Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
 | Back to forum list |
| Back to The Lounge |
| Jump to newest |  |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"If you don't get on with the person, and don't find them witty or charming, how can you get naked with them? "Well, alot of fellas can. The amount of men I know that would just have sex because she's "well fit" regardless of here having a personality or personality clash. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"If you don't get on with the person, and don't find them witty or charming, how can you get naked with them?
Well, alot of fellas can. The amount of men I know that would just have sex because she's "well fit" regardless of here having a personality or personality clash."This gets altered with age | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"The older I get, the more it matters Once you have enough mindless casual sex it gets boring and, personally, feelings of guilt come up I want sex to not matter much because the highlight of our day is staying up all night talking. The sex is just an extra " The age thing does help, im definitely alot pickeier as I'm older, definitely alot more single aswell, maybe I'm punching | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"The older I get, the more it matters Once you have enough mindless casual sex it gets boring and, personally, feelings of guilt come up I want sex to not matter much because the highlight of our day is staying up all night talking. The sex is just an extra The age thing does help, im definitely alot pickeier as I'm older, definitely alot more single aswell, maybe I'm punching "Your wine baby. A deep red one. With legs for days. Keep punching. You deserve it | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"If I want connectionless penetration I have a wide array of tentacles to satisfy. If I want actual humans, I want to like the actual human "this  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"If I want connectionless penetration I have a wide array of tentacles to satisfy. If I want actual humans, I want to like the actual human "Exactly! I mean sex with a human is better than a wank regardless. I've spoken to some women that would rather hit and run as they don't want to get emotions involved. And it's something I've never done. There's always been extra stuff, so the concepts quite alien to me. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"If you don't get on with the person, and don't find them witty or charming, how can you get naked with them? "Exactly my thought. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Si, para mi es muy importante. Muy importante. " in English that’s - it’s not that important to me personally | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Personality to you. Even if you are just a bunch of shaggers, going around shagging everyone just shagging for shagging's sake. To me, it's still pretty Important. I don't know the M.O of you lot but I'm not somebody that pops over for a quick one and then legs it. I like to make a day of it with whoever I'm with, chill, cuddles, food, netflix, the whole affair, so personally, I like someone that's got a bit of craic. Na wha I'm saynnnn" While I want to be able to have a conversation with the people over drinks, I don't have the same need for common interests and the like because Netflix and chill isn't a priority for me/us with this. It's nice if you do have lots to talk about and you really vibe on a social level, but it isn't dating for me, so I don't have the same need for connection. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Si, para mi es muy importante. Muy importante. in English that’s - it’s not that important to me personally" Can I ask why? Is it purely sexual based? Get in there, do this bizz and then swift exit? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It's Interesting to see everyone say how much it matters, and it might sound like a stupid question, the reason I ask is because I've spoken to a few people recently and the conversations have been about having casual relationships and one of them getting emotionally involved with the other and wanting more. A couple have suggested that they have sex void of hanging out/intimacy to stop them getting involved, so that's why I wondered if this was common with people, thus personality not needing to be such a big thing if you just meet up have sex and leg it." I think that's possibly more common in couples that don't want to feel like their relationship is threatened by outsiders. Swinging and poky are both forms of ENM, but if someone isn't okay seeing their partner actively caring for someone else then they'll sit heavily on the swing side and not want to risk what they have. Also some people just want to fuck without getting strings and mess. Personally, I like the strings and mess, but both sides can find compatible people here | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
