FabSwingers.com forum: Dealing with bereavement

By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would.

If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?

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By *emorefridaCouple
46 weeks ago

La la land

Sorry for your loss OP. There is no right way, and each time I've gone through it it has been different.

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By *hrimper36Couple
46 weeks ago

Central France dept 36

Can I ask what happened yesterday op.??

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
46 weeks ago

Manchester-ish

"Can I ask what happened yesterday op.??

The OP lost his Dad yesterday

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By *reat me rightWoman
46 weeks ago

Rotherham

I'm sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself and do what you need to do for yourself- even if others tell you no.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
46 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I'm sorry for your loss and I think with bereavement, there's no one size fits all way of dealing with it.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
46 weeks ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

"Sorry for your loss OP. There is no right way, and each time I've gone through it it has been different. "

This^^

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
46 weeks ago

Manchester-ish

What the posters above said. Especially when it's all so new and probably doesn't even feel real yet.

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By *agnar73Man
46 weeks ago

glasgow-ish

Sorry for your loss OP

Have a look at Good Grief trust on social media, they can direct to other resources

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

Thanks everyone - yes, it's certainly all very new. And to those of you who have been through it and still feel it, my heart goes out to you too

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By *hrimper36Couple
46 weeks ago

Central France dept 36

Things can move at different speeds during a time like this but take things as they come and never forget the good times.

Crying is a great release and if the tears come then embrace them and let them flow and never be ashamed to grieve in your own way.

I think of my parents everyday and my mum passed 50 years ago.

You have my condolences.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
46 weeks ago

Leeds

I'm sorry for your loss.

There's no right or wrong way OP, different bereavements I've handled differently and all ment the same to me as a person, some I locked it all away and didn't react at all, another I had a complete breakdown and another I cried for a few weeks, all missed and not forgotten.

We all grieve differently.

Mrs

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By *midnight-Woman
46 weeks ago

...

For me every death has been different.

The one that impacted me most of all was actually my gym partner - i cancelled my gym membership because it was too painful to go and know he wouldn't be there waiting, encouraging and challenging me.

It happened as we came out of covid, two days before the gym reopened. I managed to sit in the cemetery and watch the funeral service on my phone. I still miss him. I took a photo of the daffodils and the sky on the day which brought me comfort. Now when the daffodils are in flower, i think of him fondly. I also sent him a final message on WhatsApp to say goodbye, which obviously remains unread x

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By *hippy 1Man
46 weeks ago

high Wycombe

OP I lost my mum on Friday,although expected it’s very hard when it happens, there are no rule books on grief, circumstances differ with each passing . I’m a great believer in how that person was treated while they are alive , as with my dad I believe my family did as much as we could In mums life to be at peace in her death , shed a tear when you have to , have a laugh at a memory …most of all don’t forget them??

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

I'm sorry, OP. I do know just how you feel. It's so rough.

I lost my dad suddenly on the 10th of December. I loved him dearly. Been through all the emotions since then. It was intense for the first few days and I couldn't believe how much it hurt. Constantly cried, could barely get out of bed. Sometimes totally numb and school myself not to think about him being gone. I miss him. Little things trigger me and I start sobbing. I just accept it all. Talking about him with people who knew him helps me. I don't suppose anything but time will make it easier.

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By *os_GoddessofdawnWoman
46 weeks ago

In the clouds

Grief comes in waves. Depends on lots of factors how you deal with it.I lost my brother in September, and we were so close. I've cried every day since..but worked through it to keep busy.

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By *issmorganWoman
46 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Grief is different for us all and

sometimes follows no set pattern.

It can depend on things like your relationship with them.

I'm sorry for your loss op.

Be kind to yourself and let the process happen, don't be afraid to reach out to someone if you need a chat or you feel sad

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

Crikey - I feel so humbled now. So many of you have been through the same thing so recently.

I have to say that even with all the wackiness in Fab, there are some fantastic people on here

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would.

If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?"

Don't feel bad for not reacting a certain way.

