FabSwingers.com forum: Question for singles

By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

What, if anything, do you miss about relationship sex?

Or are you happy with casual?

I’ll start. I prefer casual while I’m still processing a past relationship. I don’t think it’s fair to the people I sleep with to let them think I’d be open to more.

I’m at a point now where I don’t miss my ex. I don’t even miss the sex with him. But the intimacy we had was nice. Casual is fun, sometimes GREAT fun, but it will never feel as good as the kind of sex I can have in a relationship.

I don’t want to be in a relationship again for awhile though. Still have some things I want to process before I’d be emotionally available to someone in that way.

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By *hawn ScottMan
over a year ago

london Brixton

Well I have recently seperated from my wife.

Yes I miss the sex we had as it was amazing and miss going to Clubs, swingers parties etc.

Obviously things started going downhill a year ago and I certainly don't miss her!

Causual? to be honest I'm not ready to start dating or hooking up just yet. I am currently just rebuilding my friends network of people on the scene.

Thing is I could never have a vanilla relationship

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

If anything, it’s the intimacy. And before people get into a twist, let me clarify.

In a relationship you get to know someone on a very personal level, every little detail about them etc, compared to casual where you may be on a certain level but won’t know every single detail.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

The comfortableness of it all really. It’s more relaxed, more intimate, you get to enjoy them loving feelings, it’s more fun and you can be uninhibited and just be. You can lay together after nattering or just snuggle together and enjoy their smell and their warmth. No need to make conversation, no kicking them out.

Casual sex is all well and good, but after awhile it does tend to leave me hungry for something more substantial.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People can be emotionally available in a casual situation and emotionally unavailable when they claim to be in love with you. And all the variations in between.

I miss the sex and the affection and the company of men from situations as above and they could get me back into bed easily if they just have an open and honest conversation with me and understand they can't cross my boundaries and talk about what went wrong and take some accountability too. It takes two. It's never one person's fault.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Definitely intimacy. Trust and love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me I find it hard that when I leave work I may have no human interaction until the next morning.

I find lack of company with someone who gets you and you get them the hardest

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Last year I reconnected with some truly amazing people, and I was pretty clear at the time that I wasn't available for anything more than casual while I rebuilt from the ground up.

But I still developed amazing connections. Some stayed just at that casual level or dissolved along the way, but as I've healed the relationships with the right people have evolved and changed. And it's been fucking wonderful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Believe it or not it’s the small things you don’t even realise you miss

First thought is ooo sex but once you figure out sex is relative easy to get and no I not saying people are easy I just mean it isn’t really hard

You find it’s the very small things you took for granted

You know just listing to how someone day is

Those little glances at each other though the day and stuff

Cuddles on the couch

Someone to have a comfortable silence with that you don’t feel the need to talk bull shit so it’s not awkward

The kiss on the forehead good night as they snuggle in to you

those are the things you miss

If given the choices off have sex with different people ever day off my life

Or not have sex at all or sex ones a month with the same person and all those small things every single day

I would take all the small things

to me now sex isn’t even on the top priority list for a realship anymore

There’s so much more

Yes 14 years single well not really tryed dateing and stuff small 2-3-5 week realships here and there but nothing serious so consider my self 14 years single will really put in to prospective on the things you miss the most

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

Hmmm well I've never had a relationship so I'm afraid to say it's world that's alien to me.

I'm sure it's quite nice to feel a connection with someone and to be open and intimate with them.

My experience of casual sex is that sometimes it's just what you want, but more often than not there is something missing from it... I'm sure it's what can found in relationships

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I miss everything about my late partner. I loved the casual sex I had but nothing compared to the intimacy I had with him.

So much so I haven't and don't plan on having sex with anyone else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t miss the emotional smack up that went with relationships. Think I’ve passed the rubicin of ever wanting one again.

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By *hawn ScottMan
over a year ago

london Brixton

"For me I find it hard that when I leave work I may have no human interaction until the next morning.

I find lack of company with someone who gets you and you get them the hardest "

Sometimes I feel like this but generally am good with just my own company. I now rent out the rooms in my flat for extra money but don't socialise with them much

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By *ust want fun 888Man
over a year ago

nearby

I know it might sound selfish, but I prefer casual, I come and go as I please and there is no one at home waiting for me to come home at a certain time or anything like that

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I don't think I'm missing anything other than availability/regularity at the moment. I'm only having sex with friends, so I've got the emotional intimacy, and my place to myself.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"People can be emotionally available in a casual situation and emotionally unavailable when they claim to be in love with you. And all the variations in between.

This is a good point.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"For me I find it hard that when I leave work I may have no human interaction until the next morning.

I find lack of company with someone who gets you and you get them the hardest "

That does sound hard.

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By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts

I enjoy sex but just sex is not enough really. I miss the passion and intimacy that I can build with a regular partner. Corny as it sounds I miss the connection you have with one person.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"Last year I reconnected with some truly amazing people, and I was pretty clear at the time that I wasn't available for anything more than casual while I rebuilt from the ground up.

