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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so "Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex. Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha | |||
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"Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex. Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha " Personally, casual sex isn't really what I seek. I have male partners who are much more capable of doing that whole NSA thing and have far more sexual partners than me during our relationship. I don't feel slighted by that. | |||
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"I don’t get how one half having more partners becomes unethical. I’m well aware that Mrs Wick will get more action than I will, she’s the one with the tits and vag’ Everything we do, no matter who’s getting more of the action, is with full disclosure, ergo….ethical. " So the definition of ethical is full disclosure? | |||
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"So the definition of ethical is full disclosure?" It's impossible to be ethical about it while hiding things from your partners. | |||
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so "Absolutely this, men who can’t get laid need to start looking at themselves for the reason why, rather than attempt to place restrictions on their partner. | |||
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"I don’t get how one half having more partners becomes unethical. I’m well aware that Mrs Wick will get more action than I will, she’s the one with the tits and vag’ Everything we do, no matter who’s getting more of the action, is with full disclosure, ergo….ethical. So the definition of ethical is full disclosure?" What may be my definition, may not be another’s. Every relationship has its unique dynamics. Trying to put it into a catch all term, won’t really work. | |||
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"So the definition of ethical is full disclosure? It's impossible to be ethical about it while hiding things from your partners." True but I don't think disclosing something you do makes it ethical by default | |||
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"So the definition of ethical is full disclosure? It's impossible to be ethical about it while hiding things from your partners." Very much this. You can't say you're ENM if you're hiding/lying about things. If people are open and honest? Then yes, it's ethical. It doesn't mean that people will agree on everything, relationships are nuanced and complicated sometimes. It does mean that you're open to listening and talking honestly with another. The amount of partners one person has compared to another doesn't make it less ethical. | |||
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"Are the people in the relationship happy with the set up, whatever it may be? Are they open and honest with each other, with themselves, and with anyone else who's involved? Then it's ethical. Mrs TMN x" Yeah of course it's down to the individual couples I wouldn't disagree with that | |||
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"So the definition of ethical is full disclosure? It's impossible to be ethical about it while hiding things from your partners. True but I don't think disclosing something you do makes it ethical by default " Oh of course not. But it's a foundation. By choosing not to disclose something you know is relevant to your partner you are definitely not acting ethically. | |||
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"It's no different to any other mutual decision in a relationship that requires one person to "give in" or at best compromise. Is it ethical for the none ENM person to force their partner to not be ENM just because they don't want to be? If the person you are with does not fit with who you are or what you want, you should not be with them. It's a good a reason as any to split up, no more or less ethical than any other decision a couple faces. "  | |||
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so
Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha "I don’t think you can open your relationship if you don’t so believing you’re going to be swimming in opportunities for sex. And likewise if you take issue with your partner being more successful for you then that probably means there should be a rethink. | |||
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so
Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha
I don’t think you can open your relationship if you don’t so believing you’re going to be swimming in opportunities for sex. And likewise if you take issue with your partner being more successful for you then that probably means there should be a rethink. "Well personally I wouldn't entertain the idea of an ENM... It's not for me. | |||
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so
Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha
I don’t think you can open your relationship if you don’t so believing you’re going to be swimming in opportunities for sex. And likewise if you take issue with your partner being more successful for you then that probably means there should be a rethink. "Well exactly 99% of the time the women will be able to find more sexual partners then the man will. You're signing up to a significant disparity. | |||
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"Well personally I wouldn't entertain the idea of an ENM... It's not for me." And that's absolutely fine. Find people that are compatible with your relationship style and structure. Admittedly, swinging is a branch of ENM, so this may not be the best place to find suitable partners for yourself. | |||
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so
Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha
I don’t think you can open your relationship if you don’t so believing you’re going to be swimming in opportunities for sex. And likewise if you take issue with your partner being more successful for you then that probably means there should be a rethink.
Well exactly 99% of the time the women will be able to find more sexual partners then the man will.
You're signing up to a significant disparity."And that’s ok. Besides, believe in your sauce. | |||
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so
Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha
I don’t think you can open your relationship if you don’t so believing you’re going to be swimming in opportunities for sex. And likewise if you take issue with your partner being more successful for you then that probably means there should be a rethink.
Well exactly 99% of the time the women will be able to find more sexual partners then the man will.
You're signing up to a significant disparity."That doesn’t mean it’s not ethical. | |||
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"Well personally I wouldn't entertain the idea of an ENM... It's not for me. And that's absolutely fine. Find people that are compatible with your relationship style and structure. Admittedly, swinging is a branch of ENM, so this may not be the best place to find suitable partners for yourself." Oh there’s plenty of monogamous, not swingers on this site. It is genuinely used by some as a hookup site. A place to meet FBs and FWBs. | |||
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"Are ENM relationships really all that ethical if there is a clear disparity in the amount of extra sexual partners one part of the couple is having? Is it ethical if one partner asks the other one day for an ENM relatipnship and an threatened to leave them if they don't agree. Do people agree to it because they know they might struggle to find another partner if they don't. Obviously it's all down to the individual circumstances but I do wonder sometimes." ENM relationships aren't automatically ethical. After all, an ENM relationship could involve domestic abuse. The ethical in ENM refers to the type of non-monogamy. That's all. | |||
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"Many people enjoy their partner having sex with others whilst they don't, OP. It doesn't make it unethical. It's not for everyone, sure. " Hey look, as a single man on here I can ensure you I am very grateful for ENM couples on here 
I met one a week ago  | |||
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"As ever, Prey nails it. Mrs TMN x" I’d rather nail prey.  
*I couldn’t help it, I’m a blurter.  | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement." If the disparity was the other way around how would you have felt ? | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement." Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement." Sounds like someone who is too insecure and emotionally immature to be in an ENM relationship. | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. If the disparity was the other way around how would you have felt ? " Fine....I was happy with him. And that's the truth. I knew that when I was cancelled on and wasn't bothered about it but he was for the effect it had had on him. | |||
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so " | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Sounds like someone who is too insecure and emotionally immature to be in an ENM relationship. " 1000% this | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? " It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did." He should have known what he was signing up to then haha | |||
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"…. It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha "Do you laugh at everyone? …. | |||
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"So basically because women can get sex easier than male half that makes it unethical? Going into these things is where the conversation and boundaries come into play. If you can't be happy for your partner to be with others then ENM isn't for you. Mrs " I know it isn't...I've already stated that | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha "Yep. But when a man doesn't get meets it can get real shitty when the woman does. It all comes down to that 'it isn't fair' stuff. And then people aren't adults anymore. | |||
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"…. It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Do you laugh at everyone? ….
