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I still love them

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
48 weeks ago

Or the idea of them? How it could have been? How they were when it was good?

They proved themselves to be a dickhead and showed their true colours and now they're an ex. And they're an ex for a reason. They were a dickhead. Or maybe you were, or both of you.

But have you experienced it where as much as you know you walked away for the right reasons, they were the closest to being the right person for you? They had several good qualities but the flaws and mental anguish outweighed the good? Or they crossed a line they just don't get to come back from?

How do you feel now?

Do you miss those good bits? Those bits about them? Do you wish it could have been different? Do you sit there and want to know why when it was good they would they be dickhead and ruin it all? Or you did? Or you both did?

Do you think you can get it again?

I sit with these feelings, I know why it ended, I didn't look the part, I wasn't the trophy, I had kids, and that thing they think i should have but i dont. But it still sucks as I really enjoyed what it was. Until they were a dickhead.

And they've even said sorry for their dickheadedness, the things they said, admitted that they were insensitive, patronising and condescending. But it doesn't make the sadness go away. And now I just feel.....I don't even know what word to use here. It's something like....blank, or like I've I've got my hands in the air saying "really??"

Anyone else understand where I'm coming from?

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
48 weeks ago

chichester

It’s called grieving emotionally. The 7 stages of separation ..most emotional: empathic derided persons will go through these stages. Guilt / anger / desperation :/ loss / fear etc Everyone traverses them differently and at different paces : order .

It will pass eventually , time moves only forwards .

Positivity is key lovely

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By *he Black ExperienceMan
48 weeks ago

banbury

Going through it now. Even though you knew it was temporary the pain is still there . Doesn't help we still talk .

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
48 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

I don’t feel that about any of my ex partners. But I do feel that way about some ex-friends. Friendships that are never coming back. Disappointment. Loss. Sadness. All of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago

He wasn't a dickhead, I just wasn't good enough for him. And that's not self pity, it's the truth. Similar reasons to yours I guess op.

He acted in the wrong way, which he apologised for. And he comes back, and goes, comes back, goes. But I'd never tell him to get lost.

He's an amazing guy and there's a part of me that will always love him. I hope he actually finds someone who he completely adores.

But yeah, hurts like a bitch at times.

I'd never want that again with anyone though, I'm done with that side of things.

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago

I really don't, about anyone. It does take time but I do just move on eventually. Relationships, friendships, the lot.

No regrets! Everything happens for a reason and it's usually cos something better is coming.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
48 weeks ago

little house on the praire

Absolutely not. When a relationship has ended I would mope around for a little while then not think about them. The only person that came close to being perfect was my late partner and we would still be together if he hadn't died. I will never get over him

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
48 weeks ago

chichester


"I don’t feel that about any of my ex partners. But I do feel that way about some ex-friends. Friendships that are never coming back. Disappointment. Loss. Sadness. All of it. "

Look ahead to new friendships though and experiences to have/be made .

Everything crumbles with time but new things are built instead .

The journey : cycle goes ever on

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By *imi_RougeWoman
48 weeks ago

Portsmouth

Limerence isn't it... And the idea of what could have been.

I think we mourn that, more than the actual reality or the person.

Even after an apology, they are still that person and they still want what they want (which obviously wasn't us)

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago


"Or the idea of them? How it could have been? How they were when it was good?

They proved themselves to be a dickhead and showed their true colours and now they're an ex. And they're an ex for a reason. They were a dickhead. Or maybe you were, or both of you.

But have you experienced it where as much as you know you walked away for the right reasons, they were the closest to being the right person for you? They had several good qualities but the flaws and mental anguish outweighed the good? Or they crossed a line they just don't get to come back from?

How do you feel now?

Do you miss those good bits? Those bits about them? Do you wish it could have been different? Do you sit there and want to know why when it was good they would they be dickhead and ruin it all? Or you did? Or you both did?

Do you think you can get it again?

