Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
 | Back to forum list |
| Back to The Lounge |
| Jump to newest |  |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It has happened to me and I don't really have anyone that can check in on me like that. I just dealt with it as best I could until I was out of the drop. I would absolutely do this for someone though if they needed it. I've been there and it can be extremely hard. " I think it would be good if there was a network for this, even in small circles. Some people talk the talk but their actions don't match their words. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It has happened to me and I don't really have anyone that can check in on me like that. I just dealt with it as best I could until I was out of the drop. I would absolutely do this for someone though if they needed it. I've been there and it can be extremely hard. I think it would be good if there was a network for this, even in small circles. Some people talk the talk but their actions don't match their words." In. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It has happened to me and I don't really have anyone that can check in on me like that. I just dealt with it as best I could until I was out of the drop. I would absolutely do this for someone though if they needed it. I've been there and it can be extremely hard. I think it would be good if there was a network for this, even in small circles. Some people talk the talk but their actions don't match their words." Definitely in. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"What does it entail? Genuinely interested as I don’t have a scooby. Is it a BDSM thing?" Usually yes. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"What does it entail? Genuinely interested as I don’t have a scooby. Is it a BDSM thing?" It can be from a BDSM session but isn't exclusive to it. Some people can be rather sensitive to drop and it can happen after intense meets or scenarios etc. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"What does it entail? Genuinely interested as I don’t have a scooby. Is it a BDSM thing? It can be from a BDSM session but isn't exclusive to it. Some people can be rather sensitive to drop and it can happen after intense meets or scenarios etc. " Ah ok. Thankyou  . I shall watch the thread with interest | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Has this ever happened to you? It didn't turn out to be the aftercare you had discussed prior. Or you simply didn't get the aftercare. What do you do when you're in a drop and the aftercare isn't there? Will a friend check in or even do the aftercare part? Like having an aftercare buddy? Yesterday I heard a story where someone lacked the aftercare they needed and it genuinely upset me to the point of tears. It's not unique to subdrop, there's Dom drops too. And then there's drops from being on the meet itself and the rush of it all. It doesn't even have to involve BDSM or any kinks or fetishes. Would you give aftercare to someone that was clearly struggling because they weren't getting it when they needed it? " From experience aftercare is needed pretty much instantly after our scene has finished. We always factor it in to any meet. In terms of connection between a sub and dom it is often then most powerful aspect of play. I’m not sure how an aftercare buddy would work but it feels like it’s something that’s needed between the active play partners not a third party. Dom drop does exist, but soothing your sub after a meet is a great way to recharge yourself as well as take care of their needs in their state of vulnerability. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Strangely 'pre-care' is much more important to me. I need to feel that someone desires me and is champing at the bit to meet me. If I don't get that I can totally lose interest. It's always great to get messages after a meet telling you how great it was but this is far less important to me as just get on with whatever is next in my life. " Oh pre-care! I like that. Yes. I'm awful for it, if I'm not convinced someone really wants me, it just falls flat and then I kind of... start fizzling things out. Interest for me doesn't have to be constant, people have lives. But if it's not like they really want me, I don't want them in the slightest. Maybe I am needy and demanding.  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Somebody sent me this link regarding aftercare if it interests any of you. It's very handy. https://badgirlsbible.com/bdsm-aftercare" I’m Reluctant to read anything. Because what works for one, won’t be working for another. So when someone reads that and thinks it’s gospel, yet I think it’s bullshit, it adds confusion. I like talking and discovering what I think works for us both. Normally that takes time, more than a five minute read of an article. But, it might what people are into and how they what do I know, I don’t read?  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So confused 
These clearly aren't my circles."Mine neither. It’s interesting though. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So confused
These clearly aren't my circles.