"It's a smiling emoji ? | |||
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so
Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha
I don’t think you can open your relationship if you don’t so believing you’re going to be swimming in opportunities for sex. And likewise if you take issue with your partner being more successful for you then that probably means there should be a rethink.
Well exactly 99% of the time the women will be able to find more sexual partners then the man will.
You're signing up to a significant disparity."You keep mentioning disparity… Are you confusing ethical & equal? It makes no difference who gets more action. There’s not supposed to be scorecards or body counts. | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Yep.
But when a man doesn't get meets it can get real shitty when the woman does.
It all comes down to that 'it isn't fair' stuff. And then people aren't adults anymore.
"Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage. It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage | |||
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so
Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha
I don’t think you can open your relationship if you don’t so believing you’re going to be swimming in opportunities for sex. And likewise if you take issue with your partner being more successful for you then that probably means there should be a rethink.
Well exactly 99% of the time the women will be able to find more sexual partners then the man will.
You're signing up to a significant disparity.
You keep mentioning disparity…
Are you confusing ethical & equal?
It makes no difference who gets more action. There’s not supposed to be scorecards or body counts. "Well equality in most aspects of a relationship is considered good.... pretty sure financial disparity wouldn't be deemed ethical | |||
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"…. It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Do you laugh at everyone? ….
It's a smiling emoji ? "And that followed HAHA. | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Yep.
But when a man doesn't get meets it can get real shitty when the woman does.
It all comes down to that 'it isn't fair' stuff. And then people aren't adults anymore.
"Quick Google search of the word ethical: "Ethical comes from the Greek ethos "moral character" and describes a person or behavior as right in the moral sense - truthful, fair, and honest." Apparently"fairness" does come into it. | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Yep.
But when a man doesn't get meets it can get real shitty when the woman does.
It all comes down to that 'it isn't fair' stuff. And then people aren't adults anymore.
Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage.
It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage "A massive disadvantage meaning you wouldn't sign up for ....that sounds like you view it as a competition and as you're not going to win you'd rather not embarrass yourself in losing. But if you were the one at an advantage you'd do as you were going to come out in too??? That says more about you than anything else. That's a shitty attitude. Don't forget the people in the tally chrt are actually people not just empty fucks for you to be a winner. I said that to a certain someone too! | |||
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"…. It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Do you laugh at everyone? ….
It's a smiling emoji ?
And that followed HAHA. "And that means I'm laughing "at" someone? I will refrain from emojis in the future. | |||
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so
Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha
I don’t think you can open your relationship if you don’t so believing you’re going to be swimming in opportunities for sex. And likewise if you take issue with your partner being more successful for you then that probably means there should be a rethink.
Well exactly 99% of the time the women will be able to find more sexual partners then the man will.
You're signing up to a significant disparity.
You keep mentioning disparity…
Are you confusing ethical & equal?
It makes no difference who gets more action. There’s not supposed to be scorecards or body counts.
Well equality in most aspects of a relationship is considered good.... pretty sure financial disparity wouldn't be deemed ethical "Are you saying if people in a relationship don't earn the same amount of money, it's unethical? | |||
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so
Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha
I don’t think you can open your relationship if you don’t so believing you’re going to be swimming in opportunities for sex. And likewise if you take issue with your partner being more successful for you then that probably means there should be a rethink.
Well exactly 99% of the time the women will be able to find more sexual partners then the man will.
You're signing up to a significant disparity.
You keep mentioning disparity…
Are you confusing ethical & equal?
It makes no difference who gets more action. There’s not supposed to be scorecards or body counts.
Well equality in most aspects of a relationship is considered good.... pretty sure financial disparity wouldn't be deemed ethical
Are you saying if people in a relationship don't earn the same amount of money, it's unethical? "I'm saying if one person controlled a significant amount of the finances I'm sure people would consider it unethical yes | |||
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so
Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha
I don’t think you can open your relationship if you don’t so believing you’re going to be swimming in opportunities for sex. And likewise if you take issue with your partner being more successful for you then that probably means there should be a rethink.
Well exactly 99% of the time the women will be able to find more sexual partners then the man will.
You're signing up to a significant disparity.
You keep mentioning disparity…
Are you confusing ethical & equal?
It makes no difference who gets more action. There’s not supposed to be scorecards or body counts.
Well equality in most aspects of a relationship is considered good.... pretty sure financial disparity wouldn't be deemed ethical "Apples & oranges. And I think now you’re just making counter arguments for the sake of it. Financial disparity because of jobs etc is fairly common in relationships…. But generally is then shared equally within the household. If not then it becomes within the realm of financial abuse. Sexual disparity within an ENM relationship can’t really be “shared” and isnt remotely comparable in my opinion. | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Yep.
But when a man doesn't get meets it can get real shitty when the woman does.
It all comes down to that 'it isn't fair' stuff. And then people aren't adults anymore.
Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage.
It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage
A massive disadvantage meaning you wouldn't sign up for ....that sounds like you view it as a competition and as you're not going to win you'd rather not embarrass yourself in losing. But if you were the one at an advantage you'd do as you were going to come out in too??? That says more about you than anything else. That's a shitty attitude.
Don't forget the people in the tally chrt are actually people not just empty fucks for you to be a winner. I said that to a certain someone too!"I love how you spin it round on me.. I'm not even in one. Would you do it it was the other way around ? | |||
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"Quick Google search of the word ethical: "Ethical comes from the Greek ethos "moral character" and describes a person or behavior as right in the moral sense - truthful, fair, and honest." Apparently"fairness" does come into it." Usually, when someone is stamping their foot and declaring something isn't fair, it usually has nothing to do with actual fairness. | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Yep.
But when a man doesn't get meets it can get real shitty when the woman does.
It all comes down to that 'it isn't fair' stuff. And then people aren't adults anymore.
Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage.
It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage
A massive disadvantage meaning you wouldn't sign up for ....that sounds like you view it as a competition and as you're not going to win you'd rather not embarrass yourself in losing. But if you were the one at an advantage you'd do as you were going to come out in too??? That says more about you than anything else. That's a shitty attitude.