Some people may feel relief. For example if the person was very old and it was quick.

Hope you are ok. X

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
46 weeks ago

East Sussex

"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would.

If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?"

Condolences to you and your family.

I don't think many of us react how we thought we would. That's ok.

In the hopes that you will realise that however you react is fine this is what I experienced.

When my mum died nearly two years ago it was a huge relief for her and us as her last month's were unpleasant for her. I was mostly supporting my dad who was 94 at the time and I was fortunate to have no unfinished business with my mum. I missed her yesterday when I went to the pantry and saw one of the jute bags she was always buying in Waitrose. She had so many if the darn things it kind of summed her up.

Some people think I'm hard hearted but they don't understand how these things work. You do what's best for you.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
46 weeks ago

in Lancashire

Op, firstly sincere condolences for your loss and anyone else going through this..

Can only say do not be too hard on yourself if your thinking how you should feel or be acting in a certain way, it's something we all deal with differently as individuals and at the moment it's going to be all too raw for you..

In time things might be a bit clearer for you but just be there for each other with loved ones at this time..

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

Times like this I really wish the forums had a reactions tab like the social media sites.

I genuinely appreciate every response you guys have sent

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

I'm 28 days post loss of my father.

My head was all over the place and still kind of is. Grief is different for everyone.

Take your time and thing's do get easier.

I found going back to work and getting back into the routine of it helped take my mind off it.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

I lost my brother in March this year, it was shock and disbelief for a while, visiting him in mortuary help make it real. We had to wait for a postmortem before we could arrange the funeral so by the time that came around I’d sort of accepted it.

There were some very sad days and some anger. Time and taking each day as it comes helps, I like to talk about him with my dad

Hope this helps and sending love and best wishes your way

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By *ildo_swagginsthe3rdWoman
46 weeks ago

Wales

My dad passed away 3 years ago now. The hardest part was his deterioration during the time before he died.

So I think I grieved losing him before he actually died. I shared that grief with my sister and we supported each other.

The emotions were anger at times, angry at him for not stopping drinking alcohol and hurt at losing the easy going, funny, patient man who was my friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 26/12/23 19:18:45]

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Bless

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
46 weeks ago

Wirral.

So sorry for your loss, OP.

As folk have said, reactions vary and you will likely run the whole gamut of emotions as you navigate your way through the grieving process.

Just let yourself feel it all. Be kind to yourself and talk if you need to.

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By *he turned me GreyCouple
46 weeks ago

Warwick and Coventry

Op sorry for your loss...

Grief isn't a linear process, your going to oscillate between several different emotions. Allow yourself to feel and go through those feelings, as they say if we're feeling we're healing.

Do your best not to avoid those feelings, as then the grief can turn to complicated grief....

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By *ynne459TV/TS
46 weeks ago

wigan

So sorry for your loss, I totally get that feeling as I am going through the same at moment, lost my mum 2 weeks and the funeral is tomorrow. Everyone has a different way of handling the emotional side of it

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By *ichaelsmyMan
46 weeks ago

douglas

everyone reacts in different ways and a different times. but the important thing is to react in your own way.

some find it difficult to truely believe it has happened until after the funeral.

time is the necessary thing

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By *xfordjohnMan
46 weeks ago

Oxford

"everyone reacts in different ways and a different times. but the important thing is to react in your own way.

some find it difficult to truely believe it has happened until after the funeral.

time is the necessary thing"

I agree with this. I lost my wife in August, and I still think about her every day and find it hard to believe she won't just walk in the door. My Fab friends have been very supportive and helped a lot but I guess we all need time and things to keep us occupied; hobbies are useful too. And don't be afraid to ask for or look for help when you need it.