Mine neither. It’s interesting though. "Read that link I sent. It's an interesting read Nora | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Strangely 'pre-care' is much more important to me. I need to feel that someone desires me and is champing at the bit to meet me. If I don't get that I can totally lose interest. It's always great to get messages after a meet telling you how great it was but this is far less important to me as just get on with whatever is next in my life. " That's also a really valid point. Before and after, or it just seems very cold and transactional. Like we're some sort of sex/kink dispenser. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Strangely 'pre-care' is much more important to me. I need to feel that someone desires me and is champing at the bit to meet me. If I don't get that I can totally lose interest. It's always great to get messages after a meet telling you how great it was but this is far less important to me as just get on with whatever is next in my life. That's also a really valid point. Before and after, or it just seems very cold and transactional. Like we're some sort of sex/kink dispenser." | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It's not something I ever really thought about as it's something I just like to do, whether it's a cuddle and chat just after or a message telling them what a great time I had. I think if I don't get at least a message, I can feel a bit down as it can feel like they've already forgotten about me and a continuation of the messaging shows I wasn't just a shag to them." Same. I’d do it anyway. I know nothing about the BDSM stuff though. Maybe that’s different. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"So confused
These clearly aren't my circles.
Mine neither. It’s interesting though.
Read that link I sent. It's an interesting read Nora"Thanks. Makes sense | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It's not something I ever really thought about as it's something I just like to do, whether it's a cuddle and chat just after or a message telling them what a great time I had. I think if I don't get at least a message, I can feel a bit down as it can feel like they've already forgotten about me and a continuation of the messaging shows I wasn't just a shag to them. Same. I’d do it anyway. I know nothing about the BDSM stuff though. Maybe that’s different. " I think it may have been coined in BDSM where things might get a bit intense, but it can definitely apply to regular meets as well where you're coming off a massive high back to real life. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It's not something I ever really thought about as it's something I just like to do, whether it's a cuddle and chat just after or a message telling them what a great time I had. I think if I don't get at least a message, I can feel a bit down as it can feel like they've already forgotten about me and a continuation of the messaging shows I wasn't just a shag to them. Same. I’d do it anyway. I know nothing about the BDSM stuff though. Maybe that’s different. I think it may have been coined in BDSM where things might get a bit intense, but it can definitely apply to regular meets as well where you're coming off a massive high back to real life." I suppose. But that’s life really. We all have a bit of a downer after something really exciting. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Strangely 'pre-care' is much more important to me. I need to feel that someone desires me and is champing at the bit to meet me. If I don't get that I can totally lose interest. It's always great to get messages after a meet telling you how great it was but this is far less important to me as just get on with whatever is next in my life. Oh pre-care! I like that. Yes. I'm awful for it, if I'm not convinced someone really wants me, it just falls flat and then I kind of... start fizzling things out. Interest for me doesn't have to be constant, people have lives. But if it's not like they really want me, I don't want them in the slightest. Maybe I am needy and demanding. "I am exactly the same - and I'm owning the fact that I'm needy and demanding! As MR says on this thread, it can feel transactional otherwise and I hate feeling like nothing more than a walking fleshlight  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It's not something I ever really thought about as it's something I just like to do, whether it's a cuddle and chat just after or a message telling them what a great time I had. I think if I don't get at least a message, I can feel a bit down as it can feel like they've already forgotten about me and a continuation of the messaging shows I wasn't just a shag to them. Same. I’d do it anyway. I know nothing about the BDSM stuff though. Maybe that’s different. I think it may have been coined in BDSM where things might get a bit intense, but it can definitely apply to regular meets as well where you're coming off a massive high back to real life. I suppose. But that’s life really. We all have a bit of a downer after something really exciting. " That's true, maybe it's more of a case of having someone there for you to show they care. I know I get giddy again when they message me after rather than if they didn't. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It's not something I ever really thought about as it's something I just like to do, whether it's a cuddle and chat just after or a message telling them what a great time I had. I think if I don't get at least a message, I can feel a bit down as it can feel like they've already forgotten about me and a continuation of the messaging shows I wasn't just a shag to them. Same. I’d do it anyway. I know nothing about the BDSM stuff though. Maybe that’s different. I think it may have been coined in BDSM where things might get a bit intense, but it can definitely apply to regular meets as well where you're coming off a massive high back to real life. I suppose. But that’s life really. We all have a bit of a downer after something really exciting. That's true, maybe it's more of a case of having someone there for you to show they care. I know I get giddy again when they message me after rather than if they didn't." Oh yeah definitely. If they didn’t that would be it for me. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Strangely 'pre-care' is much more important to me. I need to feel that someone desires me and is champing at the bit to meet me. If I don't get that I can totally lose interest. It's always great to get messages after a meet telling you how great it was but this is far less important to me as just get on with whatever is next in my life. That's also a really valid point. Before and after, or it just seems very cold and transactional. Like we're some sort of sex/kink dispenser." Definitely agree pree and after are both important. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Strangely 'pre-care' is much more important to me. I need to feel that someone desires me and is champing at the bit to meet me. If I don't get that I can totally lose interest. It's always great to get messages after a meet telling you how great it was but this is far less important to me as just get on with whatever is next in my life. " That makes a lot of sense. That feeling of desirability can really help set the mood so if for whatever reason it isn't there, whatever happens next might not feel as earth-shattering as it could. I can't imagine that desirability never being there though  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Are you talking about the endorphin drop from being high in the bdsm sense to a low of mood post session?. The one thing i find clicky in terms of bdsm is the use of weird jargon. Or do you mean you just are not getting post session attention to your wounds and pain points. Using the term "drop" is hard to get me head around. Bdsm is no different than the feeling people get from going from frenetic to relaxed, from high speed ride to normal. Some adjust better, when you talk of this " drop" is it the mood change " ...Why is drop clicky? Aftercare is something that needs to be considered in more intense situations, which is why it's widely known in the BDSM community, and the fact that its becoming more of a consideration outside of those situations is a wonderful thing. It was coined as sub-drop back in the day because it was usually the bottom of an S&M scene that would have that huge endorphin drop, it has since been widely acknowledged that it also affects the tops, and eventually that it extends to less physically demanding scenes where emotions run high. I don't understand why drop is being called jargon or clicky. It is an emotional drop that is being addressed. Would emotional comedown be considered as junkies gatekeeping that feeling with clicky jargon too? What term would be acceptable? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Are you talking about the endorphin drop from being high in the bdsm sense to a low of mood post session?. The one thing i find clicky in terms of bdsm is the use of weird jargon. Or do you mean you just are not getting post session attention to your wounds and pain points. Using the term "drop" is hard to get me head around. Bdsm is no different than the feeling people get from going from frenetic to relaxed, from high speed ride to normal. Some adjust better, when you talk of this " drop" is it the mood change ...Why is drop clicky? Aftercare is something that needs to be considered in more intense situations, which is why it's widely known in the BDSM community, and the fact that its becoming more of a consideration outside of those situations is a wonderful thing. It was coined as sub-drop back in the day because it was usually the bottom of an S&M scene that would have that huge endorphin drop, it has since been widely acknowledged that it also affects the tops, and eventually that it extends to less physically demanding scenes where emotions run high. I don't understand why drop is being called jargon or clicky. It is an emotional drop that is being addressed. Would emotional comedown be considered as junkies gatekeeping that feeling with clicky jargon too? What term would be acceptable?" it's not clicky per SE. The reason I think it's an issue is that aftercare in itself doesn't always cover this. Sometimes people need help afterwords and I understand. It's just some people think aftercare is just about cleaning. It wasn't really that big when I first got into kink or at least not as well known. Some subs were lucky if they got a Kleenex to sort out there mascara before being booted out of the dungeon back then. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"it's not clicky per SE. The reason I think it's an issue is that aftercare in itself doesn't always cover this. Sometimes people need help afterwords and I understand. It's just some people think aftercare is just about cleaning. It wasn't really that big when I first got into kink or at least not as well known. Some subs were lucky if they got a Kleenex to sort out there mascara before being booted out of the dungeon back then. " .... I have never met anyone who confuses aftercare with cleaning up. But okay. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"it's not clicky per SE. The reason I think it's an issue is that aftercare in itself doesn't always cover this. Sometimes people need help afterwords and I understand. It's just some people think aftercare is just about cleaning. It wasn't really that big when I first got into kink or at least not as well known. Some subs were lucky if they got a Kleenex to sort out there mascara before being booted out of the dungeon back then. .... I have never met anyone who confuses aftercare with cleaning up. But okay." you ain't been to the 1990s Sydney sex scene | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"you ain't been to the 1990s Sydney sex scene " Well, no. I'd have been 13 at most. Which, if your age is right made you 18 at most. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"you ain't been to the 1990s Sydney sex scene Well, no. I'd have been 13 at most. Which, if your age is right made you 18 at most." about that, to be fair went in the 2000s but what a eye opening place and watched a fair amounts of films from the 90s. I don't mean it in a condescending way, the world if bdsm has got better a bit like the police there are still a lot of wankers and not nice people but less than before | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"about that, to be fair went in the 2000s but what a eye opening place and watched a fair amounts of films from the 90s. I don't mean it in a condescending way, the world if bdsm has got better a bit like the police there are still a lot of wankers and not nice people but less than before " ... There's a lot of wankers and not nice people everywhere. In certain areas they're able to be more blatant about it. But they're everywhere. And I still don't understand why drop would be a cliquey term. Or how anyone with more than 2 braincells to rub together would confuse aftercare with cleaning up. But okay. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"about that, to be fair went in the 2000s but what a eye opening place and watched a fair amounts of films from the 90s. I don't mean it in a condescending way, the world if bdsm has got better a bit like the police there are still a lot of wankers and not nice people but less than before ... There's a lot of wankers and not nice people everywhere. In certain areas they're able to be more blatant about it. But they're everywhere. And I still don't understand why drop would be a cliquey term. Or how anyone with more than 2 braincells to rub together would confuse aftercare with cleaning up. But okay." it's a specific term I have not heard used outside of bdsm maybe it's me. I find the scene clicky. It is at least sometimes | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"it's not clicky per SE. The reason I think it's an issue is that aftercare in itself doesn't always cover this. Sometimes people need help afterwords and I understand. It's just some people think aftercare is just about cleaning. It wasn't really that big when I first got into kink or at least not as well known. Some subs were lucky if they got a Kleenex to sort out there mascara before being booted out of the dungeon back then. .... I have never met anyone who confuses aftercare with cleaning up. But okay." Hahaha this. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" Aftercare is something that needs to be considered in more intense situations, which is why it's widely known in the BDSM community, and the fact that its becoming more of a consideration outside of those situations is a wonderful thing. " Agree | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"about that, to be fair went in the 2000s but what a eye opening place and watched a fair amounts of films from the 90s. I don't mean it in a condescending way, the world if bdsm has got better a bit like the police there are still a lot of wankers and not nice people but less than before ... There's a lot of wankers and not nice people everywhere. In certain areas they're able to be more blatant about it. But they're everywhere. And I still don't understand why drop would be a cliquey term. Or how anyone with more than 2 braincells to rub together would confuse aftercare with cleaning up. But okay. it's a specific term I have not heard used outside of bdsm maybe it's me. I find the scene clicky. It is at least sometimes " Of course the scene is cliquey. It's one of the places the arseholes can be real arseholes, and people not being clear and open about things can lead to serious injury. So vetting and not just allowing any random person off the street to dive in without any idea of what they're capable of is a basic safety issue. But that's why there are so very many munches and socials and events designed specifically to give newbies a chance to see and understand and network. There is absolutely nothing cliquey about the word drop, I'm pretty sure every adult human will have heard it at some point used in a sentence. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It has happened to me and I don't really have anyone that can check in on me like that. I just dealt with it as best I could until I was out of the drop. I would absolutely do this for someone though if they needed it. I've been there and it can be extremely hard. " Is “drop” a dip in your feelings after a bdsm session or vanilla meet? I’ve never heard that expression before. What aftercare is best? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It has happened to me and I don't really have anyone that can check in on me like that. I just dealt with it as best I could until I was out of the drop. I would absolutely do this for someone though if they needed it. I've been there and it can be extremely hard. Is “drop” a dip in your feelings after a bdsm session or vanilla meet? I’ve never heard that expression before. What aftercare is best?" don't ask or it might get cliky | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Strangely 'pre-care' is much more important to me. I need to feel that someone desires me and is champing at the bit to meet me. If I don't get that I can totally lose interest. It's always great to get messages after a meet telling you how great it was but this is far less important to me as just get on with whatever is next in my life. Oh pre-care! I like that. Yes. I'm awful for it, if I'm not convinced someone really wants me, it just falls flat and then I kind of... start fizzling things out. Interest for me doesn't have to be constant, people have lives. But if it's not like they really want me, I don't want them in the slightest. Maybe I am needy and demanding. "I love that. I love a little reminder that I am a dessert. Otherwise I lose interest and face away. Hands down, I am needy and demanding. So be it. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It has happened to me and I don't really have anyone that can check in on me like that. I just dealt with it as best I could until I was out of the drop. I would absolutely do this for someone though if they needed it. I've been there and it can be extremely hard. Is “drop” a dip in your feelings after a bdsm session or vanilla meet? I’ve never heard that expression before. What aftercare is best? don't ask or it might get cliky " I think it would be a bit shitty not to be in touch after sex. Even if you don’t want to meet again, you want the person to know that you respect her and appreciate the intimacy. Especially if it’s BDSM because there’s an awful lot of trust and vulnerability there. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I have all of my needs in place at my home for my drop and he has all of his in place at the scene, for his bdsm aftercare. I would never do a scene without organising that first. Subspace is a occurance not a destination and I would be a poor Domme, if I didn't put the person, who has willingly given me their mind and body to play with, needs first. As for anyones aftercare, I emotionally couldn't give anyone that at the drop of a hat, scenes take weeks to plan, my energy and mindset needs time to fill, before I can do a scene. As a single parent who works full time, it's incredibly difficult to spare that sort of energy without notice "I think a lot of people think scenes are just about. Turn up collar cuff and beat the hell out of your play mate quick dirty fuck and leave. 1st meet is always about discovering limitation on a personal basis with each other. Like you say it's all in the pre planning. Shouldn't go in all guns blazing and no control. X | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Strangely 'pre-care' is much more important to me. I need to feel that someone desires me and is champing at the bit to meet me. If I don't get that I can totally lose interest. It's always great to get messages after a meet telling you how great it was but this is far less important to me as just get on with whatever is next in my life. " Totally get this. I cant stand a guy making an "appointment" to meet me and then radio silence till the night before or actual day. Just makes me feel like I'm not worth any effort. Aftercare is SOOOOO important to me. I give from the heart, my sub side is very sweet and will do everything to please but then needs to be reminded how special she is in the first few days after. Just a couple of lovely messages. There is nothing worse than having a really intense connection and feeling on a high and then 2 days later feeling rock bottom and that it meant nothing. I can do vanilla fab meets without aftercare (although still love a couple of messages), but with kink or D/s play I feel much more vulnerable after. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I've had aftercare go wrong. But more in it was a delayed drop that hit me like a tonne of bricks and we'd not accounted for it happening. I guess it's something that can happen and we now acknowledge that. Aftercare to me at least isn't necessarily a BDSM thing. I have a very vanilla mate, who needs aftercare after seeing someone. That's just her, she needs the messages after to reassure herself it's all good. So to me it is something that some people require others not. It's all good, just requires good communication. " I have a delayed drop. I used to think my drop was my hidden illness until April this year when I had a big drop and didn't see it coming. Being in a relationship for two years meant I hadn't experienced the drop, which explains why I hadn't made the link. I'd had a day of freedom after being stuck home, was a gorgeous day and involved a BDSM scene. Next day my drop was pretty drastic. I dropped from the BDSM scene but the overall high of the day as well. And it was a pretty big high. But friends spotted it and did aftercare in the form of talking. Now it's more important to me and I have make sure I get a call later on the next day. I can at least say what I need. But if that call doesn't come it's a big deal. It's quite apparent now how much it can be quite detrimental to people when in a drop and the aftercare doesn't happen. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had no idea that this was an expectation for just typical sex. Now I feel like a complete dick asking people to leave as I had an early start the next day." I hope you asked them to iron tomorrows clothes on the way out. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had no idea that this was an expectation for just typical sex. Now I feel like a complete dick asking people to leave as I had an early start the next day." We're all different. I don't mind if you want to kick me out so you can get a coupe of hours kip | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had no idea that this was an expectation for just typical sex. Now I feel like a complete dick asking people to leave as I had an early start the next day. I hope you asked them to iron tomorrows clothes on the way out." Had no idea men were willing to do menial tasks either. I've ballsed it up entirely. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had no idea that this was an expectation for just typical sex. Now I feel like a complete dick asking people to leave as I had an early start the next day. We're all different. I don't mind if you want to kick me out so you can get a coupe of hours kip" I mean, I'd offer an uber. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had no idea that this was an expectation for just typical sex. Now I feel like a complete dick asking people to leave as I had an early start the next day." It's not an expectation as such. Some people like and need this and others function just fine parting ways easily and cleanly. There's no right or wrong. It's just about finding out which type you or your prospective partners are, be it a one off or more. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had no idea that this was an expectation for just typical sex. Now I feel like a complete dick asking people to leave as I had an early start the next day. We're all different. I don't mind if you want to kick me out so you can get a coupe of hours kip I mean, I'd offer an uber." If it's on your account then perfect | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had no idea that this was an expectation for just typical sex. Now I feel like a complete dick asking people to leave as I had an early start the next day. It's not an expectation as such. Some people like and need this and others function just fine parting ways easily and cleanly. There's no right or wrong. It's just about finding out which type you or your prospective partners are, be it a one off or more. " Do you reckon that thus is something that if it is required, the person should communicate it prior rather than being upset at it not being offered after? I'm talking about typical sex here, but I really wouldn't have thought people needed attention afterwards and I feel bad about it. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Strangely 'pre-care' is much more important to me. I need to feel that someone desires me and is champing at the bit to meet me. If I don't get that I can totally lose interest. It's always great to get messages after a meet telling you how great it was but this is far less important to me as just get on with whatever is next in my life. Oh pre-care! I like that. Yes. I'm awful for it, if I'm not convinced someone really wants me, it just falls flat and then I kind of... start fizzling things out. Interest for me doesn't have to be constant, people have lives. But if it's not like they really want me, I don't want them in the slightest. Maybe I am needy and demanding. "There's nothing needy about needing to feel desired to feel desirable
I'd say it's quite natural really.
I'm a big fan of the long build up and tease before a play date to stir up the energy between us. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had no idea that this was an expectation for just typical sex. Now I feel like a complete dick asking people to leave as I had an early start the next day. It's not an expectation as such. Some people like and need this and others function just fine parting ways easily and cleanly. There's no right or wrong. It's just about finding out which type you or your prospective partners are, be it a one off or more. Do you reckon that thus is something that if it is required, the person should communicate it prior rather than being upset at it not being offered after? I'm talking about typical sex here, but I really wouldn't have thought people needed attention afterwards and I feel bad about it." I'd like to say its on both people to cover that aspect first even if the word aftercare isn't used. But it's not for me to judge, that's just a personal view. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had no idea that this was an expectation for just typical sex. Now I feel like a complete dick asking people to leave as I had an early start the next day. It's not an expectation as such. Some people like and need this and others function just fine parting ways easily and cleanly. There's no right or wrong. It's just about finding out which type you or your prospective partners are, be it a one off or more. Do you reckon that thus is something that if it is required, the person should communicate it prior rather than being upset at it not being offered after? I'm talking about typical sex here, but I really wouldn't have thought people needed attention afterwards and I feel bad about it." I think HC comment was good about not feeling like a walking fleshlight. And some guys don't actually like feeling like a human dildo. But for others it totally works. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had no idea that this was an expectation for just typical sex. Now I feel like a complete dick asking people to leave as I had an early start the next day. It's not an expectation as such. Some people like and need this and others function just fine parting ways easily and cleanly. There's no right or wrong. It's just about finding out which type you or your prospective partners are, be it a one off or more. Do you reckon that thus is something that if it is required, the person should communicate it prior rather than being upset at it not being offered after? I'm talking about typical sex here, but I really wouldn't have thought people needed attention afterwards and I feel bad about it. I think HC comment was good about not feeling like a walking fleshlight. And some guys don't actually like feeling like a human dildo. But for others it totally works." Accidentally deleted last response. Basically said that I've never discussed what happens after sex with someone prior to sex, and it seems like something I should have discussed. Not sure why it never crossed my mind in all these years, I do now feel like I've used a lot of men and treated them poorly. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Has this ever happened to you? It didn't turn out to be the aftercare you had discussed prior. Or you simply didn't get the aftercare. What do you do when you're in a drop and the aftercare isn't there? " I work through the care I need for myself as best I can. These are my more general regulating methods for all kinds of feeling out of sorts (not just sub/dom/post sex drops) when I'm alone Self massage and hugging to reconnect with my body, let myself ugly cry as much as I need (it usually passes fast), breathwork to release tension and regulate myself, stream of consciousness journaling to release emotions and anxiety, or a smoke in the bath if I need to relax and meditate on a problem. Call or voice note a good friend to feel heard. Snuggle the cat. Hot sweet tea. Chocolate. A good dark chocolate helps everything. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Is there really any such thing as meaningless sex though?" Yup. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Is there really any such thing as meaningless sex though?" I think so. Sex where you're just doing it for the sake of a shag and your own pleasure. I would say that's pretty meaningless. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" The biggest distance between 2 people is misscomunication. " Love this. *Mentally files for future use* | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Is there really any such thing as meaningless sex though? I think so. Sex where you're just doing it for the sake of a shag and your own pleasure. I would say that's pretty meaningless. " The act itself can be meaningless to either party, but human beings are still human beings and should be treated with care. So even if it’s entirely meaningless to you and you were using the other person for your own pleasure, treating the other person as if it was meaningful to them sets the minimum standard for respectful no-strings sex. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Strangely 'pre-care' is much more important to me. I need to feel that someone desires me and is champing at the bit to meet me. If I don't get that I can totally lose interest. It's always great to get messages after a meet telling you how great it was but this is far less important to me as just get on with whatever is next in my life. Oh pre-care! I like that. Yes. I'm awful for it, if I'm not convinced someone really wants me, it just falls flat and then I kind of... start fizzling things out. Interest for me doesn't have to be constant, people have lives. But if it's not like they really want me, I don't want them in the slightest. Maybe I am needy and demanding.
There's nothing needy about needing to feel desired to feel desirable
I'd say it's quite natural really.
I'm a big fan of the long build up and tease before a play date to stir up the energy between us."Needing to feel desired to feel desirable is a perfect way of putting it. I think that feeling of being desired is so intrinsically linked with my sex drive I can't find myself aroused without it. I like when that energy flows before and after, even if at a different pace. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had no idea that this was an expectation for just typical sex. Now I feel like a complete dick asking people to leave as I had an early start the next day. It's not an expectation as such. Some people like and need this and others function just fine parting ways easily and cleanly. There's no right or wrong. It's just about finding out which type you or your prospective partners are, be it a one off or more. Do you reckon that thus is something that if it is required, the person should communicate it prior rather than being upset at it not being offered after? I'm talking about typical sex here, but I really wouldn't have thought people needed attention afterwards and I feel bad about it." I think if someone knows that they need this they really should speak up. On a normal meet just sex sort of thing I'm absolutely fine and usually prefer to be left alone after ha. In an intense BDSM scene I have dropped emotionally but I don't always, it has come out of nowhere before and I've been left in a hard place for a bit but it wasnt anyone's fault really. I certainly didn't blame them. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"On a normal meet just sex sort of thing I'm absolutely fine and usually prefer to be left alone after ha. In an intense BDSM scene I have dropped emotionally but I don't always, it has come out of nowhere before and I've been left in a hard place for a bit but it wasnt anyone's fault really. I certainly didn't blame them. " This has all been an interesting read and confirmed my own feelings. I find play meets fine and just like to check the lady got home safe and chat if they want to. But after say a party night with my wife I get a little drop the day or two after. With bdsm or kinkier meets I don’t tend to get Dom drop but have had a sub who lives far away go quiet after play for a few days and it bothered me wondering if she was ok. But she did live with people who could support her too, and soon bounced back. Everyone has there preferred way of dealing with it and that’s why I like getting to know play mates. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Post new Message to Thread |
| back to top |  |