Don't forget the people in the tally chrt are actually people not just empty fucks for you to be a winner. I said that to a certain someone too!
I love how you spin it round on me.. I'm not even in one.
Would you do it it was the other way around ?"Do you just spin that on me??? 
You started the thread OP I'm just responding.
Why are you so interested if you're not in one??? | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Yep.
But when a man doesn't get meets it can get real shitty when the woman does.
It all comes down to that 'it isn't fair' stuff. And then people aren't adults anymore.
Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage.
It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage
A massive disadvantage meaning you wouldn't sign up for ....that sounds like you view it as a competition and as you're not going to win you'd rather not embarrass yourself in losing. But if you were the one at an advantage you'd do as you were going to come out in too??? That says more about you than anything else. That's a shitty attitude.
Don't forget the people in the tally chrt are actually people not just empty fucks for you to be a winner. I said that to a certain someone too!
I love how you spin it round on me.. I'm not even in one.
Would you do it it was the other way around ?
Do you just spin that on me???
You started the thread OP I'm just responding.
Why are you so interested if you're not in one???"I was talking about a concept in general. Not specific to anyone You made a personal comment about my "shitty attitude" because you didn't like my general point
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so
Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha
I don’t think you can open your relationship if you don’t so believing you’re going to be swimming in opportunities for sex. And likewise if you take issue with your partner being more successful for you then that probably means there should be a rethink.
Well exactly 99% of the time the women will be able to find more sexual partners then the man will.
You're signing up to a significant disparity.
You keep mentioning disparity…
Are you confusing ethical & equal?
It makes no difference who gets more action. There’s not supposed to be scorecards or body counts.
Well equality in most aspects of a relationship is considered good.... pretty sure financial disparity wouldn't be deemed ethical
Are you saying if people in a relationship don't earn the same amount of money, it's unethical?
I'm saying if one person controlled a significant amount of the finances I'm sure people would consider it unethical yes "I don't think the two things equate. In an ENM setup, if one partner controls the other (without consent) it's not ethical. Having equal freedom doesn't equate to equal shags. And having equal shags isn't the gold standard of an ethical relationship. I think we're going in circles here. | |||
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" Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage. It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage " This makes me so uncomfortable. I would say ENM is not for you. I would not want to be with someone who was keeping score like that. What a massive advantage. I feel so lucky right now. J | |||
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"Poly under duress is not ethical. Restricting the number of partners your partner can have purely because you're less successful at dating is unethical. Done properly, it can be ethical. Unfortunately, most people are incapable of doing so
Sure but as Fab proves it's infinitely easier for women to acquire casual sex.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for women in ENM looking for an extra male partner haha "Enm isn't about casual sex. I think you misunderstand. And it's really not easier finding that kind of compatibility. | |||
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" Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage. It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage This makes me so uncomfortable. I would say ENM is not for you. I would not want to be with someone who was keeping score like that. What a massive advantage. I feel so lucky right now. J" How many time do I have to say I'm not looking for a EMN and I know it's not for me | |||
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"I don't think ethics are about equality of outcome in this instance, they're about trust and communication. If you're unhappy with a situation where the amount of sex might be unequal, then you might not be one for ENM. " So summary is it's Freedom of opportunity not freedom of outcomes | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement." That's really mature  | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Yep.
But when a man doesn't get meets it can get real shitty when the woman does.
It all comes down to that 'it isn't fair' stuff. And then people aren't adults anymore.
Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage.
It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage
A massive disadvantage meaning you wouldn't sign up for ....that sounds like you view it as a competition and as you're not going to win you'd rather not embarrass yourself in losing. But if you were the one at an advantage you'd do as you were going to come out in too??? That says more about you than anything else. That's a shitty attitude.
Don't forget the people in the tally chrt are actually people not just empty fucks for you to be a winner. I said that to a certain someone too!
I love how you spin it round on me.. I'm not even in one.
Would you do it it was the other way around ?
Do you just spin that on me???
You started the thread OP I'm just responding.
Why are you so interested if you're not in one???
I was talking about a concept in general. Not specific to anyone
You made a personal comment about my "shitty attitude" because you didn't like my general point
"Your opening post shows your way of thinking about it. And I've been on the receiving end of someone with a similar mindset to you. And I'm sorry but I don't agree with it. It screams 'it's not fair, I don't want to play unless I can be the winner! How is that a good attitude to have to ENM? | |||
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" Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage. It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage This makes me so uncomfortable. I would say ENM is not for you. I would not want to be with someone who was keeping score like that. What a massive advantage. I feel so lucky right now. J How many time do I have to say I'm not looking for a EMN and I know it's not for me "I don't understand why you started the thread then? J | |||
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" Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage. It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage This makes me so uncomfortable. I would say ENM is not for you. I would not want to be with someone who was keeping score like that. What a massive advantage. I feel so lucky right now. J How many time do I have to say I'm not looking for a EMN and I know it's not for me
I don't understand why you started the thread then?
J"Can you not have a debate without being personally involved? | |||
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"I don't think ethics are about equality of outcome in this instance, they're about trust and communication. If you're unhappy with a situation where the amount of sex might be unequal, then you might not be one for ENM. So summary is it's Freedom of opportunity not freedom of outcomes " Pretty much. What would freedom of outcomes look like? Tallying up minutes of extra-relationship fucking and jealousy? fuck that | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Yep.
But when a man doesn't get meets it can get real shitty when the woman does.
It all comes down to that 'it isn't fair' stuff. And then people aren't adults anymore.
Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage.
It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage
A massive disadvantage meaning you wouldn't sign up for ....that sounds like you view it as a competition and as you're not going to win you'd rather not embarrass yourself in losing. But if you were the one at an advantage you'd do as you were going to come out in too??? That says more about you than anything else. That's a shitty attitude.
Don't forget the people in the tally chrt are actually people not just empty fucks for you to be a winner. I said that to a certain someone too!
I love how you spin it round on me.. I'm not even in one.
Would you do it it was the other way around ?
Do you just spin that on me???
You started the thread OP I'm just responding.
Why are you so interested if you're not in one???
