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"… Not asking from personal experience on my part but was wondering how common it is compared to more monog dynamics." Probably more common than people make out. *just my opinion. And this comes from tales of people who have been near it during meets/ clubs etc. As I said, if you can understand you are just jealous and your partner isn’t doing anything to make you jealous, maybe you can swallow it up and it will go, and that would possibly come with some solid affirmation from your partner. But it doesn’t take away the fact you have to deal with it. You know? As I say, just my opinion. | |||
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"I think the term has too many negative connotations. I do believe that I (the male) feel something like jealousy when K's with another guy, but it really isn't the destructive negative emotion you might automatically think of. It's hard to explain but it's kind of a mixture of emotions; exhilaration, arousal and jealousy... but again, not a negative/uncomfortable version. Having read that back, I'm not sure it makes sense. " It makes sense to me, which I why the after-care is important in affirming the bond again. M | |||
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"I think the term has too many negative connotations. I do believe that I (the male) feel something like jealousy when K's with another guy, but it really isn't the destructive negative emotion you might automatically think of. It's hard to explain but it's kind of a mixture of emotions; exhilaration, arousal and jealousy... but again, not a negative/uncomfortable version. Having read that back, I'm not sure it makes sense. It makes sense to me, which I why the after-care is important in affirming the bond again. M" Exactly, it's an emotional thing to do so, as someone else mentioned, good communication is important. | |||
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"People will say that jealousy in a relationship is a good thing as it means you both care. It's not, any form of jealousy is masking an insecurity from either side which has no place in the swinging world. " Do you think most people in this "community" are free from insecurities? Personally, I have a couple of them I think; pretty low level but I think they are there. Mr | |||
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"People will say that jealousy in a relationship is a good thing as it means you both care. It's not, any form of jealousy is masking an insecurity from either side which has no place in the swinging world. Do you think most people in this "community" are free from insecurities? Personally, I have a couple of them I think; pretty low level but I think they are there. Mr" I think if people are engaging in things that niggle at their insecurities then that's a dangerous and foolish game to play | |||
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"People will say that jealousy in a relationship is a good thing as it means you both care. It's not, any form of jealousy is masking an insecurity from either side which has no place in the swinging world. Do you think most people in this "community" are free from insecurities? Personally, I have a couple of them I think; pretty low level but I think they are there. Mr" Everyone has insecurities but if they are fueled by your partner, watching them with someone else is just a recipe for disaster. | |||
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" I think if people are engaging in things that niggle at their insecurities then that's a dangerous and foolish game to play " Yes, I'd agree with that. I don't think that is what *we* are doing but I'm sure people do. | |||
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" Everyone has insecurities but if they are fueled by your partner, watching them with someone else is just a recipe for disaster. " Yes, I suppose that's the key point; I've got "normal" insecurities, I definitely wouldn't call myself insecure at all, but any insecurity I have isn't fuelled by her, quite the opposite in fact. We are each other's cheerleaders (sorry if that made you sick in your mouth ) | |||
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"Click the green arrow next to my name. I’ve answered this question many times in detail! And read about poly and jealousy " It only goes back 35 threads | |||
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"People will say that jealousy in a relationship is a good thing as it means you both care. It's not, any form of jealousy is masking an insecurity from either side which has no place in the swinging world. " Agree on the theoretical principle. However the reality is most people to differing degrees can and do feel twangs. I think what's important is being able to analyse the origin of it and rationalise it. Definitely not ignore it. Then often it becomes not a thing or something that can be managed. But to say no one who does feel it should swinging is not based in an understanding of the vast majority of people and the life experience that has shaped them and their emotions. Obviously within reason, there's people out there who shouldn't swing and I think most of us has come across them at some point. Also it's fair to say for many Swinging has helped them understand and rationalise it. In that respect as a learning and self development swinging can actually be useful. | |||
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"I think I've had moments of jealousy and insecurity when someone I've met before or multiple times has met other guys which I know is the nature of the site and all on me but when that's happened, I've just tried to make sure that I can make the most of my time with them when we're in each other's company but it is very easy to compare yourself to others on here." Just remember Sinéad O'Connor's famous track | |||
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"I think I've had moments of jealousy and insecurity when someone I've met before or multiple times has met other guys which I know is the nature of the site and all on me but when that's happened, I've just tried to make sure that I can make the most of my time with them when we're in each other's company but it is very easy to compare yourself to others on here. Just remember Sinéad O'Connor's famous track " Erm... Care to enlighten my friend that doesn't get it? | |||