That’s great! Thanks for sharing, it’s a nice reminder that all of this gets easier.

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By *eto_AtreidesMan
over a year ago

Bromsgrove

"What, if anything, do you miss about relationship sex?

Or are you happy with casual?

I’ll start. I prefer casual while I’m still processing a past relationship. I don’t think it’s fair to the people I sleep with to let them think I’d be open to more.

I don’t want to be in a relationship again for awhile though. Still have some things I want to process before I’d be emotionally available to someone in that way."

Pretty much taken the words out of my mouth. I am healed enough post-divorce to be open to more, but not actively seeking it or trying to shoehorn into experiences and connections here. But for the right person, nothing is off the table.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The 2 for 1 deals at the local carvery.

I miss sharing my life with someone. I miss caring for someone. I miss, missing them when I’m not with them. I miss sitting and talking. I miss watching someone have fun. I miss looking at someone beautiful. I miss that real affection. I miss loving someone.

It’s all that stuff I know I miss, but here we are.

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By *xfordjohnMan
over a year ago

Oxford

Intimacy is so important. I haven't enjoyed casual sex anywhere near as much as my regular Fab friends where we have developed a relationship, however intermittent.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

First thought is ooo sex but once you figure out sex is relative easy to get and no I not saying people are easy I just mean it isn’t really hard "

Agree with this. Anyone, absolutely ANYONE can have sex if they want to have sex - barring some sorts of injuries, illness, or incapacitation.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"I miss everything about my late partner. I loved the casual sex I had but nothing compared to the intimacy I had with him.

So much so I haven't and don't plan on having sex with anyone else"

I’m sorry for your loss.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"I don’t miss the emotional smack up that went with relationships. Think I’ve passed the rubicin of ever wanting one again. "

Right now I feel like I can understand that perfectly.

Not sure it’s how I’ll feel forever though. I don’t like “always” or “never.” There are exceptions and weird things happen like people falling in love in care homes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's sex??? I've genuinely forgotten outside of using my hand

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"I know it might sound selfish, but I prefer casual, I come and go as I please and there is no one at home waiting for me to come home at a certain time or anything like that"

That’s totally valid.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"I don't think I'm missing anything other than availability/regularity at the moment. I'm only having sex with friends, so I've got the emotional intimacy, and my place to myself."

That sounds like a great situation. I hope you get some more regularity with your friends soon.

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"What, if anything, do you miss about relationship sex?

Or are you happy with casual?

I’ll start. I prefer casual while I’m still processing a past relationship. I don’t think it’s fair to the people I sleep with to let them think I’d be open to more.

I don’t want to be in a relationship again for awhile though. Still have some things I want to process before I’d be emotionally available to someone in that way.

That sounds like a good healthy place to be. I’m glad for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The 2 for 1 deals at the local carvery.

It’s all that stuff I know I miss, but here we are.

Damn that makes me want to go get d*unk in one of those smoky cowboy bars from the movies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First thought is ooo sex but once you figure out sex is relative easy to get and no I not saying people are easy I just mean it isn’t really hard

Agree with this. Anyone, absolutely ANYONE can have sex if they want to have sex - barring some sorts of injuries, illness, or incapacitation.

Yip so true

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"That’s great! Thanks for sharing, it’s a nice reminder that all of this gets easier."

It's probably easier for me because I wasn't pining for or missing any of what I didn't have to put up with after my last relationship ended.

I was just so happy to have my freedom and my life back, even if I also felt like a thousand shards of broken glass that would never resemble a human again.

But I think as long as you're honest and clear with the people you choose to connect with then it'll be okay. I wasn't expecting anything like the depth of emotion I feel and back then I made sure to be clear about that, but I was also sure to be clear when I realised things were evolving, both when it was ways I was willing to continue and when it was in ways I wasn't.

It's impossible to know what the future holds or where things are going sometimes. Communication and therapy have been my absolute saviours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Casual is currently the way forward for me.

Fell into a relationship at 18. Did the marriage thing until that all legally ended in 2021.

I have now found my own amazing space and don't want to compromise that ever, never again!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can do without sex, that part of a relationship I don't miss. It's more on an intimacy level, especially going to bed at night with someone to cuddle with. Casual is the only way forward for me, I have zero interest in having a relationship again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The 2 for 1 deals at the local carvery.

It’s all that stuff I know I miss, but here we are.

Damn that makes me want to go get d*unk in one of those smoky cowboy bars from the movies "

Do they have a carvery?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The 2 for 1 deals at the local carvery.

It’s all that stuff I know I miss, but here we are.

