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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

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By *weetsmellingtreatsWoman
over a year ago

Gloucester

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

"

Don’t go to his home, meet at a club or something instead

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

Don’t go to his home, meet at a club or something instead "

Well, I'm going to suggest a bar for a few drinks before we get down and dirty. I don't think he's the swinging type as we both met casually. But after that it will more than likely be his house since I live with family if the drinks do proceed to anything else.

I don't know why but I'm just so paranoid something bad could happen! But I really want to let go and relax.

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By *lexm87Man
over a year ago

Various

Hotel. And you don't have to change the bed.

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

Ask a friend or a forumite to text/ring you occasionally or at set times. Have a safe word or sentence that alerts the caller in case you are not able to speak without him hearing.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Hotel, OP. You book the room, get there first, then meet him in the bar for a drink. Most people aren't murderers xx

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By *eordieJeansCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Book a hotel and let friends know where you are. I know it’s not 100% fool proof but at least most hotels have security for if he turns into Michael Myers.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

Don’t go to his home, meet at a club or something instead

Well, I'm going to suggest a bar for a few drinks before we get down and dirty. I don't think he's the swinging type as we both met casually. But after that it will more than likely be his house since I live with family if the drinks do proceed to anything else.

I don't know why but I'm just so paranoid something bad could happen! But I really want to let go and relax."

If you have a bad feeling OP, trust your gut.

it’s a real fear.

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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago

Beyond the Wall

You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.

Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.

Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.

Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.

Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.

.

But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Just an over thinker like me.

It's a very real risk of course, and we all face it, even single men. Couples too I guess.

Majority of the time. It's going to be fine, a fun time for all. That doesn't help when your mind is one that tends to jump to the next scenario, then the next, and then another.

Neutral ground if in doubt. And do that until you feel safer and more relaxed in your thoughts.

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By *esafinadOHolyNightMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"Just an over thinker like me.

It's a very real risk of course, and we all face it, even single men. Couples too I guess.

Majority of the time. It's going to be fine, a fun time for all. That doesn't help when your mind is one that tends to jump to the next scenario, then the next, and then another.

Neutral ground if in doubt. And do that until you feel safer and more relaxed in your thoughts. "

This is spot on

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Just an over thinker like me.

It's a very real risk of course, and we all face it, even single men. Couples too I guess.

Majority of the time. It's going to be fine, a fun time for all. That doesn't help when your mind is one that tends to jump to the next scenario, then the next, and then another.

Neutral ground if in doubt. And do that until you feel safer and more relaxed in your thoughts. "

He's a wise soul is K... exactly that.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.

Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.

Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.

Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.

Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.

.

But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.

"

Hate when that happens. I'm worried about my own safety, then I end up stealing their kidneys again! Whoops.

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've got my partner and I was thinking it might be a good idea to text my partner the address and to check in every hour or so with my location on. I'll have a look at hotels too but they are so expensive here and I don't really have the money to spare for a fuck.

It's not just this guy I have a bad feeling about it's every man that I don't know well. I've always enjoyed a deeper connection before sex but I'm trying to just relax a little more as long as there's attraction and chemistry but not knowing someone well makes me question everything and then I start to think about awful things. I do want to bang him though so I think I just need to break out of this mindset.

O.o

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.

Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.

Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.

Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.

Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.

.

But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.

Hate when that happens. I'm worried about my own safety, then I end up stealing their kidneys again! Whoops.

Mrs TMN x"

Yeah, it's probably me he should be worried about to be fair I am a bit odd and I do like socks and kidneys.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.

Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.

Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.

Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.

Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.

.

But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.

Hate when that happens. I'm worried about my own safety, then I end up stealing their kidneys again! Whoops.

Mrs TMN x

Yeah, it's probably me he should be worried about to be fair I am a bit odd and I do like socks and kidneys.

"

Just only take one of each. They can get by with one sock and one kidney.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just an over thinker like me.

It's a very real risk of course, and we all face it, even single men. Couples too I guess.

Majority of the time. It's going to be fine, a fun time for all. That doesn't help when your mind is one that tends to jump to the next scenario, then the next, and then another.