I was talking about a concept in general. Not specific to anyone
You made a personal comment about my "shitty attitude" because you didn't like my general point
Your opening post shows your way of thinking about it. And I've been on the receiving end of someone with a similar mindset to you. And I'm sorry but I don't agree with it. It screams 'it's not fair, I don't want to play unless I can be the winner! How is that a good attitude to have to ENM?"Well you're attitude seems to be...it's EMM when you slept with men. And it's cheating when your ex did it with a women | |||
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"I don't think ethics are about equality of outcome in this instance, they're about trust and communication. If you're unhappy with a situation where the amount of sex might be unequal, then you might not be one for ENM. So summary is it's Freedom of opportunity not freedom of outcomes Pretty much. What would freedom of outcomes look like? Tallying up minutes of extra-relationship fucking and jealousy? fuck that" I think what they mean is equality of opportunity, both sides are allowed to meet whoever they want. But opportunity does not guarantee outcome. Everyone is free to go to University, you aren't guaranteed to all get a degree. | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Yep.
But when a man doesn't get meets it can get real shitty when the woman does.
It all comes down to that 'it isn't fair' stuff. And then people aren't adults anymore.
Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage.
It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage
A massive disadvantage meaning you wouldn't sign up for ....that sounds like you view it as a competition and as you're not going to win you'd rather not embarrass yourself in losing. But if you were the one at an advantage you'd do as you were going to come out in too??? That says more about you than anything else. That's a shitty attitude.
Don't forget the people in the tally chrt are actually people not just empty fucks for you to be a winner. I said that to a certain someone too!
I love how you spin it round on me.. I'm not even in one.
Would you do it it was the other way around ?
Do you just spin that on me???
You started the thread OP I'm just responding.
Why are you so interested if you're not in one???
I was talking about a concept in general. Not specific to anyone
You made a personal comment about my "shitty attitude" because you didn't like my general point
Your opening post shows your way of thinking about it. And I've been on the receiving end of someone with a similar mindset to you. And I'm sorry but I don't agree with it. It screams 'it's not fair, I don't want to play unless I can be the winner! How is that a good attitude to have to ENM?
Well you're attitude seems to be...it's EMM when you slept with men.
And it's cheating when your ex did it with a women "Really? That's not what I read. | |||
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"I don't think ethics are about equality of outcome in this instance, they're about trust and communication. If you're unhappy with a situation where the amount of sex might be unequal, then you might not be one for ENM. So summary is it's Freedom of opportunity not freedom of outcomes Pretty much. What would freedom of outcomes look like? Tallying up minutes of extra-relationship fucking and jealousy? fuck that" Just getting out my wee tally book here *thumbs through dog-eared pages* | |||
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"I don't think ethics are about equality of outcome in this instance, they're about trust and communication. If you're unhappy with a situation where the amount of sex might be unequal, then you might not be one for ENM. So summary is it's Freedom of opportunity not freedom of outcomes Pretty much. What would freedom of outcomes look like? Tallying up minutes of extra-relationship fucking and jealousy? fuck that I think what they mean is equality of opportunity, both sides are allowed to meet whoever they want. But opportunity does not guarantee outcome. Everyone is free to go to University, you aren't guaranteed to all get a degree." Well yes. It's not like entering ENM means that you have a magic wand that makes it so people want to have sex with you. And it'd be pretty weird (controlling?) if you tried to make it equal. The ethics for me are about the relationship - openness and honesty and staying within your bounds. If one of the bounds is "we must have equal amounts of sex"... I'm sorry, but come back when you've grown up beyond "mummy it's not fair he had one more biscuit than me" | |||
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"Are ENM relationships really all that ethical if there is a clear disparity in the amount of extra sexual partners one part of the couple is having? Is it ethical if one partner asks the other one day for an ENM relatipnship and an threatened to leave them if they don't agree. Do people agree to it because they know they might struggle to find another partner if they don't. Obviously it's all down to the individual circumstances but I do wonder sometimes." It's simply a silly question. There will be those where it is a genuine, honest and sensible choice, and those where it is a case of manipulation or threat. It's nothing to do with racking up a score but what suits each couple best, and will vary according to their circumstances. It's not a binary choice. | |||
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"I don't think ethics are about equality of outcome in this instance, they're about trust and communication. If you're unhappy with a situation where the amount of sex might be unequal, then you might not be one for ENM. So summary is it's Freedom of opportunity not freedom of outcomes Pretty much. What would freedom of outcomes look like? Tallying up minutes of extra-relationship fucking and jealousy? fuck that Just getting out my wee tally book here *thumbs through dog-eared pages*" Hey as I've said before, I'm a single guy on so I will happily fuck a lady in an EMN | |||
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"I don't think ethics are about equality of outcome in this instance, they're about trust and communication. If you're unhappy with a situation where the amount of sex might be unequal, then you might not be one for ENM. So summary is it's Freedom of opportunity not freedom of outcomes Pretty much. What would freedom of outcomes look like? Tallying up minutes of extra-relationship fucking and jealousy? fuck that Just getting out my wee tally book here *thumbs through dog-eared pages*" Last week I had ten. ten minutes of sex. you had twelve. you. you are grounded! | |||
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" Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage. It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage This makes me so uncomfortable. I would say ENM is not for you. I would not want to be with someone who was keeping score like that. What a massive advantage. I feel so lucky right now. J How many time do I have to say I'm not looking for a EMN and I know it's not for me
I don't understand why you started the thread then?
J
Can you not have a debate without being personally involved?"This isn't a debate. It's you telling us why we're wrong when we're actually living this life and you're not. J | |||
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"…. It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Do you laugh at everyone? ….
It's a smiling emoji ?
And that followed HAHA.
And that means I'm laughing "at" someone?
I will refrain from emojis in the future."That’s what I said!!! 
Do you laugh at everyon…. Oh I give up. | |||
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" Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage. It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage This makes me so uncomfortable. I would say ENM is not for you. I would not want to be with someone who was keeping score like that. What a massive advantage. I feel so lucky right now. J How many time do I have to say I'm not looking for a EMN and I know it's not for me
I don't understand why you started the thread then?
J
Can you not have a debate without being personally involved?
This isn't a debate. It's you telling us why we're wrong when we're actually living this life and you're not.