* you all know what I mean. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Meh, sometimes you just want to stick it in something wet. I've seen working girls for that reason though in the past. I feel to cunty just trying to pick up random women for mindless sex but a lady of negotiable hospitality not so much, it's more transactional, call or message, 'do you do x y and z?...Yes, brilliant, how much? Perfect..I'll book an hour please' There's no disrespect to the working girl, all boundaries listned to and respected, but it's nice not to give a fcuk what her name is and what she does in her spare time and she not care about mine or what makes me tick "I've never been with a working girl but I think some of it is because I'm not particularly interested in quick sex. It's also never been a thought of mine. However I also don't lie to women I meet on vanilla sites and tell them that I'm looking for love. I'm very honest about what I am after from the start and that's not for everyone. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Essential. I hate finding out they are a twat after I had fantastic sex with em!!" I mean I don't mean would you rather shag somebody who's a top shelf muppet or someone who seems nice. I'm more curious about how much a good personality draws someone I to a sexual relationship. Could you have a purely sexual relationship with someone where you thought "wow, I loves this person's personality" or would that make you feel like you couldn't have a casual relationship in case you started feeling for them? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"On the grounds that it takes a long time to know someone's personality I'll say that on a purely superficial level personality is consideration but anyone can behave like a decent person for a couple of hours. I don't think many people at gang bangs or glory holes bother too much about it. It's only sex if people want to know about their partners or if they don't it's all good " | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Yes have to find personality interesting for sure! But as for hanging around for the day ohh no ty!shag and go for me! X" See I couldn't be that person. I've asked a few people their opinions on casual, and one of the things I've been told is because I'm affectionate, have deep convos with them, cook, chill etc, that might be the reason it never stays casual. Its something I'd never really thought about as I can do those things without feeling emotions, I'd feel cold having sex, giving them a high five and then booting them out. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Yes have to find personality interesting for sure! But as for hanging around for the day ohh no ty!shag and go for me! X See I couldn't be that person. I've asked a few people their opinions on casual, and one of the things I've been told is because I'm affectionate, have deep convos with them, cook, chill etc, that might be the reason it never stays casual. Its something I'd never really thought about as I can do those things without feeling emotions, I'd feel cold having sex, giving them a high five and then booting them out. " Can you show affection and feel nothing? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Yes have to find personality interesting for sure! But as for hanging around for the day ohh no ty!shag and go for me! X See I couldn't be that person. I've asked a few people their opinions on casual, and one of the things I've been told is because I'm affectionate, have deep convos with them, cook, chill etc, that might be the reason it never stays casual. Its something I'd never really thought about as I can do those things without feeling emotions, I'd feel cold having sex, giving them a high five and then booting them out. " When I (female) was single, I had relationships like that. What made them casual was that we had a joint desire for it to remain casual and we'd define what that meant for us. It was a verbal agreement. I'm not saying it always worked perfectly, but when it didn't work, we could refer back to that clear agreement that we had a casual relationship. I'd personally use the term friend with benefits most often as it seemed to be clearer than not having a label or using bf/gf. There's a more definite ceiling. But you have to have that agreement and I found you have to be able to see from the outside why that relationship structure works for them over a long term. You need to check they don't mean "I want to take it slow" I.e "in three months, I'll want something more than this". That's probably more so the case for men who see women than anyone who sees men. The other thing is that you have to have actions that match that at first and then you can relax a bit once you're sure that they're on the same page. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Meh, sometimes you just want to stick it in something wet. I've seen working girls for that reason though in the past. I feel to cunty just trying to pick up random women for mindless sex but a lady of negotiable hospitality not so much, it's more transactional, call or message, 'do you do x y and z?...Yes, brilliant, how much? Perfect..I'll book an hour please' There's no disrespect to the working girl, all boundaries listned to and respected, but it's nice not to give a fcuk what her name is and what she does in her spare time and she not care about mine or what makes me tick
I've never been with a working girl but I think some of it is because I'm not particularly interested in quick sex. It's also never been a thought of mine.
However I also don't lie to women I meet on vanilla sites and tell them that I'm looking for love.
I'm very honest about what I am after from the start and that's not for everyone.
