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The fake matrimonial agency

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
21 weeks ago

Please fill in your details

What do you look like, what do you in your spare time, what's your favourite position and most importantly what are you looking for?

I'll go 1st

I look like a googly eyed mashed up miss piggy that's been filled up with helium

I like to knit my leg hair

I like facesitting on knees whilst reading 50 shades

I'm looking for a hirsuit Jamie Dornan in hannibal lector White jumpsuit

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By *929Man
21 weeks ago

newcastle

I look like I wandered into a tar pit and got stuck with only head stuck out and was stuck there 30 years or so which caused me to age from the neck up yet retain a youthful physique

In spare time I like to nap on the cooch after consuming far to many bags of crisps and cans of Pepsi max

Favourite position hard to pick I like them all for different reasons

Looking first and foremost to learn to be happy alone and with present situation then find someone to build rest of life with

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By *arla SwingerWoman
21 weeks ago

Somewhere

I look like I've had a hard paper round.

I don't do fook all cos I'm lazy.

Fav position on my back - because see above.

I'm seeking an extremely attractive, multi millionaire, with low standards.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
21 weeks ago


"I look like I wandered into a tar pit and got stuck with only head stuck out and was stuck there 30 years or so which caused me to age from the neck up yet retain a youthful physique

In spare time I like to nap on the cooch after consuming far to many bags of crisps and cans of Pepsi max

Favourite position hard to pick I like them all for different reasons

Looking first and foremost to learn to be happy alone and with present situation then find someone to build rest of life with "

What flavour?

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By *ittlebirdWoman
21 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

I’m really sorry darling OP but I’m on a strict “no more marriage” thing from ALL of my friends who have banned me from ever making that mistake again

They know I am addicted to wedding cake and that I get easily distracted

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By *eatrice BadinageWoman
21 weeks ago

In a Sparkly Dress

Tall big bird

Socialising

Missionary

Matt damons character from "we bought a zoo" I adore that man

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
21 weeks ago

North West

I look like the Michelin man changed gender and sprouted wheels.

In my spare time, I lift heavy stuff and operate Mum's Taxi.

My favourite position is doggy but we me more on my front.

I'm looking for a rheumatologist and someone to perform a hysterectomy, please! Do you know anyone?!

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By *assy LassieWoman
20 weeks ago

Lanarkshire


"I look like I wandered into a tar pit and got stuck with only head stuck out and was stuck there 30 years or so which caused me to age from the neck up yet retain a youthful physique

In spare time I like to nap on the cooch after consuming far to many bags of crisps and cans of Pepsi max

Favourite position hard to pick I like them all for different reasons

Looking first and foremost to learn to be happy alone and with present situation then find someone to build rest of life with "

I wandered into said tar pit but only to my ankles.

Switch out the Pepsi max to irn bru.

Favourite position is laid back, feet up, TV control in hand.

Already happy living alone and won't be changing anytime soon...also likes road trips

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By *929Man
20 weeks ago

newcastle


"I look like I wandered into a tar pit and got stuck with only head stuck out and was stuck there 30 years or so which caused me to age from the neck up yet retain a youthful physique

In spare time I like to nap on the cooch after consuming far to many bags of crisps and cans of Pepsi max

Favourite position hard to pick I like them all for different reasons

Looking first and foremost to learn to be happy alone and with present situation then find someone to build rest of life with

What flavour? "

Either supermarket own brand cheese and onion or McCoy’s flame grill

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By *elix SightedMan
20 weeks ago

Your internet

I look like a much older and more miserable Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. I spend my spare time watching tv, running and making poor jokes.

Seeking someone incredibly patient who likes exploring me and the countryside.

You’ll be rewarded with the sex where you’re tied to the ancestral fireplace and I swing from the chandelier, entering you pendulously.

I’ve got hardly any irritating personality traits.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
20 weeks ago


"I look like I wandered into a tar pit and got stuck with only head stuck out and was stuck there 30 years or so which caused me to age from the neck up yet retain a youthful physique

In spare time I like to nap on the cooch after consuming far to many bags of crisps and cans of Pepsi max

Favourite position hard to pick I like them all for different reasons

Looking first and foremost to learn to be happy alone and with present situation then find someone to build rest of life with

What flavour?

Either supermarket own brand cheese and onion or McCoy’s flame grill "

Mmmmmmm mcoys

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
20 weeks ago


"I look like a much older and more miserable Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. I spend my spare time watching tv, running and making poor jokes.

Seeking someone incredibly patient who likes exploring me and the countryside.

You’ll be rewarded with the sex where you’re tied to the ancestral fireplace and I swing from the chandelier, entering you pendulously.

I’ve got hardly any irritating personality traits."

Welcome back felix, I am imagining the swinging cock

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By *estarossa.Woman
20 weeks ago

Flagrante

Looks, Do not, I repeat, Do Not go to Specsavers.... then I look like an Titian Amazon Glamazon!

Spare time- being a crazy cat lady and walking my dog /reading Dull Mens Club, where I aspire to be that interesting.

Position- Filled, thats the one I like.

Looking for: I don't flamin' know, someone to sweep me off my feet, in a good way, but give me space, and hugs and stroke my hair and not live with me!

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By *ife NinjaMan
20 weeks ago

Dunfermline

Look like Brian Glover or his alter ego Leon Arras from Paris.

I like spoons.

All offers accepted. Old and wrinkling

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By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago

Old, ugly and fat

Can at least cook

No one need apply

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By *red333Man
20 weeks ago

Dorchester

I'm tanned tall dark and handsome to some ideal for a first foot

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By *esafinadOHolyNightMan
20 weeks ago

Belfast

Middle aged child, face like a broken sofa.

Likes to watch documentaries about series killers and design clothes for pigeons

Looking for a rich old lady with poor eyesight and a dodgy ticker who likes to fuck till they pass out. Must have own teeth, and must be able to remove said teeth for bjs.

Apply within a day for a speedy wedding and a honeymoon in the tropics, paid by you.

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By *elix SightedMan
20 weeks ago

Your internet


"I look like a much older and more miserable Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. I spend my spare time watching tv, running and making poor jokes.

Seeking someone incredibly patient who likes exploring me and the countryside.

You’ll be rewarded with the sex where you’re tied to the ancestral fireplace and I swing from the chandelier, entering you pendulously.

I’ve got hardly any irritating personality traits.

Welcome back felix, I am imagining the swinging cock "

Thank you darling! The chandelier and fireplace are also imaginary hahaha

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By *oody BMan
20 weeks ago

Mcr. - The Gilded Palace of Sin

I look like Kermit the frog if he got kicked in the balls.

I like to arm restless for spare change at my local pub.

I’m looking for a one way ticket to Nashville baby!!!

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By *ildo_swagginsthe3rdWoman
20 weeks ago

Wales


"Please fill in your details

What do you look like, what do you in your spare time, what's your favourite position and most importantly what are you looking for?

I'll go 1st

I look like a googly eyed mashed up miss piggy that's been filled up with helium

I like to knit my leg hair

I like facesitting on knees whilst reading 50 shades

I'm looking for a hirsuit Jamie Dornan in hannibal lector White jumpsuit "

I look like a chubbier version of Maggie Gyllenhaal.

In my spare time I like to ponder existential theory.

Fave position: goal attack.

Looking for existential meaning.

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