Damn that makes me want to go get d*unk in one of those smoky cowboy bars from the movies

Do they have a carvery? "

I’m feeling introspective, this is no time for a choice of meats and help yourself to veg type situ…probably. Don’t get gravy on your shirt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The intimacy. The normal every day stuff and making them fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/12/23 20:20:58]

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By *aith Skynbyrd OP Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"That’s great! Thanks for sharing, it’s a nice reminder that all of this gets easier.

It's probably easier for me because I wasn't pining for or missing any of what I didn't have to put up with after my last relationship ended.

I was just so happy to have my freedom and my life back, even if I also felt like a thousand shards of broken glass that would never resemble a human again.

It's impossible to know what the future holds or where things are going sometimes. Communication and therapy have been my absolute saviours

All of this sounds reasonable, and reasoned.

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By *ags73Man
over a year ago

glasgow-ish

"What, if anything, do you miss about relationship sex?

Or are you happy with casual?"

I think maybe the emotional aspect to doing it with someone in a relationship and the feelings involved can heighten the moment.

Casual certainly different and enjoyable for me so far, but I had a couple of years drought and maybe that helped me gingerly get back into it?

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By *hunky ChefMan
over a year ago

Norwich

Casual = Yes

Someone regular = Yes

Relationship = Not for awhile, but never planned it

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By *unnoisseurMan
over a year ago

Stratford

I’ve found that after the honeymoon period and the nice getting to know someone there comes a resentment period or a you’re not the one and shall I settle for this? period.

Sex isn’t the main part of a relationship for me. But I do love fantastic sex.

I love the freedom of being single and not being emotionally, physically or financially beholden to anybody. My emotional needs are fulfilled by friends and family and my sexual needs are fulfilled by friends and the rare casual hook up.

I’m enjoying this old age teenage life.

Too many get into a relationship in order to have sex and many don’t realise that they’re doing exactly that.

They’ll build a relationship around sex instead of building a life and relationship where great sex just happens to be an integral part. IMO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm 100% done with any kind of commitment.

But I miss been able to have sex and not have to wax every bloody inch.

Or put on make up.

Or wear 'nice' lingerie.

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By *unnoisseurMan
over a year ago

Stratford

"I'm 100% done with any kind of commitment.

But I miss been able to have sex and not have to wax every bloody inch.

Or put on make up.

Or wear 'nice' lingerie.

Make up messes up sheets and doesn’t taste nice.

Nothing wrong with a bit of soft hair here and there.

Lingerie? why bother I want to feel skin.

Trust me most of those hurdles you’ve put up yourself. Very few would complain if you omitted these items

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve found that after the honeymoon period and the nice getting to know someone there comes a resentment period or a you’re not the one and shall I settle for this? period.

Sex isn’t the main part of a relationship for me. But I do love fantastic sex.

I’m enjoying this old age teenage life.

Too many get into a relationship in order to have sex and many don’t realise that they’re doing exactly that.

They’ll build a relationship around sex instead of building a life and relationship where great sex just happens to be an integral part. IMO"

I agree with this.

When the honeymoon period wears off, when the mask comes off, their best behaviour stops, and the true colours show, that's when people will stick when they should leave. That's when they don't have the balls to have the conversation and be adult out of fear of be alone or rejected or looking the arsehole. Insecurities rule over boundaries, stigmas rule over sense. I've done it. But I see it now. And where I say I don't want love, and I set a boundary to prevent getting in too deep and buy time to see the mask comes off, the best behaviour stop and see the real complacent person, I just keep getting called a heartless cold bitch instead like I'm a monster and incapable or avoidant of love. The one that shows me the right things I'll love without a choice in the matter. Same goes for others.

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By *ddie1966Man
over a year ago

Paper Town Central, Essex.

I spent 15 years giving love and affection to the one I thought would be my forever partner, only to find she never knew me at all. I gave and she took and used.

I've spent the last 12 years re building my life and I swore I would never let myself get in that situation again.

Is it possible for me to care for someone. Absolutely.

Is it possible for me to love someone again? I don't know. Personally, I don't think so unless they really get to know me and like me for who I am and not what they want me to be. Any love I have now is a totally different kind. It for my children and grandchild and is given without limits.

I may be perceived as being cold and having too many walls up now.

Casual sex is fun and I will Always care for that person at that moment and afterwards.

Will I be alone forever? No. I will Always have memories and keep very good company with myself.

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By *esafinadOHolyNightMan
over a year ago

Belfast

It's more regular, and there's already that comfortabilty and chemistry between you that makes everything happen like almost second nature. Plus you're not worried are you leaving too soon or overstaying your welcome.

Still, give me casual please

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By *ensible lady 1960Woman
over a year ago

Near Bishop Auckland.

I have been married twice.didnt have a great sex life with any.they both preferred to go elsewhere for sex.so i much prefer casual sex than being in another relationship, and be almost celebate while he goes elsewhere. Sorry but thats just how i feel.

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By *o scandalousWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

I miss the smell of his aftershave on my skin the next day. I miss the humour we had with sex. I miss how good he made me feel, as he knew my reactions to certain things.

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