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"I think I've had moments of jealousy and insecurity when someone I've met before or multiple times has met other guys which I know is the nature of the site and all on me but when that's happened, I've just tried to make sure that I can make the most of my time with them when we're in each other's company but it is very easy to compare yourself to others on here. Just remember Sinéad O'Connor's famous track Erm... Care to enlighten my friend that doesn't get it? " Her famous track was 'Nothing compares 2 U'. Everyone is different and best not to compare but I get it that is easier said than done sometimes. | |||
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"I think I've had moments of jealousy and insecurity when someone I've met before or multiple times has met other guys which I know is the nature of the site and all on me but when that's happened, I've just tried to make sure that I can make the most of my time with them when we're in each other's company but it is very easy to compare yourself to others on here. Just remember Sinéad O'Connor's famous track Erm... Care to enlighten my friend that doesn't get it? " Cause nothing compares, nothing compares to youuuuuu | |||
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"I think I've had moments of jealousy and insecurity when someone I've met before or multiple times has met other guys which I know is the nature of the site and all on me but when that's happened, I've just tried to make sure that I can make the most of my time with them when we're in each other's company but it is very easy to compare yourself to others on here. Just remember Sinéad O'Connor's famous track Erm... Care to enlighten my friend that doesn't get it? Her famous track was 'Nothing compares 2 U'. Everyone is different and best not to compare but I get it that is easier said than done sometimes. " Ahhh I see. I'll have to keep that song on repeat for when those feelings hit again then | |||
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"We talk it through it. I love we have the openness to talk about these things. I love we can be brutally honest. I think it's critical as a couple on the scene. I think it's important to be able to identify when you are actually jealous and be able to express it in a constructive way to your partner. After all as much as we may be close to our partners we're not mind readers. I think it's also important to understand the type of jealousy. For example is that jealous from personal insecurity/feeling of threat or is it more from the missing out on something side of the spectrum. And if you accept that jealousy is a factor in your swinging relationship then its how you manage it. What levels of jealousy can you manage together with appropriate strategies and what levels or triggers should activate the kill switch. Maybe some couples have absolutely no jealousy but I think most couples (or an individual in that couple) can experience some. Be that from a point of insecurity or FOMO. So how you communicate and your coping strategies are key. Obviously the fun and fulfilment you get out of swinging as a couple is paramount. So if the jealousy of one or both of you out weighs this fun then it needs a change of plan or acceptance it doesn't work for you. We've experience a few flair ups from the green eyed monster from other couples over the years. So we know it's normal. And we know some of them have resolved this and continue on the scene happily. Also jealousy can hit unexpectedly. Sometimes what/who was OK one night may not be another night. As long as you communicate well and look out for each other this is not a problem. You can say this isn't working tonight and do something else. Likewise sometimes there are times when you think something may trigger jealousy (and/or move past an established boundary) only to find your partner giving it the green light. And of course with another person or time or place they may again not be OK with it. At the end of the day it's team work and wanting the best for you as a couple and as individuals. As long as you can communicate well, be understanding of each others potential for error and allways put your relationship first you be OK. I think in most cases couples find their dynamic and management strategies. Obviously in some cases because of one or both Swinging won't work for them." All of this. Being honest and open not only with each other but also with yourself is key, I think. Mrs TMN x | |||
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"People will say that jealousy in a relationship is a good thing as it means you both care. It's not, any form of jealousy is masking an insecurity from either side which has no place in the swinging world. Do you think most people in this "community" are free from insecurities? Personally, I have a couple of them I think; pretty low level but I think they are there. Mr Everyone has insecurities but if they are fueled by your partner, watching them with someone else is just a recipe for disaster. " I don't think it doesn't have its place in swinging, I have had milk jealous feelings not by actually watching or the sex for that matter but a short conversation and it's all fine. People can't be void of emotion because they swing. Mrs | |||
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"remember it’s just sex, i had this when the mrs and myself first started out, of course she was getting all the attention from couples and single guys and I wasn’t getting noticed at all, you soon learn to live with it." That sounds awful! Why learn to live with it when you could find people where everyone is equally involved (obviously not sexually in a straight MMF)? I, the male half, don’t get jealous if she gets all the attention, I just don’t get anything, so we stop it as this is something we do as a couple. Luckily it has only happened once. We don’t get off on swapping or watching but on sharing others with each other. Obviously, part of the whole experience for us is seeing each other close up being pleasured and pleasuring others but it is only a part. We spend most of our meets snogging each other, admittedly whilst other parts of us are being attended to by others or we are pleasuring them together. Both being bi makes things easier as everyone pleases everyone all at once. We are not jealous at all but, when we started, the first time I saw her kiss another man, it did feel weird. I wouldn’t characterise it as jealousy, but it was something. Odd when seeing her suck a cock or kiss a woman brought no similar feelings. | |||
