FabSwingers.com forum: I need to stop inserting household products where they don’t belong.

By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

I’ve had a rather large haemorrhoid for some months now. Any tips to help get rid?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
47 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Visit your GP

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By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

Go to GP IMMEDIATELY

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
47 weeks ago

East Sussex

Miriam Margolyes recommends Anusol. The suppositories will help according to my dear, departed aunt

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By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

"Go to GP IMMEDIATELY "

Genuine? You put capitals, is it realy that bad?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
47 weeks ago

East Sussex

Also try to resist inserting anything larger than a butternut squash

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By *affron40Woman
47 weeks ago

manchester

Find a bigger object to shove it back up

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By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

"Find a bigger object to shove it back up

Like a butternut squash?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

"Also try to resist inserting anything larger than a butternut squash

I should have read this first.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
47 weeks ago

Manchester-ish

Give it a name. It won't seem so scary then.

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By *affron40Woman
47 weeks ago

manchester

"Find a bigger object to shove it back up

Like a butternut squash?"

Maybe just upgrade to a medium marrow for now

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By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

What did you put up there?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

"Give it a name. It won't seem so scary then.

I’ll call it my bosses name. He’s a pain in the arse!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
47 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Also try to resist inserting anything larger than a butternut squash

I should have read this first.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

"Find a bigger object to shove it back up

Like a butternut squash?

Maybe just upgrade to a medium marrow for now

If I slice it first…. I think that would be easier.

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By *affron40Woman
47 weeks ago

manchester

"Find a bigger object to shove it back up

Like a butternut squash?

Maybe just upgrade to a medium marrow for now

If I slice it first…. I think that would be easier. "

2 birds one stone.. vegi bake for after??

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
47 weeks ago

Manchester-ish

"What did you put up there?! "

Washing up liquid?

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By *inacolada3Couple
47 weeks ago

kettering

Go to the fridge and play the will it fit game

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By *inky ChefMan
47 weeks ago

Norwich

"Also try to resist inserting anything larger than a butternut squash

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
47 weeks ago

Markfield

Lube. It won’t get rid of your piles but if feels nice when they squelch. Apparently.

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By *inky ChefMan
47 weeks ago

Norwich

Recurent Plus, if you are serious.

If you're joking, then go fuck yourself.

Then come back here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

"What did you put up there?! "

A Yankee candle. Fresh linen.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
47 weeks ago

Manchester-ish

"Go to the fridge and play the will it fit game

If it fits, he sits.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

"Lube. It won’t get rid of your piles but if feels nice when they squelch. Apparently. "

But will other people hear it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

"Recurent Plus, if you are serious.

If you're joking, then go fuck yourself.

Then come back here.

That’s what’s got me in this trouble …

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By *obilebottomMan
47 weeks ago

All over

"Recurent Plus, if you are serious.

If you're joking, then go fuck yourself.

Then come back here.

That’s what’s got me in this trouble …

I had no idea

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By *ad NannaWoman
47 weeks ago

East London

Fill a condom with water, freeze it and slip it in your butthole.

Bit of lube wouldn't hurt.

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By *inky ChefMan
47 weeks ago

Norwich

"Recurent Plus, if you are serious.

If you're joking, then go fuck yourself.

Then come back here.

That’s what’s got me in this trouble …

***

Recurent Plus then.

It will sting for a few minutes, because it's minty.

Better than anusol.

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By *a LunaWoman
47 weeks ago

South Wales

Sit on an ice cube

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By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

I reckon you should take a knobbed mace and ass blast those haemorrhoids out your colon. Maybe put the knobbly bit on the end of a power drill so it acts like an electric toothbrush for your ass

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By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

"Sit on an ice cube

I tried that. But the cube seemed to disappear after a few minutes.

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By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

Tie them off with kitchen twine, spray some BBQ lighter spray and set them ablaze. They will literally fall off your back end.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

"I reckon you should take a knobbed mace and ass blast those haemorrhoids out your colon. Maybe put the knobbly bit on the end of a power drill so it acts like an electric toothbrush for your ass

I’ve got a 36v battery!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

"Tie them off with kitchen twine, spray some BBQ lighter spray and set them ablaze. They will literally fall off your back end. "

How the hell am I supposed to see what I’m doing???