I sit with these feelings, I know why it ended, I didn't look the part, I wasn't the trophy, I had kids, and that thing they think i should have but i dont. But it still sucks as I really enjoyed what it was. Until they were a dickhead.

And they've even said sorry for their dickheadedness, the things they said, admitted that they were insensitive, patronising and condescending. But it doesn't make the sadness go away. And now I just feel.....I don't even know what word to use here. It's something like....blank, or like I've I've got my hands in the air saying "really??"

Anyone else understand where I'm coming from?"

Sound like my ex

A little obsessive

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By *midnight-Woman
48 weeks ago

...

[Removed by poster at 10/12/23 11:20:23]

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By *midnight-Woman
48 weeks ago

...


"Limerence isn't it... And the idea of what could have been.

I think we mourn that, more than the actual reality or the person.

Even after an apology, they are still that person and they still want what they want (which obviously wasn't us)"

Totally this

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
48 weeks ago

Glasgow / London


"No regrets! Everything happens for a reason and it's usually cos something better is coming. "

Y’know what? I think that might be why I’ve never had these regrets about exes. Because something better *has* always come along. I’ve never, ever felt that I’m taking a backwards step. The future has always been bright. And beautiful.

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By *BWLOVER1965Man
48 weeks ago

My Own Little World

To be fair only had one partner she was cheating behind my back while I was in work got on better since I walked away

Still have contact due to grandkids and sometimes she just needs a shoulder to cry on

Got Married good times outweighed bad times lost her to cancer

Life is life dickheads are everywhere that’s why bit long In tooth now past is past can’t change anything

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
48 weeks ago


"Or the idea of them? How it could have been? How they were when it was good?

They proved themselves to be a dickhead and showed their true colours and now they're an ex. And they're an ex for a reason. They were a dickhead. Or maybe you were, or both of you.

But have you experienced it where as much as you know you walked away for the right reasons, they were the closest to being the right person for you? They had several good qualities but the flaws and mental anguish outweighed the good? Or they crossed a line they just don't get to come back from?

How do you feel now?

Do you miss those good bits? Those bits about them? Do you wish it could have been different? Do you sit there and want to know why when it was good they would they be dickhead and ruin it all? Or you did? Or you both did?

Do you think you can get it again?

I sit with these feelings, I know why it ended, I didn't look the part, I wasn't the trophy, I had kids, and that thing they think i should have but i dont. But it still sucks as I really enjoyed what it was. Until they were a dickhead.

And they've even said sorry for their dickheadedness, the things they said, admitted that they were insensitive, patronising and condescending. But it doesn't make the sadness go away. And now I just feel.....I don't even know what word to use here. It's something like....blank, or like I've I've got my hands in the air saying "really??"

Anyone else understand where I'm coming from?

Sound like my ex

A little obsessive "

Are you saying I sound like you ex and I'm a little obsessive?

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago

I think it’s normal to always long after them if it was something special. But things ended badly for a reason. And of course now, they'll apologise, and of course people can change and things might be different. But I do think when someone shows you their true colours, you should believe them.

I can kind of relate to this. I will always grieve for some relationships, mostly with family. I find myself thinking of the good stuff, and miss the happier moments that we shared, but ultimately you have to put yourself first. Sadly, most people I've distanced myself from have shown me time and time again that they are full of shite.

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By *ris GrayMan
48 weeks ago

Dorchester


"Or the idea of them? How it could have been? How they were when it was good?

They proved themselves to be a dickhead and showed their true colours and now they're an ex. And they're an ex for a reason. They were a dickhead. Or maybe you were, or both of you.

But have you experienced it where as much as you know you walked away for the right reasons, they were the closest to being the right person for you? They had several good qualities but the flaws and mental anguish outweighed the good? Or they crossed a line they just don't get to come back from?

How do you feel now?

Do you miss those good bits? Those bits about them? Do you wish it could have been different? Do you sit there and want to know why when it was good they would they be dickhead and ruin it all? Or you did? Or you both did?

Do you think you can get it again?

