FabSwingers.com forum: Let's pretend we work in the fab office.

By (user no longer on site) OP
46 weeks ago

Anyone who comments on the thread is automatically staff. Even if you say you're out, you're staff.

Write an 'email' to a 'colleague' on the thread that is work orientated but has a naughty meaning and is full of euphemisms. Please use people's job titles or department when emailing as well as your own. Don't forget to address your email with 'Dear whoever/dept' and sign it off with the usual 'kind regards dept/who you are'.

I'm the CEO on this occasion. Though I may delegate replies to my secretary, be warned!

It's the first day back after Christmas and the office is a mess after the Christmas party, we are selling lingerie as a new fab line and need to prep for new year's launch of new items. You decide what they are and how we launch them.

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By *aitonelMan
46 weeks ago

Liverpool

Out!

I quit

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Dear all

The main office photocopier is out of action due to a cracked scanner following the Christmas party.

It is not designed to be used to check your asshole has been bleached correctly.

Wonko

Maintenance depth dogs body

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By (user no longer on site) OP
46 weeks ago

"Out!

I quit"

Dear Cleaner

It's a shame to see you go, however I sure we can fill your role soon enough. The smears on the windows were bringing down your appraisals quite a bit.

Kind Regards

CEO

PS please take the overalls with you and leave quietly.

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By *annibal_LickedherMan
46 weeks ago

The Side of the Mersey

I’m in

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
46 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Dear CEO,

may I have an ergonomic keyboard, as I can't see the present one when I'm typing on it. My boobs are in the way.

Tina

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Dear CEO.

I pinched the designs and I'm flogging them to Primark.

I've booked myself into an all inclusive weekend away in Blackpool with the profits.

And I'm taking the cleaner with me.

PS, if you could sign off on my overtime.that would be awesome, thanks babes.

From the toilet cleaner.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Dear all

Please could whoever is using the g-string samples to floss kindly CEASE!

Yours hopefully, Gladys

Lingerie designer

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By (user no longer on site) OP
46 weeks ago

"Dear CEO,

may I have an ergonomic keyboard, as I can't see the present one when I'm typing on it. My boobs are in the way.

Tina

Dear Tina.

Please contact the IT dept, should they have any left you have my authorisation to have the ergonomic keyboard. Please make sure the correct dept check you desk set up and posture. I expect them them t be very thorough with their check.

Kind Regards

CEO

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By *ulfilthmentMan
46 weeks ago

Just around the corner

Dear Colleague

Thank you for helping me erect my tree on Christmas Eve; the way you positioned my baubles was exemplary.

Kind regards etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

IT dept.

Re: my mail box.

I don’t seem to be receiving any mail with photos attached. It’s been going on for weeks. Please can someone look into it ?

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By *eesside50Man
46 weeks ago

Stockton-On-Tees

To whom it may concern,

Apologies for the white stains on your chair and carpet area around your desk, I got carried away when chatting to the toilet cleaner during the Christmas party. I'm happy to cum and clean it up for you when your away from your desk

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By *orphia2003Woman
46 weeks ago

Tonypandy.

Dear IT dept.

My keyboard has a crack in it, and is full of something sticky.

I think somebody might have sat on it during the Christmas party and spilled something. It looks like eggnog.

I know I wiped it clean before I left for my break.

Can someone sort out my crack? If not, can I have a new keyboard.

Kind regards

Mavis.

Desk 69.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Subject: Team Building Exercise - A Unique Opportunity for Collaboration

Cc: All-Staff

Dear Heads of Departments,

I hope this email finds you in high spirits and ready for a fascinating endeavor that I believe will greatly enhance our teamwork and foster a stronger sense of camaraderie among us. As the Head of Sales, it is my pleasure to present an exciting opportunity that I believe will not only generate turgid outcomes but also inject some much-needed creativity into our routine.

In order to explore new horizons and encourage cross-departmental collaboration, I suggest we engage in a special project that will require the combined expertise of all our departments. Picture this: an intimate rendezvous between Sales and Marketing, where we can exchange innovative strategies and explore uncharted territories together. The banging together of a gang of minds in an alluring office. These collaborations could undoubtedly lead us to discover the unexplored and ooze new happy endings. By all means, though this email isn't written specifically for you, I assure you it is all about you.