"I might be totally misunderstanding your posts here but sometimes that honesty is taken as a challenge for the person to be the one that "tames" you or "heals" you. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Yes have to find personality interesting for sure! But as for hanging around for the day ohh no ty!shag and go for me! X See I couldn't be that person. I've asked a few people their opinions on casual, and one of the things I've been told is because I'm affectionate, have deep convos with them, cook, chill etc, that might be the reason it never stays casual. Its something I'd never really thought about as I can do those things without feeling emotions, I'd feel cold having sex, giving them a high five and then booting them out. Can you show affection and feel nothing? " Yeh, have done with everyone that wasn't a proper relationship. I care about the person, but I also care about people I don't know, I want good things for good people and don't want to see anybody hurt. But I could cuddle up to somebody all day without getting emotionally involved or wanting anything more than what we have as I like the feeling of a cuddle, especially cuddling someone im attracted to. Am I broken? Without knowing how others feel you don't know if you are the odd one out or if your behaviours are abnormal. My most recent situation I had I was very cuddly, we had very deep conversation, we had mind blowing sex, the attraction was there but I'm not ready for a relationship. She felt like she could have an fwb type situation but once we started told me that "you can't do all these things we are doing and not get emotionally involved with someone" and she called it off, then she came back, I said no and then with her wiley flirty temptress ways we started again, then we had the same thing as before so we ended it. and its made me question myself and ask others questions as I'm not sure wether what I think is realistic, if there are others like me who can do these things, if I'm broken? This is actually me being serious for once. I genuinely don't know if it's normal for people other than me. I feel like if somebody came around, we just had sex and then I kicked them out I'd feel like a dickhead. (I mean unless that what they were into) | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Yes have to find personality interesting for sure! But as for hanging around for the day ohh no ty!shag and go for me! X See I couldn't be that person. I've asked a few people their opinions on casual, and one of the things I've been told is because I'm affectionate, have deep convos with them, cook, chill etc, that might be the reason it never stays casual. Its something I'd never really thought about as I can do those things without feeling emotions, I'd feel cold having sex, giving them a high five and then booting them out. Can you show affection and feel nothing? Yeh, have done with everyone that wasn't a proper relationship. I care about the person, but I also care about people I don't know, I want good things for good people and don't want to see anybody hurt. But I could cuddle up to somebody all day without getting emotionally involved or wanting anything more than what we have as I like the feeling of a cuddle, especially cuddling someone im attracted to. Am I broken? Without knowing how others feel you don't know if you are the odd one out or if your behaviours are abnormal. My most recent situation I had I was very cuddly, we had very deep conversation, we had mind blowing sex, the attraction was there but I'm not ready for a relationship. She felt like she could have an fwb type situation but once we started told me that "you can't do all these things we are doing and not get emotionally involved with someone" and she called it off, then she came back, I said no and then with her wiley flirty temptress ways we started again, then we had the same thing as before so we ended it. and its made me question myself and ask others questions as I'm not sure wether what I think is realistic, if there are others like me who can do these things, if I'm broken? This is actually me being serious for once. I genuinely don't know if it's normal for people other than me. I feel like if somebody came around, we just had sex and then I kicked them out I'd feel like a dickhead. (I mean unless that what they were into)" Don't mean to spam your thread but it's perfectly normal. Healthy even. And it's not that you "feel nothing". There was a time when I just didn't have the emotional or physical time to nurture a relationship. For that reason, while I enjoyed companionship and intimacy, something in my brain just didn't allow me to develop romantic attachment past that despite repeated contact with the same people. It just wasn't the right time. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Meh, sometimes you just want to stick it in something wet. I've seen working girls for that reason though in the past. I feel to cunty just trying to pick up random women for mindless sex but a lady of negotiable hospitality not so much, it's more transactional, call or message, 'do you do x y and z?...Yes, brilliant, how much? Perfect..I'll book an hour please' There's no disrespect to the working girl, all boundaries listned to and respected, but it's nice not to give a fcuk what her name is and what she does in her spare time and she not care about mine or what makes me tick
I've never been with a working girl but I think some of it is because I'm not particularly interested in quick sex. It's also never been a thought of mine.
