? Would you take the answer of no as being dumped?

I would.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

id say they made their choice and cut off there nose to spite their face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to be bearer of bad new sounds like a dumping and ghosting.

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By *oofy321Man
over a year ago

moon base zero

"You're seeing someone, they want more, you propose it stays as it is and set some boundaries and they say no to that because they want more and you then don't see each other anymore?

Are you dumped? Would you take the answer of no as being dumped?

I would.

I think it sounds like you have dumped them...kinda

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not dumped. Just not wanting the same thing. A mutual end.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d see it as a mutual termination. Because you agree the relationship can’t go further for wanting different things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not dumped. Just not wanting the same thing. A mutual end. "

Snap

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No I'd say that's adults realising they don't want the same thing from a relationship and going their separate ways.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Person B wants more, person A says to keep as is with a set of boundaries, and person B says no.

So person B is the dumper and person A is the dumpee, yes?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not dumped. Just not wanting the same thing. A mutual end. "

Would it be understandable if either one felt like they had been dumped in this scenario?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Person B wants more, person A says to keep as is with a set of boundaries, and person B says no.

So person B is the dumper and person A is the dumpee, yes?"

Not to my mind. If no compromise is possible then there's no way forward. You've dumped each other

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Person B wants more, person A says to keep as is with a set of boundaries, and person B says no.

So person B is the dumper and person A is the dumpee, yes?"

No?

Both are suggesting parameters that the other doesn’t agree to. So it’s just a mutual end because no agreement can be made

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"You're seeing someone, they want more, you propose it stays as it is and set some boundaries and they say no to that because they want more and you then don't see each other anymore?

Are you dumped? Would you take the answer of no as being dumped?

I would.

"
well hardly dumped but yes he's not coming back

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

If you set a boundary and they ignore it or say no, that’s a huge red flag.

If they want to see you more but you don’t want to, that should lead to negotiations and understanding between both of you, thats about communication.

Ultimately if you both want different things then the relationship won’t work anyway

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"No I'd say that's adults realising they don't want the same thing from a relationship and going their separate ways. "

This.

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By *entlemanFoxMan
over a year ago

North East / London

"You're seeing someone, they want more, you propose it stays as it is and set some boundaries and they say no to that because they want more and you then don't see each other anymore?

Are you dumped? Would you take the answer of no as being dumped?

I would.

Not dumped, broken up

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Person B wants more, person A says to keep as is with a set of boundaries, and person B says no.

So person B is the dumper and person A is the dumpee, yes?"

Does it matter who ‘dumped’ who?

This fixation on who dumped who is kinda childish and fixates upon the basis that someone wins/loses by dumping/being dumped

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not dumped. Just not wanting the same thing. A mutual end.

Would it be understandable if either one felt like they had been dumped in this scenario?"

Of course. Feeling dumped is just a word for grieving a relationship. It’s natural.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wanting different things than not seeing each other anymore?

Yeah sound pretty dumped to me

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By *oxy OneWoman
over a year ago

West Midlands

"Not dumped. Just not wanting the same thing. A mutual end.

Would it be understandable if either one felt like they had been dumped in this scenario?"

I think it would be very understandable for both parties to feel rejected as both want something with the other, just not the same thing.

I think anytime that you want to continue something but the other person doesn’t or can’t, for whatever reason, it’s natural to feel like you have been left.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seems to me more a mutual conclusion if not being compatible...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Person B wants more, person A says to keep as is with a set of boundaries, and person B says no.

So person B is the dumper and person A is the dumpee, yes?

Does it matter who ‘dumped’ who?

This fixation on who dumped who is kinda childish and fixates upon the basis that someone wins/loses by dumping/being dumped"

Personally I'd have used the word rejected had my proposal got a no, and if I wanted more with someone I'd have used the same word for that to because in effect it's still a proposal of sorts.

Agreed the word dumped is childish, and it's not necessarily about who was dumped it's more about the feeling either one would have in that scenario.

Interestingly I haven't seen anyone comment in a certain way over one aspect of it yet

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

I would say Person A and Person B found some level of happiness for a while together but now they would be better off being single until they found a different person or persons that add to their own internal happiness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Schrödinger's Seperation.

Both side can feel their needs can't be met, and so both sides can feel that they have decided to say no to the relationship, or feel that the other person has.