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By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

"I reckon you should take a knobbed mace and ass blast those haemorrhoids out your colon. Maybe put the knobbly bit on the end of a power drill so it acts like an electric toothbrush for your ass

I’ve got a 36v battery!!!!

Nah plug that drill into the mains for a full power cleanse

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By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

"What did you put up there?!

A Yankee candle. Fresh linen.

Oh woody

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By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

"Tie them off with kitchen twine, spray some BBQ lighter spray and set them ablaze. They will literally fall off your back end.

How the hell am I supposed to see what I’m doing???

You’re not meant to. It’s what keeps you going not being totally certain what is happening. Give it a go now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

"What did you put up there?!

A Yankee candle. Fresh linen.

Oh woody

Kind of. …It felt like it was giving me splinters.

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By *a LunaWoman
47 weeks ago

South Wales

"Sit on an ice cube

I tried that. But the cube seemed to disappear after a few minutes. "

Always said you had a hot ass

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By (user no longer on site) OP
47 weeks ago

"Sit on an ice cube

I tried that. But the cube seemed to disappear after a few minutes.

Always said you had a hot ass

Smooth. ..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
46 weeks ago

I’d like to thank everyone for such a laugh last night In this thread. I always said I didn’t need anyone’s help to commit Fabicide, apparently Willy and Fluffy Chicken thought I did.

Good fun

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By *amesBeelzebubMan
46 weeks ago

norwich

Tell me about it.

I put the Bottle opener in the wrong drawer and the mrs nearly killed me

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

"I’d like to thank everyone for such a laugh last night In this thread. I always said I didn’t need anyone’s help to commit Fabicide, apparently Willy and Fluffy Chicken thought I did.

Good fun

Very well played

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By *ris GrayMan
46 weeks ago

Dorchester

"I’ve had a rather large haemorrhoid for some months now. Any tips to help get rid?

"
scissors

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By *illy IdolMan
46 weeks ago

Midlands

Hope you're feeling better today woody

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By (user no longer on site) OP
46 weeks ago

"Hope you're feeling better today woody"

Time will tell

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By *illy IdolMan
46 weeks ago

Midlands

"Hope you're feeling better today woody

Time will tell

This place never fails to amaze me

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By *ab FunstersCouple
46 weeks ago

Midlands

Snooker cue..lol..get a mate to tap it back in..

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By *exyCarla181Couple
46 weeks ago

Leamington Spa

Been watching Gavin and Stacy... And Smithy had a toilet brush up there... You aren't smithy are you

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By *ools and the brainCouple
46 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

Celery is a natural anti inflammatory insert one stick and see how it goes work up to a whole bunch, dipping the celery in hummus before will act as a lubricant.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
46 weeks ago

*facepalm. …. I hate who resurrected this thread right now.

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By *ornucopiaMan
46 weeks ago

Bexley

"Sit on an ice cube

Pronounced 'Arse cube' in Jersey and South Africa. Not sure about Australia as well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
46 weeks ago

"Sit on an ice cube

Pronounced 'Arse cube' in Jersey and South Africa. Not sure about Australia as well."

Hahaha. Where was this a couple of days ago!!!

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By *ornucopiaMan
46 weeks ago

Bexley

"Sit on an ice cube

Pronounced 'Arse cube' in Jersey and South Africa. Not sure about Australia as well.

Hahaha. Where was this a couple of days ago!!!

Yes. Just saw it, I'm a slow reader sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Have your tried ralgex?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
46 weeks ago

"Have your tried ralgex?

Is that the name of my neighbours dog?

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By *ools and the brainCouple
46 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

"Have your tried ralgex?

DO NOT PUT RALGEX on you botty ole, they will be peeling you off the ceiling

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By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

"Have your tried ralgex?

Is that the name of my neighbours dog?

Was it chasing the gerbil?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
46 weeks ago

"Have your tried ralgex?

Is that the name of my neighbours dog?

Was it chasing the gerbil?"

The one chasing the spider?

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By *aitonelMan
46 weeks ago

Liverpool

Did you put the ketchup in the fridge?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
46 weeks ago

"Did you put the ketchup in the fridge?

Who keeps ketchup in the fridge in?

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