J"I think that just shows you've taken it very personally. Please tell me where at any point I've said it's wrong to be in EMM? I've said it's not for me and I wouldn't sign up for it. In response I've been told I've got a horrible shitty attitude | |||
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"I don't think ethics are about equality of outcome in this instance, they're about trust and communication. If you're unhappy with a situation where the amount of sex might be unequal, then you might not be one for ENM. So summary is it's Freedom of opportunity not freedom of outcomes Pretty much. What would freedom of outcomes look like? Tallying up minutes of extra-relationship fucking and jealousy? fuck that I think what they mean is equality of opportunity, both sides are allowed to meet whoever they want. But opportunity does not guarantee outcome. Everyone is free to go to University, you aren't guaranteed to all get a degree. Well yes. It's not like entering ENM means that you have a magic wand that makes it so people want to have sex with you. And it'd be pretty weird (controlling?) if you tried to make it equal. The ethics for me are about the relationship - openness and honesty and staying within your bounds. If one of the bounds is "we must have equal amounts of sex"... I'm sorry, but come back when you've grown up beyond "mummy it's not fair he had one more biscuit than me"" Exactly, if you agree equality of opportunity then you absolutely must not keep a scorecard. I would build in a safeguard though, every 3 or 6 months you get a chance to review the agreement and only if both sides are happy you can renew it. That way if any bitterness, feeling coerced into something, resentment or jealousy happens then you can stop. It cannot be an irrevocable thing. | |||
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"Personally, I wouldn't want to fuck someone who thought I was selfish or unethical, but was just happy to get his dick wet regardless of his own concepts on who it's unfair on (as long as it's not unfair on him)." Agreed | |||
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"Personally, I wouldn't want to fuck someone who thought I was selfish or unethical, but was just happy to get his dick wet regardless of his own concepts on who it's unfair on (as long as it's not unfair on him)." No love heart, prey  | |||
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"…. It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Do you laugh at everyone? ….
It's a smiling emoji ?
And that followed HAHA.
And that means I'm laughing "at" someone?
I will refrain from emojis in the future.
That’s what I said!!!
Do you laugh at everyon…. Oh I give up. "I was merely trying to show the comment was light hearted...not that I'm laughing at someone maliciously | |||
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"Personally, I wouldn't want to fuck someone who thought I was selfish or unethical, but was just happy to get his dick wet regardless of his own concepts on who it's unfair on (as long as it's not unfair on him)." Any man, regardless of ethics, would be happy to get his dick wet with you. Pesky ethics | |||
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"Personally, I wouldn't want to fuck someone who thought I was selfish or unethical, but was just happy to get his dick wet regardless of his own concepts on who it's unfair on (as long as it's not unfair on him)." Sums it up pretty well. | |||
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"I don't think ethics are about equality of outcome in this instance, they're about trust and communication. If you're unhappy with a situation where the amount of sex might be unequal, then you might not be one for ENM. So summary is it's Freedom of opportunity not freedom of outcomes Pretty much. What would freedom of outcomes look like? Tallying up minutes of extra-relationship fucking and jealousy? fuck that I think what they mean is equality of opportunity, both sides are allowed to meet whoever they want. But opportunity does not guarantee outcome. Everyone is free to go to University, you aren't guaranteed to all get a degree. Well yes. It's not like entering ENM means that you have a magic wand that makes it so people want to have sex with you. And it'd be pretty weird (controlling?) if you tried to make it equal. The ethics for me are about the relationship - openness and honesty and staying within your bounds. If one of the bounds is "we must have equal amounts of sex"... I'm sorry, but come back when you've grown up beyond "mummy it's not fair he had one more biscuit than me" Exactly, if you agree equality of opportunity then you absolutely must not keep a scorecard. I would build in a safeguard though, every 3 or 6 months you get a chance to review the agreement and only if both sides are happy you can renew it. That way if any bitterness, feeling coerced into something, resentment or jealousy happens then you can stop. It cannot be an irrevocable thing." Oh, agreed entirely! Openness and honesty always - I think it'd be very hard to do if you weren't able to communicate clearly and lovingly. I just feel like the tone on this thread is bitterness and scorecard keeping. I consider myself to engage in ENM as a singleton, and one thing I always hold to is that pleasure isn't a zero sum game. I love it when my friends have fun. | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement. Do you mind if I ask who instigated the ENM in the first place...was it him ? It was there from the beginning as we were both singles originally but he didn't have people and I already did. He should have known what he was signing up to then haha
Yep.
But when a man doesn't get meets it can get real shitty when the woman does.
It all comes down to that 'it isn't fair' stuff. And then people aren't adults anymore.
Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage.
It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage
A massive disadvantage meaning you wouldn't sign up for ....that sounds like you view it as a competition and as you're not going to win you'd rather not embarrass yourself in losing. But if you were the one at an advantage you'd do as you were going to come out in too??? That says more about you than anything else. That's a shitty attitude.
Don't forget the people in the tally chrt are actually people not just empty fucks for you to be a winner. I said that to a certain someone too!
I love how you spin it round on me.. I'm not even in one.
Would you do it it was the other way around ?
Do you just spin that on me???
You started the thread OP I'm just responding.
Why are you so interested if you're not in one???
I was talking about a concept in general. Not specific to anyone
You made a personal comment about my "shitty attitude" because you didn't like my general point
Your opening post shows your way of thinking about it. And I've been on the receiving end of someone with a similar mindset to you. And I'm sorry but I don't agree with it. It screams 'it's not fair, I don't want to play unless I can be the winner! How is that a good attitude to have to ENM?
Well you're attitude seems to be...it's EMM when you slept with men.
And it's cheating when your ex did it with a women "I think you've got something very wrong and need to go back and re read some posts above. | |||
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"Makes you wonder, doesn’t it. What are ethics?  "It's a County in the East of England. | |||
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"Makes you wonder, doesn’t it. What are ethics?
It's a County in the East of England. "Ofc. Thanks | |||
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"Makes you wonder, doesn’t it. What are ethics?
