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Are you more than your past?

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By *stwo2023 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Worcester

The Derek draper thread has got me thinking.....are we ever able to move on from our past?

I will admit I don't know much about lobbygate and what Mr Draper's involvement was so I have some learning to there and this isn't the sole or even the main topic of this thread.

If someone went to prison, will they always be a criminal in your eyes?

If someone cheats but then I'd faithful to their current partner, are they always a cheater?

I guess it will ultimately depend on the severity of their past but it just got me thinking. Do you give people second chances?

Evie

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

It depends on the severity of the past, recurrence rate, and whether you truly believe they want to be better than that.

Some things are irredeemable to me.

Some I can accept as a mistake.

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By *ob Carpe DiemMan
over a year ago

Torquay

Mostly I would if I think they had made an effort to turn the corner, that might be true of Draper, my issue was with the coverage rather than the person he may have become

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The Derek draper thread has got me thinking.....are we ever able to move on from our past?

I will admit I don't know much about lobbygate and what Mr Draper's involvement was so I have some learning to there and this isn't the sole or even the main topic of this thread.

If someone went to prison, will they always be a criminal in your eyes?

If someone cheats but then I'd faithful to their current partner, are they always a cheater?

I guess it will ultimately depend on the severity of their past but it just got me thinking. Do you give people second chances?

Evie "

Well, that’s a question and a half.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Nah

Things happen. You move on. Some change but it still happened regardless of change or moving on.

People pick and choose what about their past they feel is defining. Usually the stuff that was either positive or that "made them stronger". It all happened, and it won't ever unhappen. It's part of you regardless, and you are a part of it.

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By *stwo2023 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Worcester


"The Derek draper thread has got me thinking.....are we ever able to move on from our past?

I will admit I don't know much about lobbygate and what Mr Draper's involvement was so I have some learning to there and this isn't the sole or even the main topic of this thread.

If someone went to prison, will they always be a criminal in your eyes?

If someone cheats but then I'd faithful to their current partner, are they always a cheater?

I guess it will ultimately depend on the severity of their past but it just got me thinking. Do you give people second chances?

Evie

Well, that’s a question and a half. "

I'm a deep soul you know

Evie

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

People do change. But they also can’t deny their past. I guess the trick is to own mistakes and learn from them.

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

As individuals we are the sum of our entire past, it is what has made us, the good the bad the down right ugly but what defines us is how we process and move on from the bad and ugly side of our history.

Some, it makes them better people. Some, never manage to put it behind them and constantly repeat.

Am I waffling ? This is way too deep for someone as shallow as me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't believe in second chances. Second chances are used by the desperate and those who still live in fairy-land.

If I keep bashing my head against a brick wall and expecting a different outcome most would call me crazy, the wall isn't going to change and start giving me flowers and honey just because I tell it not to be a hard piece of matter, its just going to sit there emotionless and keep hurting me...a bit like a cheater or a criminal! It doesn't change, it can't change. Believing that those groups can well and truly change is a fools gambit. Why risk it when you can just find a replacement?

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By *ob Carpe DiemMan
over a year ago

Torquay

There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret. Not because I'm in here, because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try to talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone, and this old man is all that's left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shit.

Most will recognise the quote, for those that don't it's Red's parole hearing from the Shoreshank Redemption

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By *stwo2023 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Worcester


"People do change. But they also can’t deny their past. I guess the trick is to own mistakes and learn from them."

But should they continue to be judged by then?

Evie

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By *stwo2023 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Worcester


"I don't believe in second chances. Second chances are used by the desperate and those who still live in fairy-land.

If I keep bashing my head against a brick wall and expecting a different outcome most would call me crazy, the wall isn't going to change and start giving me flowers and honey just because I tell it not to be a hard piece of matter, its just going to sit there emotionless and keep hurting me...a bit like a cheater or a criminal! It doesn't change, it can't change. Believing that those groups can well and truly change is a fools gambit. Why risk it when you can just find a replacement?"

But I know several people who cheated and are now in much longer term relationships with the person they cheated with. Married, monotonous, happy.

