FabSwingers.com forum: Time to move on..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know everyone is an individual and it can be different for varying reasons but why is it that initial meet after a split so freaking hard. I feel guilt, but excitement. Its like im about to betray my feelings (cos muggins still cares) but others say just crack on and move on..

Im still beating myself up over whats right and whats wrong.. bloody men!

Thats my Tuesday battle with myself.. meh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sasster I am totally with you on this one, you're not on your own kidder x

You know my circumstances and last week, I decided to make the plunge.

Great guy, good sex, but it just did not feel right at all and I was definately not my normal 'diving off wardrobes' self that I normally am on a meet.

My body was ready to move on, but alas my head wasn't.

You take as small steps as you feel you need to take and it will all fall back into place sooner or later x

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

I would say it all depends how long you have known the previous person and how well you really got to know them?

For me it's a nonsense to ever worry about someone I knew for no more than a fleeting moment....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

*hugs Bussy*

Part of me wants to wake up to a 'haha i was only kidding, happy early April fool i still love you'

but its not going to happen. Im hurting more than i ever thought i would and knocked for 6, was in total denial and now i just know if i do not take the plunge i'll mope around.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would say it all depends how long you have known the previous person and how well you really got to know them?

For me it's a nonsense to ever worry about someone I knew for no more than a fleeting moment...."

I understand what you are saying, but I think the depth of feeling you have for someone also plays a big part and the way the relationship ended.

Some people fall for others truly, madly, deeply very quickly whilst others have the ability to take a more measured and cautious approach.

If you get two people one who thinks one way and one who thinks the other, it can be a very cold blow to the one that is the less cautious one.

I would like to think that I fall into the latter category at all times, but reality tells me I probably fall somewhere midway between the two.

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By *ickndomCouple
over a year ago

Wimborne

Your life has moved on, its a new page, a new chapter, assming you not going to re read that chapter off load your shackles and enjoy your life, after all its the only one you have

And what if people think what your doing isn't right, its your life your rules, tell them to go forth back to their own green house and you'll throw some rocks at them

Don't ever feel guilty for living your life

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

It can be hard to move on, after splitting with my ex after 5 years (due to his cheating) I deceided to join a site. But I felt like I was cheating. Like others say small steps at a time and good luck x

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

This is going to sound harsh but do you think he is sitting there caring about this?

Just go at your own pace even if your first meet is just a social etc. Or make the first someone you have met before so you are more comfortable with them.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Sometimes acceptance is the biggest tool in moving on...that its not going to be the way it was.

We all go through heartache and its horrible but its something we can get through with time...sometimes we meet the right people are the wrong time..or the wrong ones at the right time but one day it will be the right person at the right time..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sassy, its your game. Play it how you want and do what you want when you want to do it. Worst thing is to rush back in and end up hating it all.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

"Sassy, its your game. Play it how you want and do what you want when you want to do it. Worst thing is to rush back in and end up hating it all."

Don't hate the player - hate the game yo!

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By *ickndomCouple
over a year ago

Wimborne

I once remember reading a artical on Pack animal v social expectations.

In short it was saying has pack animals we should come together for breading purpose's and once the offspring are old enough to fend for them selves move on, this is where the s 7 year hitch come in, get to gether have a child and in a wild enviroment by the age of 4/5 the child could feed and kill for its own survival time to move on.

The social commitment is meet have a romance, marry, have 2.4 children and a ford focus, grow old and finito

so guess your in a dilemma, the animal in you is saying move on whilst your social conscious is making you feel guilty, Guess time is the only answer, when you feel the time is right you'll move on.

Of course a third side to this argument is those who stay together, do they do this because they have found their soul mate or because they are the head of their pack.

Who Knows, not me for sure, but hopefully you find it interesting.

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

You know where I am on that score myself already Kim

Don't overthink it... simply go for it... it does help you to move on xxx

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

To the OP....I don't know an answer to your question as I have never been there....but I am guessing it varies from one person to another of when you are ready to jump in again.

It sounds to me like you are not ready yet.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I would say it all depends how long you have known the previous person and how well you really got to know them?

For me it's a nonsense to ever worry about someone I knew for no more than a fleeting moment...."

This sounds almost like " my dads bigger than your dad"

If someone is hurting from a break up because they loved the person then I am not sure there is a timescale on that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would say it all depends how long you have known the previous person and how well you really got to know them?