It's a County in the East of England. "Hahaha. I absolutely love this. 1st thing to make me actually laugh today. *kisses granny. | |||
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"I don't think ethics are about equality of outcome in this instance, they're about trust and communication. If you're unhappy with a situation where the amount of sex might be unequal, then you might not be one for ENM. So summary is it's Freedom of opportunity not freedom of outcomes Pretty much. What would freedom of outcomes look like? Tallying up minutes of extra-relationship fucking and jealousy? fuck that I think what they mean is equality of opportunity, both sides are allowed to meet whoever they want. But opportunity does not guarantee outcome. Everyone is free to go to University, you aren't guaranteed to all get a degree. Well yes. It's not like entering ENM means that you have a magic wand that makes it so people want to have sex with you. And it'd be pretty weird (controlling?) if you tried to make it equal. The ethics for me are about the relationship - openness and honesty and staying within your bounds. If one of the bounds is "we must have equal amounts of sex"... I'm sorry, but come back when you've grown up beyond "mummy it's not fair he had one more biscuit than me" Exactly, if you agree equality of opportunity then you absolutely must not keep a scorecard. I would build in a safeguard though, every 3 or 6 months you get a chance to review the agreement and only if both sides are happy you can renew it. That way if any bitterness, feeling coerced into something, resentment or jealousy happens then you can stop. It cannot be an irrevocable thing. Oh, agreed entirely! Openness and honesty always - I think it'd be very hard to do if you weren't able to communicate clearly and lovingly. I just feel like the tone on this thread is bitterness and scorecard keeping. I consider myself to engage in ENM as a singleton, and one thing I always hold to is that pleasure isn't a zero sum game. I love it when my friends have fun." What bitterness, I've never been in an EMN ? You've all just got very touchy and defensive because I said there's a disparity | |||
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"Oh, agreed entirely! Openness and honesty always - I think it'd be very hard to do if you weren't able to communicate clearly and lovingly. I just feel like the tone on this thread is bitterness and scorecard keeping. I consider myself to engage in ENM as a singleton, and one thing I always hold to is that pleasure isn't a zero sum game. I love it when my friends have fun." Our relationship does not currently see people separately, we see couples and singles and we both get the same amount of fun. Bi people are great for sharing. We have way too much fun watching each other with someone else to go separately. | |||
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"I don't think ethics are about equality of outcome in this instance, they're about trust and communication. If you're unhappy with a situation where the amount of sex might be unequal, then you might not be one for ENM. So summary is it's Freedom of opportunity not freedom of outcomes Pretty much. What would freedom of outcomes look like? Tallying up minutes of extra-relationship fucking and jealousy? fuck that I think what they mean is equality of opportunity, both sides are allowed to meet whoever they want. But opportunity does not guarantee outcome. Everyone is free to go to University, you aren't guaranteed to all get a degree. Well yes. It's not like entering ENM means that you have a magic wand that makes it so people want to have sex with you. And it'd be pretty weird (controlling?) if you tried to make it equal. The ethics for me are about the relationship - openness and honesty and staying within your bounds. If one of the bounds is "we must have equal amounts of sex"... I'm sorry, but come back when you've grown up beyond "mummy it's not fair he had one more biscuit than me" Exactly, if you agree equality of opportunity then you absolutely must not keep a scorecard. I would build in a safeguard though, every 3 or 6 months you get a chance to review the agreement and only if both sides are happy you can renew it. That way if any bitterness, feeling coerced into something, resentment or jealousy happens then you can stop. It cannot be an irrevocable thing. Oh, agreed entirely! Openness and honesty always - I think it'd be very hard to do if you weren't able to communicate clearly and lovingly. I just feel like the tone on this thread is bitterness and scorecard keeping. I consider myself to engage in ENM as a singleton, and one thing I always hold to is that pleasure isn't a zero sum game. I love it when my friends have fun. What bitterness, I've never been in an EMN ? You've all just got very touchy and defensive because I said there's a disparity "It's perfectly possible to be bitter about something even if you're not involved in it. I'm regularly accused of being bitter because I'm (apparently) unsuccessful because I'm left of centre, for example. Meanwhile, you're welcome to your fantasies about my emotions, I'm just calling this thread how I see it. I'm not sure what "an" ENM is, but I've never been in a primary relationship with ENM as a focus. | |||
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"What bitterness, I've never been in an EMN ? You've all just got very touchy and defensive because I said there's a disparity "You perceive a disparity. Having never been in the situation yourself. Actually ethical NM couples have already had the conversations and decided that for them, it's right. | |||
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"Oh, agreed entirely! Openness and honesty always - I think it'd be very hard to do if you weren't able to communicate clearly and lovingly. I just feel like the tone on this thread is bitterness and scorecard keeping. I consider myself to engage in ENM as a singleton, and one thing I always hold to is that pleasure isn't a zero sum game. I love it when my friends have fun. Our relationship does not currently see people separately, we see couples and singles and we both get the same amount of fun. Bi people are great for sharing. We have way too much fun watching each other with someone else to go separately." For sure. Different strokes for different folks. | |||
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"What bitterness, I've never been in an EMN ? You've all just got very touchy and defensive because I said there's a disparity
You perceive a disparity. Having never been in the situation yourself.
Actually ethical NM couples have already had the conversations and decided that for them, it's right."You've confirmed it with all the comments about not keeping a scorecard | |||
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"Oh, agreed entirely! Openness and honesty always - I think it'd be very hard to do if you weren't able to communicate clearly and lovingly. I just feel like the tone on this thread is bitterness and scorecard keeping. I consider myself to engage in ENM as a singleton, and one thing I always hold to is that pleasure isn't a zero sum game. I love it when my friends have fun. Our relationship does not currently see people separately, we see couples and singles and we both get the same amount of fun. Bi people are great for sharing. We have way too much fun watching each other with someone else to go separately. For sure. Different strokes for different folks." And to those that do keep a scorecard, sharing someone Bi counts as a draw | |||
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"Not worth the crayons. J" But I've got every single colour ready. | |||
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"Oh, agreed entirely! Openness and honesty always - I think it'd be very hard to do if you weren't able to communicate clearly and lovingly. I just feel like the tone on this thread is bitterness and scorecard keeping. I consider myself to engage in ENM as a singleton, and one thing I always hold to is that pleasure isn't a zero sum game. I love it when my friends have fun. Our relationship does not currently see people separately, we see couples and singles and we both get the same amount of fun. Bi people are great for sharing. We have way too much fun watching each other with someone else to go separately. For sure. Different strokes for different folks. And to those that do keep a scorecard, sharing someone Bi counts as a draw " love that! | |||
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"What bitterness, I've never been in an EMN ? You've all just got very touchy and defensive because I said there's a disparity
You perceive a disparity. Having never been in the situation yourself.
Actually ethical NM couples have already had the conversations and decided that for them, it's right.