Neutral ground if in doubt. And do that until you feel safer and more relaxed in your thoughts. "

Yes you're right. Overthinking I think. I just wish we didn't have to worry about these things.

Appreciate all the replies.

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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago

Beyond the Wall

"You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.

Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.

Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.

Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.

Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.

.

But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.

Hate when that happens. I'm worried about my own safety, then I end up stealing their kidneys again! Whoops.

Mrs TMN x"

Gotta pay those Christmas energy bills some how

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.

Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.

Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.

Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.

Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.

.

But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.

Hate when that happens. I'm worried about my own safety, then I end up stealing their kidneys again! Whoops.

Mrs TMN x

Yeah, it's probably me he should be worried about to be fair I am a bit odd and I do like socks and kidneys.

Just only take one of each. They can get by with one sock and one kidney."

I'm not sure you can get by with just one sock.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

"

Totally reasonable to have reservations and let’s face it it actually does happen

We meet a unicorn a while back and fair play to her she had let her friends know what she was up to and she had a tracker app on updating her whereabouts, she made it known to us to

Very smart and we had no problems with the arrangement

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"You vet them as much as you can, in public settings, see how you get on, do they give off odd vibes etc.

Then if you are meeting at a non public place have safety measures in place.

Have a safety call set up where someone calls you or you call them x time into a meet.

Make sure they know where you are and when you are expecting to leave.

Don’t be afraid to say no, or to refuse to be put into situations you are not comfortable with.

.

But remember, you are just as much an unknown to them as they are to you. You could end up being the kidney thief.

Hate when that happens. I'm worried about my own safety, then I end up stealing their kidneys again! Whoops.

Mrs TMN x

Yeah, it's probably me he should be worried about to be fair I am a bit odd and I do like socks and kidneys.

Just only take one of each. They can get by with one sock and one kidney.

I'm not sure you can get by with just one sock. "

You can if you hop.

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By *eordieJeansCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

You could always do a Kevin McCallister. If he starts acting weird have a serious of elaborate traps set up which leave him with a burnt head and covered in feathers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a little faith and trust your gut x

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

i hope it goes well for you lemon i really do,, will send you a tazer just in case ,..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Step away from the rage bait and understand that every weekend in the uk there’s probably like 20k d*unken one night stands and the vast majority go well

If you held the same kind of fear of hookups to something like driving or crossing the road, you’d never do them either

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By *carlet SeductionWoman
over a year ago

Maidstone

I think if you're that way inclined then there isn't much you can do to remove the fear completely but you can risk assess and put measures in place to make yourself feel safer as others have said. But it's largely going to be down to you and your mindset which could be deep rooted and not something you can easily get over.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

"
in this day and age nothing wrong with your thoughts meet at a quiet pub cafe as a man it's very different I'm sure you will be fine once you've met up.

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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago

Beyond the Wall

"Step away from the rage bait and understand that every weekend in the uk there’s probably like 20k d*unken one night stands and the vast majority go well

If you held the same kind of fear of hookups to something like driving or crossing the road, you’d never do them either "

Do you look both ways before crossing the road?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

"

It is a worry and without making this a gender based thing, it can be scary. I’d suggest a hotel or apartment as others have but appreciate the cost issue. Giving your partner the location you’ll be and a potential home address and checking in via text (a code word would make it quick and obvious it’s you). Caution is always good. I hope you can find a solution and enjoy yourself.

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By *ostindreamsMan
over a year ago

London

I think if you feel scared, limit the first meet to purely social and make it clear. You don't want to be forced to make a decision right then. After the first meet, go home and think about the vibes you felt and decide if you want to go further.

The much better option is obviously to meet at a club.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Social/public venue first and if you feel at all uncomfortable, end it there. Or don’t commit first time out. If he’s reasonable, he’ll understand.

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By *educing_EmCouple
over a year ago

Tipperary

"I think if you feel scared, limit the first meet to purely social and make it clear. You don't want to be forced to make a decision right then. After the first meet, go home and think about the vibes you felt and decide if you want to go further.

The much better option is obviously to meet at a club."

I think she's living in Ireland and we don't have clubs here unfortunately.