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"So sorry for your loss, I totally get that feeling as I am going through the same at moment, lost my mum 2 weeks and the funeral is tomorrow. Everyone has a different way of handling the emotional side of it "

I'm so sorry for your loss too

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"everyone reacts in different ways and a different times. but the important thing is to react in your own way.

some find it difficult to truely believe it has happened until after the funeral.

time is the necessary thing

John, I'm so sorry to hear this. I guess trying to keep myself occupied is what I've been doing today. I've been logged into Fab all day. Crazy thing is the situation has driven my kinkiness into overdrive and I sort of feel guilty for that

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

"everyone reacts in different ways and a different times. but the important thing is to react in your own way.

some find it difficult to truely believe it has happened until after the funeral.

time is the necessary thing

I felt the same tbh. I really wanted that kink, but I think it was for comfort and reassurance. It's just a natural response I think. Instinctive.

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By *naswingdressWoman
46 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"everyone reacts in different ways and a different times. but the important thing is to react in your own way.

some find it difficult to truely believe it has happened until after the funeral.

time is the necessary thing

The one thing I've learned with grief (not recently) is that feelings are unpredictable, and you just have to let them happen. Don't be too hard on yourself.

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"I felt the same tbh. I really wanted that kink, but I think it was for comfort and reassurance. It's just a natural response I think. Instinctive. "

Did you find that you kink desires were intensified?

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By *ritIndianCoupleCouple
46 weeks ago

Midlands

So sorry for your loss OP. I lost my Dad five years ago and I still struggle. His birthday was Christmas Eve as well so this time is year is always hard. All you can do is take one day at a time. There is no time frame for grieving and everyone is different. I read a quote that brought me some comfort.

"That pain you feel, is from the piece of your heart that your Dad took with him, so he'd always feel your love. In the times when the pain is the strongest, is when he holds that piece a little tighter and whispers, "I miss you too!"

If you ever need to talk our inbox is always open and be kind to yourself.

Mrs

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By *xfordjohnMan
46 weeks ago

Oxford

"everyone reacts in different ways and a different times. but the important thing is to react in your own way.

some find it difficult to truely believe it has happened until after the funeral.

time is the necessary thing

Thanks. Yes, I find I spend a lot more time on Fab now and respond more often to threads. Maybe just keeping up that hguman contact even remotely is good.

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"So sorry for your loss OP. I lost my Dad five years ago and I still struggle. His birthday was Christmas Eve as well so this time is year is always hard. All you can do is take one day at a time. There is no time frame for grieving and everyone is different. I read a quote that brought me some comfort.

If you ever need to talk our inbox is always open and be kind to yourself.

Mrs "

Thank you - that actually helped a lot

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
46 weeks ago

little house on the praire

I am sorry for your loss op. As others have said we all grieve differently.I lost my partner 14 months ago and I'm still heart broken but I haven't shed one single tear. Not sure whether they will come now

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By *tanley FunseekerMan
46 weeks ago

stanley

"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would.

If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?"

Denial, guilt, anger, confusion and a lot of not having a clue what to do in cycles. Found my emotions were much nearer the surface than normal and had to work really hard not to react badly to trivial things. My biggest mistake was not taking time to process or to talk about how I was feeling, I threw myself into practical things, registering death, informing the many organisations I had to etc. As a result I had an awful time some 7 months afterwards when the walls I’d built to hide it all away collapsed.

So whatever you do, talk about how you’re feeling and be kind to yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

"I felt the same tbh. I really wanted that kink, but I think it was for comfort and reassurance. It's just a natural response I think. Instinctive.

Did you find that you kink desires were intensified?"

Yes, I did. I was feeling very guilty and then a chap I was due to meet reassured me quite a bit. I felt I was doing wrong somehow but I think as others have said, you have to go with your emotions. Accept them as part of grieving.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Had to bury my partner 21 dec a couple of years back … you never really get over it …

The world doesn’t stop moving because we want it to … what I do know is no one gets a free ticket … so I’m living now with no regrets !

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"Had to bury my partner 21 dec a couple of years back … you never really get over it …

The world doesn’t stop moving because we want it to … what I do know is no one gets a free ticket … so I’m living now with no regrets ! "

I know - life goes on and we have to go with it

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"I felt the same tbh. I really wanted that kink, but I think it was for comfort and reassurance. It's just a natural response I think. Instinctive.

