FabSwingers.com forum: Sexual confidence

By *ake_or_death OP Man
46 weeks ago

Manchester

Hello all.

I was wondering how people experience sexual confidence, what it feels like when it dips, and what you do to get your mojo back when it does?

Do you still experience arousal but don't feel up to seeking out people or situations to enjoy it with? Or does your libido drop? Is it to do with how you perceive your attractiveness or more tied to concerns around pleasing a partner?

My sexual confidence hasn't recovered from the enforced celibacy and mind-fuck of covid/lockdown and then a couple of (thankfully ultimately non-serious) health scares. I don't feel especially attractive although I know there are people who are attracted to me. My libido is extremely up and down - recently I've gone for weeks without even masturbating, deleted dating apps, not even looked in on Fab for periods of time. I worry that if I did meet up with someone I might disappoint them by my mood on the day not being right - I have a couple of FWBs who I only get to see occasionally and are thankfully very understanding but in terms of meeting new people and going through all that again with them...

Does anyone else have similar experiences? Has it just been a question of waiting it out until things change or is there something positive you've found that works to get you back on track?

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

My confidence is low at the moment. That's a combination of reasons. Weight gain, man that moved on to a prettier woman, HRT starting and my libido sticking the middle finger up at me and dancing off out the door laughing.

But fuck it, I know why, and all those things need time. I'm not going to force a thing and just be me. It'll come back round at some point, no one is going to die. I'll get some projects done instead.

Just dick about in the forums OP, see your occasional people that understand you and don't sweat it.

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By *ake_or_death OP Man
46 weeks ago

Manchester

"My confidence is low at the moment. That's a combination of reasons. Weight gain, man that moved on to a prettier woman, HRT starting and my libido sticking the middle finger up at me and dancing off out the door laughing.

Just dick about in the forums OP, see your occasional people that understand you and don't sweat it."

Sorry to hear that you're also not in a confident place but that's a very wise attitude. I hope you get your projects done and that your confidence returns once you have!

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
46 weeks ago

Somewhere else

Hormones play a huge role for me. My sexual confidence and my libido is dependent on whether or not I exercise and eat right for my body. I give zero fucks about anyone’s opinion unless I am sleeping with them regularly.

And we all know I can’t get laid to save my life… maybe

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By *heekyDemandCouple
46 weeks ago

Leicester

"Hormones play a huge role for me. My sexual confidence and my libido is dependent on whether or not I exercise and eat right for my body. I give zero fucks about anyone’s opinion unless I am sleeping with them regularly.

And we all know I can’t get laid to save my life… maybe

Not sure why, if you were close by you would be fighting us off with a stick

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
46 weeks ago

Somewhere else

And we all know I can’t get laid to save my life… maybe

Not sure why, if you were close by you would be fighting us off with a stick

*races to look at train times*

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
46 weeks ago

Transsexual Transylvania

Mine is rock bottom; has been for years, anyway. Between my psoriasis and my very crap teeth, I think anyone meeting me would be regretting it in short order.

Meh.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

my confidence in general, not just sexual confidence, fluctuates massively depending on my mood.

when it's taking a dip, i tend to put good music on, get dressed up, and make myself feel better.

then normal service can resume

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
46 weeks ago

little house on the praire

I was always sexually confident all my adult life. Didn't matter what size I was. Not sure what gave me the confidence but it was always there.

Then I decided not to have aex anymore

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Maybe you need to reframe this OP. When I see people talk about losing their mojo I kinda think no you’re probably in the right place, where you are meant to be and you just think you need to be somewhere else. Bloom where you are planted as the saying goes. I saw that on a coffee mug earlier today.

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By *ilthycoupleabzCouple
46 weeks ago

Aberdeen

My confidence in my appearance is low atm and that does affect my libido levels. I guess because I have a partner, its slightly different because I still want and do have fun with him (although my usual levels of teasing pics and texts when at work drop etc) but the idea of being naked with someone else is quite scary rather than exciting.

I know with some work on myself and repairing the damage to my self esteem it will be ok in the end and I will feel fine.

Until then "fake it until you make it" is my motto and I am superb at faking confidence.

MrsAbz

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By *ake_or_death OP Man
46 weeks ago

Manchester

"Maybe you need to reframe this OP. When I see people talk about losing their mojo I kinda think no you’re probably in the right place, where you are meant to be and you just think you need to be somewhere else. Bloom where you are planted as the saying goes. I saw that on a coffee mug earlier today. "

That does make a lot of sense. Ups and downs are natural, so rather than fight them look for the opportunities they present - if I'm down in one way, maybe that allows more focus on something else.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

I think it's more of you have sex the more you want it,and vice versa

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By *ildo_swagginsthe3rdWoman
46 weeks ago

Wales

I think my sexual energy seems to peak when I'm working on my physical fitness and I actively seek it out.