Em x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been to loads of guys places, brought them home too. Never been murdered. I wouldn't want to have sex with a man I didnt trust wasn't a murderer so i wouldn't be at his house... I'm more concerned about him being a shit shag or having minging bedsheets tbh.

More helpful advice follows

My rule of thumb is - if you are not 100% sure you want to bang, and not sure you can get yourself out safely, don't go back to his place. Go home to your favourite dildo and have fun. If you are 100% sure, tell him that, and then tell him what you need to feel safe enough to do that. Communicate. And give him a chance to show you his intentions and character. And let some friends know what you're up.

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By *entlemanrogueMan
over a year ago

Motherwell

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

"

The risk at times is part of the thrill.

However when i am meeting new women at my home, who is very nervous, i tell them to

1. Tell someone else where they are going (yes my actual adress)

2. Have someone they will call on the night, say 30 mins into the meet.

3. Tell that same person what site we met on and my profile name.

It has been a while since i had to give this advice though. ususally women are cintent with my verifiecations and pics that ,althoigh they may have a kinky time, they will leave alive.

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By *esthetic21Man
over a year ago

Birmingham/Bristol

For me it's strange I only ever did it once. Always get to know someone a bit before fucking them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Step away from the rage bait and understand that every weekend in the uk there’s probably like 20k d*unken one night stands and the vast majority go well

If you held the same kind of fear of hookups to something like driving or crossing the road, you’d never do them either

Do you look both ways before crossing the road?"

Exactly like the hedgehogs said

I take the precautions I can, then I don’t let fear rule my life

Driving is probably the most boring thing we do, and the most dangerous. No one blinks an eye about getting in their car. Probably because the media won’t generate clicks by telling us how dangerous driving is, but it does get a lot of clicks when you tell people that there’s a murderer behind every corner

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

Take a packet of shortbread fingers with you. Pretend they are a gift but, if things take a wrong turn, whack him over the head with them.

Oh and p.s. he’s a bloody lucky guy

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I can’t. I don’t

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember the first time I drove to meet a man in a public place, the entire drive I was thinking.. what the fuck am I doing, I could be taken, forced into thing by a group of guys and never be seen again. But for some bizarre reason I didn't turn my car round and go home. I'm clearly crazy.

And I did it again, and again and now I'm kinda practiced at it. But I still get nervous. And that's just a social!

After a social when I've got a feel for someone it's not as bad. And I tend to use a safety person. They'll call and check in with me and I give them details first so someone knows where to start looking I'd I go missing.

It's not a fail safe is it, but it's the best I can come up with.

Hotels are good but I always worry about hidden cameras, same at a guy's place.

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle

I’m sure it will be absolutely fine and you will have a great time, but I would always do the following:

1: I would be hesitant to go to someone’s house for a first meet. Hotels always feels like a safer option, after a social drink somewhere public. Keep a close eye on your drink/s.

2: I would send their details and a face pic to a close friend/partner and let them know where and when you’re planning to meet.

3: Arrange a cut off time to check in with your friend/ partner to let them know you’re ok. Even if it’s just a

text. WhatsApp also has a tracking/ location feature that you can share for a fixed amount of time with a chosen contact.

4: Trust your gut. If you meet them and are getting any kind of weird / creepy / unsafe vibes, leave asap.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Step away from the rage bait and understand that every weekend in the uk there’s probably like 20k d*unken one night stands and the vast majority go well

If you held the same kind of fear of hookups to something like driving or crossing the road, you’d never do them either

Do you look both ways before crossing the road?

Exactly like the hedgehogs said

I take the precautions I can, then I don’t let fear rule my life

Driving is probably the most boring thing we do, and the most dangerous. No one blinks an eye about getting in their car. Probably because the media won’t generate clicks by telling us how dangerous driving is, but it does get a lot of clicks when you tell people that there’s a murderer behind every corner "

I've been sexually harassed, stalked, followed, abused and hurt by so many different men from a very young age. And most women I know have experienced similar things. I would say a lot of women could probably talk about personal experiences of dangerous men more so than car accidents.