To ensure this undertaking is a resounding triumph, I propose holding a closed-door brainstorming session in a rather cozy and intimate venue. A secluded, cozy location will undoubtedly kindle the fires of innovation within us and provide the ideal environment to freely exchange ideas. Rest assured, I have already scouted a charming locale, away from curious eyes, that will serve as the perfect backdrop for our imaginative discussions.

As we proceed with this initiative, it is vital that we break down all barriers and create an atmosphere that encourages open communication and uninhibited expression. This will inevitably ignite the spark of creativity, and perhaps even lead to a few breakthrough epiphanies that propel our businesses forward.

Let us keep in mind that for this project's success, we must be willing to think outside the box and all about the box, embrace the unknown, and explore uncharted territory. Our joint efforts will undoubtedly bear sweet fruits as we unleash the full potential of our departments and witness the cumulative power of our differentiated perspectives.

I fervently believe that through this endeavor, we shall witness the blossoming of our professional relationship, as we embark on a journey filled with synergy, confidence, and uninhibited collaboration. Together, we can create a masterpiece that leaves an indelible mark on each other (with consent).

Please confirm your availability and enthusiasm for this project at your earliest convenience. I am eagerly looking forward to the prospect of collaborating and creating something truly remarkable, all while strengthening wrist ties.

Kind regards,

Outstanding

Head of HR

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By *ild85Man
46 weeks ago

justask

Dear All,

Can all office personal report any issues they have with any equipment. We're looking to have a thourough once over of the office during the festive period to allow all a fresh start in the new year.

If anyone is available to assist during this time, please let me know.

Mr F. ixit. Maintenance manager.

Merry Christmas you filthy animals.

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By *tanley FunseekerMan
46 weeks ago

stanley

To Head if Facilities

Subject : Collaboration Spaces

Please can you redesign and renew the furniture in the small collaboration pods.

I recently used one of the pods for a mentoring session and my mentee indicated a number of faults. I shall list them in the order that she raised them

1) the blinds don’t look like they close completely, are you sure nobody can see us?

2) the seat of this chair is at an awkward height, I’m having to strain my neck to reach you

3) the desk is too small, I can’t lie back on it properly

4)the back of the chair is too high to bend over properly

5) bloody hell the carpet is rough, look what it’s done to my knees

6) oops looks like that material isn’t stain proof after all.

Please can these be resolved as soon as possible as at present the pods do not provide the right sort of environment for in depth personal and career development sessions.

Kind Regards

Head of Delivery Management/intern liaison

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
46 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

"Dear CEO,

may I have an ergonomic keyboard, as I can't see the present one when I'm typing on it. My boobs are in the way.

Tina

Dear Tina.

Kind Regards

CEO"

Dear CEO,

IT came out and set it all up, so that's fine.

However, someone's been cumming in the milk in the staffroom. Again. It tastes fantastic. Can this person, once discovered, be made employee of the month, please?

Tina

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By *X2019Man
46 weeks ago

Newcastle

Dear All,

Hope you enjoyed the Christmas season and all that come with/during it. The IT department already have a few projects to work on, but remain here for support on any issues you may be suffering from.

Feel free to contact for any software or hardware related issues, problems regarding your emails and any other ways in which we can help.

As a quick pointer, the age old trick of turning something on and on again does relieve some reoccurring problems. Cheers to whats left of 2023 and a great new year for the company.

DX2019

IT assistant

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By *rAitchMan
46 weeks ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

Dear IT Support,

Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I'd used for many years without any trouble. However, there are apparantly conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2.1, and Babestation 6.9.

Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware beta-programme, Party Girl 2 that I tried had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.3 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware. Seeing a way out, I then upgraded to Fiancèe 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded at great cost to Wife 1.0, which I reluctantly agreed to, because whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and CleanHouse 2021.

Shortly after this upgrade I discovered that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later whe I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and E-mail Porn Filter, and can, without warning, launches PhotoStrop and WhingeZip! These two products have no help files and I have to try and guess what the problem is myself.

Additional costly problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments, and Hairstyle Express, which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that also drain my resources. It also conflicted with some of the new games I wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation. When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT programme it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up, called Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off.

Recently, I've tried Mistress 2023, but there could be problems. A friend has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2023 it tends to delete all my MS Money files before uninstalling itself.

Any ideas?

MrAitch

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
46 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

Dear Head of Profile Pics .

