FabSwingers.com forum: Single parents and fab

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Do you find it hard on fab to find what you're looking for?

There's a stigma to single parenting isn't there, a negative one. And I have actually seen in profiles men saying no single mums. Begs the question as to why doesn't it? Is it because it means mum tum and stretch marks or worse? The fact they'll be after a daddy replacement or security? They'll be needy or stressful? Or maybe they'll be unemployed or don't work full time, so cost is placed on the guy if it comes up? Maybe a single mum is unlikely to meet at hers so that means a hotel meet paid for by the guy? Or he accommodates which won't be an option for the attached men. Or is that she's not available at the drop of a hat?

And single dads? When you say you can't accommodate because of kids does a woman think that's a cover for being attached? Do you think women suffer this too? Would a woman avoid a single dad thinking he wanted a mummy replacement, could be needy, stressful, not available, unemployed etc etc?

What are the good points to single parents for others on fab? Let's have some positivity shall we?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s strange, I’m a single dad, and the worst part is finding the the free time, I’m sure there are lots of women who see can’t acomm and think it’s a cover, but it’s just how it is, I don’t think it should put anyone off- we’re definitely not look for mummy replacement!!

Profiles that state no single mums- shame on you!!!!!

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I don't think there's a stigma, no.

I can understand others not wanting to meet single parents, especially if they don't have to navigate juggling life and parenting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im a single parent, and thankfully haven't come across this sort of thing. maybe just lucky i guess. but i haven't found my home-life has impacted my experience.. its just the 'free time' part that's a little tricky sometimes

i meet other single parents, or equally couples who have families, and again it's just planning.

not off-putting in the slightest.

i think if i found profiles like you've described OP, it would be a straight block for me. im clearly not what those people would be looking for, and vicea versa.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I don't feel the need to mention on my profile that I'm a

single parent

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By *GermanInLondonMan
over a year ago

London

Big shout out to you pw and all other single parents. I think you are doing a great job!! Sadly unappreciated and undervalued by a lot.

Not sure if daddy replacement applies for this page but for general dating apps that may be a concern. Honesty and management of expectations would help I guess. All the other questions you ask may apply to some people but I find them hypothetical and could apply to men as well. Maybe not so much the stretch marks but men bods age as well unfortunately...

The single dad bits... I had some suspicions as well towards me (and I share care so can actually accommodate). Comes down to believability and honesty I feel. Can be challenging to establish that via a few messages though. One issue maybe is that men probably get much less messages and women many more so I guess you are more exposed to truths or dishonesty.

Generally I think lots of those aspects apply to both genders, just traditionally that women are more likely to end up in this circumstances.

Always up for positivity.

I enjoy my freedom, I enjoy exchange with parents actually (a good way to build a connection), and in shared care I enjoy that I have time for myself. Just wish there was more support out there for parents who have kids 24/7!

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

If someone shares the care are they a single parent ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only impact is time, but then again I'm not that fussed and sex isn't a priority for me.

I've never had anyone say it's a reason they don't want to meet me.

But I don't really talk about it a lot as it's nothing to do with who I meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone shares the care are they a single parent ? "

No, that's co parenting.

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By *cing3894Man
over a year ago

Billingham

There is certainly a societal stigma of single parents but I certainly don't find it off putting. This is not a dating site after all, if a single mum is on here then read her damn profile! More often than not she will tell you what she wants!

Often it seems they will want a sexual relationship with a regular partner, not a romantic relationship, and there is NOTHING wrong with that! Most appear to want this for their own safety, and a guy who is reliable and trust worthy.

Gents there are a lot of strange men in the world who have strange ideas about women and treat this site like a damn catalogue of women to have their way with. There is a concerning number of statuses from women about cruel messages from men who cant handle rejection.

Just because a woman likes sex doesn't make her a slut or worth less ESPECIALLY is she is a mother! The sooner we all realise that women have the power on here and they absolutely could use this site as a "mail order Penis catalogue" the better.

I know it's not all men, but good ones seem to be drown out.

Apologies for the long message

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"If someone shares the care are they a single parent ?