I'm overthinking I know. I know I will more than likely be ok. But it isn't clicks on a website or bait making me feel a bit nervous about trying something new with a man I don't know.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I think if you feel scared, limit the first meet to purely social and make it clear. You don't want to be forced to make a decision right then. After the first meet, go home and think about the vibes you felt and decide if you want to go further.

The much better option is obviously to meet at a club.

I think she's living in Ireland and we don't have clubs here unfortunately.

Em x"

Savages!

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By *ostindreamsMan
over a year ago

London

"I think if you feel scared, limit the first meet to purely social and make it clear. You don't want to be forced to make a decision right then. After the first meet, go home and think about the vibes you felt and decide if you want to go further.

The much better option is obviously to meet at a club.

I think she's living in Ireland and we don't have clubs here unfortunately.

Em x"

Ah I see

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for all the advice everyone. You're so lovely. And yes, hidden cams make me nervous too. It's awful thinking about all these things. I guess all I can do is put precautions in place and trust my gut when we have the social. I'm hoping I'll be brave enough to ask him out when I next see him because I don't want this fear to ruin what could be a good time. It's the only thing that is stopping me so far.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think if you feel scared, limit the first meet to purely social and make it clear. You don't want to be forced to make a decision right then. After the first meet, go home and think about the vibes you felt and decide if you want to go further.

The much better option is obviously to meet at a club.

I think she's living in Ireland and we don't have clubs here unfortunately.

Em x"

I am yes! I wouldn't even know about clubs here anyway as that kind of environment doesn't particularly interest me but I can imagine it's a great setting for safe sex.

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By *urora1912Woman
over a year ago

Norfolk East anglia

Make sure a friend knows your location and who you're meeting and times etc.

Get them to check in with you too so you can say you're ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

"

Personally, because I know I'm not a murderer I male the assumption nobody else is so ignorance really

But I think I'm a pretty good judge of character.

Just be careful and don't take too many risks, let a friend know where you are.

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By *enuine MikeMan
over a year ago

Guildford

Just say that you dad works in the special forces or something.

Make up loads of shit, stories of things hes done (similar to Liam Neesons character in Taken) in your day to day chat.

Then youll know nobody will fuck with you

Good luck

xx

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Thank you for all the advice everyone. You're so lovely. And yes, hidden cams make me nervous too. It's awful thinking about all these things. I guess all I can do is put precautions in place and trust my gut when we have the social. I'm hoping I'll be brave enough to ask him out when I next see him because I don't want this fear to ruin what could be a good time. It's the only thing that is stopping me so far."

If you got a hotel room and you arrange it, be there first etc then the likelihood of hidden cameras is very low. Ask him to keep his phone in his pocket/bag (explained by your "no pics" rule?) and put your coat/clothes over his, just in case there's anything in the pockets, or have all personal items in a closed wardrobe or something? Hanging up a coat in a wardrobe is just your preference for tidyness, right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Christ I didn’t even think of hidden cameras. People are sick

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Christ I didn’t even think of hidden cameras. People are sick "

There's that. And there's stealthing. And a whole bunch of stuff to have genuine worry about. I don't think Lemon's concerns are trivial or silly, there's a reasonable basis for them. She is being very sensible in talking them through and trying to make things as safe as possible.

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By *KentMan
over a year ago

Canterbury

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

"

I find that the odds of two murderer’s meeting each other randomly are quite slim.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Christ I didn’t even think of hidden cameras. People are sick

There's that. And there's stealthing. And a whole bunch of stuff to have genuine worry about. I don't think Lemon's concerns are trivial or silly, there's a reasonable basis for them. She is being very sensible in talking them through and trying to make things as safe as possible. "

Dealt with stealthing a few times myself but luckily it’s one of those you can kinda keep an eye on

Hidden cameras though, wtf. Could be anyone and it’s almost impossible to catch

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Nervy, excited, anticipatory butterfly's are one of the best parts of meeting. If you are really very unsure then meet socially and tell someone where you will be going - give their details to a close friend. For the most, people want the same thing as you, a damn good time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also as a woman I’ll never know your reality but my partner shares location with me and checks in on me through the evening. Location sharing is useful with someone you trust

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By *illan-KillashMan
over a year ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

"

I work on the theory it's unlikely I'll meet another serial killer.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again. "

My brother recently went to stay with a friend of his... he text me every hour to tell me he was actually him and not some old white man. That's the sort of reassurance you need to give your family.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.