Did you find that you kink desires were intensified?

Thanks for sharing that x

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
46 weeks ago

Reading

Everyone does it differently. By kind to yourself and find people to talk to.

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By *cottish guy 555Man
46 weeks ago

London

Don't feel bad if you are not reacting like you think you should or how others might expect. It's deeply personal and unique to all of us even though there are many typical emotions and reactions.

Just deal with it how you can, feel what you feel. There's no right or wrong way.

I genuinely feel for you and what you are going through and wish you well.

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By *elvet RopeMan
46 weeks ago

by the big field

Theres no good day to lose someone you're close to, but for it happen on Christmas day without warning has got to one of the worst- so really feel for you dude.

I've been fairly lucky with such things, lost a couple of school friends and work friends, but i do have friends that have lost parents and siblings suddenly, which has affected them in various ways, but a couple have recently explored counselling as they were still deeply affected by it after several years. They've both said its helped immensely and wished they'd done it much earlier.

Once all the formalities are over and you're just back to tying to live a normal life again, don't be afraid to look for professional help if you're struggling to deal with it.

And for its many faults, the forum has always seemed to be a great and supportive place for the days you need to shout, swear, laugh or cry let off steam on life's rough days. look after yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

So sorry for your loss

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By *exycarlashane181Couple
46 weeks ago

Leamington Spa

What someone said to me when my dad died and it's true nearly 15 years on.. You'll never get over it and things will never be the same again but you will learn a new normal... And that's true... But the hurt does lessen when you accept the new normal

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
46 weeks ago

Transsexual Transylvania

"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would.

If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?"

My wife passed away in front of me last year. It tore my soul out. I'm still trying to come to terms with it.

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By *iss SinWoman
46 weeks ago

portchester

Sending positivity your way

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
46 weeks ago

Transsexual Transylvania

Hang on, OP. Talk to people. Cry. Dont bottle up your grief.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 27/12/23 01:25:35]

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Once with someone very close, guilt and anger. Another time, I felt nothing because they meant nothing to me. However you feel will be right

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By *lainJane23Woman
46 weeks ago

Liverpool

"What someone said to me when my dad died and it's true nearly 15 years on.. You'll never get over it and things will never be the same again but you will learn a new normal... And that's true... But the hurt does lessen when you accept the new normal "

Spot on. Sorry for your loss xx

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By *pforanything121Man
46 weeks ago

castleford

14 years since my mum passed, 3 weeks later my uncle who was like a father passed in a car accident. This middle of November il say. Then when my birthday came middle of January grandad passed and no joke not even by the end of January my grandma passed. Didn’t cry at any of them. In shock, but like someone said. You’ll never get over it. You learn how deal with it as each day passes. I blocked the pain out and got rid of all pictures of my mum. Don’t know why I did and I blocked her that much I can’t even remember what she even looks like. You get on with it for everyone else you realise.

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By *asycouple1971Couple
46 weeks ago

midlands

Sorry for your loss OP.

Same thing happened to me a few months ago.

Been a shit year.

No right or wrong way to deal with someone dying.

Make time for yourself and speak to people.

Try and keep busying and try and do things you enjoy.

Him x

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
46 weeks ago

My mum died in October, I've felt many emotions and cry easily about so many things but not that. I seem to remember that when we found out she was terminal, I was a huge mess so maybe I'm all cried out.

I often feel relieved for a couple of reasons, firstly and most importantly, a week or so before she died she really deteriorated and the way she was, she would have hated that more than anything, so the fact she died soon after being like that would I think have made her happy.

Secondly after her death, I have no longer got attachment to someone unbearably toxic in my life, I can happily tell them to fuck off. Having them not here all the time to see my mother is a huge weight lifted off me, and think helps me cope easier, even though others are struggling and I have no idea how to help

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would.

If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?

My wife passed away in front of me last year. It tore my soul out. I'm still trying to come to terms with it."

