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"I would say it all depends how long you have known the previous person and how well you really got to know them? For me it's a nonsense to ever worry about someone I knew for no more than a fleeting moment...." I understand what you are saying, but I think the depth of feeling you have for someone also plays a big part and the way the relationship ended. Some people fall for others truly, madly, deeply very quickly whilst others have the ability to take a more measured and cautious approach. If you get two people one who thinks one way and one who thinks the other, it can be a very cold blow to the one that is the less cautious one. I would like to think that I fall into the latter category at all times, but reality tells me I probably fall somewhere midway between the two. | |||
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"Sassy, its your game. Play it how you want and do what you want when you want to do it. Worst thing is to rush back in and end up hating it all." Don't hate the player - hate the game yo! | |||
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"I would say it all depends how long you have known the previous person and how well you really got to know them? For me it's a nonsense to ever worry about someone I knew for no more than a fleeting moment...." This sounds almost like " my dads bigger than your dad" If someone is hurting from a break up because they loved the person then I am not sure there is a timescale on that. | |||
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"I would say it all depends how long you have known the previous person and how well you really got to know them? For me it's a nonsense to ever worry about someone I knew for no more than a fleeting moment...." | |||
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"I would say it all depends how long you have known the previous person and how well you really got to know them? For me it's a nonsense to ever worry about someone I knew for no more than a fleeting moment.... This sounds almost like " my dads bigger than your dad" If someone is hurting from a break up because they loved the person then I am not sure there is a timescale on that. " I don't see how my post sounds like 'my dads bigger than your dad' at all...a very strange thing to say. | |||
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"I know everyone is an individual and it can be different for varying reasons but why is it that initial meet after a split so freaking hard. I feel guilt, but excitement. Its like im about to betray my feelings (cos muggins still cares) but others say just crack on and move on.. Im still beating myself up over whats right and whats wrong.. bloody men! Thats my Tuesday battle with myself.. meh " Hunny Im feeling you. I had a first meet recently after things ending with someone I love to bits and still will for a long time I think. That said I think getting back into the swing of things helped me but I felt all the same things you are. I felt guilt because if i loved him would I be meeting again so soon but also the excitement of a new meet. Just go with your gut instinct and do whats right for you because remember no-one loves you more than you should love yourself xx | |||
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"I know everyone is an individual and it can be different for varying reasons but why is it that initial meet after a split so freaking hard. I feel guilt, but excitement. Its like im about to betray my feelings (cos muggins still cares) but others say just crack on and move on.. Im still beating myself up over whats right and whats wrong.. bloody men! Thats my Tuesday battle with myself.. meh " Well i am sure you will cope, shit happens as they say. But in my experience there are always two sides to a story. Seeking sympathy online doesn't shout that you were that upset to me, when i split with my ex, i couldn't go near the places we frequented for months, but each person is different as you say. | |||
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"I would say it all depends how long you have known the previous person and how well you really got to know them? For me it's a nonsense to ever worry about someone I knew for no more than a fleeting moment.... This sounds almost like " my dads bigger than your dad" If someone is hurting from a break up because they loved the person then I am not sure there is a timescale on that. I don't see how my post sounds like 'my dads bigger than your dad' at all...a very strange thing to say. " Do you think? Ok I will try and explain....to me it sounds like you are saying that you if you fall in love for a short space of time that you don't have the same feelings as if you split up with someone who you have been with for a long time. Hence my comment of my dads bigger than your dad....ie my hurt must be more than yours type of thing. | |||
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"I know everyone is an individual and it can be different for varying reasons but why is it that initial meet after a split so freaking hard. I feel guilt, but excitement. Its like im about to betray my feelings (cos muggins still cares) but others say just crack on and move on.. Im still beating myself up over whats right and whats wrong.. bloody men! Thats my Tuesday battle with myself.. meh Well i am sure you will cope, shit happens as they say. But in my experience there are always two sides to a story. Seeking sympathy online doesn't shout that you were that upset to me, when i split with my ex, i couldn't go near the places we frequented for months, but each person is different as you say. " yeah erm.. thanks | |||
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"I know everyone is an individual and it can be different for varying reasons but why is it that initial meet after a split so freaking hard. I feel guilt, but excitement. Its like im about to betray my feelings (cos muggins still cares) but others say just crack on and move on.. Im still beating myself up over whats right and whats wrong.. bloody men! Thats my Tuesday battle with myself.. meh " Usually it's unfinished business of some sort that you can put off as long as you don't do anything to kinda "prove" it is all over and you need to move on. So doing X means you have to deal with that unfinished business, and the unfinished business is saying who me, no look over there, its all about that over there, nothing to see here, move along. So you have unfinished business, deal with it BEFORE you move on, or things will just get messy and complicated and even more fucked up. | |||
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"This lady wasn't seeking sympathy, just opinions from friends " What denotes a thread that only friends can post on? | |||