I sit with these feelings, I know why it ended, I didn't look the part, I wasn't the trophy, I had kids, and that thing they think i should have but i dont. But it still sucks as I really enjoyed what it was. Until they were a dickhead.

And they've even said sorry for their dickheadedness, the things they said, admitted that they were insensitive, patronising and condescending. But it doesn't make the sadness go away. And now I just feel.....I don't even know what word to use here. It's something like....blank, or like I've I've got my hands in the air saying "really??"

Anyone else understand where I'm coming from?"
I definitely understand but you have to live with it thats the problem and by the sounds of it you're not coping with it very well.

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago


"Limerence isn't it... And the idea of what could have been.

I think we mourn that, more than the actual reality or the person.

Even after an apology, they are still that person and they still want what they want (which obviously wasn't us)"

^ this

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago


"Or the idea of them? How it could have been? How they were when it was good?

They proved themselves to be a dickhead and showed their true colours and now they're an ex. And they're an ex for a reason. They were a dickhead. Or maybe you were, or both of you.

But have you experienced it where as much as you know you walked away for the right reasons, they were the closest to being the right person for you? They had several good qualities but the flaws and mental anguish outweighed the good? Or they crossed a line they just don't get to come back from?

How do you feel now?

Do you miss those good bits? Those bits about them? Do you wish it could have been different? Do you sit there and want to know why when it was good they would they be dickhead and ruin it all? Or you did? Or you both did?

Do you think you can get it again?

I sit with these feelings, I know why it ended, I didn't look the part, I wasn't the trophy, I had kids, and that thing they think i should have but i dont. But it still sucks as I really enjoyed what it was. Until they were a dickhead.

And they've even said sorry for their dickheadedness, the things they said, admitted that they were insensitive, patronising and condescending. But it doesn't make the sadness go away. And now I just feel.....I don't even know what word to use here. It's something like....blank, or like I've I've got my hands in the air saying "really??"

Anyone else understand where I'm coming from?

Sound like my ex

A little obsessive

Are you saying I sound like you ex and I'm a little obsessive?"

I’m saying I got very similar wall of text like things from my ex when we broke up

And she was quite obsessive in a very unhealthy way

I think there’s looking at the past to learn from your mistakes. Then there’s this,

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
48 weeks ago


"I think it’s normal to always long after them if it was something special. But things ended badly for a reason. And of course now, they'll apologise, and of course people can change and things might be different. But I do think when someone shows you their true colours, you should believe them.

I can kind of relate to this. I will always grieve for some relationships, mostly with family. I find myself thinking of the good stuff, and miss the happier moments that we shared, but ultimately you have to put yourself first. Sadly, most people I've distanced myself from have shown me time and time again that they are full of shite."

Yes, the apology was because they had an agenda, it suited their narrative to get what they were after, and then they stopped being and adult again when it didn't fit with what they wanted. True colours shown again. Though I knew. But to see the length they were prepared to go to get what they wanted, and show what they were capable of was something else. Full of shite. Like you say.

It's right to believe them when they show their true colours, very right.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
48 weeks ago


"Or the idea of them? How it could have been? How they were when it was good?

They proved themselves to be a dickhead and showed their true colours and now they're an ex. And they're an ex for a reason. They were a dickhead. Or maybe you were, or both of you.

But have you experienced it where as much as you know you walked away for the right reasons, they were the closest to being the right person for you? They had several good qualities but the flaws and mental anguish outweighed the good? Or they crossed a line they just don't get to come back from?

How do you feel now?

Do you miss those good bits? Those bits about them? Do you wish it could have been different? Do you sit there and want to know why when it was good they would they be dickhead and ruin it all? Or you did? Or you both did?

Do you think you can get it again?

I sit with these feelings, I know why it ended, I didn't look the part, I wasn't the trophy, I had kids, and that thing they think i should have but i dont. But it still sucks as I really enjoyed what it was. Until they were a dickhead.