For me it's a nonsense to ever worry about someone I knew for no more than a fleeting moment...."

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

"I would say it all depends how long you have known the previous person and how well you really got to know them?

For me it's a nonsense to ever worry about someone I knew for no more than a fleeting moment....

This sounds almost like " my dads bigger than your dad"

If someone is hurting from a break up because they loved the person then I am not sure there is a timescale on that.

I don't see how my post sounds like 'my dads bigger than your dad' at all...a very strange thing to say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having your heart broken is truly horrible. I feel for you. Still love my ex to bits and over a year on, but life is far too short and the fact is it obviously was not our destiny to be together.

But as they say the best way of getting over anyone is to get under someone new?!

Lol

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

"I know everyone is an individual and it can be different for varying reasons but why is it that initial meet after a split so freaking hard. I feel guilt, but excitement. Its like im about to betray my feelings (cos muggins still cares) but others say just crack on and move on..

Im still beating myself up over whats right and whats wrong.. bloody men!

Thats my Tuesday battle with myself.. meh

Hunny Im feeling you. I had a first meet recently after things ending with someone I love to bits and still will for a long time I think. That said I think getting back into the swing of things helped me but I felt all the same things you are. I felt guilt because if i loved him would I be meeting again so soon but also the excitement of a new meet. Just go with your gut instinct and do whats right for you because remember no-one loves you more than you should love yourself xx

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By *oecurler69Man
over a year ago

Sutton Coldfield

[Removed by poster at 05/03/13 13:58:53]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im still beating myself up over whats right and whats wrong.. bloody men!

Thats my Tuesday battle with myself.. meh

"
Well i am sure you will cope, shit happens as they say. But in my experience there are always two sides to a story. Seeking sympathy online doesn't shout that you were that upset to me, when i split with my ex, i couldn't go near the places we frequented for months, but each person is different as you say.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"I would say it all depends how long you have known the previous person and how well you really got to know them?

For me it's a nonsense to ever worry about someone I knew for no more than a fleeting moment....

This sounds almost like " my dads bigger than your dad"

If someone is hurting from a break up because they loved the person then I am not sure there is a timescale on that.

I don't see how my post sounds like 'my dads bigger than your dad' at all...a very strange thing to say.

Do you think?

Ok I will try and explain....to me it sounds like you are saying that you if you fall in love for a short space of time that you don't have the same feelings as if you split up with someone who you have been with for a long time.

Hence my comment of my dads bigger than your dad....ie my hurt must be more than yours type of thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Im still beating myself up over whats right and whats wrong.. bloody men!

Thats my Tuesday battle with myself.. meh

Well i am sure you will cope, shit happens as they say. But in my experience there are always two sides to a story. Seeking sympathy online doesn't shout that you were that upset to me, when i split with my ex, i couldn't go near the places we frequented for months, but each person is different as you say.

yeah erm.. thanks

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

hope you find happiness what ever decision you make

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By *eal_Dick_TurpinMan
over a year ago

Exeter

Im still beating myself up over whats right and whats wrong.. bloody men!

Thats my Tuesday battle with myself.. meh

Usually it's unfinished business of some sort that you can put off as long as you don't do anything to kinda "prove" it is all over and you need to move on.

So doing X means you have to deal with that unfinished business, and the unfinished business is saying who me, no look over there, its all about that over there, nothing to see here, move along.

So you have unfinished business, deal with it BEFORE you move on, or things will just get messy and complicated and even more fucked up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This lady wasn't seeking sympathy, just opinions from friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/03/13 15:43:55]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This lady wasn't seeking sympathy, just opinions from friends

"
What denotes a thread that only friends can post on?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I must say I didn't read it as a sympathy thread either, more a person who is struggling to deal with her personal situation at the moment who reached out to her peers, not for support but for practical advice on how they had coped with similar situations.

Some people live parts of their lives publically on here which whilst it might not be to everyones taste or interest is a symptom of the sense of openness that these forums allow.

Now the OP has been a member here for longer than I and knows full well that putting things in the forum can backfire and result in back handed comments being made as a result.

It is good to know that there is always one who will step up to the mark.

It would be nice, just once in a while, that we did operate as a community and held a hand out to those that are struggling irregardless of how little we know of the actual situation, irregardless of how we interpret that knowledge and without bias towards the person posting.