No, that's co parenting. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men could have many different reasons for not wanting to meet single mums OP.

Maybe the ones you listed and possibly more.

It's their preference regrettably fr single mums.. personally not an issue for me

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Perhaps they think that single parents won't be there for them at the drop of a hat.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"If someone shares the care are they a single parent ? "

Deemed to be by some, as some parents only get every other weekend child free.

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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London

I personally love a single mum!

I think it's less drama and complication, if they're being overtly sexual early on and it's clear it's not to find a baby daddy - it's a winner winner chicken dinner!

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

The guys who say that are probably the ones who don't realise the vagina doesn't stay stretched and get upset because you can't meet at the drop of a hat, the attention seeking needy fucker types.

Mrs

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By *nsomniacMan
over a year ago

chester

Me personally it has nor ever will be, if both parties have the desire to take a chance with someone, arrangements can always be rescheduled.

But then again I've not had the opportunity to make arrangements so what the hell do I know

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Single parents like any situation have pros and cons depending on the perspective of each person.

Personally, I don't want to meet kids, worry about waking children and having them wander in, or feel bad that a fully lone parent has to pay for a sitter to see me. So it is a consideration. It's not a deal breaker for me, it's not a judgement on that person, but it is a relevant factor on availability and what we can progress to.

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

I haven’t noticed any stigma towards me being a single mother.

The only thing I find difficult is finding a free time as I have none at this moment and I totally understand others may get annoyed and find it as an inconvenience.

Luckily for them, plenty of single and care free people out there.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

On here it didn't bother me. But I would never have dated someone with children under 18

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I’ve always thought a person with children is a big positive, there’s a certain shared understanding of life

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

It's a delicate balance indeed. I'm free at weekends, most have their kids at weekends, so it's mostly a non starter, bar for the occasional few, where our free time matches

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I don’t mention I’m a single mum on my profile. I mentioned it if someone showed an interest in meeting as the lack of free time makes it incredibly hard for me to meet. If they have a lack of free time too (co-parenting, in a “secret” relationship etc) then it was a nightmare to arrange owt. So I can understand a bit of reluctance on the fella’s behalf.

I live with my mum (who has health & mobility issues) and have three dogs too (the last time I met anyone on Fab I had just one dog), so it’s a lot to juggle and frankly I got fed up with the stress of trying to plan anything and it’s one of the reasons I no longer meet.

I guess if someone is horny and want’s to “meet now!!!” then single parents are a bit of a cock block.

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By *GermanInLondonMan
over a year ago

London

"It's a delicate balance indeed. I'm free at weekends, most have their kids at weekends, so it's mostly a non starter, bar for the occasional few, where our free time matches

Agree, timing is an issue. I have one week free one week dad duties so it's always a bit of luck, including for the bigger socials.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

The only reason I can think anyone would say no single mums, is the lack of their time.

If they work and have children, time to meet would Probably be harder to sort.

On here a single dad wouldn't bother me at all to meet, if I was single & looking to date I wouldn't pick someone with young children as I've never wanted my own kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On fabs I don’t think there’s much negativity towards single mothers. The only thing I can think of it that some single mothers can be really hard to plan around as they don’t have as much free time. Which can be difficult

If we were talking about general dating I’d totally agree, single mothers get a lot of negativity towards them.

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By *he Black ExperienceMan
over a year ago

banbury

I cam honestly say it's the first I've heard of it.

Probably because for me it doesn't really matter. I don't see how anyone can make an issue of it. To be fair your family isn't my business.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

In the "incel" community, we're seen as damaged goods, we've been discarded by another man, we're second hand etc

But you also get the extreme where men only go for single mums because we're grateful for any attention we can get... and we're seen as easy. They also think we'll look after them, feed them etc

My child is older, so it's not so much of an issue now and I have plenty of free time.

Even when they were little, men and family life were a totally separate thing. I wouldn't have anyone round the house if they were there, didn't see me with anyone other than actual friends who I knew well.