And they've even said sorry for their dickheadedness, the things they said, admitted that they were insensitive, patronising and condescending. But it doesn't make the sadness go away. And now I just feel.....I don't even know what word to use here. It's something like....blank, or like I've I've got my hands in the air saying "really??"

Anyone else understand where I'm coming from?

Sound like my ex

A little obsessive

Are you saying I sound like you ex and I'm a little obsessive?

I’m saying I got very similar wall of text like things from my ex when we broke up

And she was quite obsessive in a very unhealthy way

I think there’s looking at the past to learn from your mistakes. Then there’s this, "

I told him when he apologised that the second I felt something was off in his treatment towards me I would block him with no explanation and just go. Which is exactly what I've done. I'm not going to waste my time explaining shit to a fully grown man that does actually know what he's doing. The fact he apologised for the shite he did before shows me he knows right from wrong. So I don't need to explain it to him.

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago


"No regrets! Everything happens for a reason and it's usually cos something better is coming.

Y’know what? I think that might be why I’ve never had these regrets about exes. Because something better *has* always come along. I’ve never, ever felt that I’m taking a backwards step. The future has always been bright. And beautiful. "

Absolutely. And that's not to say it doesn't take time, but there is not point living in the past when the future is yours to make of what you wish!

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago


"Or the idea of them? How it could have been? How they were when it was good?

They proved themselves to be a dickhead and showed their true colours and now they're an ex. And they're an ex for a reason. They were a dickhead. Or maybe you were, or both of you.

But have you experienced it where as much as you know you walked away for the right reasons, they were the closest to being the right person for you? They had several good qualities but the flaws and mental anguish outweighed the good? Or they crossed a line they just don't get to come back from?

How do you feel now?

Do you miss those good bits? Those bits about them? Do you wish it could have been different? Do you sit there and want to know why when it was good they would they be dickhead and ruin it all? Or you did? Or you both did?

Do you think you can get it again?

I sit with these feelings, I know why it ended, I didn't look the part, I wasn't the trophy, I had kids, and that thing they think i should have but i dont. But it still sucks as I really enjoyed what it was. Until they were a dickhead.

And they've even said sorry for their dickheadedness, the things they said, admitted that they were insensitive, patronising and condescending. But it doesn't make the sadness go away. And now I just feel.....I don't even know what word to use here. It's something like....blank, or like I've I've got my hands in the air saying "really??"

Anyone else understand where I'm coming from?

Sound like my ex

A little obsessive

Are you saying I sound like you ex and I'm a little obsessive?

I’m saying I got very similar wall of text like things from my ex when we broke up

And she was quite obsessive in a very unhealthy way

I think there’s looking at the past to learn from your mistakes. Then there’s this,

I told him when he apologised that the second I felt something was off in his treatment towards me I would block him with no explanation and just go. Which is exactly what I've done. I'm not going to waste my time explaining shit to a fully grown man that does actually know what he's doing. The fact he apologised for the shite he did before shows me he knows right from wrong. So I don't need to explain it to him."

All I can say is that most likely you’ll be looking back on this in a few years and wonder why you gave this so much effort

Because I know you don’t need to explain anything to him, but he’s clearly still taking up a lot of your limited mental energy that could be spent elsewhere

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By *a LunaWoman
48 weeks ago

South Wales

I grieved for my first long term relationship even though I ended it. For four years. I ended up on antidepressants after too many car journeys trying to see through tears.

But now, with more time, having healed myself I am able to reflect and see it with clear eyes. It was good until it wasn’t. And I split up with them for a valid reason. None of that takes away the good times we had and the happy memories, but it doesn’t diminish the factors that made me split from him.

So even though I miss what we had, by the end what we had wasn’t what I miss (if that makes sense). And I did the right thing.

I moved on, he moved on, and it is what it is. Other than that I try not to look back. Onwards and upwards!

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By *zeroMan
48 weeks ago

Glasgow


"I don’t feel that about any of my ex partners. But I do feel that way about some ex-friends. Friendships that are never coming back. Disappointment. Loss. Sadness. All of it. "

I've gotten this. Even worse when some take the sides of another person and a friendship group gets splintered or someone's left out in the cold.