You've confirmed it with all the comments about not keeping a scorecard "I think you're reading what you want to read. More power to you. *shrug* | |||
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"Come on people, back away from the bridge. Feeding time is over" But we keep getting told to cut down on food waste | |||
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"Come on people, back away from the bridge. Feeding time is over" For the second time on this thread I think Kaitonel gets a | |||
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"Not worth the crayons. J But I've got every single colour ready." You are welcome to borrow mine too.
Do you like to arrange them by colour? I used to love arranging my pencils and crayons!
J | |||
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" Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage. It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage This makes me so uncomfortable. I would say ENM is not for you. I would not want to be with someone who was keeping score like that. What a massive advantage. I feel so lucky right now. J How many time do I have to say I'm not looking for a EMN and I know it's not for me "Stop pondering on it then? Use your mental energy elsewhere. | |||
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"Are the people in the relationship happy with the set up, whatever it may be? Are they open and honest with each other, with themselves, and with anyone else who's involved? Then it's ethical. Mrs TMN x" Just this really. | |||
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"Not worth the crayons. J But I've got every single colour ready. You are welcome to borrow mine too.
Do you like to arrange them by colour? I used to love arranging my pencils and crayons!
J"Yeah and they need to be used equally so they all stay the same length. | |||
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" Well this is why I wouldn't sign up to something knowing I'm at a disadvantage. It's easy to say that when you're the one with a massive advantage This makes me so uncomfortable. I would say ENM is not for you. I would not want to be with someone who was keeping score like that. What a massive advantage. I feel so lucky right now. J How many time do I have to say I'm not looking for a EMN and I know it's not for me
Stop pondering on it then? Use your mental energy elsewhere."I'd really rather not focus on work project | |||
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"Come on people, back away from the bridge. Feeding time is over For the second time on this thread I think Kaitonel gets a "Up his bum? I heard he loves that | |||
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"Not worth the crayons. J But I've got every single colour ready. You are welcome to borrow mine too.
Do you like to arrange them by colour? I used to love arranging my pencils and crayons!
J
Yeah and they need to be used equally so they all stay the same length."Hey if you want to fuck me while your partner gets nothing I'm game | |||
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"Come on people, back away from the bridge. Feeding time is over" What have I told you about being all sensible? | |||
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"Not worth the crayons. J But I've got every single colour ready. You are welcome to borrow mine too.
Do you like to arrange them by colour? I used to love arranging my pencils and crayons!
J
Yeah and they need to be used equally so they all stay the same length.
Hey if you want to fuck me while your partner gets nothing I'm game "I'm all for disparity and inequality then | |||
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"Come on people, back away from the bridge. Feeding time is over But we keep getting told to cut down on food waste " I recommend Oddbox. (not sponsored blah blah) | |||
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"Come on people, back away from the bridge. Feeding time is over For the second time on this thread I think Kaitonel gets a
Up his bum? I heard he loves that "I am worried he thinks I am stalking him now | |||
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"Come on people, back away from the bridge. Feeding time is over But we keep getting told to cut down on food waste I recommend Oddbox. (not sponsored blah blah)" Not the free promo for oddbox | |||
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"Come on people, back away from the bridge. Feeding time is over But we keep getting told to cut down on food waste I recommend Oddbox. (not sponsored blah blah) Not the free promo for oddbox "I've been getting them for a couple of months now  | |||
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"I don't think ethics are about equality of outcome in this instance, they're about trust and communication. ..." As someone who benefits from being the outsider sharing in with those living ENM lifestyles, I would also add 'respect'. I may only play with one partner, but I do feel I have to respect the existence of the third. | |||
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"I don't think ethics are about equality of outcome in this instance, they're about trust and communication. ... As someone who benefits from being the outsider sharing in with those living ENM lifestyles, I would also add 'respect'. I may only play with one partner, but I do feel I have to respect the existence of the third. " I agree. | |||
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"Not worth the crayons. J But I've got every single colour ready. You are welcome to borrow mine too.
Do you like to arrange them by colour? I used to love arranging my pencils and crayons!
J
Yeah and they need to be used equally so they all stay the same length.
Hey if you want to fuck me while your partner gets nothing I'm game "You're too wet behind the ears for me babe. | |||
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"Come on people, back away from the bridge. Feeding time is over But we keep getting told to cut down on food waste I recommend Oddbox. (not sponsored blah blah)" | |||
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"Not worth the crayons. J But I've got every single colour ready. You are welcome to borrow mine too.
Do you like to arrange them by colour? I used to love arranging my pencils and crayons!
J
Yeah and they need to be used equally so they all stay the same length.
Hey if you want to fuck me while your partner gets nothing I'm game
You're too wet behind the ears for me babe."Well the young ones have to get their experience somehow | |||
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"I think the ethics should be based on what's agreed between the individuals concerned. " These are my thoughts too. Interesting thread though. Sounds like my worst nightmare . Definitely not for me.
Good thread op. Just because you don’t practice something doesn’t mean you don’t find it interesting or intriguing. | |||
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"It’s something that you have to be very secure in yourself, and your primary relationship (if you have one) to be able to do. The desire to be ENM is not enough, so even those who want it, or think they do, might not be cut out for it. We are ENM, I (Mr) don’t really have the desire to fuck anyone other than the Mrs, I’ve been known to fuck people with her but I’m not really up for playing solo, at the moment at least. She can, and has, fucked other people without me, and I’m more than happy with that. She usually comes home horny as fuck and we have great sex. Even if I did want to fuck others I know that she’ll get far more opportunity to do so, and again, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Some people are able to get their head round it, others aren’t. I just think that life’s not a competition that I have to win, it’s about having the best experiences you can, and if you’re lucky, sharing them with people you care deeply for. Mr DD" So essentially, EMN works fine so long as the guy is happy to be cucked | |||
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"It’s something that you have to be very secure in yourself, and your primary relationship (if you have one) to be able to do. The desire to be ENM is not enough, so even those who want it, or think they do, might not be cut out for it. We are ENM, I (Mr) don’t really have the desire to fuck anyone other than the Mrs, I’ve been known to fuck people with her but I’m not really up for playing solo, at the moment at least. She can, and has, fucked other people without me, and I’m more than happy with that. She usually comes home horny as fuck and we have great sex. Even if I did want to fuck others I know that she’ll get far more opportunity to do so, and again, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Some people are able to get their head round it, others aren’t. I just think that life’s not a competition that I have to win, it’s about having the best experiences you can, and if you’re lucky, sharing them with people you care deeply for. Mr DD So essentially, EMN works fine so long as the guy is happy to be cucked "Like I said, you have to be secure in yourself, some of us are… | |||
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"So essentially, EMN works fine so long as the guy is happy to be cucked "Plenty of men actively seek cuckold relationships. | |||
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"So essentially, EMN works fine so long as the guy is happy to be cucked
Plenty of men actively seek cuckold relationships."(Mr) We are in a switch relationship, we treat each other equally but also defer control to each other when we need to. | |||
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"So essentially, EMN works fine so long as the guy is happy to be cucked
Plenty of men actively seek cuckold relationships."Nothing wrong with it...I'm all for kink
But call it what it is rather than EMN | |||
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"So essentially, EMN works fine so long as the guy is happy to be cucked
Plenty of men actively seek cuckold relationships.