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"I must say I didn't read it as a sympathy thread either, more a person who is struggling to deal with her personal situation at the moment who reached out to her peers, not for support but for practical advice on how they had coped with similar situations. Some people live parts of their lives publically on here which whilst it might not be to everyones taste or interest is a symptom of the sense of openness that these forums allow. Now the OP has been a member here for longer than I and knows full well that putting things in the forum can backfire and result in back handed comments being made as a result. It is good to know that there is always one who will step up to the mark. It would be nice, just once in a while, that we did operate as a community and held a hand out to those that are struggling irregardless of how little we know of the actual situation, irregardless of how we interpret that knowledge and without bias towards the person posting. A romantic notion I know, but hey we live in hope " An interesting way of looking at it does that mean all the sympathetic responses are accepted but back handed ones (can you point out these please) are unacceptable? I always thought it was peoples unstrangulated yet non offensive were what makes a forum work. does that mean that only positive responses on hot topics too are allowed? | |||
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"This lady wasn't seeking sympathy, just opinions from friends What denotes a thread that only friends can post on?" I meant fab as a whole | |||
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"An interesting way of looking at it does that mean all the sympathetic responses are accepted but back handed ones (can you point out these please) are unacceptable? I always thought it was peoples unstrangulated yet non offensive were what makes a forum work. does that mean that only positive responses on hot topics too are allowed? " Im all for people posting what they want.. i was just after how others dealt with that initial meet after a break up regardless of how long the relationship lasted. | |||
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"This lady wasn't seeking sympathy, just opinions from friends What denotes a thread that only friends can post on? I meant fab as a whole " That doesn't answer the question. | |||
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" An interesting way of looking at it does that mean all the sympathetic responses are accepted but back handed ones (can you point out these please) are unacceptable? I always thought it was peoples unstrangulated yet non offensive were what makes a forum work. does that mean that only positive responses on hot topics too are allowed? " Not at all, but I do think there's a time and a place for snide comments. I also think that those seeking attention for minor upsets in life are just that, attention seekers, but rather than leave a snide comment, I would just leave it alone. Now you have made comments here in such forums that I have thought were bang on the money, but you have managed to do that in a non-bastardly (yet amusing) way. And that's what I'm trying to get at. As adults and regular users of the site and its forums, we have the ability to spot and distinguish between the attention seeking and the people who, at that time, seem to be genuinely struggling for whatever reason. Once that distinction has been made, is it then fair to come back with digs at that person ? You may think differently, but I don't think that it is fair at all. I make that statement as someone who does have a soft / compassionate side but is also fully aware that I can be a sarcky arse, I can be direct and I can be cutting, but I know where and when there is a place for either option or when to just leave it alone. | |||
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"You will know if the person you are with was the one for you if he/she is the face you see when you draw your final breath. Anyone else who comes and goes from your life is purely a rehearsal while you wait for the main show. " Very philsophical for a Tuesday afternoon Wishy ! Have you been at the Creme de Menthe again ? | |||
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"This lady wasn't seeking sympathy, just opinions from friends What denotes a thread that only friends can post on? I meant fab as a whole That doesn't answer the question." I don't know cause this wasn't one | |||
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"You will know if the person you are with was the one for you if he/she is the face you see when you draw your final breath. Anyone else who comes and goes from your life is purely a rehearsal while you wait for the main show. " maybe she had a dream he could be the main show .. The one who maybe would be there when she had a final breath. We can all dream and have high hope at times when not two ways it hurts , | |||
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"I must say I didn't read it as a sympathy thread either, more a person who is struggling to deal with her personal situation at the moment who reached out to her peers, not for support but for practical advice on how they had coped with similar situations. Some people live parts of their lives publically on here which whilst it might not be to everyones taste or interest is a symptom of the sense of openness that these forums allow. Now the OP has been a member here for longer than I and knows full well that putting things in the forum can backfire and result in back handed comments being made as a result. It is good to know that there is always one who will step up to the mark. It would be nice, just once in a while, that we did operate as a community and held a hand out to those that are struggling irregardless of how little we know of the actual situation, irregardless of how we interpret that knowledge and without bias towards the person posting. A romantic notion I know, but hey we live in hope " Now picking through this I do have some problems with some of it. for starters you say "I do think there's a time and a place for snide comments". From this I deduce you are declaring you see such comments in this thread so why not point them out for examination? Also as you say we are all adults here or I hope we are yet we all have different viewpoints and opinions on a whole manner of things including threads and posts. Some see them one way others another way. So someone passes comments saying it looks more towards seeking sympathetic advice and that's a view they have and its them looking at things in a different way to yourself which I can see both points of view. But and its a big but I have is your use of the word snide and its implications. It almost says that if someone has a different view to yourself they are being snide. I am unsure as to what comments you see as snide so it would be better as I asked earlier to point them out for me to peruse. | |||