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago

Hearts aren’t handcuffs and people aren’t prisons. When you feel it’s time for you to leave, leave. You neither need to wait to be released nor ask permission”

Sounds like you’ve left the prison but haven’t given yourself permission to take the handcuffs off

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
48 weeks ago


"Hearts aren’t handcuffs and people aren’t prisons. When you feel it’s time for you to leave, leave. You neither need to wait to be released nor ask permission”

Sounds like you’ve left the prison but haven’t given yourself permission to take the handcuffs off "

I think this is the best thing I've ever seen you post. I like it.

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By *GermanInLondonMan
48 weeks ago

London

I don't know your timing of separation OP.

For me the first year or so was hard after a LTR with kids. Not so much sadness but lots of frustration and anxiety about the future. Then it got better.

Love no that's gone forever but I feel sorry for them if they have problems (especially difficult as there is no clear cut if kids involved). Kids make it more difficult as well as I have plenty of time alone to think.

But. There is a reason why it ended and I don't regret haven take the steps I took as it was better for all involved in the long run. I see the positives much clearer now but it took time. Hope your thinking process brings you to a better place mentally eventually! Give yourself time to process it I would say.

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By *ddie1966Man
48 weeks ago

Paper Town Central, Essex.

At times, I'll happily give advice, but on this occasion, I'll hold my council.

Personally (and this has also happened to me) once a hard line has been crossed, there is no going back.

It hurt, and felt like I was cutting off my nose to spite my face. But I held strong and now realise I made the right decision.

How others get to that point depends on that person and is difficult to discuss in an open forum in public.

Having a trusted friend you can chat openly with and vocalise your thoughts and concerns helps immensely. Them not telling you what you should or should not do, will bring forward the right solution in your own mind.

Then you just have to be strong in your convictions and know you made the right decision, whichever one it may be.

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By *GermanInLondonMan
48 weeks ago

London


"No regrets! Everything happens for a reason and it's usually cos something better is coming.

Y’know what? I think that might be why I’ve never had these regrets about exes. Because something better *has* always come along. I’ve never, ever felt that I’m taking a backwards step. The future has always been bright. And beautiful.

Absolutely. And that's not to say it doesn't take time, but there is not point living in the past when the future is yours to make of what you wish! "

Nice positivity! Agree it takes time.

I think the past shapes us as a person. It takes ti.e to reflect on some bad endings but there is always the future to look forwards to which is in our hands.

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago

I’ve tried to answer this in so many ways without relating it to fab too. But I can’t.

But yeh! Feelings eh? They suck.

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago


"I grieved for my first long term relationship even though I ended it. For four years. I ended up on antidepressants after too many car journeys trying to see through tears.

But now, with more time, having healed myself I am able to reflect and see it with clear eyes. It was good until it wasn’t. And I split up with them for a valid reason. None of that takes away the good times we had and the happy memories, but it doesn’t diminish the factors that made me split from him.

So even though I miss what we had, by the end what we had wasn’t what I miss (if that makes sense). And I did the right thing.

I moved on, he moved on, and it is what it is. Other than that I try not to look back. Onwards and upwards!

"

I can relate to something like this. *big hug.

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago

This is still fresh for me so not sure if I can answer your question. I think for me ultimately it's tough to let go of the investment put into the relationship rather than actually him. Everyone we meet will have qualities in them that are good for us and not so good for us but when people choose not to work on the not so good things, that's when the good stuff windles away so it's hard to miss once it's gone.

He was my person for 16 years, half of my life and that's not easy to let go of. I've had doubts like most people do about walking away but when you make that decision, there's no going back. It was for a good enough reason to end things so whatever they do, they just aren't the person for you.

I loved hard, trusted completely and dedicated my life to someone who simply destroyed us and me. For that reason, I don't think I could fully give myself to a person again as sad as it sounds.

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago


"I’ve tried to answer this in so many ways without relating it to fab too. But I can’t.