My brother recently went to stay with a friend of his... he text me every hour to tell me he was actually him and not some old white man. That's the sort of reassurance you need to give your family."

That’s exactly the kind of thing someone’s grandad would say if they’d just become the owner of a black man’s body.

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By *weetCherryWoman
over a year ago

London

"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again. "

Cannot say I blame you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.

Cannot say I blame you

"
Don’t worry Cherry, you’re still gonna get it

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.

My brother recently went to stay with a friend of his... he text me every hour to tell me he was actually him and not some old white man. That's the sort of reassurance you need to give your family.

That’s exactly the kind of thing someone’s grandad would say if they’d just become the owner of a black man’s body.

"

Ah fuck. I'll ask him randomly how often he's moisturising and what with. That's a dead cert way of we*ding out white grandads.

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By *weetCherryWoman
over a year ago

London

"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.

Cannot say I blame you

Don’t worry Cherry, you’re still gonna get it

"

Poor you, I might be the most psycho of them all

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By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
over a year ago

south coast IOW

"Just an over thinker like me.

It's a very real risk of course, and we all face it, even single men. Couples too I guess.

Majority of the time. It's going to be fine, a fun time for all. That doesn't help when your mind is one that tends to jump to the next scenario, then the next, and then another.

Neutral ground if in doubt. And do that until you feel safer and more relaxed in your thoughts. "

Absolutely this.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

"

I only ever meet with Ted Bundy lookalikes. That way I know what I’m getting into…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.

Cannot say I blame you

Don’t worry Cherry, you’re still gonna get it

Poor you, I might be the most psycho of them all

"

I have watched Get Out with times. I could survive this horror movie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.

My brother recently went to stay with a friend of his... he text me every hour to tell me he was actually him and not some old white man. That's the sort of reassurance you need to give your family.

That’s exactly the kind of thing someone’s grandad would say if they’d just become the owner of a black man’s body.

Ah fuck. I'll ask him randomly how often he's moisturising and what with. That's a dead cert way of we*ding out white grandads."

you’re honestly hilarious

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By *ig1gaz1Man
over a year ago

bradford

"Just an over thinker like me.

It's a very real risk of course, and we all face it, even single men. Couples too I guess.

Majority of the time. It's going to be fine, a fun time for all. That doesn't help when your mind is one that tends to jump to the next scenario, then the next, and then another.

Neutral ground if in doubt. And do that until you feel safer and more relaxed in your thoughts. "

the trans /ts people go through this as well.

putting your safety first should be what everyone thinks about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

Don’t go to his home, meet at a club or something instead

Well, I'm going to suggest a bar for a few drinks before we get down and dirty. I don't think he's the swinging type as we both met casually. But after that it will more than likely be his house since I live with family if the drinks do proceed to anything else.

I don't know why but I'm just so paranoid something bad could happen! But I really want to let go and relax."

Does he know you have a partner?

Have a weird phrase you'll text your partner with. If the guy is a nutter he could make you reply "I'm ok".

If your reply phrase is "the frog is in the oven" your parner will know you really are safe and ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

Don’t go to his home, meet at a club or something instead

Well, I'm going to suggest a bar for a few drinks before we get down and dirty. I don't think he's the swinging type as we both met casually. But after that it will more than likely be his house since I live with family if the drinks do proceed to anything else.

I don't know why but I'm just so paranoid something bad could happen! But I really want to let go and relax.

Does he know you have a partner?

Have a weird phrase you'll text your partner with. If the guy is a nutter he could make you reply "I'm ok".

If your reply phrase is "the frog is in the oven" your parner will know you really are safe and ok."

This is excellent advice.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

There is so much good advice in this thread. It's a shame things like this can't be pinned into a "Damn Good Advice" forum.

J

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

Don’t go to his home, meet at a club or something instead

Well, I'm going to suggest a bar for a few drinks before we get down and dirty. I don't think he's the swinging type as we both met casually. But after that it will more than likely be his house since I live with family if the drinks do proceed to anything else.