A romantic notion I know, but hey we live in hope

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

A while ago I found this on a site. I hope it helps anyone who needs a gentle hug

'There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realize there is so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on'

But you only turn the page when you are ready. I did and was the best feeling in the world

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I must say I didn't read it as a sympathy thread either, more a person who is struggling to deal with her personal situation at the moment who reached out to her peers, not for support but for practical advice on how they had coped with similar situations.

Some people live parts of their lives publically on here which whilst it might not be to everyones taste or interest is a symptom of the sense of openness that these forums allow.

Now the OP has been a member here for longer than I and knows full well that putting things in the forum can backfire and result in back handed comments being made as a result.

It is good to know that there is always one who will step up to the mark.

A romantic notion I know, but hey we live in hope

An interesting way of looking at it does that mean all the sympathetic responses are accepted but back handed ones (can you point out these please) are unacceptable?

I always thought it was peoples unstrangulated yet non offensive were what makes a forum work. does that mean that only positive responses on hot topics too are allowed?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This lady wasn't seeking sympathy, just opinions from friends

What denotes a thread that only friends can post on?"

I meant fab as a whole

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"An interesting way of looking at it does that mean all the sympathetic responses are accepted but back handed ones (can you point out these please) are unacceptable?

I always thought it was peoples unstrangulated yet non offensive were what makes a forum work. does that mean that only positive responses on hot topics too are allowed? "

Im all for people posting what they want.. i was just after how others dealt with that initial meet after a break up regardless of how long the relationship lasted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This lady wasn't seeking sympathy, just opinions from friends

What denotes a thread that only friends can post on?

I meant fab as a whole

"
That doesn't answer the question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say don't rush in ........ If it don't feel right don't meet and you have months and years a head .. When you care for a person and let down your hurt and it take time to get strong again .. We live and learn from each person we love in life i am sure .. It takes time and dont beat yourself up about it ... its normal to feel like you do when you cared for a person. You miss them in your life and it feel strange .. so you must put you first and your little girl take time to get strong again. xxx

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

To be fair the original post doesn't ask for sympathy or advice. It was more of a rant/statement as to how she is feeling.

Some people deal with things differently to others and so their comments will be different.

As someone said cute has been here long enough to realise that any thread can attract assorted of people so it would be foolish to believe that only positive tea and sympathy posts would be made.

As for a community, we are a community. A diverse and wonderful community where people can comment as they see fit. Even in real life you would get people telling her to pull herself together.

Personally, knowing some basics of the situation I would be in the brush yourself off and get back on the horse camp. I know it's easy for me to say as I am not in your situation but I really do think all the signs are there for you to just turn your back.

Like I said in my first post, you don't have to sleep with the first person you meet. Take it slow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An interesting way of looking at it does that mean all the sympathetic responses are accepted but back handed ones (can you point out these please) are unacceptable?

I always thought it was peoples unstrangulated yet non offensive were what makes a forum work. does that mean that only positive responses on hot topics too are allowed? "

Not at all, but I do think there's a time and a place for snide comments.

I also think that those seeking attention for minor upsets in life are just that, attention seekers, but rather than leave a snide comment, I would just leave it alone.

Now you have made comments here in such forums that I have thought were bang on the money, but you have managed to do that in a non-bastardly (yet amusing) way.

And that's what I'm trying to get at.

As adults and regular users of the site and its forums, we have the ability to spot and distinguish between the attention seeking and the people who, at that time, seem to be genuinely struggling for whatever reason.

Once that distinction has been made, is it then fair to come back with digs at that person ?

You may think differently, but I don't think that it is fair at all.

I make that statement as someone who does have a soft / compassionate side but is also fully aware that I can be a sarcky arse, I can be direct and I can be cutting, but I know where and when there is a place for either option or when to just leave it alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meeting other people for sex won't stop you still loving your ex. Or make you feel less guilty either, what it will do (from my experience) is make you feel alive and sexy. The guilt starts to fade slowly but surely xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You will know if the person you are with was the one for you if he/she is the face you see when you draw your final breath. Anyone else who comes and goes from your life is purely a rehearsal while you wait for the main show.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very philsophical for a Tuesday afternoon Wishy ! Have you been at the Creme de Menthe again ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This lady wasn't seeking sympathy, just opinions from friends

What denotes a thread that only friends can post on?

I meant fab as a whole

That doesn't answer the question."

