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From Fab to Vanilla

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By *D - Charlie OP   Man
over a year ago

wirral

Been single for over the 3 years and been on fab coming up 3 years… genuinely don’t think I could go back to a normal relationship anymore

Anyone else in this situation or have been in this situation?

Has fab ruined “normality” ?

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Nope.

Normality was never for people who feel at home in this community.

They just didn't know it yet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s partly why I won’t date someone that’s been involved with swinging

Pretty sure I want a monogamous relationship in my life and I can’t believe that someone that’s into the rush and excitement of swinging can leave that behind. Eventually that need is going to creep back in and I don’t want that to happen 5 years into a happy marriage

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What's 'normal'?

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever


"Nope.

Normality was never for people who feel at home in this community.

They just didn't know it yet.

"

Exactly this.

I just wish I didn’t spend a few decades of my life trying to fit into “normal” societal expectations which was never going to work with me anyway.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke


"Nope.

Normality was never for people who feel at home in this community.

They just didn't know it yet.

"

^^ this. 100%

Ps. Who wants to be normal anyway?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's just a site? It depends what it is that you love and couldn't leave behind. The forums (bit addictive!). Non-monogamy? Swinging with a partner? I've thought hard about whether I want to be (could be) monogamous again as I've been non-mono for years now.

What if I met a man who was perfect in every way for me but just had that mono mindset. Tricky.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"That’s partly why I won’t date someone that’s been involved with swinging

Pretty sure I want a monogamous relationship in my life and I can’t believe that someone that’s into the rush and excitement of swinging can leave that behind. Eventually that need is going to creep back in and I don’t want that to happen 5 years into a happy marriage "

But you're sure it won't happen on your side?

In response to the OP. I love the relationships I have. Conforming to the heteronormative ideal of monogamy and marriage and kids was never on my cards

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That’s partly why I won’t date someone that’s been involved with swinging

Pretty sure I want a monogamous relationship in my life and I can’t believe that someone that’s into the rush and excitement of swinging can leave that behind. Eventually that need is going to creep back in and I don’t want that to happen 5 years into a happy marriage

But you're sure it won't happen on your side?

In response to the OP. I love the relationships I have. Conforming to the heteronormative ideal of monogamy and marriage and kids was never on my cards "

I can’t be sure, and I’d respect anyone’s decision to not date me because of that. Fairs fair

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's 'normal'?

"

^. This.

I just accept there will be different relationships (sexual ones) with people now.

Vanilla and ‘normal’ could be one who knows?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I could absolutely go back to being monogamous with the Mr, fab is a bit of fun it's not a lifestyle for us, yes we have met some great people & enjoyed some sex, however our relationship will always come 1st should one of us decide we've had enough then that's it.

Mrs

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

I think it is pretty 'normal' for humans to experience and practice a multitude of ways to relate and express our sexual, sensual, intimate, animal selves.

We are multi dimensional, sentient beings after all.

It's just that it's not considered to be conventional within our limiting culture.

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By *he KinkysCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"I could absolutely go back to being monogamous with the Mr, fab is a bit of fun it's not a lifestyle for us, yes we have met some great people & enjoyed some sex, however our relationship will always come 1st should one of us decide we've had enough then that's it.

Mrs "

This is perfect x

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

The opposite, fab has helped me be comfortable with being me, my normal. I'm out of the box now and no-one is putting me back in.

I have always been faithfully monogamous in the past. Ironically others have not been with me. However I understood the application of the rules, but not the logic. I've always caved sexual variety. I could genuinely never understand why when you're in a relationship you can't enjoy sex with others and continue to explore new things?

Fab and the lifestyle taught me I wasn't broken. Non-monogamy is a perfectly valid standpoint. And that there are many others like me enjoying the freedom of the lifestyle. It empowered me know there is another way, a way that is me and that I can live the life I want.

And now being in a relationship where who I am is OK and most of all I get to share it with the one I love I'd never go back. Life is good now and I am liberated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure.... exactly what's normal

For a while I'd considered myself as poly...but now as Ambiamory.

I don't see the need to place artificial limits but very happy where I am

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke


"Not sure.... exactly what's normal

For a while I'd considered myself as poly...but now as Ambiamory.

I don't see the need to place artificial limits but very happy where I am "

I had to look that term up but I’m so glad I did because I wasn’t sure how to describe how I am and that fits it exactly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not sure.... exactly what's normal

For a while I'd considered myself as poly...but now as Ambiamory.

I don't see the need to place artificial limits but very happy where I am

I had to look that term up but I’m so glad I did because I wasn’t sure how to describe how I am and that fits it exactly "

To be fair I wasn't familiar with it until fairly recently...but soon as I read it...I thought yup ..that about sums it up for me

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By *our Secret LifeMan
over a year ago

Derby

I think the more you open your mind up to things, the less likely you are to ever get super turned on by Vanilla sex again

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire


"I think the more you open your mind up to things, the less likely you are to ever get super turned on by Vanilla sex again"

Do you consider those that are quite happy with vanilla sex to be closed minded?

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By *arlot o scaraWoman
over a year ago

Hell


"I think the more you open your mind up to things, the less likely you are to ever get super turned on by Vanilla sex again

Do you consider those that are quite happy with vanilla sex to be closed minded?"

I always wonder whether people who claim not to enjoy sensual ‘vanilla’ sex are doing it right

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Bliss

It's made me intolerant of vanilla shit sex, give me an adventurous kinky guy anyday

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By *lder.Woman
over a year ago

Not Local

I could be monogamous no problem, however I feel I will always be kinky and would like to keep a toe in () on places and people such that fab offers so would need to be honest about that with a potential partner.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire


"It's made me intolerant of vanilla shit sex, give me an adventurous kinky guy anyday "

Isn't shit sex, shit sex...whether vanilla or kinky?

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By *ostindreamsMan
over a year ago

London

I am happy to sacrifice my swinging side for the right person. It would be great to get into a vanilla relationship with a swinger. But getting into a relation with someone who is not into swinging is still fine for me. While I enjoy swinging, I don't get fulfilment out of it.

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By *ecky and justCouple
over a year ago

Godalming


"I could absolutely go back to being monogamous with the Mr, fab is a bit of fun it's not a lifestyle for us, yes we have met some great people & enjoyed some sex, however our relationship will always come 1st should one of us decide we've had enough then that's it.

Mrs "

This is us. We’ve had this agreement right from the start.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not sure.... exactly what's normal

For a while I'd considered myself as poly...but now as Ambiamory.

I don't see the need to place artificial limits but very happy where I am

I had to look that term up but I’m so glad I did because I wasn’t sure how to describe how I am and that fits it exactly

To be fair I wasn't familiar with it until fairly recently...but soon as I read it...I thought yup ..that about sums it up for me "

I had never heard of this until reading this thread too. So thanks for that, I guess everyday is a school day!

I don't think fab had ruined me, I would say finding the kink world and coming on fab has opened my eyes more. Having tried being in a relationship where he was polyamorous, I found that really difficult. But I did learn some life skills such as the importance of communication and letting people and the others in the relationship know where they all stood. Ensuring everyone's expectations were managed and no one was left feeling lesser/stupid/naive etc pick your poison.

But I think I could swing in a relationship, but only once a connection was made with the potential bedmate, not with complete strangers and if it was with the significant other. I wouldn't want to do it with out them. Even if it was with a few others. Id want them to feel safe and secure that they were still wanted.

But that's me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fab vanilla. I make ice cream

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