You are both the dumper and dumpee. Or neither. Which answer do you want?

But at the end of it, this all feels like a better outcome than one person giving up a boundary.

Shit happens.

Sorry for your loss. Happy for your gain.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say didn't work out. You wanted different things. But it's natural that both parties may feel rejected for a time.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I think if one party wants one thing and another doesn’t and it’s a bone of contention with one, then the best thing is probably to move on.

It’s all very well setting boundaries, but those boundaries are set by one person. The needs of one are being met (whoever way you look at it) and the other isn’t.

You can’t really compromise where feelings are involved. They tend to be very much all or nothing.

And the more healthy way to proceed is often a clean break.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Its just an eventual incompatibility, we would stay as friends and draw a line under it.

I like the saying "some people are meant to be in your life, for some time, not necessarily a long time"

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

It sounds as though an ultimatum has been set; a case of comply with the demands or else it’s over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Person B wants more, person A says to keep as is with a set of boundaries, and person B says no.

So person B is the dumper and person A is the dumpee, yes?

Does it matter who ‘dumped’ who?

This fixation on who dumped who is kinda childish and fixates upon the basis that someone wins/loses by dumping/being dumped"

If the focus is unhappiness in the ending of what was had, why does it need to have a negative connotation? You can end things that don’t suit you and not be unhappy. Finding out someone you’re seeing isn’t the person for you because you have different needs and wants which you cannot compromise on mutually simply means you’ve done a job well done sorting out the person isn’t for you. You’ve enjoyed time with them and have memories that you can walk away with but it doesn’t need to be earth shattering that it’s over. See the happiness in what you did share together.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think if one party wants one thing and another doesn’t and it’s a bone of contention with one, then the best thing is probably to move on.

It’s all very well setting boundaries, but those boundaries are set by one person. The needs of one are being met (whoever way you look at it) and the other isn’t.

You can’t really compromise where feelings are involved. They tend to be very much all or nothing.

And the more healthy way to proceed is often a clean break."

That's very true isn't it, setting boundaries by one only caters for that one. The others needs aren't met.

I'd like to think the one that isn't having their needs met then says let's talk about this. If someone's setting boundaries surely the reason why needs exploring?

But yes you can't compromise on feelings, agree it's all or nothing usually. I guess if someone can show patience and give time before ending it that would be something.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

Just a mismatch in needs/aims resulting in failure of arrangement. It happens, its not a blame thing, no one is dumped. Its just not workable so has to end.

It's important to keep your boundaries and also to stay strong with your actions and messaging because sometimes others mask to themselves the reality of the situation.

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By *ornyguyMan
over a year ago

Hillsborough, NI

"You're seeing someone, they want more, you propose it stays as it is and set some boundaries and they say no to that because they want more and you then don't see each other anymore?

Are you dumped? Would you take the answer of no as being dumped?

I would.

What does 'stays as it is mean', does it involve still being able to see other people for example?

The person may just be performing self preservation and having to pull back from a situation which they find difficult due to the fact they want more.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

A mutual parting of the ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think if one party wants one thing and another doesn’t and it’s a bone of contention with one, then the best thing is probably to move on.

It’s all very well setting boundaries, but those boundaries are set by one person. The needs of one are being met (whoever way you look at it) and the other isn’t.

You can’t really compromise where feelings are involved. They tend to be very much all or nothing.

And the more healthy way to proceed is often a clean break.

That's very true isn't it, setting boundaries by one only caters for that one. The others needs aren't met.

I'd like to think the one that isn't having their needs met then says let's talk about this. If someone's setting boundaries surely the reason why needs exploring?

But yes you can't compromise on feelings, agree it's all or nothing usually. I guess if someone can show patience and give time before ending it that would be something."
I'm not sure who is who, but it sounded like A said I'm not having my needs met. Did B then say, thank you for telling me, let's explore this.

As it reads that B set boundaries without doing any exploring of As needs. That may just have been how the thread read for me tho.

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

That’s agreeing to disagree.

You want different things hand agree that a key issue is irreconcilable. So you both walk away because it can’t work.

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Ryde

A lucky escape?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you set a boundary and they ignore it or say no, that’s a huge red flag.

If they want to see you more but you don’t want to, that should lead to negotiations and understanding between both of you, thats about communication.

Ultimately if you both want different things then the relationship won’t work anyway "

This ^

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