I don't know cause this wasn't one

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By *asey369Woman
over a year ago

London

Everyone is different, but I have always found that sleeping with someone new after a relationship has finished gives it some final closure. It's accepting that its finished and moving on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You will know if the person you are with was the one for you if he/she is the face you see when you draw your final breath. Anyone else who comes and goes from your life is purely a rehearsal while you wait for the main show. "
maybe she had a dream he could be the main show .. The one who maybe would be there when she had a final breath. We can all dream and have high hope at times when not two ways it hurts ,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people live parts of their lives publically on here which whilst it might not be to everyones taste or interest is a symptom of the sense of openness that these forums allow.

Now the OP has been a member here for longer than I and knows full well that putting things in the forum can backfire and result in back handed comments being made as a result.

It is good to know that there is always one who will step up to the mark.

A romantic notion I know, but hey we live in hope

Now picking through this I do have some problems with some of it.

for starters you say "I do think there's a time and a place for snide comments". From this I deduce you are declaring you see such comments in this thread so why not point them out for examination?

Also as you say we are all adults here or I hope we are yet we all have different viewpoints and opinions on a whole manner of things including threads and posts. Some see them one way others another way. So someone passes comments saying it looks more towards seeking sympathetic advice and that's a view they have and its them looking at things in a different way to yourself which I can see both points of view. But and its a big but I have is your use of the word snide and its implications. It almost says that if someone has a different view to yourself they are being snide. I am unsure as to what comments you see as snide so it would be better as I asked earlier to point them out for me to peruse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or stop picking over the bones of every word that's been said ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Or stop picking over the bones of every word that's been said ?

"
#

Excuse me! People can post and ask what they like as long as its within the rules. Just because you fail to be able to clarify your words it doesn't mean others can't. If someone makes a comment its fair to ask for clarification.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe they can't be arsed explaining?? Just a thought?

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

Sass, all you can do is what you feel is right for you at this moment.

Maybe have one more night of having a good cry, if you havent done it yet get anything that reminds you of him and chuck it away (unless it valuable, then get it on ebay and make a few quid

)

Have another whinge, then get yourself off and keep your mind busy and even though it will be hard at first, it will get easier. But dont sit and dwell on it.

Unfortunately, you have to move on and only you know how you can. I personally dont think shagging the next person who looks twice at you would help but thats just my view.

I wish you all the best, and as some twunt said somewhere, time's meant to be a healer and all that bollocks. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now picking through this I do have some problems with some of it.

for starters you say "I do think there's a time and a place for snide comments". From this I deduce you are declaring you see such comments in this thread so why not point them out for examination?

I'm not sure if I can point individual comments out of not so hopefully Ruggers and HPC will be lenient with me but I think that making statements like 'seeking sympathy online doesn't shout like you were upset to me' is a little uncalled for in this instance.

I am accepting of other peoples views and the fact they may differ from mine but I stand by the principle of there being a time and a place to publish them and a manner in which to publish them.

We could discuss this all night as we obviously do think differently on the matter, but it is getting rather off thread now though and besides it's time I went home and had some tea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe they can't be arsed explaining?? Just a thought?"

Quite the contrary if people do think they invariably will explain to others to prevent confusion if they can as they do not want the negativity impact on them. There are many times people post through emotion and cannot justify their comments and try to use a glib remark to fudge the matter.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

This thread has gone 0 to 69 in 60 seconds....we post for different reasons.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Omfg really. This is a thread about being broken hearted and how to pick up the pieces. Did your mother's never tell you if you have nothing nice to say. Say nothing. Fab or not so fab, we're all human, Ffs we're a minority within our society. Shouldn't we all support each other?!

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

"This thread has gone 0 to 69 in 60 seconds....we post for different reasons....."

This, unfortunately.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now picking through this I do have some problems with some of it.

for starters you say "I do think there's a time and a place for snide comments". From this I deduce you are declaring you see such comments in this thread so why not point them out for examination?

I am accepting of other peoples views and the fact they may differ from mine but I stand by the principle of there being a time and a place to publish them and a manner in which to publish them.