I don't know why but I'm just so paranoid something bad could happen! But I really want to let go and relax.

Does he know you have a partner?

Have a weird phrase you'll text your partner with. If the guy is a nutter he could make you reply "I'm ok".

If your reply phrase is "the frog is in the oven" your parner will know you really are safe and ok.

This is excellent advice. "

Advice from someone on here years ago. I think it was Diamondsmiles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

…."

You don’t.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

….

You don’t.

"

Yeah, live a little

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational

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By *entlemanFoxMan
over a year ago

North East / London

Hi OP,

Any decent single man is going to be well aware that single women faced real risks is meeting strangers 1 to 1.

They will be happy to work with you to ensure that you have a good and relaxed time.

My suggestion is to ask you potential meet what they suggest for your safety. If they are dismissive or flippant that is an indicator in itself.

I personally think a first social only meet in a public place is best for everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

….

You don’t.

Yeah, live a little

"

And the breath of relief when you do

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By *eniandMikeCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational "

Totally agree….we might have missed something but unsure if the news is awash with incidents of swingers being murdered?!?!

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By *ichaelsmyMan
over a year ago

douglas

"Hotel. And you don't have to change the bed. "

seems a completely normal reaction to me.

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By *hunky ChefMan
over a year ago

Norwich

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

"

***

Skip doggy position and find a place to hide your pepper spray all the time.

Obviously when you are naked, then you need to make a decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational "

In what way is it irrational?

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By *eniandMikeCouple
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational

In what way is it irrational?"

As it’s an outrageously rare, and almost unheard of that a woman meeting a man/couple for sex is murdered, what’s the percentage? 0.000005%???

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational

In what way is it irrational?"

Because the majority of women who meet men for casual sex don't get murdered

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational

In what way is it irrational?"

Depends what you class as irrational

Your more likely to be murdered by a friend or a partner

You’d probably more likely to die from a vending machine falling on you

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Ignoring the murder thing, which is unlikely (but still a possibility) there are still safety aspects to consider when meeting with someone and this thread has loads of sensible advice to mitigate potential risks.

Some people just don't recognise a bit of dramatic effect.

J

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"Step away from the rage bait and understand that every weekend in the uk there’s probably like 20k d*unken one night stands and the vast majority go well

If you held the same kind of fear of hookups to something like driving or crossing the road, you’d never do them either

Do you look both ways before crossing the road?

Exactly like the hedgehogs said

I take the precautions I can, then I don’t let fear rule my life

Driving is probably the most boring thing we do, and the most dangerous. No one blinks an eye about getting in their car. Probably because the media won’t generate clicks by telling us how dangerous driving is, but it does get a lot of clicks when you tell people that there’s a murderer behind every corner

I've been sexually harassed, stalked, followed, abused and hurt by so many different men from a very young age. And most women I know have experienced similar things. I would say a lot of women could probably talk about personal experiences of dangerous men more so than car accidents.

I'm overthinking I know. I know I will more than likely be ok. But it isn't clicks on a website or bait making me feel a bit nervous about trying something new with a man I don't know. "

Exactly this... It's a wonder some if us still meet men at all. And don't get me wrong... I love men!

LBC I am with you, with the fear... It's a genuine worry for the majority of single women.

I always tell my 2 best mates, in the group chat where I'm going and who with.

I know now you can also let people follow you with the pin drop thing on WhatsApp, so I'll definitely be utilising that feature in the new year. I would love to be more spontaneous, but there's always that niggle in the back of my mind.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational

In what way is it irrational?

As it’s an outrageously rare, and almost unheard of that a woman meeting a man/couple for sex is murdered, what’s the percentage? 0.000005%??? "

Maybe not murdered... But assaulted, mugged, r@ped. It happens!

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By *egDaySkipperMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I have that too, when I go to a single lady's house I am slightly worried there might be 5 blokes in there waiting to jump me

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By *m A FuckerMan
over a year ago

kingswood,surrey/leysdown kent

i like fucking strangers in public as others watch lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational

In what way is it irrational?