I would like to ask you to stop laughing each time you and everybody else in the office are vetting pictures for profiles in the lounge forum.

The laughing is so loud it has alerted all other departments who wish for a transer to the pic dept for the shits( literally on some of those photos) and giggles.

It has also alerted passers by who have heard enough mocking phrases , tears and gagging to know precisely what is going on! They are letting people know just how 'unsexy' we think a lot of their 'sexy' shots are!

If Johnny from Jarrow thinks some cum down his travelodge mirror and a reflection of his toilet bowl is what women want while he's chowking his chicken it is not for you to think otherwise.

Likewise if Gertie from Grimsby wants to take pics of her mons pubis struggling to keep it's own shape under the burden of gravity then she can.

Finally - the combined tears of the pics department are removing the lacquer from the spanking tables. Laughing must cease.

Yours Sincerely

Head Swinger.

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By *veragejoe99Man
46 weeks ago

Sheppey

Dear head of HR

The situation in the office is becoming intolerable. Being asked to get naked in the stationary cupboard, being asked to pleasure the receptionist as she sits at her desk, being asked to join in with debauched sex sessions both before and after the office is open.

None of these things are being asked of me, and I want to know why!!

Regards

Office tea boy

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By *ad NannaWoman
46 weeks ago

East London

CC: everyone

Subject: CCTV cameras

#wedoknowwhoyouare

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By *inkyguyUKMan
46 weeks ago

worcester

If it's the fab office it's covered in dust the developers from this site have buggered off long time ago and it's set to make money since. Not complaining but I don't think a lot of work goes on

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

And it getting worst

Am in maintenance dept this is

So bad I can't FIND the teapot yea bags and the fridge it's missing

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
46 weeks ago

Somewhere else

The fire extinguisher caught fire. It was made in Britain.

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By *inkyguyUKMan
46 weeks ago

worcester

We have had a fax from support we need to back up the site on the floppy disk in the omega 500 to keep the site running

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
46 weeks ago

Transsexual Transylvania

Hello Everyone,

I have noted the large number of IT-related issues being reported. I'd be happy to sort them all out for you. If you could schedule a one to one session with me, we can investigate your requirements together and make sure you're satisfied.

To catch up the backlog, I'll be available after hours. Drop me a message.

The guys on the 4th floor - I'm prepared assist 2 or 3 of you at a time, if you'd like to bring your devices with you.

Ms. J Theghost

IT Guru

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By *ddie1966Man
46 weeks ago

Paper Town Central, Essex.

I'm out too.

I quit....

After the downright animal debauchery I saw in the broom cupboard at the Christmas Party, my heart can't take anymore.

Sorry, but I'm taking that job in the monestry I was offered.

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By *inkyguyUKMan
46 weeks ago

worcester

Have you heard we can now make the site in 8bit meaning we can add more colours. someone power up the Gameboy we use as the server and get this site 1994 ready

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By *orphia2003Woman
46 weeks ago

Tonypandy.

To all teams.

The logistics team have alerted me to the 'theft' of tarpaulin and ratcheting straps from the store room.

Can those responsible please deconstruct the sex swing you have built in the rear bay and return these items to the correct location right away.

Remember, we see all

Kind regards

Morphia

Security manager.

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By *orphia2003Woman
46 weeks ago

Tonypandy.

To 3rd floor office team. (Especially Kelly and Claire)

The large mirror in room 3 is 1-way. Please be mindful if using this room to get changed for office parties.

Ps. Please don't leave lipstick marks on the glass.

Have a wonderful NYE party.

From your security team.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
46 weeks ago

"Have you heard we can now make the site in 8bit meaning we can add more colours. someone power up the Gameboy we use as the server and get this site 1994 ready "

Update!

Due to lack of site support we have had to revert back to a previous setting and stick at that level until site support is renewed.

Kind Regards

CEO

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By *imi_RougeWoman
46 weeks ago

Portsmouth

Dear all,

I'm in the process of ordering some new "equipment and supplies" for the office.

Please let me know if you require anything specific, other than the usual binders, rubbers and tissues.

You can find me in the stationery cupboard, just remember to knock and wait, before you enter.

Kind regards

Mimi

Office Supplies Dept

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By *hunky GentMan
46 weeks ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"Dear all,

I'm in the process of ordering some new "equipment and supplies" for the office.