I'm not currently doing any significant exercise and so the thought of bouncing up and down on someone seems like too much exercise

I need to start doing weights again. I've got flabby and wobbly.

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By *ildo_swagginsthe3rdWoman
46 weeks ago

Wales

Oh sorry I answered wrong.

Sexual confidence you were asking about. I've not really thought about it. If I was thinking about boinking someone then I'd hope my passion for that person would outweigh any insecurities I have about my wobbly belly or my performance.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

I don't really have much in the way of sexual confidence after so long alone. No dating and and no intimacy of any kind. Confidence builds with experience so I'm on a loser.

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By *m NormalMan
46 weeks ago

Telford

I do not think I have mood swings. At least not in the way expressed here so far.

I get bored easily, to the point it is difficult to start anything including looking for a sex partner.

I get slightly depressed because I don't cum as fast as I used to, but hay, that just means I can last longer.

I get pissed off occasionally when I don't get a reply here for months. Then I just don't bother writing messages.

The human brain is a very complex organ. Stuff happens to it, some of which is out of our control, some is self abuse. If you do not feed your brain, either via your mouth, or ears, eyes, nose. You could end up with touch. OK, that gives you some satisfaction but it is self induced, will it actually help you find a partner? No.

Maybe you need to get off your arse, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and get back to some FAB searches and make an effort to find what you really want.

Sorry if that is over simplistic. As advice, it is just as sound as any other so far.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

It’s weird for me, sexual confidence is low unless I know the person I’m with enjoys me, once I’ve got a connection with someone it chills me out a bit but trying to purvey that with a stranger unless I’ve had a few drinks and I’m not so uptight can be stressy, body confidence for me is a big part, I lack it and always think I’m not “average” enough!

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By *ellhungvweMan
46 weeks ago

Cheltenham

I think sexual confidence comes from having sex. The more I have the more confident I feel which kicks off a virtuous circle.

How do you restart it? I guess you just need that first meet. Don’t overthink it and just enjoy it for what it is - two (or more) people enjoying each others bodies. Don’t worry if things go wrong - they always do - just come out of it with a smile and you are on your way.

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By *a LunaWoman
46 weeks ago

South Wales

A man who sexually desires me would sort mine out. Someone who wants me like a main course and needs to devour me (not literally) instead of treating me like a buffet and having a nibble now and then.

Matching lust with lust.

*wistfully looks out at the horizon*. Somewhere out there is a man with my name written all over his cock. And god help him when I get my hands on him. He’s going to become a withered husk of a man.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

"A man who sexually desires me would sort mine out. Someone who wants me like a main course and needs to devour me (not literally) instead of treating me like a buffet and having a nibble now and then.

Matching lust with lust.

And you’re Welsh too, love a welsh accent! Would it be greedy to order 2 mains?

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By *ake_or_death OP Man
46 weeks ago

Manchester

Matching lust with lust.

I think God would have already helped him by pushing him into your hands in that scenario

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By *xfordjohnMan
46 weeks ago

Oxford

Very wise advice, I'd say.Having been on some horrendous ups and down this last year, I've realised you can't wish the past away or change things dramatically to get back on track but look for the positives and turn away from the negatives.As sexual confidence often goes hand in hand with general well-being, take care of yourself and it will return.

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By *weetCherryWoman
46 weeks ago

London

Sexual confidence? What’s that?

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By *inkylipsWoman
46 weeks ago

Debauchery

I go through stages of this for various reasons. Even though I don’t lose my libido it hinders me from finding anyone to meet. I do find chatting to the right people can give me a boost to get back out there

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Like anything, confidence grows, and a woman can make it grow over time.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

I agree that sexual confidence can increase the more you're having sex but it's tricky to break the cycle if you have no sexual confidence!

I find this place quite intimidating in many ways, with all the talk of amazing sex and SO many orgasms. If I read veris of other women on here I start thinking I am shit at sex.

So probably best not to read them and compare myself. I try to focus on the good things about me sexually and the fact that I'm a unique combination of things - personality, looks, kinks, sexual experience. Some men will find that attractive. I hope.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

I thought being object of sexual desire was the key to boost my confidence but it's not.

I'm confident instead when I feel safe and welcome, would say loved but I don't mean romantic love

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By *edeWoman
46 weeks ago

the abyss

I've never actually had any sexual/body/self confidence in the first place so I'm not sure I can be much help here.

For me I just plod along. I have focused much more on myself the past year and have been very lucky to meet some amazing people who understand what I'm like and that may struggle more often than not.

Spending time on myself and finding a very special patient human, has helped me out of a sexual rutt

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By *ake_or_death OP Man
46 weeks ago

Manchester

"I go through stages of this for various reasons. Even though I don’t lose my libido it hinders me from finding anyone to meet. I do find chatting to the right people can give me a boost to get back out there"

I'm sorry to hear you've had problems but I'm glad you know a way to address it.

Love your TARDIS top BTW

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