Nothing wrong with it...I'm all for kink
But call it what it is rather than EMN "Not all ENM is cuckold. There are a variety of dynamics. | |||
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"So essentially, EMN works fine so long as the guy is happy to be cucked
Plenty of men actively seek cuckold relationships.
Nothing wrong with it...I'm all for kink
But call it what it is rather than EMN "Do believe she did call it what it is, 'cuckold relationship'. Mr | |||
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"It’s something that you have to be very secure in yourself, and your primary relationship (if you have one) to be able to do. The desire to be ENM is not enough, so even those who want it, or think they do, might not be cut out for it. We are ENM, I (Mr) don’t really have the desire to fuck anyone other than the Mrs, I’ve been known to fuck people with her but I’m not really up for playing solo, at the moment at least. She can, and has, fucked other people without me, and I’m more than happy with that. She usually comes home horny as fuck and we have great sex. Even if I did want to fuck others I know that she’ll get far more opportunity to do so, and again, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Some people are able to get their head round it, others aren’t. I just think that life’s not a competition that I have to win, it’s about having the best experiences you can, and if you’re lucky, sharing them with people you care deeply for. Mr DD So essentially, EMN works fine so long as the guy is happy to be cucked
Like I said, you have to be secure in yourself, some of us are…"Indeed | |||
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"... So essentially, EMN works fine so long as the guy is happy to be cucked "That is over simplistic and misses the richness of many ENM relationships | |||
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"What does ENM mean? "Ethically Non-Monagamous | |||
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"What does ENM mean? "Emasculating neurotic men apparently | |||
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"What does ENM mean?
Emasculating neurotic men apparently "^^ oh and also this | |||
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"What does ENM mean?
Emasculating neurotic men apparently "Don't forget to add /s or people won't get it | |||
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"Come on people, back away from the bridge. Feeding time is over For the second time on this thread I think Kaitonel gets a
Up his bum? I heard he loves that
I am worried he thinks I am stalking him now "Just tell him how you feel | |||
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"What does ENM mean?
Emasculating neurotic men apparently "Ha ha ha ha!! Spot on | |||
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"Not worth the crayons. J But I've got every single colour ready. You are welcome to borrow mine too.
Do you like to arrange them by colour? I used to love arranging my pencils and crayons!
J
Yeah and they need to be used equally so they all stay the same length.
Hey if you want to fuck me while your partner gets nothing I'm game
You're too wet behind the ears for me babe.
Well the young ones have to get their experience somehow "I'm not taking one for the team. | |||
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"This reminds me of someone. Someone that didn't like that I had more meets than him and decided when we went couple only that he should be able to catch up and at least be even so it was fair. Had me delete everything and all people. But he kept his account somewhere and just blocked me on it so it would look like it had been deleted. And he had the nerve to tell me he didn't cheat. I wouldn't call that ethical. He likened it to being in a hotwife scenario he hadn't agreed to and used that as his arguement." Sounds like a dumb prick and way out of his depth mentally dealing with grownup relations | |||
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"I think the ethics should be based on what's agreed between the individuals concerned. These are my thoughts too. Interesting thread though. Sounds like my worst nightmare . Definitely not for me.
Good thread op. Just because you don’t practice something doesn’t mean you don’t find it interesting or intriguing. "Agreed . I am not into poly / setups personally but it is quite interesting to analyse the data on people’s setups and why it makes them tick . | |||
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"What does ENM mean?
Emasculating neurotic men apparently "Chefs_Kiss.gif | |||
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"Good thread. My only experience is someone not disclosing that fact and messaging me from holiday which was actually his honeymoon. Fair to say I wasn't impressed and felt awful. I've been in an open marriage and it worked pretty well, didn't use the term enm. Not sure I could be in a monogamous relationship in the future. " A fan, I'm not universally hated in these forums
And you haven't blocked me either.
I am flattered | |||
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"For your next thread you should do consensual non monogamy. Then the one after that maybe one on monogamy? " Then for the New Year, a CNC thread | |||
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"For your next thread you should do consensual non monogamy. Then the one after that maybe one on monogamy? Then for the New Year, a CNC thread "Mr | |||
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"For your next thread you should do consensual non monogamy. Then the one after that maybe one on monogamy? Then for the New Year, a CNC thread "Nah, they get shut down as against site rules pretty quick. | |||
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"For your next thread you should do consensual non monogamy. Then the one after that maybe one on monogamy? Then for the New Year, a CNC thread
Nah, they get shut down as against site rules pretty quick."So true. Even ones about Crumpets n' Coffee. Just like that, vanished in to the void! | |||
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"For your next thread you should do consensual non monogamy. Then the one after that maybe one on monogamy? Then for the New Year, a CNC thread
Nah, they get shut down as against site rules pretty quick."True dat, fancy talking about anything kinky on a swinging site. Mr | |||
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"For your next thread you should do consensual non monogamy. Then the one after that maybe one on monogamy? Then for the New Year, a CNC thread
Nah, they get shut down as against site rules pretty quick.
True dat, fancy talking about anything kinky on a swinging site.
Mr "Swing site. There's kink sites for kink talk. And even as a kinky little shit I still veer far far from that particular topic | |||
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"For your next thread you should do consensual non monogamy. Then the one after that maybe one on monogamy? Then for the New Year, a CNC thread
Nah, they get shut down as against site rules pretty quick.
True dat, fancy talking about anything kinky on a swinging site.
Mr
Swing site. There's kink sites for kink talk.
And even as a kinky little shit I still veer far far from that particular topic "Tbf, I'd not go near that topic with a barge pole Mr | |||
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