Because the majority of women who meet men for casual sex don't get murdered "

I don’t think It’s irrational though given that it does happen? So asking for safety advice seems fair? I certainly don’t think seeing this advice means someone isn’t in a position to meet for casual sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ignoring the murder thing, which is unlikely (but still a possibility) there are still safety aspects to consider when meeting with someone and this thread has loads of sensible advice to mitigate potential risks.

Some people just don't recognise a bit of dramatic effect.

J"

Unfamiliar with Lemon’s game clearly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you get over the fear you might be MURDERED?

Seriously. I'm trying to have more casual sex and I've met someone briefly a few times and we both are clearly attracted to each other. I'm going to go and give him my number for some fun and I'm sure he's absolutely fine and normal but I have such a fear I could end up hurt especially because I would more than likely be going to his home.

How do you push past this thought? Or do I need therapy?

"

I came right out and asked if he was an axe murderer or just general murderer. He assured me he wasn't, it turned out he wasn't. But I was a bitttttt nervous going to his house in the north east....where I knew no one and was miles from home.

Stupid, yes. But did I have a fantastic time, hell yes!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I meet people in clubs.

I think if your really unsure after a social then for whatever reason your trying to tell yourself something.

Maybe your just uncomfortable with it for whatever reason. I don't know ha I wasn't much help really.

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

It could be that hypersexuality is the issue here

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield

In the past I’ve just made sure at least 1 person knows my location and shared it, and checked in with them.

X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep always go with your gut feeling,speak on the phone with them first for peace of mind,if your getting butterflies then go for it

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By *ommodoCouple
over a year ago

OX16

Leave a note at home saying who where and when you are meeting and when you are due back

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By *hisStagsVixenCouple
over a year ago

peterborough

The first time I met a guy by myself, I booked the hotel, arrived first. Met outside the reception area. I had the same fears you have, but like others have said, most people aren’t murderers

telling yourself that and actually believing it are two different things

I had friends that knew where I was going, as well as my husband knowing obviously. Also had find my iPhone enabled on my phone.

I met him again a couple of weeks ago, but felt comfortable enough to go to his place. I think as long as someone knows where you are, and you keep in touch, you’ll feel a lot better knowing that.

It helps that this guy completely gets and respects our set up and boundaries. We both talk with him regularly.

Have fun! x x

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again. "

Out then

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By *an DeLyonMan
over a year ago

County Durham

Meet on public and politely mention the security cameras and how much help they are for the police

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.

Out then

"

Jordan Peele really sent out a warning that had no doubt saved many lives.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I meet them socially then trust my insticts. So far i haven't been murdered so it's working for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi OP,

Any decent single man is going to be well aware that single women faced real risks is meeting strangers 1 to 1.

They will be happy to work with you to ensure that you have a good and relaxed time.

My suggestion is to ask you potential meet what they suggest for your safety. If they are dismissive or flippant that is an indicator in itself.

I personally think a first social only meet in a public place is best for everyone.

"

Any kind of attempt to change plans or dismiss my wish for a social only first (suggesting sex if we 'get on') and I won't meet them.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"

Just only take one of each. They can get by with one sock and one kidney.

I'm not sure you can get by with just one sock. "

They're ready replaceable though

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I used to meet with no qualms until a meet scared me. That gave my head a wobble and I'll only meet strangers at clubs with other people.

Predicting other people's actions to something I do, is almost impossible nowadays, so avoiding the red flags is my number one task when scouring for potential new friends

Trust your Instincts Lemon

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By *addy bareMan
over a year ago

lakeside

Meet up in a public place,chat on the phone and then arrange a sexual meet.

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By *luebellRacerCouple
over a year ago

Shropshire

That's why we don't meet solo unless we've both met the person before. It must be difficult as a solo, you need a wingman/girl to help guage new people

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By *ockboy77Man
over a year ago

Angus, Glasgow

Genuinely get disgusted with some male behavior if I’m honest. I had a partner who was assaulted, it scarred her big time literally actually

. I was brought up to respect women, what’s gone wrong? If I was meeting someone I’d be talking on the phone first with genuine a phone number (not hidden) and making sure that lady was sure she was going to be safe wherever we met. For a couple I would only go their place of meeting, I’m big enough (I think)

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.