However I also don't lie to women I meet on vanilla sites and tell them that I'm looking for love.
I'm very honest about what I am after from the start and that's not for everyone.
I might be totally misunderstanding your posts here but sometimes that honesty is taken as a challenge for the person to be the one that "tames" you or "heals" you."Tbf, my post has kinda segwayed a bit as I've started asking questions about things that have been relevant to my circumstances. Oh no, it's definitely not thrown out as a challenge, and I hope it's not received that way as its intent is just to be 100% clear. Every situation I've had has had a person trying to evolve it into somethimg more. I'm not in the business of hurting anybody. I talk aloooooot of shit, but that purely to try and have banter with people. I'm aware there's this "but I can change them" mentality but I hopefully make it clear that that's not going to happen and I give my reasons why. It has been brought to my attention that the way I behave is like I'm a boyfriend though, and as someone who can do that stuff without getting involved my assumption was that others can aswell. Maybe it's naivity on my part thinking that I can be this way and expect it to remain casual. But it puts me in a place where I wonder if I can still do the stuff I do and find somebody who wants to keep it casual or wether it's best to not get involved in anything casual and just do me. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Si, para mi es muy importante. Muy importante. in English that’s - it’s not that important to me personally Can I ask why? Is it purely sexual based? Get in there, do this bizz and then swift exit?" I was joking really. It does matter for me. But more as long as I can stomach them and their values and views aren’t too against what is core to me, it should be fine | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Meh, sometimes you just want to stick it in something wet. I've seen working girls for that reason though in the past. I feel to cunty just trying to pick up random women for mindless sex but a lady of negotiable hospitality not so much, it's more transactional, call or message, 'do you do x y and z?...Yes, brilliant, how much? Perfect..I'll book an hour please' There's no disrespect to the working girl, all boundaries listned to and respected, but it's nice not to give a fcuk what her name is and what she does in her spare time and she not care about mine or what makes me tick
I've never been with a working girl but I think some of it is because I'm not particularly interested in quick sex. It's also never been a thought of mine.
However I also don't lie to women I meet on vanilla sites and tell them that I'm looking for love.
I'm very honest about what I am after from the start and that's not for everyone.
I might be totally misunderstanding your posts here but sometimes that honesty is taken as a challenge for the person to be the one that "tames" you or "heals" you.
Tbf, my post has kinda segwayed a bit as I've started asking questions about things that have been relevant to my circumstances.
Oh no, it's definitely not thrown out as a challenge, and I hope it's not received that way as its intent is just to be 100% clear.
Every situation I've had has had a person trying to evolve it into somethimg more. I'm not in the business of hurting anybody.
I talk aloooooot of shit, but that purely to try and have banter with people.
I'm aware there's this "but I can change them" mentality but I hopefully make it clear that that's not going to happen and I give my reasons why.
It has been brought to my attention that the way I behave is like I'm a boyfriend though, and as someone who can do that stuff without getting involved my assumption was that others can aswell.
Maybe it's naivity on my part thinking that I can be this way and expect it to remain casual.
But it puts me in a place where I wonder if I can still do the stuff I do and find somebody who wants to keep it casual or wether it's best to not get involved in anything casual and just do me.