I don't know why men automatically think we want some sort of father replacement. We're perfectly capable of raising kids on our own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not a parent myself but happened to meet a single dad off here. His wife passed away about eight years ago unexpectedly. He has used Fab basically for dating as he’s found dating sites not to easily fit his non-vanilla sex preferences. We were first only looking for casual sex and perhaps the odd vanilla activity friend for a meal out or a night out enjoying drinks or dancing.

Him being a single parent doesn’t negatively impact our relationship. We’ve recently deemed ourselves partners after nearly five months of seeing one another weekly around his children’s schedule. This has meant day time meets, quick meet ups whilst they’re at birthday parties, meeting over lunch breaks, etc but has also made time for long weekends together when they’re on school trips, away with grandparents/aunties, or spending the weekend with friends.

He makes me feel prioritised when we are together, and when we aren’t he spends time with me at a distance: communicating, sending h me flowers, orders me lunch or dinner via Uber Eats, doesn’t spend a day without looking after me when we are apart, and values enriching our connection.

He’s recently told his children about me about three weeks ago. They are 16, and 15 year old boys. He has also invited me to meet them over dinner shortly after Christmas. I’m honestly terrified, but have agreeed to meet them. I’ve spent the night at his many times but always when the boys have been away. He’s also spent the night at mine. Our first time together he booked a hotel.

Never thought I’d be with a single parent but this single dad adds to my life rather then takes from it. His brain is tantalising. It’s a bonus his body makes me tingle and dance with pleasure too. I’m in no way looking to become a replacement mum, and he knows this.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Another thing... Some... Not all, men just have a blatant disregard for the mum/kids. I lost count of the number of men who would try and invite themselves round "when the kids in bed". Just to get their dick wet.

Plus points... Anyone who co parents, and has contact orders usually do have free time, and it's always the same, so that actually makes it easier to arrange getting together. And we like to make the most of our free time. If you're meeting another parent, you just "get it". Past a certain age, we don't want any more kids, so you have less to worry about in that respect.

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By *ig1gaz1Man
over a year ago

bradford

"There's a stigma to single parenting isn't there, a negative one. And I have actually seen in profiles men saying no single mums. Begs the question as to why doesn't it? Is it because it means mum tum and stretch marks or worse? The fact they'll be after a daddy replacement or security? They'll be needy or stressful? Or maybe they'll be unemployed or don't work full time, so cost is placed on the guy if it comes up? Maybe a single mum is unlikely to meet at hers so that means a hotel meet paid for by the guy? Or he accommodates which won't be an option for the attached men. Or is that she's not available at the drop of a hat?

What are the good points to single parents for others on fab? Let's have some positivity shall we?

Theres alot more of no single dads from the ladies than there is to no single mums from the men.

As ive found out with accomodation we are expected to accomodate more, as like many single parents many of us refuse as its the childrens home.

The men are accused of lieing, theyve got a partner, Ive had many comments said to me by both the ladies and couples.

I also know single parents can share the costs, as i did it often.

manchester, preston, blackpool, milton keynes all rented, taxied

Being a taxi for many forum members going and returning to an organised event.

picking up people for the organised event.

sharing the costs to gain entry as a couple.

I can say we single dads can be better fwb the same can be said for the ladies if you are prepared to except that we have other commitments and our children come first.

I wouldnt want to introduce a new fwb to the children but would with a long term fwb that also goes for a couple as well.

As long as there exceptable of this as they would be introduced as friends only.

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
over a year ago

North West

I find it interesting how much information people share.

I wouldn’t know if half the guys I’ve met are dads or not. It’s not relevant to my fab meet.

We’re either compatible sexually and both available, or we’re not.

I don’t have kids, and don’t have any interest in talking to fab people about theirs

It wouldn’t affect my decision for fab. I didn’t realise it was an issue to others.

It does in the dating world because I don’t want kids x

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By *hief_Of_AlwaysMan
over a year ago

The last house on the left…

Me being a Dad isn’t the problem.

The problem is my face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never found my single parent status has made me feel stigmatised.

The main issues for me are finding the free time, not being able to be super flexible when I do have it, and people not being understanding when I say I can't accommodate much of the time or meet at the drop of a hat or be super spontaneous. That's frustrating because believe me if love to be! And money cos I ain't got any.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Do you find it hard on fab to find what you're looking for?