Out then

Jordan Peele really sent out a warning that had no doubt saved many lives.

"

Would you believe me if I said I wasn't white?

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"That's why we don't meet solo unless we've both met the person before. It must be difficult as a solo, you need a wingman/girl to help guage new people"

Thousands of women manage to meet men without such back up

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By *ink vixenCouple
over a year ago

Medway

If you fear that you might become a victim then you probably will.

Become instead the predator.

Take control.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After watching Get Out the only solution for me was to never sleep with white women again.

Out then

Jordan Peele really sent out a warning that had no doubt saved many lives.

Would you believe me if I said I wasn't white?"

I believe you. I’m just glad it’s safe to meet you after all

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

alot of people treat this as a joke but its very serious subject about 5 years ago i had a lady fried who told me she was of to bristol to meet a guy for a pure social she told him and they agreed there will be no sex just a meal and a nightclub so nothing private all public .... ha;fway thru the night he syarted to pester her to go home she said no lets stivkl to the agreement so of they walked to a club on the way he dragged her inton a side street and beat her black and blue lucky for her the police where nearby he was arrested and she spent a couple of days in hospital had the police not been there then god knows what would have happened ...

and i had a meet a few years back where i met a guy at his house as soon as i got in the house he locked the door and started verbal abuse lucky for me hubs was in the car and i text him our safe word and he came to get me ..

so tho rare these things can happen and do happen i wont meet guys at there own house unless me and hubs know them well it can be a scary world we live in ..and not just the swinging world ... dating too as well as normal life

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By *LiamMan
over a year ago

Midlands

Can't be that much of a stranger if you're already connected

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By *ickdasterdly51Man
over a year ago

Lingfield

I think that statistically you are more likely to be murdered by someone you know. I'm not sure that helps though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some of these replies are absolutely hilarious you honestly make me fucking laugh!

but on a more serious note, I've received soooo much great advice and the safe word is an amazing tip because I never even thought about doing that, but knowing I can send something random to keep my partner in the know is fab.

And yes, I even said earlier that I know the chances of something like murder happening is very unlikely but this fear is real guys and I don't think it requires me to not engage in sex just because I'm a bit nervous starting out. I'm just a bit dramatic with my wording sometimes, and you know these things do happen SOMETIMES.

But anyway, thank you. I won't see him until next week or so but I'll let you know if anything exciting happens. I just hope he doesn't reject me but if he does then at least I get a gold star for trying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection is character building, Lemon

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

Tell him there is a gps tracker up your rectum which activates when your body temperature drops below 34 degrees.

He’ll be forced to keep you alive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The fear??? Just think, I’d need to walk back down that dark dirt track on my own about an hr later

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

Don't put yourself in a vulnerable position for a fuck. Think with your brain. Hotel would be safer, but ultimately trust your instincts.

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By *ink vixenCouple
over a year ago

Medway

Yeah!

Fucking strangers.

Twats.

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By *ussieChrisMan
over a year ago

Walsall

If you have someone you trust. Use the Whatsapp location feature with them. and keep your phone on you, have the safety word thing setup with them, and then IF anything goes wrong, you just msg them or call them with the safety word, and they will know where to get/meet up with you.

Other than that, as everyone has already suggested, meet in public, and got to a hotel rather than his place. Vetting etc etc.

You have all the advice i think that can be offered here.

Main thing is, if you have a bad feeling, just dont. Your health and safety isn't worth it in the end.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If being murdered is really a fear, I'd say work on that before trying to meet someone for sex. It's irrational

In what way is it irrational?

Depends what you class as irrational

Your more likely to be murdered by a friend or a partner

You’d probably more likely to die from a vending machine falling on you "

Two reasons I won’t go to the cinema with Dave.

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By *irtyKittenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

All them one nighters with girls I just met when I was a student, I must have been really lucky, I think I need to get a lottery ticket

Odds are probably low or people are really careful.

Millions go on dates or do things with people they just met so I think it probably has odds as bad as winning the lottery.

But it is good to be careful.

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