I'm so sorry for your loss - it means a lot to me that you could share this

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"14 years since my mum passed, 3 weeks later my uncle who was like a father passed in a car accident. This middle of November il say. Then when my birthday came middle of January grandad passed and no joke not even by the end of January my grandma passed. Didn’t cry at any of them. In shock, but like someone said. You’ll never get over it. You learn how deal with it as each day passes. I blocked the pain out and got rid of all pictures of my mum. Don’t know why I did and I blocked her that much I can’t even remember what she even looks like. You get on with it for everyone else you realise. "

Oh my word

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"Sorry for your loss OP.

Same thing happened to me a few months ago.

Been a shit year.

No right or wrong way to deal with someone dying.

Make time for yourself and speak to people.

Try and keep busying and try and do things you enjoy.

Him x"

I'm so sorry for your loss - yup "shit year" is a bit of an understatement. It's almost hard to believe that so many of us have lost loved ones this year

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"My mum died in October, I've felt many emotions and cry easily about so many things but not that. I seem to remember that when we found out she was terminal, I was a huge mess so maybe I'm all cried out.

Yeah, I guess it is sort of a blessed relief that she is no longer suffering and you kind of mourned when you had the news of your mum being terminal.

Dad had multiple health issues and I know he wasn't enjoying life much. And he he had begun getting his affairs in order so I think he must have had a feeling his time was coming.

Again - I'm so sorry for your loss

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By *rHotNottsMan
46 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think it’s important to give yourself space at the beginning to mourn properly, otherwise you will deal with it later very differently & for much longer.

How are you do that depends on how much the person who died understood this And took away some of the hassle and decision-making and gets in the way.

Other than that find a good friend who can take care of the practical things like cooking and cups if Tea if you need that , Who will be there to talk to , scream & shout at 247 For the next few weeks.

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
46 weeks ago

London

"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would.

If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?"

My heart goes out to you.

I lost both my parents in 2020 to cancer.

One of the weirdest parts is how much it upsets your foundations and belief in a stable reality. Losing a close one shatters your world in so many ways.

It takes a lot of time to process so make sure you're kind to yourself. Take it one day at a time. We all grieve differently and there's no right or wrong way to do it.

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By *ookie46Woman
46 weeks ago

Deepest darkest Peru

Make time for your grief, don’t dismiss it. Let tears flow when they need too and talk, don’t keep things bottled up

When my grandson died six years ago I found it very hard to grieve myself as I needed to be there for my daughter who had lost her son and my younger children who had lost their nephew

I’m still grieving to this day and always will as I have so many what ifs around special occasions such as birthdays, Christmas, first day of school and wondering what a wonderful little boy he would have grown to be

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

Thanks everyone.

Yesterday was actually a pretty good day as we were all together. There was a mix of tears and laughter but it's clear we are all on autopilot at the moment as there is so much to sort out.

And we are all reacting in pretty much the same way, knowing the grief will eventually come

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

I just finished writing the text for my dad's funeral next week. Took me 5 hours, but in a way I quite enjoyed it as there were lots of nice things to recall. But I also cried a lot. I think it's important to share memories. To talk about the person.

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By *llNatural36FWoman
46 weeks ago

Denbighshire

I lost my mum to cancer 5 months ago op and I’m still grieving for her, it’s why I’m not currently meeting as it’s killed off my sex drive which I’m not bothered about for now but I still cry over her from time to time. Christmas was hard as she was the queen of it but we got through it and you will get through your loss in time which I’m truly sorry for op

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"I just finished writing the text for my dad's funeral next week. Took me 5 hours, but in a way I quite enjoyed it as there were lots of nice things to recall. But I also cried a lot. I think it's important to share memories. To talk about the person. "

Yes, us siblings are going to be giving eulogies - Dad gave us plenty to laugh about so it will be wonderful to tell those stories

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"I lost my mum to cancer 5 months ago op and I’m still grieving for her, it’s why I’m not currently meeting as it’s killed off my sex drive which I’m not bothered about for now but I still cry over her from time to time. Christmas was hard as she was the queen of it but we got through it and you will get through your loss in time which I’m truly sorry for op "

I'm so sorry for your loss. So many of us going through the same thing

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By *andadbodMan
46 weeks ago

Liverpool

My mum passed away back in September, telling jokes and being sarcastic seems to be my coping mechanism at the moment, I still haven’t really come to terms with the loss.