Please let me know if you require anything specific, other than the usual binders, rubbers and tissues.

You can find me in the stationery cupboard, just remember to knock and wait, before you enter.

Kind regards

Mimi

Office Supplies Dept"

Batteries, plenty of batteries.

Oh, and a puncture repair kit. Lol

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By *angtidy42Couple
46 weeks ago

Redditch

Dear CEO,

It has been noted that the tea trolly has been used for inappropriate duties

Who ever left the creampie after crushing the biscuits and spilling the milk, should be disappointed that they took so little time.

I only left the trolly in the stationary cupboard for 5 minutes.

Also cc to security to check the cctv.

The tea boy.

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By *inky ChefMan
46 weeks ago

Norwich

***Notice board***

***

Home made soup available in the cantin.

Guaranteed you will lick my bowls!

***

Grade B chorizo also free to take or consumed in the Walk-in fridge.

***

Cucumbers from old stock free to take.

Whole or sliced.

Chef's Head

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By *imon_hydeMan
46 weeks ago

Stockport

Who's locking up?

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
46 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"Who's locking up?"

My pussy.

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By *inky ChefMan
46 weeks ago

Norwich

"Who's locking up?

My pussy."

***

Anything else still open?

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
46 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"Who's locking up?

My pussy.

***

Anything else still open?

Nothing else ever was.

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By *imon_hydeMan
46 weeks ago

Stockport

"Who's locking up?

My pussy."

I have that effect on women x

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By *ush76Man
46 weeks ago

Rugeley

Health and safety guidelines just released, stop photocopying your arseholes #savages

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By *idlandiaMan
46 weeks ago

Birmingham

Dear head of maintenance,

It has come to my attention that a large number of our customers are stuck in a closet.

The memo about them being stuck was labelled 'fab straight', which I can only assume is something to do with the closet door not being hung properly and being very sticky.

Being in that closet must be causing problems with meets and searching for a way to sort this issue must be a high priority.

Regards

Assistant head of HR

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By *riental_brit_studMan
46 weeks ago

London

I'm just going to say it, the horny married mature office manager is my favourite fantasy and I've been fantasising about having her over her desk.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

To: HR

CC: Office Supplies

BCC: Chinese Government; vestedinterests

It has been brought to my attention that shoving a stapler up a colleague’s arse and requesting him to bite the corners of documents is not in accordance with policy per se. Noted for future reference.

Office Supplies please advise on provision of a new stapler.

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By *ad NannaWoman
46 weeks ago

East London

Memo to all: The Lounge is not self-cleaning and the rats love the cake crumbs.

Regards

The Cleanup Team.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
46 weeks ago

"Dear CEO,

It has been noted that the tea trolly has been used for inappropriate duties

Who ever left the creampie after crushing the biscuits and spilling the milk, should be disappointed that they took so little time.

I only left the trolly in the stationary cupboard for 5 minutes.

Also cc to security to check the cctv.

The tea boy. "

Thank you for your email. I am currently out of office. I am due to return from the secretary's office in due course. Please email the 404 department in my absence.

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By *ig1gaz1Man
46 weeks ago

bradford

"we are selling lingerie as a new fab line and need to prep for new year's launch of new items. You decide what they are and how we launch them. "

Staff wide announcement

From the photography department we have had issues with the digital photos of the new line of lingerie.

Could all staff report to the photo department as everyone will be photographed with the new lingerie line.

I do hope you all wont be shy in this endeavor.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
46 weeks ago

Portsmouth

"To: HR

CC: Office Supplies

BCC: Chinese Government; vestedinterests

Office Supplies please advise on provision of a new stapler. "

You may have a replacement... But this is the LAST one, any future staplers will have to provided at your own expense.

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By *illy IdolMan
46 weeks ago

Midlands

This sounds fun, I'm in

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

"To: HR

CC: Office Supplies

BCC: Chinese Government; vestedinterests

Office Supplies please advise on provision of a new stapler.

You may have a replacement... But this is the LAST one, any future staplers will have to provided at your own expense. "

To: Office Supplies

Cc: IT

Due to financial constraints I will retrieve aforementioned stapler.

IT please amend colleague email signature to “Sooty”.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
46 weeks ago

Somewhere else

"To: HR

CC: Office Supplies

BCC: Chinese Government; vestedinterests

Office Supplies please advise on provision of a new stapler. "

*applauds*

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