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"Or stop picking over the bones of every word that's been said ? " # Excuse me! People can post and ask what they like as long as its within the rules. Just because you fail to be able to clarify your words it doesn't mean others can't. If someone makes a comment its fair to ask for clarification. | |||
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" Now picking through this I do have some problems with some of it. for starters you say "I do think there's a time and a place for snide comments". From this I deduce you are declaring you see such comments in this thread so why not point them out for examination? Also as you say we are all adults here or I hope we are yet we all have different viewpoints and opinions on a whole manner of things including threads and posts. Some see them one way others another way. So someone passes comments saying it looks more towards seeking sympathetic advice and that's a view they have and its them looking at things in a different way to yourself which I can see both points of view. But and its a big but I have is your use of the word snide and its implications. It almost says that if someone has a different view to yourself they are being snide. I am unsure as to what comments you see as snide so it would be better as I asked earlier to point them out for me to peruse. " I'm not sure if I can point individual comments out of not so hopefully Ruggers and HPC will be lenient with me but I think that making statements like 'seeking sympathy online doesn't shout like you were upset to me' is a little uncalled for in this instance. I am accepting of other peoples views and the fact they may differ from mine but I stand by the principle of there being a time and a place to publish them and a manner in which to publish them. We could discuss this all night as we obviously do think differently on the matter, but it is getting rather off thread now though and besides it's time I went home and had some tea | |||
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"Maybe they can't be arsed explaining?? Just a thought?" Quite the contrary if people do think they invariably will explain to others to prevent confusion if they can as they do not want the negativity impact on them. There are many times people post through emotion and cannot justify their comments and try to use a glib remark to fudge the matter. | |||
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"This thread has gone 0 to 69 in 60 seconds....we post for different reasons....." This, unfortunately. | |||
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" Now picking through this I do have some problems with some of it. for starters you say "I do think there's a time and a place for snide comments". From this I deduce you are declaring you see such comments in this thread so why not point them out for examination? Also as you say we are all adults here or I hope we are yet we all have different viewpoints and opinions on a whole manner of things including threads and posts. Some see them one way others another way. So someone passes comments saying it looks more towards seeking sympathetic advice and that's a view they have and its them looking at things in a different way to yourself which I can see both points of view. But and its a big but I have is your use of the word snide and its implications. It almost says that if someone has a different view to yourself they are being snide. I am unsure as to what comments you see as snide so it would be better as I asked earlier to point them out for me to peruse. I'm not sure if I can point individual comments out of not so hopefully Ruggers and HPC will be lenient with me but I think that making statements like 'seeking sympathy online doesn't shout like you were upset to me' is a little uncalled for in this instance. I am accepting of other peoples views and the fact they may differ from mine but I stand by the principle of there being a time and a place to publish them and a manner in which to publish them. " In some peoples eyes they see things at a different slant to yourself and mine for that matter. You see the seeking sympathy part as uncalled for the use of the snipe word will be seen by others equally uncalled for as it was a response to something not posted by yourself. I think in general everyone posts a thread looking for a sympathetic response wouldn't you agree? Saying that I don't see anything wrong with someone doing so. | |||
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"Omfg really. This is a thread about being broken hearted and how to pick up the pieces. Did your mother's never tell you if you have nothing nice to say. Say nothing. Fab or not so fab, we're all human, Ffs we're a minority within our society. Shouldn't we all support each other?! " Well said | |||
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"This thread has gone 0 to 69 in 60 seconds....we post for different reasons....." Because alot have been there got the T shirt and know how it feels. | |||
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"I've spent 42 years looking for love in all the wrong places and I'm still doing it. -- I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. -Mother Theresa." Snap and nice quote!! | |||
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"*hugs Bussy* Part of me wants to wake up to a 'haha i was only kidding, happy early April fool i still love you' but its not going to happen. Im hurting more than i ever thought i would and knocked for 6, was in total denial and now i just know if i do not take the plunge i'll mope around. " Give yourself TIME...It is a healer and it is the only way....Learn to be on your own and without whoever he is....when you do that, other things will fall into place... I have been where you are...I waited....now I have fun...x | |||
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"I've spent 42 years looking for love in all the wrong places and I'm still doing it. -- I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. -Mother Theresa." | |||
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"The thing is Cute we've all there at some time in our lives. We are individual and we don't follow a particular pathway, just because someone else appears to be coolly confident and the type to move on after an hour with no emotional attachment, doesn't mean that's the right way for us. It makes no different how long you've known a person or the situation arising from that, because its how you feel. You come across as a very sensitive, wearing your heart on your sleeve type of girl and there is nothing wrong with that. Without trying to sound condescending either, but you are a young woman, most of us middle aged people learn to outwardly show a calm exterior, this may not always be the case. Enjoy your new meet, you might have the time of your life " Just what I would have said. | |||
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