Should they continue to be judged for their past cheating?

If second chances are not a thing why do we strive for rehab culture in prisons?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I do give people 2nd chances, and I'm a strong believer in that people can change, but they have to really want to.

The person who has never made a mistake in life is yet to be born. And no one knows what the future has in store for any of us.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London


"People do change. But they also can’t deny their past. I guess the trick is to own mistakes and learn from them."

"But should they continue to be judged by then?"

Ah, well you can’t control whether others decide to judge you or not. That’s on them, not on you.

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By *stwo2023 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Worcester


"People do change. But they also can’t deny their past. I guess the trick is to own mistakes and learn from them.But should they continue to be judged by then?

Ah, well you can’t control whether others decide to judge you or not. That’s on them, not on you."

That's not the question I asked lol

Try another way.....do you judge people based on their past?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't believe in second chances. Second chances are used by the desperate and those who still live in fairy-land.

If I keep bashing my head against a brick wall and expecting a different outcome most would call me crazy, the wall isn't going to change and start giving me flowers and honey just because I tell it not to be a hard piece of matter, its just going to sit there emotionless and keep hurting me...a bit like a cheater or a criminal! It doesn't change, it can't change. Believing that those groups can well and truly change is a fools gambit. Why risk it when you can just find a replacement?

But I know several people who cheated and are now in much longer term relationships with the person they cheated with. Married, monotonous, happy.

Should they continue to be judged for their past cheating?

If second chances are not a thing why do we strive for rehab culture in prisons? "

Yes, they should be judged. Just because something happened a while ago doesn't mean that a person is absolved of all judgement and criticism.

A happy marriage? I'm sorry but I truly don't believe that a cheater is capable of wanting a happy marriage where both parties are equal. In my life experience, the only thing a cheater wants is someone to abuse.

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

I would say murderer will always be a murderer, but it doesn't mean they'll murder again.

A cheater will always be a cheater, but it doesn't mean they'll cheat again.

You can't erase your past, but you can learn from it.

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By *arlot o scaraWoman
over a year ago

Hell

I looked past something once, in the hope that people change.

Categorically, people do not change. I will never, ever make that mistake again.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Well it worked for Nelson Mandela,he managed to move on from his past.

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By *stwo2023 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Worcester


"I don't believe in second chances. Second chances are used by the desperate and those who still live in fairy-land.

If I keep bashing my head against a brick wall and expecting a different outcome most would call me crazy, the wall isn't going to change and start giving me flowers and honey just because I tell it not to be a hard piece of matter, its just going to sit there emotionless and keep hurting me...a bit like a cheater or a criminal! It doesn't change, it can't change. Believing that those groups can well and truly change is a fools gambit. Why risk it when you can just find a replacement?

But I know several people who cheated and are now in much longer term relationships with the person they cheated with. Married, monotonous, happy.

Should they continue to be judged for their past cheating?

If second chances are not a thing why do we strive for rehab culture in prisons?

Yes, they should be judged. Just because something happened a while ago doesn't mean that a person is absolved of all judgement and criticism.

A happy marriage? I'm sorry but I truly don't believe that a cheater is capable of wanting a happy marriage where both parties are equal. In my life experience, the only thing a cheater wants is someone to abuse."

Then I guess we know people who cheated for different reasons.

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By *stwo2023 OP   Couple
over a year ago

Worcester


"I looked past something once, in the hope that people change.

Categorically, people do not change. I will never, ever make that mistake again. "

Me too and got very hurt in the process but oddly I still hope that some people can change.

I know not all will and not all want to so of course their action since play a part in someone's decision to look past things.

Evie

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By *ob Carpe DiemMan
over a year ago

Torquay


"Well it worked for Nelson Mandela,he managed to move on from his past.

"

But as they say one person's terrorist is another person's freedom fighter

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

[Removed by poster at 05/01/24 20:32:59]

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Course they can, I know people who been right idiots as teens/young adults and are awesome people now. Who hadn't acted like a bit of an idiot when stressed etc, imagine if that stress was caused by something seriously big. I guess it all depends on so many factors judgement can only be made on a case by case basis.

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