What are the good points to single parents for others on fab? Let's have some positivity shall we?

"
No i think its more the unreliability of single mums(not saying you) say your child gets ill and or the baby sitter can't make it

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"There is certainly a societal stigma of single parents but I certainly don't find it off putting. This is not a dating site after all, if a single mum is on here then read her damn profile! More often than not she will tell you what she wants!

I know it's not all men, but good ones seem to be drown out.

Apologies for the long message"

You’re going to get accused of being Captain Save-a-ho, you realise that?

You are brave. I like everything you said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Often it seems they will want a sexual relationship with a regular partner, not a romantic relationship, and there is NOTHING wrong with that! Most appear to want this for their own safety, and a guy who is reliable and trust worthy."

I think you've hit the nail on the head there - certainly for me that's pretty spot on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The guys who say that are probably the ones who don't realise the vagina doesn't stay stretched and get upset because you can't meet at the drop of a hat, the attention seeking needy fucker types.

Mrs "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In the "incel" community, we're seen as damaged goods, we've been discarded by another man, we're second hand etc

***But you also get the extreme where men only go for single mums because we're grateful for any attention we can get... and we're seen as easy. They also think we'll look after them, feed them etc***

My child is older, so it's not so much of an issue now and I have plenty of free time.

I don't know why men automatically think we want some sort of father replacement. We're perfectly capable of raising kids on our own.

***

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

No stigma from my point

Hardworking mum juggling life, kids and all that comes with it are pretty awesome and deserve some fun in their life

Big thumbs up from me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But surely the percentage of single women here who have kids is going to be pretty high? The age group seems to be 30s up as far as I can tell. If men want to not bother with single mums, they're reducing their available pool by a significant number. Bit daft.

Or is it more that we have baggy vaginas?

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By *tanley FunseekerMan
over a year ago

stanley

"No stigma from my point

Hardworking mum juggling life, kids and all that comes with it are pretty awesome and deserve some fun in their life

Big thumbs up from me"

Couldn’t agree more with this

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By *ags73Man
over a year ago

glasgow-ish

"If someone shares the care are they a single parent ?

No, that's co parenting. "

Yep. There’s a difference if you can pass kids back to your former partner

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By *ust want fun 888Man
over a year ago

nearby

I am a single dad, but I live alone. But being a single person on here, I don’t know, I know I’m no oil painting but it seems very hard for single males on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But surely the percentage of single women here who have kids is going to be pretty high? The age group seems to be 30s up as far as I can tell. If men want to not bother with single mums, they're reducing their available pool by a significant number. Bit daft.

Or is it more that we have baggy vaginas?

Baggy vag

They never shrink back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone shares the care are they a single parent ?

No, that's co parenting.

Yep. There’s a difference if you can pass kids back to your former partner

I don't agree. I think anyone who parents on their own some of the time is a single parent. For many women that's all but every other weekend when their partner has them. A lone parent is someone who does all the parenting all the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or is it more that we have baggy vaginas?

Baggy vag

They never shrink back. "

WHAT?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone shares the care are they a single parent ?

No, that's co parenting.

Yep. There’s a difference if you can pass kids back to your former partner

That could also apply to some married couples!

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By *inkylipsWoman
over a year ago

Debauchery

As someone says the worst thing I find is finding the time to meet as a single parent. When I do it’s always hotels as I would never have someone in my kids safe place, which I either pay or go halves on. I’m not needy or looking for drama as my life is centred around my kids. My body is not perfect it has grown four humans, i am open about this right from the start. If people don’t want to meet for these reasons I respect that. I do feel sometimes single parents get a bad rap

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a single parent and honestly never came across any negitivity on here actually most people are very understanding x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or is it more that we have baggy vaginas?

Baggy vag

They never shrink back.

WHAT?!"

I promise you do your pelvic floors and you'll be fine!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone shares the care are they a single parent ?

No, that's co parenting.

Yep. There’s a difference if you can pass kids back to your former partner

That could also apply to some married couples!

Aside from the salient "single" part.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or is it more that we have baggy vaginas?