But yeh! Feelings eh? They suck.

"

I guess it depends on which part of the 'couple' gets them.

And how fab desirable they are.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
48 weeks ago


"Or the idea of them? How it could have been? How they were when it was good?

They proved themselves to be a dickhead and showed their true colours and now they're an ex. And they're an ex for a reason. They were a dickhead. Or maybe you were, or both of you.

But have you experienced it where as much as you know you walked away for the right reasons, they were the closest to being the right person for you? They had several good qualities but the flaws and mental anguish outweighed the good? Or they crossed a line they just don't get to come back from?

How do you feel now?

Do you miss those good bits? Those bits about them? Do you wish it could have been different? Do you sit there and want to know why when it was good they would they be dickhead and ruin it all? Or you did? Or you both did?

Do you think you can get it again?

I sit with these feelings, I know why it ended, I didn't look the part, I wasn't the trophy, I had kids, and that thing they think i should have but i dont. But it still sucks as I really enjoyed what it was. Until they were a dickhead.

And they've even said sorry for their dickheadedness, the things they said, admitted that they were insensitive, patronising and condescending. But it doesn't make the sadness go away. And now I just feel.....I don't even know what word to use here. It's something like....blank, or like I've I've got my hands in the air saying "really??"

Anyone else understand where I'm coming from?

Sound like my ex

A little obsessive

Are you saying I sound like you ex and I'm a little obsessive?

I’m saying I got very similar wall of text like things from my ex when we broke up

And she was quite obsessive in a very unhealthy way

I think there’s looking at the past to learn from your mistakes. Then there’s this,

I told him when he apologised that the second I felt something was off in his treatment towards me I would block him with no explanation and just go. Which is exactly what I've done. I'm not going to waste my time explaining shit to a fully grown man that does actually know what he's doing. The fact he apologised for the shite he did before shows me he knows right from wrong. So I don't need to explain it to him.

All I can say is that most likely you’ll be looking back on this in a few years and wonder why you gave this so much effort

Because I know you don’t need to explain anything to him, but he’s clearly still taking up a lot of your limited mental energy that could be spent elsewhere "

Limited mental energy? Limited?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
48 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

If I love someone, that doesn't ever go away.

But. Love is not enough in itself.

Some things have to be compartmentalised

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago


"If I love someone, that doesn't ever go away.

But. Love is not enough in itself.

Some things have to be compartmentalised "

Oh, I hate to admit it, but that’s how I see it. Strong feelings do not die easily.

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago


"Or the idea of them? How it could have been? How they were when it was good?

They proved themselves to be a dickhead and showed their true colours and now they're an ex. And they're an ex for a reason. They were a dickhead. Or maybe you were, or both of you.

But have you experienced it where as much as you know you walked away for the right reasons, they were the closest to being the right person for you? They had several good qualities but the flaws and mental anguish outweighed the good? Or they crossed a line they just don't get to come back from?

How do you feel now?

Do you miss those good bits? Those bits about them? Do you wish it could have been different? Do you sit there and want to know why when it was good they would they be dickhead and ruin it all? Or you did? Or you both did?

Do you think you can get it again?

I sit with these feelings, I know why it ended, I didn't look the part, I wasn't the trophy, I had kids, and that thing they think i should have but i dont. But it still sucks as I really enjoyed what it was. Until they were a dickhead.

And they've even said sorry for their dickheadedness, the things they said, admitted that they were insensitive, patronising and condescending. But it doesn't make the sadness go away. And now I just feel.....I don't even know what word to use here. It's something like....blank, or like I've I've got my hands in the air saying "really??"

Anyone else understand where I'm coming from?

Sound like my ex

A little obsessive

Are you saying I sound like you ex and I'm a little obsessive?