"Yeah I've had this same thing. When I was talking about it not going perfect, there were three ways it would go: * the guy would want more * the guy wouldn't believe I don't want more because as I "relaxed" and was a bit warmer, he'd read that as "she wants to marry me". * the guy would be inspired to want to tame/heal me like no other man could before him. The reason behind him thinking both things is purely because he never believed that, I, a woman, wasn't seeking a husband regardless of what I said or did. I see the same thing in women. It is similar to liking a "bad boy". | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Yes have to find personality interesting for sure! But as for hanging around for the day ohh no ty!shag and go for me! X See I couldn't be that person. I've asked a few people their opinions on casual, and one of the things I've been told is because I'm affectionate, have deep convos with them, cook, chill etc, that might be the reason it never stays casual. Its something I'd never really thought about as I can do those things without feeling emotions, I'd feel cold having sex, giving them a high five and then booting them out. Can you show affection and feel nothing? Yeh, have done with everyone that wasn't a proper relationship. I care about the person, but I also care about people I don't know, I want good things for good people and don't want to see anybody hurt. But I could cuddle up to somebody all day without getting emotionally involved or wanting anything more than what we have as I like the feeling of a cuddle, especially cuddling someone im attracted to. Am I broken? Without knowing how others feel you don't know if you are the odd one out or if your behaviours are abnormal. My most recent situation I had I was very cuddly, we had very deep conversation, we had mind blowing sex, the attraction was there but I'm not ready for a relationship. She felt like she could have an fwb type situation but once we started told me that "you can't do all these things we are doing and not get emotionally involved with someone" and she called it off, then she came back, I said no and then with her wiley flirty temptress ways we started again, then we had the same thing as before so we ended it. and its made me question myself and ask others questions as I'm not sure wether what I think is realistic, if there are others like me who can do these things, if I'm broken? This is actually me being serious for once. I genuinely don't know if it's normal for people other than me. I feel like if somebody came around, we just had sex and then I kicked them out I'd feel like a dickhead. (I mean unless that what they were into) Don't mean to spam your thread but it's perfectly normal. Healthy even. And it's not that you "feel nothing". There was a time when I just didn't have the emotional or physical time to nurture a relationship. For that reason, while I enjoyed companionship and intimacy, something in my brain just didn't allow me to develop romantic attachment past that despite repeated contact with the same people. It just wasn't the right time." Oh you're not hijacking, I appreciate the advice, I am very clear, I even go to the points where I gladly tell somebody negative aspects about myself, I don't try to hide anything. Anyone could ask me a negative aspect about me and I'll straight up tell them. I'd rather they know before hand then later. When I met my ex I'd just moved up north, had no job, was skint and I was sleeping on a mattress in my mates dining room like a fucking seriel killer, I told her all this (she must of been going through a real bad place in her life to take me on board then) I think the conversation I had about how I am and how I can't expect emotions had lead me to alot of thinking. I'm not sure there is a person out there that's ideal for me relationship wise. I've got other things I need to prioritise right now, but some good company and banter would be great. I possibly could be better off not focusing on all these shenanigans and just focus more on other stuff I need to do. Because let's keep it real, finding people that are compatible is time consuming, and we are all being judged on a profile pic and a few lines of text which probably isn't that accurate at all. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Yes have to find personality interesting for sure! But as for hanging around for the day ohh no ty!shag and go for me! X See I couldn't be that person. I've asked a few people their opinions on casual, and one of the things I've been told is because I'm affectionate, have deep convos with them, cook, chill etc, that might be the reason it never stays casual. Its something I'd never really thought about as I can do those things without feeling emotions, I'd feel cold having sex, giving them a high five and then booting them out. Can you show affection and feel nothing? Yeh, have done with everyone that wasn't a proper relationship. I care about the person, but I also care about people I don't know, I want good things for good people and don't want to see anybody hurt. But I could cuddle up to somebody all day without getting emotionally involved or wanting anything more than what we have as I like the feeling of a cuddle, especially cuddling someone im attracted to. Am I broken? Without knowing how others feel you don't know if you are the odd one out or if your behaviours are abnormal. My most recent situation I had I was very cuddly, we had very deep conversation, we had mind blowing sex, the attraction was there but I'm not ready for a relationship. She felt like she could have an fwb type situation but once we started told me that "you can't do all these things we are doing and not get emotionally involved with someone" and she called it off, then she came back, I said no and then with her wiley flirty temptress ways we started again, then we had the same thing as before so we ended it. and its made me question myself and ask others questions as I'm not sure wether what I think is realistic, if there are others like me who can do these things, if I'm broken? This is actually me being serious for once. I genuinely don't know if it's normal for people other than me. I feel like if somebody came around, we just had sex and then I kicked them out I'd feel like a dickhead. (I mean unless that what they were into)" I don't think you're broken. I do think it needs to be clear that you like to express affection without actually wanting anything more than that moment. It's very easy for people, even if they say otherwise to interpret physical affection as indicative of deeper feelings. It's interesting that you describe her as having wiley, flirty, temptress ways... isn't that just another way of being affectionate? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Meh, sometimes you just want to stick it in something wet. I've seen working girls for that reason though in the past. I feel to cunty just trying to pick up random women for mindless sex but a lady of negotiable hospitality not so much, it's more transactional, call or message, 'do you do x y and z?...Yes, brilliant, how much? Perfect..I'll book an hour please' There's no disrespect to the working girl, all boundaries listned to and respected, but it's nice not to give a fcuk what her name is and what she does in her spare time and she not care about mine or what makes me tick
I've never been with a working girl but I think some of it is because I'm not particularly interested in quick sex. It's also never been a thought of mine.