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"My mum passed away back in September, telling jokes and being sarcastic seems to be my coping mechanism at the moment, I still haven’t really come to terms with the loss."

Yeah, I think we all have a defence mechanism. Mine, and I still feel guilty about this, is my kink brain is in overdrive

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
46 weeks ago

East Sussex

"My mum passed away back in September, telling jokes and being sarcastic seems to be my coping mechanism at the moment, I still haven’t really come to terms with the loss.

Yeah, I think we all have a defence mechanism. Mine, and I still feel guilty about this, is my kink brain is in overdrive"

Don't feel guilty. Easy for me to say I know but your life is continuing and whatever you do isn't going to change anything so do whatever helps *you*.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Yes, us siblings are going to be giving eulogies - Dad gave us plenty to laugh about so it will be wonderful to tell those stories"

I don't know if I'm allowed to talk. Stepmother is organising it all. But sharing of memories is what matters.

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By *ycanNightsMan
46 weeks ago

Workington

"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would.

If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?"

Sorry for your loss OP

Then one thing I learned from the loss of my mum is...every one deals with it different...so don't overthink things...you feel how you feel and that's ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

"Make time for your grief, don’t dismiss it. Let tears flow when they need too and talk, don’t keep things bottled up

When my grandson died six years ago I found it very hard to grieve myself as I needed to be there for my daughter who had lost her son and my younger children who had lost their nephew

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Sorry to of your dad passed away op I lost my dad in 2019 he went in hospital for check up a week later he said he was not coming back end of life it was hard to watch him go but I bottled the tears till the funeral that's when it hits you but just let it go don't hold back let your tears go it's the only way to go hopefully you be ok always come here talk to someone

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

It's had to describe bereavement, especially of a loved one, without knowing the strength of the relationship and circumstances, having lost a father who I wasn't particularly close with as my parents split very young, it was no less painful knowing my biological dad was no longer living. I took comfort in the thought that he believed in God and afterlife, despite myself having other beliefs, and that he was at peace where he was. He died from cancer and so was no longer in pain.

I will say if you had a good relationship with your father, maybe now or later, sorround yourself in the memories and physical things that remind you of him. Keep him alive with touch. Touch is so important in memory. Time will heal some of your suffering, the rest you will need those feelings to help.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

My Dad passed away late December 5 years ago and just before his birthday.

I managed to be with him for the last 2 hours of his life but, we hadn't spoken for 8 years until that point.

Long story but those last 2 hours were a roller coaster of emotions.

2 months after that, the guy I was best man for passed away; Leukaemia and a brain tumour, in his early 50's.

Dealing with each was different but one thing in common was that after a couple of weeks, the emotions got packaged up and put away.

That was my way of dealing with the grief but, at Christmas and early New Year, those packages can spring open, at any random time, like a Jack-in-the-box and catch you unawares.

OP...it will be your process and there is no deadline for you to be over grief.

Thoughts are with you

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

I've been to 3 family funerals in the last two years. All on the same side of the family. My brother in law, sister in law and just last week, their 50 year old son. Dying sucks donkey balls.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

I'm very sorry for your loss OP, to loss a loved one is never easy but can be particularly harder at this time of year. I lost an anut and two uncles in the last seven weeks. I try not to be sad but glad for the fulfilled lives that they lived. I take comfort in the memories of the good times that we had together and the love I had for them and the love I know they had for me.

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By *ancer36Woman
46 weeks ago

Stirling

Firstly I am truly sorry for your loss

Bereavement is a whirlwind of emotions some you didn’t even know existed before, it’s alien and earth shattering, confusing, and painful.