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"remember it’s just sex, i had this when the mrs and myself first started out, of course she was getting all the attention from couples and single guys and I wasn’t getting noticed at all, you soon learn to live with it.That sounds awful! Why learn to live with it when you could find people where everyone is equally involved (obviously not sexually in a straight MMF)? I, the male half, don’t get jealous if she gets all the attention, I just don’t get anything, so we stop it as this is something we do as a couple. Luckily it has only happened once. We don’t get off on swapping or watching but on sharing others with each other. Obviously, part of the whole experience for us is seeing each other close up being pleasured and pleasuring others but it is only a part. We spend most of our meets snogging each other, admittedly whilst other parts of us are being attended to by others or we are pleasuring them together. Both being bi makes things easier as everyone pleases everyone all at once. We are not jealous at all but, when we started, the first time I saw her kiss another man, it did feel weird. I wouldn’t characterise it as jealousy, but it was something. Odd when seeing her suck a cock or kiss a woman brought no similar feelings. " I think for many there is a certain amount of pragmatism in terms of the male/female experience. Part of not being jealous and loving someone is not wanting to hold them back from experiencing all those hot experiences. I think for most couples they go with the come as a team, play as a team. But obviously a 3 or 4 way match is harder to find. I must admit although we maybe be free to have some solo adventures I am guilty of a bit of FOMO, although I try not to let it get in the way. It's not really a problem we have because when we can be together we want to play together and generally do. So I guess we are like most couples on the scene. However not everyone's dynamic is the same. However although the situation OP describes is not perfect, when is life perfect? Obviously he would prefer a bit more attention himself. However that is on him personally and may part be reflective of the scene (as a single male previously I have an understanding of the differing dynamic). However a couple is made of two individuals and his other half like everones else has desires. He sounds like he's both pragmatic and supportive of his partners desires. Maybe in a way that wouldn't suit every couple or individual. As long as he can accept and rationalise this side of it and likewise his other half is OK with that who are we to judge. Life isn't always neat and tidy but swinging as a couple is about communication and finding what works best. And in this scenario maybe in this status quo the benifits out weigh the bad for them. I think this sentiment is share by the partners of people we've come across a fair few times who are on the scene but their partner doesn't take part due to no intrest in sex or not able to have sex. It's unrealistic to say in every case they have absolutely no jealousy or FOMO. More that life isn't always perfect but out of love they come to an understanding that works best for them and allows the other individual in the relationship to enjoy what life has to offer. | |||
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"I'm cuck husband, but still get jealous,part and parcel of the game." You get off on that though.. Its a bit shit as a solo fem when everyone reckons they want that then bitches | |||
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"I'm cuck husband, but still get jealous,part and parcel of the game. You get off on that though.. Its a bit shit as a solo fem when everyone reckons they want that then bitches " Show me what you mean | |||
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"It's all about couples.. And couples seeking single women. And then getting arsey because they're single " what do you mean. We have not had issues with single ladies | |||
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"My wife thought I would get jealous when she is with another guy and he is fucking her but I love it watching her. " I adore watching Mr with other women. Its the thought of it happening without me there I'm not good with and some other silly things I can watch him kiss and be intimate without issue .. but if there was things like hand holding... I'd not be pleased lol ?? | |||
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"Same with me and my wife we encourage each other to enjoy the sex not Get jealous. We are comfortable in our marriage and we enjoy the swingers life style " I'd be jealous if it was without me there | |||
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"it will differ from person to person some will never have any jealousy issues some will some will be fine with it and some become total assholes .. its a subject that has come up often on fab but when you talk with other swinging couples you never see it and alot say they dont have it between them ... me n hubs have never had jealousy issues i cant think of any maybe its because we talk openly about everything and anything we talk about what we want and dont want sexual consent is always there well before anything happens .. i think its just one of those things some get it some dont and for lots of different reasons.. i dont know of any couples who swing who suffer with jealousy either but know its there if you go to swingers clubs quite often you'll see a newbie couple go off the rails because one did not stick to the rules.. the only place this subject ever comes up is in the forums it seems maybe its a newbie thing emotions are not the problen its how you handle them ...." I have spoken to many couples that admit to having had the issue at some point. Sometimes at the start, sometimes unexpectedly. My issues stem from every man I've ever been with cheating on me despite having a pretty free reign and it's always been with people they've met when I'm not there.. so my issue lies with me not being there I'd love to over come it though. You would think with my experience it would be easy. However trusting my man 100% helps a lot x | |||
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"I do not suffer from jealousy but I do have rules I expect my partner to play by. If she breaks them then we never play again." Why? | |||
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