Baggy vag

They never shrink back.

WHAT?!

I promise you do your pelvic floors and you'll be fine!!!! "

I do them, I do them!!

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By *ags73Man
over a year ago

glasgow-ish

"If someone shares the care are they a single parent ?

No, that's co parenting.

Yep. There’s a difference if you can pass kids back to your former partner

Big difference between co parenting and being the only parent.

No idea what ‘some of the time’ might be and I don’t think I’d want to know

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By *ags73Man
over a year ago

glasgow-ish

That could also apply to some married couples!

Exactly and some fabbers will be in with the kids whilst their other half gets frisky and viceversa

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or is it more that we have baggy vaginas?

Baggy vag

They never shrink back.

WHAT?!

I promise you do your pelvic floors and you'll be fine!!!!

I do them, I do them!!

Never stop! I started when I was pregnant with my eldest, three births down and I've been told you'd never know

never peed myself either

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

Time and flexibility are the biggest issues.

Other than the aesthetics you mention, they're all possible good reasons they may not want to meet a single parent

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By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago

Leigh-on-Sea

The main problem it causes me is availability.

I can only really play whilst he's at school

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By *emma200Woman
over a year ago

Warwickshire

I’m pretty lucky that both my kids are older… so I don’t have an issue juggling the time around the kids... I don’t accommodate because they are old enough to know what I’m doing.. however even if they wasn’t I still wouldn’t accommodate.. I prefer meets away from home x

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By *uri00620Woman
over a year ago

Croydon

I've never seen a profile saying no single mums. I mean I certainly get it for dating why someone wouldn't but if it's just a meet then I don't know, unless they assume logistics may be an issue (which could be true and is certainly the case with me)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That could also apply to some married couples!

Exactly and some fabbers will be in with the kids whilst their other half gets frisky and viceversa "

No. Married couples where one person does the parenting all the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone shares the care are they a single parent ?

No, that's co parenting.

Yep. There’s a difference if you can pass kids back to your former partner

Big difference between co parenting and being the only parent.

No idea what ‘some of the time’ might be and I don’t think I’d want to know

Yes I know there's a big difference. That's why the term "lone parent" is accurate. But the most common "co-parenting" setup is when the dad has the kids every other weekend.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

I was a single dad on the scene before meeting Mrs Misfit (although we still have our respective lone parent households). In terms of Fab my experience is generally positive.

With regards accommodation I recognised that some may have been put off by a suspicion that its a cover. However it seems to me that most women gave me enough time of day to use their own spidy senses to check me out.

Most of the women I went with through fab and other sites like the swipe left and right one where likewise single mums looking for the same care free company and physical indulgence. This was my preference, as well as how the cookie generally crumbles as a male in your 30s looking for women of a similar age. Fact is most single women in the age range I was looking are single mom's. In a way a double edged sword. On one hand we both shared the experience and understanding of what it's like to be a single parent and trying to ballance this stuff. Which make things so much easier when you both understand the struggles of ballencing the two worlds. That shared understanding is helpful. However it's hard as a single parent to get both free time and a suitable space. Hard enough when it's only one person with kids who can't accommodate but twice as hard when it's both of you. However with patience, communication and creativity you both find away if you want it to happen. But I was aware that in that way I was disadvantaged over many men in terms of avaliablity and space.

On the point of fearing being a mummy replacement maybe some do instantly over think on finding out you're a single dad (maybe from previous experience). But I don't think that's the norm. I don't think many would automatically think that unless your words and actions gave off that impression. Definitely not from me, I'm perfectly capable of raising my children, just here for my adult interaction and indulgence because I am also a red bloody emotional adult as well as a parent.

Women in this scene tend to grow good spidy senses. They can sniff out BS a mile away. They know anyone can write on an online bio or claim to be anything. But they tend to be able to out pretty quick if you're genuine and a good sort or not. And if they think you're worth the time they'll find a way with you. So actually being a single dad on the scene was not as difficult as I thought it would be. There are some awesome women out there.

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By *xtrafun4youMan
over a year ago

Dunstable

I don't think it's a problem. I would date single parents. As I am one. But I am totally free.

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