However I also don't lie to women I meet on vanilla sites and tell them that I'm looking for love.
I'm very honest about what I am after from the start and that's not for everyone.
"I used to travel a lot with work but never fancied messaging a ton of people in the hope someone would be in the market for a pass through fuck. I'm sure a percentage would be happy with that but when in an area for a couple of days, that's a haystack I can't be bothered sifting through whilst probably risking offending a load of people in the process so found just hopping on line and getting transactional just worked for me back then. It fit my life at the time. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Yes have to find personality interesting for sure! But as for hanging around for the day ohh no ty!shag and go for me! X See I couldn't be that person. I've asked a few people their opinions on casual, and one of the things I've been told is because I'm affectionate, have deep convos with them, cook, chill etc, that might be the reason it never stays casual. Its something I'd never really thought about as I can do those things without feeling emotions, I'd feel cold having sex, giving them a high five and then booting them out. Can you show affection and feel nothing? Yeh, have done with everyone that wasn't a proper relationship. I care about the person, but I also care about people I don't know, I want good things for good people and don't want to see anybody hurt. But I could cuddle up to somebody all day without getting emotionally involved or wanting anything more than what we have as I like the feeling of a cuddle, especially cuddling someone im attracted to. Am I broken? Without knowing how others feel you don't know if you are the odd one out or if your behaviours are abnormal. My most recent situation I had I was very cuddly, we had very deep conversation, we had mind blowing sex, the attraction was there but I'm not ready for a relationship. She felt like she could have an fwb type situation but once we started told me that "you can't do all these things we are doing and not get emotionally involved with someone" and she called it off, then she came back, I said no and then with her wiley flirty temptress ways we started again, then we had the same thing as before so we ended it. and its made me question myself and ask others questions as I'm not sure wether what I think is realistic, if there are others like me who can do these things, if I'm broken? This is actually me being serious for once. I genuinely don't know if it's normal for people other than me. I feel like if somebody came around, we just had sex and then I kicked them out I'd feel like a dickhead. (I mean unless that what they were into) I don't think you're broken. I do think it needs to be clear that you like to express affection without actually wanting anything more than that moment. It's very easy for people, even if they say otherwise to interpret physical affection as indicative of deeper feelings. It's interesting that you describe her as having wiley, flirty, temptress ways... isn't that just another way of being affectionate?" Well, I didn't want to ramble on much more but when she said she would get feelings involved I said we shouldn't go any further, but after a week of her being very flirty (with her temptress ways) I folded, because I'm a man, who's weak ha. She told me numerous times she can keep herself in check I told her stop flirting. We met a second time and she told me after she couldn't. Which is probably for the best, but she was a lovely girl and we might remain friends im just giving her some space. But I'm not sure if its even fair or realistic to say we will be friends. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Meh, sometimes you just want to stick it in something wet. I've seen working girls for that reason though in the past. I feel to cunty just trying to pick up random women for mindless sex but a lady of negotiable hospitality not so much, it's more transactional, call or message, 'do you do x y and z?...Yes, brilliant, how much? Perfect..I'll book an hour please' There's no disrespect to the working girl, all boundaries listned to and respected, but it's nice not to give a fcuk what her name is and what she does in her spare time and she not care about mine or what makes me tick
I've never been with a working girl but I think some of it is because I'm not particularly interested in quick sex. It's also never been a thought of mine.