I lost both my grandparents 2yrs ago within 5 days of each other - they weren't just grandparents they helped to raise me as I have an absent father and were a massive part of who I am

I think you go through stages - at first I felt in complete shock, then it was ‘why’ ‘how will I manage without them’ and a host of other questions until my heart started to heal and I realised I was 37 when they passed I’d had 37yrs of there love and 37yrs of memories -whenever I feel sad I think of that and it humbles me, makes me greatful for the time I had with them and less focused on the time I haven’t xx

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

I lost my Mum back in September it's been a tough few months and I'm still getting to grips with how I feel Christmas has been so tough but the hardest thing I've struggled with is the guilt. her health took a massive downturn, I saw her in fine spirits on the Tuesday she passed on the Saturday when I was away celebrating my wife's birthday and I couldn't get back in time

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By *BWLOVER1965Man
46 weeks ago

My Own Little World

"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would.

If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?"

Pain sadness a total loss of days weeks sometimes feeling lonely

Hope all is well op

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

I'm sorry for your loss mate, a lose of a parent is one of the worst pains.

I dealt with mine in a bad way, drink, isolation, pushed myself I to work and just buried it. Then one day it all came to the surface and destroyed me for a while.

Everyone will deal with it differently, all I'd say is don't push it down.

If you need to cry, cry, if you need time to yourself then take it. Try not to use responsibility as an excuse for you to think "I can't deal with this now, I have shit to do" I know its hard because we are all adults and we all have adulting to do.

But talk to your friends, let the emotions out when they need to.

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By *mf123Man
46 weeks ago

with one foot out the door

Sorry to hear you had a loss hope you find a light to guide you thru it

I react badly to all forms of loss so have no good advise to give

Good luck to you

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"I've been to 3 family funerals in the last two years. All on the same side of the family. My brother in law, sister in law and just last week, their 50 year old son. Dying sucks donkey balls."

Very succinct and accurate last sentence!

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

"After what happened yesterday my emotions are unsurprisingly all over the place. But I'm not reacting in the way I thought I would.

If it isn't too painful, can I ask what other people went through after the death of a loved one?

Pain sadness a total loss of days weeks sometimes feeling lonely

Hope all is well op

Today is just a day of feeling meh so far. Am just in a complete funk. Got to go out and brave the supermarket though so hope that's not when the anger phase comes out

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By *dventuresWithEveWoman
46 weeks ago

SW Birmingham outskirts

" Don't feel bad for not reacting a certain way.

Some people may feel relief. For example if the person was very old and it was quick.

Hope you are ok. X"

This ?.

I lost my dad 18 years ago now, very suddenly, and as my family lives in another country, it was an awful shock to get the phone call, have to arrange flights overnight, etc. It was a weekend as well so difficult to let work know so I had to confide in colleagues I barely knew but could get hold of at the weekend. While I was there, and watched my whole family in various states and type of grievous upset, I found myself not able to cry openly, it was as if a switch had been flicked and I was in action mode, holding the family up. My sister, who was still a teen then, even accused me of not having loved him, and not being upset just because I couldn't grieve in the same way she did, for example I chose not to go to the funeral home to "view" him...my mother on the other hand totally understood and supported me. She knew from experience what my sister didn't, that I grieved and got upset in private, with my supportive husband, and that it would hit me later, when I'd be back in the UK.

Which it did, words are never enough, but what I can say is, take whatever support you can get and are comfortable with. It will help. And you'll never forget your loved ones when they've passed, you'll start to come out of the grief when you find yourself remembering them fondly, your mind choosing to remind you of the good and the funny times rather than the raw horror of the passing.

In sympathy, Eve.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Had similar earlier this year, felt lost for a while and certainly lost my mojo for swinging

It's coming back though OP....hang in there

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By *inkygentkent OP Man
46 weeks ago

Maidstone

" Don't feel bad for not reacting a certain way.

Some people may feel relief. For example if the person was very old and it was quick.

Hope you are ok. X

This ?.

In sympathy, Eve."

Thanks Eve - that sounds similar to what I'm feeling. Just having moments of tears, some of sorrow, some of joy from the memories

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