In some peoples eyes they see things at a different slant to yourself and mine for that matter. You see the seeking sympathy part as uncalled for the use of the snipe word will be seen by others equally uncalled for as it was a response to something not posted by yourself. I think in general everyone posts a thread looking for a sympathetic response wouldn't you agree? Saying that I don't see anything wrong with someone doing so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Omfg really. This is a thread about being broken hearted and how to pick up the pieces. Did your mother's never tell you if you have nothing nice to say. Say nothing. Fab or not so fab, we're all human, Ffs we're a minority within our society. Shouldn't we all support each other?! "

Well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Right, I'm off to Devon to buy a round.

Who's in?

Fab Avengers - Assemble!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/03/13 16:46:23]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread has gone 0 to 69 in 60 seconds....we post for different reasons....."
Because alot have been there got the T shirt and know how it feels.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Empathy, all I have to say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing is Cute we've all there at some time in our lives. We are individual and we don't follow a particular pathway, just because someone else appears to be coolly confident and the type to move on after an hour with no emotional attachment, doesn't mean that's the right way for us.

It makes no different how long you've known a person or the situation arising from that, because its how you feel.

You come across as a very sensitive, wearing your heart on your sleeve type of girl and there is nothing wrong with that. Without trying to sound condescending either, but you are a young woman, most of us middle aged people learn to outwardly show a calm exterior, this may not always be the case.

Enjoy your new meet, you might have the time of your life

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

A very long time ago I read that it takes at least half the time you were with someone to get over that person. Some people you never quite get over but often that is the fantasy of what might have been or a rose-tinted view of what was. I have been guilty of both.

I love everyone I have ever loved, but as we were then as most of them I don't know now.

When I started out on the this malarky I met someone on another site. I fell in love, heavily and too fast. When something happened that meant we had to split for a while my sister made me get back on the horse. I didn't stop hankering after the loved person but there was nothing I could do to be with him. I had fun, met other people, met someone else who introduced me to all of this stuff and Fab.

Last year the person I had fallen in love with contacted me. We met for lunch and I had no idea what I had ever seen in him. I can still feel that I loved him and I still remember how upset and heart-broken I felt but the person I saw wasn't the person I loved. I had changed, he had changed and moving on happened without any help.

If you feel guilty don't lay that on anyone else as it's not fair to them. Meeting someone you know may be the half-way step you do need.

Hearts are stronger than we think they are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

take a step back and look in the mirror before you dive into anything again

if you fall for guys quick n easy the same thing can keep happening over n over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've spent 42 years looking for love in all the wrong places and I'm still doing it.

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

-Mother Theresa.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you. I love swinging. It's all so sadly underground. If we don't stop all the bitching and stick together what hope do we have?!

Regardless of whether you agree with another's opinion or not. Everybody who posts does so well I hope they do in an honest fashion . think we all need to show a little more respect for each other!!!

BROKEN HEARTS MEND, IT MAY NOT SEEM SO NOW. I THINK A LITTLE PIECE OF YOUR HEART WILL BE LOST FOREVER. MINE Has ANYWAY?!

YOU WILL AT SOME POINT REACH A POINT WHERE YOUR HEAD KICKS BACK IN AND IT FADES. IT'S THEIR LOSS NOT YOURS!!!! DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT FOR YOU, AND YOU ALONE. SENDING YOU A BIG SQUEEZY HUG X

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

"I've spent 42 years looking for love in all the wrong places and I'm still doing it.

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

-Mother Theresa."

Snap and nice quote!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As God ( Noel Gallagher ) once said, A broken heart is still beating, babe you will be fine

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"*hugs Bussy*

Part of me wants to wake up to a 'haha i was only kidding, happy early April fool i still love you'

but its not going to happen. Im hurting more than i ever thought i would and knocked for 6, was in total denial and now i just know if i do not take the plunge i'll mope around. "

Give yourself TIME...It is a healer and it is the only way....Learn to be on your own and without whoever he is....when you do that, other things will fall into place...

I have been where you are...I waited....now I have fun...x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've spent 42 years looking for love in all the wrong places and I'm still doing it.

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

-Mother Theresa."

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"The thing is Cute we've all there at some time in our lives. We are individual and we don't follow a particular pathway, just because someone else appears to be coolly confident and the type to move on after an hour with no emotional attachment, doesn't mean that's the right way for us.

It makes no different how long you've known a person or the situation arising from that, because its how you feel.

Enjoy your new meet, you might have the time of your life

"
Just what I would have said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Erm my first meet was easy to agree to cause i the guy in question is pretty awesome so made the choice loads easier.

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