However I also don't lie to women I meet on vanilla sites and tell them that I'm looking for love.
I'm very honest about what I am after from the start and that's not for everyone.
I used to travel a lot with work but never fancied messaging a ton of people in the hope someone would be in the market for a pass through fuck. I'm sure a percentage would be happy with that but when in an area for a couple of days, that's a haystack I can't be bothered sifting through whilst probably risking offending a load of people in the process so found just hopping on line and getting transactional just worked for me back then. It fit my life at the time. "Oh mate, im not knocking it one bit, I get it, it just doesn't suit my sexual needs but I see how it works for some. People are busy and sometimes it's easier to just have a clear no hassle transaction. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I really like this post OP - thanks for posting it. Personality is key for us. Yes there has to be physical attraction also, but being able to connect on a deeper level than just the physical makes the whole experience so much more intense. I suppose everyone is here for differing reasons but for us we're not just here for a 'fuck and go' That said however, it does differ when we go to a club. You don't have much time to really get to know someone in that setting so I suppose the physical attraction does predominantly come into play. S xxxx " Well thanks, I kinda segwayed it a bit, but people touched on things that have been a part of my experiences. I seemed to of had a few couples reach out to me last year, it's not something I have done yet, and I had dismissed it then as I hadn't given it any thought at the time. But one thing I'd thought about is I'd have to get along with both people on a mate sort of level, so personality in that department would be a must. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Yes have to find personality interesting for sure! But as for hanging around for the day ohh no ty!shag and go for me! X See I couldn't be that person. I've asked a few people their opinions on casual, and one of the things I've been told is because I'm affectionate, have deep convos with them, cook, chill etc, that might be the reason it never stays casual. Its something I'd never really thought about as I can do those things without feeling emotions, I'd feel cold having sex, giving them a high five and then booting them out. Can you show affection and feel nothing? Yeh, have done with everyone that wasn't a proper relationship. I care about the person, but I also care about people I don't know, I want good things for good people and don't want to see anybody hurt. But I could cuddle up to somebody all day without getting emotionally involved or wanting anything more than what we have as I like the feeling of a cuddle, especially cuddling someone im attracted to. Am I broken? Without knowing how others feel you don't know if you are the odd one out or if your behaviours are abnormal. My most recent situation I had I was very cuddly, we had very deep conversation, we had mind blowing sex, the attraction was there but I'm not ready for a relationship. She felt like she could have an fwb type situation but once we started told me that "you can't do all these things we are doing and not get emotionally involved with someone" and she called it off, then she came back, I said no and then with her wiley flirty temptress ways we started again, then we had the same thing as before so we ended it. and its made me question myself and ask others questions as I'm not sure wether what I think is realistic, if there are others like me who can do these things, if I'm broken? This is actually me being serious for once. I genuinely don't know if it's normal for people other than me. I feel like if somebody came around, we just had sex and then I kicked them out I'd feel like a dickhead. (I mean unless that what they were into) I don't think you're broken. I do think it needs to be clear that you like to express affection without actually wanting anything more than that moment. It's very easy for people, even if they say otherwise to interpret physical affection as indicative of deeper feelings. It's interesting that you describe her as having wiley, flirty, temptress ways... isn't that just another way of being affectionate? Well, I didn't want to ramble on much more but when she said she would get feelings involved I said we shouldn't go any further, but after a week of her being very flirty (with her temptress ways) I folded, because I'm a man, who's weak ha. She told me numerous times she can keep herself in check I told her stop flirting. We met a second time and she told me after she couldn't. Which is probably for the best, but she was a lovely girl and we might remain friends im just giving her some space. But I'm not sure if its even fair or realistic to say we will be friends. " That situation sounds to me like a lot of drama | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Meh, sometimes you just want to stick it in something wet. I've seen working girls for that reason though in the past. I feel to cunty just trying to pick up random women for mindless sex but a lady of negotiable hospitality not so much, it's more transactional, call or message, 'do you do x y and z?...Yes, brilliant, how much? Perfect..I'll book an hour please' There's no disrespect to the working girl, all boundaries listned to and respected, but it's nice not to give a fcuk what her name is and what she does in her spare time and she not care about mine or what makes me tick
I've never been with a working girl but I think some of it is because I'm not particularly interested in quick sex. It's also never been a thought of mine.