I’m saying I got very similar wall of text like things from my ex when we broke up

And she was quite obsessive in a very unhealthy way

I think there’s looking at the past to learn from your mistakes. Then there’s this,

I told him when he apologised that the second I felt something was off in his treatment towards me I would block him with no explanation and just go. Which is exactly what I've done. I'm not going to waste my time explaining shit to a fully grown man that does actually know what he's doing. The fact he apologised for the shite he did before shows me he knows right from wrong. So I don't need to explain it to him.

All I can say is that most likely you’ll be looking back on this in a few years and wonder why you gave this so much effort

Because I know you don’t need to explain anything to him, but he’s clearly still taking up a lot of your limited mental energy that could be spent elsewhere

Limited mental energy? Limited?"

Unless you have the secret to unlimited mental energy I think we can all agree, we all have limited mental energy. It’s not a jab. We all only have so much to give in our day to day. Physically, emotionally, mentally etc

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago


"Or the idea of them? How it could have been? How they were when it was good?

They proved themselves to be a dickhead and showed their true colours and now they're an ex. And they're an ex for a reason. They were a dickhead. Or maybe you were, or both of you.

But have you experienced it where as much as you know you walked away for the right reasons, they were the closest to being the right person for you? They had several good qualities but the flaws and mental anguish outweighed the good? Or they crossed a line they just don't get to come back from?

How do you feel now?

Do you miss those good bits? Those bits about them? Do you wish it could have been different? Do you sit there and want to know why when it was good they would they be dickhead and ruin it all? Or you did? Or you both did?

Do you think you can get it again?

I sit with these feelings, I know why it ended, I didn't look the part, I wasn't the trophy, I had kids, and that thing they think i should have but i dont. But it still sucks as I really enjoyed what it was. Until they were a dickhead.

And they've even said sorry for their dickheadedness, the things they said, admitted that they were insensitive, patronising and condescending. But it doesn't make the sadness go away. And now I just feel.....I don't even know what word to use here. It's something like....blank, or like I've I've got my hands in the air saying "really??"

Anyone else understand where I'm coming from?"

I absolutely can relate to this, having not long come out of a 14 year relationship. Sadly, it took her children to point out her narcissism to me, I had been blinded by her. So there was no chance of an apology for cheating on me (she is on here with a new partner she'd been with for months before we split) or telling lies, some quite nasty about her family, or making things up for attention, or stealing from me etc., as narcissists don't think they have done any wrong.

So do I still love her, yes but not in love with her anymore. Do I miss her? Sometimes, but that is starting to recede. Do I still care for her? Yes, and I've offered her and her dad financial help to get psychiatric treatment. She has lost her children as she stole from and has ignored them too. I'm sad as I believe she will end up alone and lonely. But trust is gone, so I'll never be with her again.

So for me, I'll always have feelings for her, but I have to distance myself. Sorry for long-winded answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago


"

Sounds like you’ve left the prison but haven’t given yourself permission to take the handcuffs off "

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By *eliWoman
48 weeks ago

.

To a certain degree, yes. I was never in love with them because something always held me back but I miss the friendship. We had a good one before we started dating and now I don't think it will ever go back to what it once was.

They crossed a massive line. Several times. Repeatedly. My friends were horrified/upset/annoyed when they found out I'd replied to them reaching out. I didn't for a few weeks as I wasn't in a good headspace to. I knew I'd reply unfairly and I didn't have the capacity to forgive them at the time. They've apologised. And I forgave them. But then, through conversation, more came to light, more lies, more... well I won't go in to it.

It's now more hurtful but also... it's nice to know the truth. To not think it was in my head any more.

I don't want to revisit what it once was. The good times have been tainted by revelations of reality recently. Far too oft. I was hurt a couple of days ago when something new came to light. Started doubting myself again.

But... I don't want to carry hurt in my heart, that negative energy towards another. So I'm taking time to get to that point where I no longer think "really?". Focusing on the positives in my life. You can spend so much time thinking about the what ifs, the what weres.

Making peace with what's happened and looking towards the future is the best thing to do.

I agree with the poster above who said about not giving energy to it. You shouldn't OP. It's easier said than done but it's so much better once you don't.

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