However I also don't lie to women I meet on vanilla sites and tell them that I'm looking for love.
I'm very honest about what I am after from the start and that's not for everyone.
I used to travel a lot with work but never fancied messaging a ton of people in the hope someone would be in the market for a pass through fuck. I'm sure a percentage would be happy with that but when in an area for a couple of days, that's a haystack I can't be bothered sifting through whilst probably risking offending a load of people in the process so found just hopping on line and getting transactional just worked for me back then. It fit my life at the time.
Oh mate, im not knocking it one bit, I get it, it just doesn't suit my sexual needs but I see how it works for some.
People are busy and sometimes it's easier to just have a clear no hassle transaction.
"I didn't think you were knocking it | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Yes have to find personality interesting for sure! But as for hanging around for the day ohh no ty!shag and go for me! X See I couldn't be that person. I've asked a few people their opinions on casual, and one of the things I've been told is because I'm affectionate, have deep convos with them, cook, chill etc, that might be the reason it never stays casual. Its something I'd never really thought about as I can do those things without feeling emotions, I'd feel cold having sex, giving them a high five and then booting them out. Can you show affection and feel nothing? Yeh, have done with everyone that wasn't a proper relationship. I care about the person, but I also care about people I don't know, I want good things for good people and don't want to see anybody hurt. But I could cuddle up to somebody all day without getting emotionally involved or wanting anything more than what we have as I like the feeling of a cuddle, especially cuddling someone im attracted to. Am I broken? Without knowing how others feel you don't know if you are the odd one out or if your behaviours are abnormal. My most recent situation I had I was very cuddly, we had very deep conversation, we had mind blowing sex, the attraction was there but I'm not ready for a relationship. She felt like she could have an fwb type situation but once we started told me that "you can't do all these things we are doing and not get emotionally involved with someone" and she called it off, then she came back, I said no and then with her wiley flirty temptress ways we started again, then we had the same thing as before so we ended it. and its made me question myself and ask others questions as I'm not sure wether what I think is realistic, if there are others like me who can do these things, if I'm broken? This is actually me being serious for once. I genuinely don't know if it's normal for people other than me. I feel like if somebody came around, we just had sex and then I kicked them out I'd feel like a dickhead. (I mean unless that what they were into)" I am exactly like this. It's like loving someone, but not being in love with them. You can live in that moment with them, the sex, the cuddles, the chats but not have the relationship and the commitment. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Yes have to find personality interesting for sure! But as for hanging around for the day ohh no ty!shag and go for me! X See I couldn't be that person. I've asked a few people their opinions on casual, and one of the things I've been told is because I'm affectionate, have deep convos with them, cook, chill etc, that might be the reason it never stays casual. Its something I'd never really thought about as I can do those things without feeling emotions, I'd feel cold having sex, giving them a high five and then booting them out. " Just the way I prefer it! Yes can be fond of my fwb! But don't want them to be hanging around all day! And not into one offs either appart from clubs or partys on rare occasions I've attended one x | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Post new Message to Thread |
| back to top |  |
